Hard Times A Comin'

[Minus 196]

So it seems to me that the biggest problem I face, having rejected Christianity after so long, is the fact that my wife is more devoted to her Christian beliefs than ever. We’ve been married for going on 8 years and have two boys, ages 5 and 3. For the first 3 to 4 years of our marriage, I was still very much a Christian, though starting to let my foot off the “zeal” pedal. And for the 3 years we dated before our marriage, it wouldn NOT have been a stretch to call me a bible-thumping, sold out fundamentalist.

 

She’s well aware of my current agnostic/atheistic outlook and my stated reasons for it, but, of course, this is an extremely alarming development from her perspective. Something of a betrayal even. The way she sees it, she signed on to be with a guy who’d be the Godly example of the head of our household for her, and especially for our children for the rest of our lives. So, of course, she’s angry and frustrated with my decision to walk away.

 

Obviously, telling her “Tough cookies, babe. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do,” doesn’t cut it in this situation. And, having shared the worldview she still retains for quite a long time, I understand exactly where she’s coming from when she says she’s disappointed and frustrated with me.

 

The fact is, I love my wife very much, and I plan to do everything I can to work through these differences with her. But there are going to be some times when we just butt heads now. Probably with increasing frequency.

 

For example, one of the hardballs I see coming over the plate is how the kids should be schooled. She’s adamant that we consider home-schooling them (with all the requisite curricular BS that implies). I’ve unilateraly told her there’s no way on Earth (or in my case, Hell) that will be ever be even a remote option.

 

Furthermore, I was originally content to just let the boys be raised in the Christian upbringing we embarked on, but as time goes on, and the more and more I see how destructive and wasteful that would be for them, the more I’m thinking I probably won’t be able to bring myself to let that happen. I mean, how could I face them if they came to realize the big deception that they were brought up in and found out that I knew the truth all that time and did nothing to let them know what I know?

 

And I’m sure this is just the beginning. So any pearls of wisdom out there? Or any who’ve just managed to deal with this kind of thing with some fraction of success?

 

Thanks!

[♦ nivek ♦]

M196...

 

Got a 13 y/o son. Just haven't said shit about *gods and spooks*, instead aimed Beastie's learning efforts at self examination, and causing him to doubt *experts*.

 

You don't have to tell the kids "Oh there is NO GOD" and earn ire of the maternal control unit..

 

Let the kids know that fables are just that. Allow them the window of excape in their education by teaching them what the proctors_of_education cram down their necks ain't'a_always_truth.

 

Encourage scepticism, make sure the kids can read. Give them encylopedias and books on science and art. Kids ARE smart when given the opportunty to mine facts for themselves.

 

Don't fight this uphill battle for something you can't win on a frontal assault.

 

Be sneaky, and teach kids what you want them to learn when you want them to do so.

 

kevin, proud dad of an Honor Roll student,L

[whatifidontwantausername?]

I don't have much to add on top of Nivik's post. The way I see it is to stand your ground but don't be beligerent.

 

Then again I've never been married and don't have kids.

 

Good luck.

 

-Jake

[Artur]

*

[Minus 196]

Hey, people!

 

Thanks for the excellent insights! Makes me feel like I've already gotten sound feedback that will help a great deal. Very cool to be able to bounce issues/thoughts like this off of a pool of experience and intellect like the one represented here.

 

Thx!!!

[lothartx]

I have to agree with Nivek and Artur. I'm in the same boat as you, but a little further along. My boys are 9 and 11 and my wife home schools. From an acedemic stand point, reading, writing, spelling, math and all that stuff, she is doing a great job. However, there is a great amount of tension between us in "sciences and history". I'm going to have to talk to my kids away from my wife and teach them some critical thinking skills. It's a tough situation to be in and it'll strain your marriage.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[Entgegen]

Well, I have a little something to add, though it may have already (but not explicitly) stated by others (Nivek sorta' touched on this). Now, I'm not married, nor do I have children, but this may help a little...I know I'm definitely doing this with my kids. As I was growing up and had questions about things (anything in general) and asked my father about it, his reply was always "why don't you go look it up?" I hated it when he said that, because I just wanted a straight answer, and I knew damn well he knew it. But, off he and I would go to the encyclopedia/dictionary/reference source and find out together, and he would always question my understanding upon looking up the answer. It taught me to be of an independent mind, to find things out for myself, and to think critically about things. Those virtues he instilled in me have served me well, and unfortunately seem to be lacking in the general population. It's one of the best things you can do for your kids, and it's a subtle way to help prevent any sort of brain-washing your kids may incur, regardless of what future lies ahead of them. Best of luck.