"god Is Not Willing That Any Should Perish" And Other Sundry Bullshit

[Tyson]

So we all know by now that Jesus has not returned and chances never will since the legendary Jesus was NEVER here in the first place (maybe some smelly first century itinerant preacher, yes, but not THE SON OF GOD). Anyway, the apologist will tell you, "Oh Jesus has not returned yet because God is not willing that any should perish." Um...have they checked the stats lately based on their own belief system. Zillions upon zillions of people have gone to hell (if they answer you in light of their beliefs) since those words were written by some dude calling himself II Peter.

 

So God still has the leash on Jesus because he is not willing that any should perish yet buttloads of people are persishing daily "without Jesus in their hearts."

 

Like I said before in the past, the writer of II Peter was the first Christian spin doctor. Folks were obviously already asking "where is this promised return you Christians have been speaking about. (II Peter 3:4) After all, in your first book, Mr. II Peter, you said that we were living in the "last times." Yes, don't act stupid. You said it right here in I Peter 1:20. So where's this white blue eyed guy in the white dress?" Well like a good Christian, good ole Pete decided to come up with an ingenuous answer. "Well folks, one day is really like a thousand years to God and a thousand years is like one day, and besides, God is not willing that any of you schmuks should perish so he is delaying Jesus' return. Yeah I know a bunch of folks died in the Vesuvius eruption and another million or more in the Roman invasion and the Romans are busy walking all over the Mediterranean killing people, but who's counting?"

[Ouroboros]

Fracking good point!

 

If God didn't want so many to perish and go to hell, then it would have been more "economical" to take the few disciples in the first century, kill all other living beings and billions of people would have been saved from hell.

 

Like I said before, the ROI is extremely low on God's investment and his plan is a complete failure. A dead monkey without a brain would do a better job.

[Tyson]

Fracking good point!

 

If God didn't want so many to perish and go to hell, then it would have been more "economical" to take the few disciples in the first century, kill all other living beings and billions of people would have been saved from hell.

 

Like I said before, the ROI is extremely low on God's investment and his plan is a complete failure. A dead monkey without a brain would do a better job.

 

Thanks. The holy spook inspires me sometimes.

[Ouroboros]

Thanks. The holy spook inspires me sometimes.

Because you're not a dead monkey without a brain... just teasing!

[Tyson]

Thanks. The holy spook inspires me sometimes.

Because you're not a dead monkey without a brain... just teasing!

 

 

LOL!!!

 

I had to add my brand of humor to it to bring home the ridiculosity (new word I just invented) of the whole bullcrap.

[Ouroboros]

Usually I refer to the wobbly trio as:

 

Gobble the Farter, Jezombie Crispus and Holy Sprocket

 

But that's just me...

[Fweethawt]

ridiculosity (new word I just invented)

Too bad.

 

I've used that word before.

 

Try again.

 

[Ouroboros]

I'm so stupid! I was thinking he was referring to inventing the word "holy spook"!

 

 

I blame it on the beer!!! Damn you beer!!!

[deepblue]

Yes, the delayed second coming is a big problem. If you read the epistles and revelation you would think the second coming was imminent. The first century folk were supposed to be in "the last hour", when the judge was already "at the door". The gospel accounts say that the second coming was supposed to happen in that generation ("This generation will not pass away, until all these things take place", etc). Simply trying to replace the word "generation" with "race" is a very lame attempt to try patching over the obvious difficulty.

 

 

Jon.

[All Gods Fail]

Yes, the delayed second coming is a big problem. If you read the epistles and revelation you would think the second coming was imminent. The first century folk were supposed to be in "the last hour", when the judge was already "at the door". The gospel accounts say that the second coming was supposed to happen in that generation ("This generation will not pass away, until all these things take place", etc). Simply trying to replace the word "generation" with "race" is a very lame attempt to try patching over the obvious difficulty.

 

 

Jon.

 

To take the thread a bit further, what is the official xtian explanation for for that? Especially the fundies, who claim literal interpretations of the bible?

 

"This generation will not pass away, until all these things take place" sounds pretty cut-and-dried to me. The only other literal interpretation would be that the listeners of that passage of the bible have not passed away yet.

[mwc]

To take the thread a bit further, what is the official xtian explanation for for that? Especially the fundies, who claim literal interpretations of the bible?

 

"This generation will not pass away, until all these things take place" sounds pretty cut-and-dried to me. The only other literal interpretation would be that the listeners of that passage of the bible have not passed away yet.

Well the fundie explanation goes begins with "What jesus really meant was..." and ends with some load of crap.

 

The true answer is that generation is supposed to be the generation of xians. Since they always get new converts the generation of xians just keeps extending on forever so they're always right (or something like that since this was explained to me in my fundie Baptist school more than 20 years ago). They use the whole thing about a day equalling a 1000 years and how in the OT a week could be a week or seven years (and other little oddities like that). I hate it when jesus suddenly switches into "god mode" so that words mean other things and timeframes are suddenly from "gods" point of view instead of ours. Very confusing that.

 

mwc

[PeaceOfMind]

 

To take the thread a bit further, what is the official xtian explanation for for that? Especially the fundies, who claim literal interpretations of the bible?

 

"This generation will not pass away, until all these things take place" sounds pretty cut-and-dried to me. The only other literal interpretation would be that the listeners of that passage of the bible have not passed away yet.

 

 

The simplest explanation I was taught was that "this generation" was in reference to a future generation, rather than that specific generation.

[JGJ@ReligionisBullshit]

ridiculosity (new word I just invented)

Too bad.

 

I've used that word before.

 

Try again.

 

 

I bet Tyson is really Steven Colbert

[LosingMyReligion]

Yes, the delayed second coming is a big problem. If you read the epistles and revelation you would think the second coming was imminent. The first century folk were supposed to be in "the last hour", when the judge was already "at the door". The gospel accounts say that the second coming was supposed to happen in that generation ("This generation will not pass away, until all these things take place", etc). Simply trying to replace the word "generation" with "race" is a very lame attempt to try patching over the obvious difficulty.

 

 

Jon.

 

To take the thread a bit further, what is the official xtian explanation for for that? Especially the fundies, who claim literal interpretations of the bible?

 

"This generation will not pass away, until all these things take place" sounds pretty cut-and-dried to me. The only other literal interpretation would be that the listeners of that passage of the bible have not passed away yet.

 

 

The typical fundie response would be, "You cannot rationalize God...So don't try!" or "The lord moves in mysterious ways...Oneday to him could be 100 years to us..."

and etc...

 

I remember several years ago(around 1996 or 97)I was watching TBN(always great for comedy). One of the evangelist said that he knew for sure that Jesus Christ was coming back in the year 2000...

 

Well, it's nearly seven years later. Of course he never--to my knowledge--uttered another word about the second coming.

 

Oh well.

[Astreja]

This thread reminded me of the Norse myth of Balder (Odin's son). After his death, Hel said that she would release him from her kingdom if everyone and everything wept for him.

 

Didn't happen. A giantess named Thökk shrugged and said "Let Hel hold what she has." And Baldur stayed dead.

 

So, if Peter is to be believed, Christianity is essentially SOL regarding Jesus ever coming back.

 

Because there will always be at least one person to say no.

[Lycorth]

Nice one, Astreja. Jeezus™ will never have 100% support, so what does that do to Peter's position?

[JGJ@ReligionisBullshit]

I was driving down the road two days ago and saw a clock that showed 5 minutes until Jesus comes again. So I surmised we had 5 minutes.

 

When nothing happened after 5 minutes I went back and the clock still showed 5 minutes until Jesus come again. This time I waited to make sure 5 minutes went by and the clock didn't move. I guess the batteries are dead, so until they change the batteries in that billboard picture of a clock, Jesus can't come.

[Lycorth]

I was driving down the road two days ago and saw a clock that showed 5 minutes until Jesus comes again. So I surmised we had 5 minutes.

 

When nothing happened after 5 minutes I went back and the clock still showed 5 minutes until Jesus come again. This time I waited to make sure 5 minutes went by and the clock didn't move. I guess the batteries are dead, so until they change the batteries in that billboard picture of a clock, Jesus can't come.

 

The stuff people will waste money on these days.

 

But I rather like that clock. It displays Xian stupidity well. After all, people have been believing Jeezus™ is ready to return in the blink of an eye for perhaps 2000 years or so now. It hasn't happened and there is no sign it ever will, so that clock is accurate in one way.

 

Xians always think their Lard and Slaver is going to come back post-haste, but the facts are he never will (his non-existence being the first proof).