Rosa Mystica Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Hi all, This is my first relgious holiday as a deconvert from Catholicism. I've only been calling myself ex-Christian for about six weeks or so. In other words, not very long. This past week has been Holy Week in the Catholic tradition. It's been putting me through the wringer (last couple of weeks before this were actually okay, all things considered). Tomorrow is Good Friday, and I worry that tomorrow and Easter Sunday will unhinge me emotionally. That is, I'll likely feel some irrational guilt over not confessing and not receiving communion and other such bs. There's another thing contributing to my turmoil: I've been taking drastic steps to ensure that my folks and I do *not* have contact this Easter Sunday. Tonight, I kept my phone and answering machine off all evening. On Sat (and no earlier), I will tell them that I'm not coming, b/c I'm too mentally sick to spend the day with them. I've been suffering *terrible* anxiety lately, and it's very often exacerbated by seeing them. Two weeks ago, they unexpectedly pulled up to my bus stop, and coaxed me into taking a ride with them to my place of work. The day was Sunday, and I was ever so scared that they'd find out about my not having attended Mass (they didn't ask). I suffered an anxiety attack so terrible, that I had to leave part way through my shift since I was near collapse. I don't owe these assholes a fucking thing. Plus, I'm afraid that they'd somehow drag the secret of my deconversion out of me. So, I guess my question is, "How do I cope with this holiday?" How do I deal with my loss of faith, as well as my avoidance of family members who would do God knows what to me if they knew my secret? Any advice you can give me? I'm trying *so* hard to make things better. I really am. But I feel burnt out, and don't know what to do anymore (other than sob endlessly). Thanks for listening. Rosa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigToe Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 I can understand. It is my first Easter not calling myself a Christian. My whole life, Easter has been my fave holiday. Not because of what it "means" but because I love the spring flowers and chicks and bunnies and painting eggs and everything. I'm not really into it this year. I don't know if it is because of the not being Christian thing, or the weirdness with my family thing. But it is weird. I suppose you can do whatever you want to do Easter. Claim you're busy with work and can't take time off to spend with your family. Or perhaps you have a friend who is having a rough time and you're spending it with them (you're your own friend, right?) For yourself? Get some chocolate bunnies and paint an egg or something. Take yourself to a movie. Sleep late. I think we can still enjoy a holiday without the religious aspect if we want to. And if not, treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure and call it a Spa Day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 My first easter too- with the added complication I'm going to be in Lourdes (don't ask...) I agree with Toe, Rosa, treat yourself. Anything that in the past that has soothed you, made you happy, calmed you, do it, as much as you can. Make a list perhaps of things and aim to do them all over the weekend, set a challenge! What I will say is that the moment, you are still grieving what you see as a loss and you parents are still looming large in your head as people who have a right to know what you do and to whom you owe something. I wonder if for you part of going thorough this is finally detaching yourself emotionally from your parents, finding a way to cut the emotional ties to what has been and continues to seem to me to be an abusive relationship. As for the emotion, I felt it last night, as hubbie went to what was my favourite service of the year. Last year, I was playing as part of the music group. I don't think you can avoid feeling these things, what you may need to try and do is think about reality through the intensity of the feelings, to try and ground yourself again. *hugs* for you Cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted April 14, 2006 Author Share Posted April 14, 2006 Thank you, Cat and Toe. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only going through this. I've basically decided that I will spend the day with my sweetie and his family. I will do everything I can to stick to this plan- even if it means taking drastic steps. You've both helped me realize that I've got to stick to my guns here- it's the only way I'll make it through the holiday. And ironically enough, I think I'll have a greater appreciation of the Divine this holiday (I've developed a *much* better view of God since I deconverted). I love you guys! Hugs to you both! Rosa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigToe Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 *hugs* to you too, Rosa. You deserve to be happy. I really think if you want to enjoy Easter, you will find a way to enjoy it for the hallmark holiday it has become instead of what some Christians want you to think it is. I think Christmas will be the big hurdle for me this year. Our family is far from being very religious. We don't ever go to church except maybe every other year for Christmas. And we would always leave right after communion (the family is made up of a bunch of Episcopalians). So really all we are there for is some wine and pretty songs. That shouldn't be too bad. Our other family tradition is to have a bday cake for Baby Jesus (yes, we sing Happy Birthday Baby Jesus even though he'd be super old). I've certainly never thought if it as actually singing Happy Birthday to Jesus, but it will be interesting to see if my thoughts on it change this year. Christmas, like Easter, is a holiday that I don't think we can ignore completely. What with all the cards and decorations and candy in the stores. But I'm sure you'll be able to treat yourself and be happy. So have fun with your honey and his family. And eat lots of yummy food. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foxy Methoxy Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Easter wasn't originally a Christian holiday anyway. Enjoy the day with food and sweets and spending time with those you care about and celebrate the time of year as you see fit. Deconverting means you're free to enjoy life to its fullest not get depressed everytime a holiday rolls around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Easter wasn't originally a Christian holiday anyway. Enjoy the day with food and sweets and spending time with those you care about and celebrate the time of year as you see fit. Deconverting means you're free to enjoy life to its fullest not get depressed everytime a holiday rolls around. Good point. Easter comes from a Pagan celebration called Ostara, and Christmas comes from the Pagan Yule celebration. The holidays just got incorporated into Christianity when the Christians took over the world (or at least the Western hemisphere). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Easter wasn't originally a Christian holiday anyway. Enjoy the day with food and sweets and spending time with those you care about and celebrate the time of year as you see fit. Deconverting means you're free to enjoy life to its fullest not get depressed everytime a holiday rolls around. Very true. Easter is based primarily on the Germanic Heathen celebration called Ostara, as Amethyst mentioned. Many Pagan cultures had celebrations around the same time, all to mark the return of life to the world. Perhaps looking at them and realizing many others did fine without the Xian version of the myth and also had a damn good time with it will help? It has helped me to remind myself often that other cultures had different viewpoints and enjoyed life just fine without Xianity - and even more so. And, as has been said, treat yourself. Immerse yourself in the things about the holiday you like. The weather, the meaning of the change in seasons, good food and drink - whatever floats your boat. You don't need to center Easter around Jeezus to make it meaningful. Your own life is more meaningful than any religious character. This is my first Easter as a complete non-Xian. Xmas was a little odd for me, but Easter seems to be no sweat at all. I'll think on the Heathen meaning (a more accurate meaning) of the holiday, and enjoy time with family and friends. I will go do some fun things that have meaning for me, and I won't worry about making baby Jeezus cry. My fiancee and I plan to laugh at Jeezus Christ Superstar - she says it's a riot from a non-xian perspective. You'll be just fine, Rosa. It takes time to come down from the unnatural places Xianity takes your soul and mind to, but you'll be fine down here with us sinful infidels Just give yourself time and stay the course Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandrian Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 I'm going through the same situation, first Easter as an Ex-Catholic. My family isn't overly religious so I am hoping it won't come up over Easter dinner, but I am dreading being asked if/when I went to Church today. I really don't want any of this ugliness, I think I might just lie and say I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest starseyer Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 I understand the anxiety. When I deconverted I was still living with my parents who, though they are pretty tolerant, are very religious. I spent a lot of time being anxious about my folk's oppinion. Anytime I went to church with them I felt like I had "atheist" written on my forehead. After a while I figured out that people in their church will be none the wiser if you just don't say anything. I'm still not sure of what i'd say if someone asked me about my "relationship with god" But since I don't go to church anyway i don't worry about it much. Someday someone may notice the darwin fish static cling in the back of my car. Anyway, today Mom talked me into going to a good friday thing at her church. It was interesting--a big interactive last supper, basically. Not too painful, though it got a little boring. I think I've totally gotten over my old beliefs since the whole thing didn't bother me much. Any time I started to get emotionally caught up in it, I just reminded myself that it's all myth. No problem. I am a bit depressed now though. Fighing the emotional manipulation for about an hour and a half is draining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spamandham Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 My first couple of Easters as an ex, I went to service anyway, had a nice brunch, did the easter egg hunts etc with the kid. This year, I'll go to service if my wife wants me to, but otherwise could care less. I still like the brunch and easter egg hunt stuff, but who doesn't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godless Wonder Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 Today, one of the managers came by to tell everyone to go home from work a little bit early today, and stopping by my office, knowing I'm not a Christian, nor a fan, said something like, "Feel free to get an early start ont the . . . spring solstice." I just laughed. Later I thought of what I should have said (always the way, isn't it?) Should have said, "Solstice? You can say 'Easter,' I don't mind, -- I've got no beef with the Easter Bunny." Damn, another missed opportunity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest starseyer Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 I am a bit depressed now though. Fighing the emotional manipulation for about an hour and a half is draining. It's like hanging out with vampires, without the fun biting part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vixentrox Posted April 15, 2006 Share Posted April 15, 2006 Yeah, you can focus on all ht e non-christian aspects of easter...like chocholate bunnies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted April 15, 2006 Author Share Posted April 15, 2006 Hi all, Thanks for the wonderful advice you've given me. I got through yesterday better alright (with very little backlash- yay!). I called my mom tonight, and told her I would not come, b/c my "beloved" (puke!) father causes me to have panic attacks. This is NOT a lie- my mental health has been on the skids lately. I've been having nightmares relating to my deconversion, as well as to my father's abuse. My mom sounded as if she'd been crying, so I felt kinda terrible. She also asked if I would attend church tomorrow (she suspects!). I told here yes, and am choosing to attend part of the Mass b/c I don't want to desensitize myself from rituals at too quick a pace (will send my system into shock, I fear). Right now, my phone is unplugged, and will stay that way until Monday. I don't need weepy phone calls from her- or threat-filled ones from my dad. And if he shows up outside my building tomorrow, I will call the police. I am simply not going to stand for his shit tomorrow. I'll try to focus as little as possible on the holiday's Christian meaning. I think that might help me through the emotional heartache (which I am dreading). Thanks again- I appreciate it. Rosa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 *Hugs* I hope your day tomorrow will not be too stressful. Chocolate candy is good for stress relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JGJ@ReligionisBullshit Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 Just do what I did, "Easter was when? Guess I missed it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted April 16, 2006 Author Share Posted April 16, 2006 *Hugs* I hope your day tomorrow will not be too stressful. Chocolate candy is good for stress relief. That it is. Thanks Amethyst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigToe Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 Be kind to yourself. I think that was probably a good first step honey. And don't beat yourself up over this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosa Mystica Posted April 16, 2006 Author Share Posted April 16, 2006 Be kind to yourself. I think that was probably a good first step honey. And don't beat yourself up over this. Thanks, Toe. I've had so much shit going on that life often feels unbearable. I hope I recover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigToe Posted April 16, 2006 Share Posted April 16, 2006 There is no hope, you WILL recover. Life seems to throw punches when you most need it to not, doesn't it? But don't worry today, eat some chocolate, look at cute bunnies, and snuggle with your honey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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