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RealityCheck

Another life update.

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It's been a coupe of months since my last update, I figured I would fill everyone on current happenings.  Something that I deemed a lost cause occurred, I've shared this with some of you one on one but I've never made a post about it.  When I first deconverted 7 1/2 years ago, I had an atheist friend who'm I could be as open and intellectually honest about any topic.  The taste of mental freedom that she gave me was a major factor towards my loss of faith and for that I'll always be grateful.  However, due to the the worst aspects of my nature (that many of you no doubt have experienced) combined with my "angry atheist" phase drove her away and she never wanted to speak to me again.  She is a resolute person and this was all but inevitable and final.  Though I got over it and moved on to other like minded individuals, it is something that had lingered in the back of my conscience for years.  Due to some unlikely circumstances, I was in fact able to reconnect with her and slowly start to rebuild that friendship.  I will say, forgiveness by someone you care about especially years after it weighing on you feels much better than what god ever offered when confessing my "sins".  The message I want to get across is hold yourself to a higher standard in how you treat people you care about.  You may not get the same opportunity that I did and it's easy to lash out at everyone when you're in an angry period in your life.

I look in disgust at the type of person that I've been over the last few years, seeking conflict just for the sake of conflict, being unyielding in my views.  Inner peace has taken over since I've abandoned that.  Furthermore, I've discovered that life seems more meaningful when I help others.  It doesn't have to be some grand cause or anything, small acts of kindness here and there.  These can be listening to someone and give advice while sticking with them through a difficult period.  It can also be using your abilities and talents to help them and in term, they will help you.  This is the way it should be, it is far more fulfilling than coming home from work and just indulge in selfish pleasures/pursuit night after night.

Maybe I'm just incoherently typing sentences at this point so I think I'll stop.  This is where my life and thoughts are at the moment.

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3 hours ago, RealityCheck said:

I look in disgust at the type of person that I've been over the last few years, seeking conflict just for the sake of conflict, being unyielding in my views.  Inner peace has taken over since I've abandoned that.  


Maybe I'm just incoherently typing sentences at this point so I think I'll stop. 

I can't tell you how to feel... but if it gives you any perspective many of us have had angry/dark phases of our deconversion, and aren't too proud of the things we said or did during those periods. I mean, think about it... the paradigm shift of realizing everything you've been told is a lie is kind of a lot to process and handle. It's normal to bug out. That being said, glad to hear you feel more internally at peace now!

 

Everything you've said is clear and meaningful and not incoherent at all.

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On 2/22/2020 at 12:45 PM, DestinyTurtle said:

I can't tell you how to feel... but if it gives you any perspective many of us have had angry/dark phases of our deconversion, and aren't too proud of the things we said or did during those periods. I mean, think about it... the paradigm shift of realizing everything you've been told is a lie is kind of a lot to process and handle. It's normal to bug out. That being said, glad to hear you feel more internally at peace now!

 

Everything you've said is clear and meaningful and not incoherent at all.

I wish I could say these episodes were strictly due to my deconversion.  I'm not proud of many of the things I've said in the name of politics or other ideological differences.  There are a whole string of alienated friends who I will never recover.

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