The Germanic barbarian's life so far

[Thurisaz]

Like pretty much every average German, I grew up in a Christian environment – in my case, in a protestant one. I accepted the ethics of German Protestantism even though it became obvious to me very soon that the Bible is not as good a moral compass as it is so often said to be. When our pastor taught us (the village youngsters, you know) the principles of the faith before our confirmation, he made no attempt to hide the fact that the Bible isn’t 100 % love and compassion – and he didn’t try to explain away these nasty facts either. It’s a pity that he has since left that community – he was in many ways an adorable person.

So I lived my life as a nominal Christian for 33 years, not particularly zealous – big deal, it’s hard to find any fundamentalist in Germany, outside the US-imported sects like Jehova’s Witnesses – but still somewhat more active than the average German Christian who goes to church at Christmas and every once in a while on special occasions (weddings, confirmations, funerals). Among other things, when I joined the German St. John’s ambulance service as an active volunteer medic in ’95, I was one of very few members to actually memorize the traditional prayer of the order of the knights of St. John – though this prayer was only spoken at Christmas celebrations.

Then came the summer of 2003. I had just completed my network admin training, a damn hot summer was beginning, and I decided to relax a bit before starting to find myself a job. I had quite a list of books I wanted to read for a long time, and this was the opportunity to do it. On this list were mainly books that hardly anyone knows and hardly anyone wants to read – up to and including such abominable works as the Malleus Maleficarum (the medieval manual on how to properly torture and kill “witches”), Hitler’s infamous Mein Kampf and the sickening Protocols of the learned elders of Zion from which Hitler obviously drew a great amount of… “inspiration”.

Also on the list was the Poetic Edda – the collection of the holy songs and poems of the ancient Germans and Vikings that survived the centuries of Christian “love” to finally get written down by an Icelandic monk around the 12th century. I had no idea what would happen when I opened the first page.

 

If I ever had something like a “religious revelation”, it was this very day.

 

I was overwhelmed by an indescribable feeling that I can only begin to describe with the words “home at last!”. It took me several days to contemplate what happened, how I would deal with it, and whether I would accept the consequences. I finally decided to cut my ties to the Christian church and join the ranks of the Asatruar – the followers of the High Gods of the North. I left the church without bitterness.

 

Some weeks after that, I thought that it would be a good idea to somewhat keep in touch with Christianity, considering that it’s the dominating faith in the Western hemisphere. So, to my PC I went and checked out the UseNet newsgroups.

 

That’s when the horror started.

 

Because from that day on I knew that the monstrous spectre of fanaticism, which I had thought long dead in the churches since the age of enlightenment, is actually alive and well (and killing innocent victims of all kinds) in the USA. Pretty much the first posting in a “Christian” newsgroup I read was from one of those self-proclaimed born-again True Christians™ who told all people in that group to donate as much as they can to the Israeli military… so that the evil heathens can finally be killed and the Holy Land™ be freed.

 

My research took an unexpected, nasty turn. I delved into the nature of the – almost exclusively US-based – Christian hatemongering and bigotry. I learned of the menace called “biblical creationism” and of the agenda of the fundy believers to destroy the democracy the US founding fathers had fought for and replace it with a godstate full of dogma-based hatred and killing. I learned that in the 4th Reich of Bush’s USA you can win any election into any office as long as you thump the Wholly Babble™ at least once per hour.

 

Every “commandment” the fundies claim to support, I found it gleefully broken by them in pursuit of their beloved power and bigotry. Every lie that could possibly assist them in deceiving some more people into their cult I found told without hesitation.

 

My research led me to the Bible as a whole. I read the unpopular parts – the ones about killing everyone who doesn’t kiss Jehoover’s arse, killing everyone who dares to disagree or even to think for himself, et cetera, ad nauseam. I recognized the Bible as what it really is – an abomination that can support or condemn everything, if you only pick and quote the right verses. And I went into battle – crossing my blade, via the web, with the fundies and learning how ludicrously predictable and weak they are when forced to use reasoning instead of some dusty pages full of dogma and lies.

 

Today, I consider myself to be a warrior of Thor indeed – of the ancient God of thunder who protects the humans’ world of Midgard against chaos (as represented by the giants of Northern mythology). I do not fight all those individual Christians, as I’m still very aware of the fact that many of them are kind and compassionate people. I do fight the mad, idiotic and hateful doctrine Christianity is built on, however – and I intend to continue to keep fighting until one side has been destroyed.

 

Hopefully, I’ll one day leave this world to be a better place than it was before.

[Loren]

Today, I consider myself to be a warrior of Thor indeed – of the ancient God of thunder who protects the humans’ world of Midgard against chaos (as represented by the giants of Northern mythology). I do not fight all those individual Christians, as I’m still very aware of the fact that many of them are kind and compassionate people. I do fight the mad, idiotic and hateful doctrine Christianity is built on, however – and I intend to continue to keep fighting until one side has been destroyed.

 

Hopefully, I’ll one day leave this world to be a better place than it was before.

The clear-cut lack of love evidenced in the theocratic Right in America would make them a good match for the frost giants, I think.

 

It gives me great reassurance to know that in this day of predigested tv pablum, sheeplike mob mentality and pure intellectual laziness (mostly in the U.S., I suspect), there are people out there who read the dangerous books.

 

I've always admired you and saw clearly in you a kind and stout-hearted man. It's been a real pleasure fighting alongside you. Don't go to Valhala too soon, my friend; we need you here.

 

Loren

[Thurisaz]

I've always admired you and saw clearly in you a kind and stout-hearted man. It's been a real pleasure fighting alongside you. Don't go to Valhala too soon, my friend; we need you here.

 

*bows thankfully*

 

Glad to hear that Loren. Aye, if it pleases the High Gods, we'll look forward to many battles to be fought side by side, you and me and the rest of the ex-christian "gang".

 

(paraphrasing my favorite heavy metal band:)

 

Death to false faith! Victory!

[I Broke Free]

I was overwhelmed by an indescribable feeling that I can only begin to describe with the words “home at last!”. It took me several days to contemplate what happened, how I would deal with it, and whether I would accept the consequences. I finally decided to cut my ties to the Christian church and join the ranks of the Asatruar – the followers of the High Gods of the North. I left the church without bitterness.

 

Thurisaz,

 

Thank you so much for your post. I was wondering if you could explain to me what Asatuar means to you on a personal level?

 

I guess another way of putting the question is, how does your relationship with Asatruar compare with what is expected of the Christian faith?

 

Do you believe your ancient gods really exist?

 

“Home at last!” you said

Or is it more a cultural expression?

[Thurisaz]

Thank you so much for your post. I was wondering if you could explain to me what Asatuar means to you on a personal level?

 

I can at least try.

 

To me, being an Asatruar isn't that much about religious belief, to sum it up - it's about honor. About being able to respect yourself when you look into the mirror.

You could cut the concept of the High Gods of the North right out of my mind, and you'd find me pretty much the same person I am now (actually, changing from christian to Asatruar didn't affect my demeanor in any meaningful way at all, as proven by the utter cluelessness of all my friends about what happened, or that anything happened at all - until I told them ). Being an Asatruar to me means being true to your nature, to your mentality. It means being a man of honor. One who realizes that he's not perfect, one who continually struggles to become "greater than he is, nobler than he knows". One who has his views of right or wrong, not based on what some ancient book says, but on what he perceived as right anyway - that a book agrees with it is just a pleasant coincidence. One who fights for justice, for those who are too weak to fight for themselves. One who accepts that he will make mistakes every so often, and that this is OK as long as you try to not make the same mistake again.

 

Pathetic, no? But that's pretty much what crosses my mind as I try to answer your question.

 

I guess another way of putting the question is, how does your relationship with Asatruar compare with what is expected of the Christian faith?

 

Like I wrote above, as I understand (fundy) christianity, it's all about bowing to what a dusty old book says. The teachings (not commandments!) of Asatru are in tune with human mentality, with "generic human ethics", with respecting why someone does whatever he does, but stopping that someone if he puts innocents at peril.

 

Do you believe your ancient gods really exist?

 

Aaaah, how could I know?

I do think that the High Gods, as they are described in the sagas, are... well... valid representations of the Divine. Kind of "If there is something Divine in this universe, then I think this image of its aspects fits its reality very well".

On a strictly personal level, I could say that I have evidence of some of the Gods (namely Thor and Odin) sending messages to me through nature... a sudden gust of wind on a perfectly calm day, right after I asked Odin whether he'd consider my plans to be just and good, and similar things. However, I'm aware of the fact that it might be just my imagination.

And does it really matter? As long as someone tries to do what's obviously good for his fellow humans, is it important what reason he has?

 

“Home at last!” you said

Or is it more a cultural expression?

 

Well, to me personally it's the closest I can get to describe how I felt that day. It was like I suddenly met a brother who I thought to be long dead. I suddenly felt reunited with my true self which I had lost connection with a looooong time ago.

What that term would mean to some other person, I can't tell. You'd have to ask that other person, you know

 

(I feel like I should write some more, but first I have no idea right now, and second I should hit the sack now unless I want to drive to tomorrow's early shift in a half-coma... read ya, feel free to ask what remains to be explained )

[I Broke Free]

Pathetic, no?

 

Absolutely not! I think what you have described it quite wonderful. You have painted a picture of a belief system that allows for curiosity, questioning, and personal growth. Thank you for taking the time to explain part of it to me. I have always been curious to know more.

 

IBF

[Thurisaz]

No problem.

 

(And now I will leave the forums for the rest of today. I swear I'll do! )

[Astreja]

Thurisaz, your comments about honour and doing the right thing really resonate with me. The feeling about 'coming home,' too. IMHO, that's what spirituality should feel like.

 

Sending you a virtual bottle of mead!

[♦ ficino ♦]

Thurisaz, it's exhilarating to read what you've written. I love your rant against fundy (U.S. based) cultism and your eloquence against its source, the Bible. We need you wielding the sword of Thor!

 

I also love your screed on honor and ethics. What you say reminds me of why Achilles was "best of the Achaeans." I think the epic, heroic values of the ancient Greeks must be akin to those of the ancient Germans in many ways.

 

This is a little off topic, but-- what do you think of Wagner, esp. Der Ring des Niebelungen?

[Guest vanesa]

If you are planning to battle Xtianity, can I be a wizard in your fight?

[Thurisaz]

Sending you a virtual bottle of mead!

 

Inviting you to a virtual blot

[Thurisaz]

Thurisaz, it's exhilarating to read what you've written. [...]

 

*bows thankfully*

 

This is a little off topic, but-- what do you think of Wagner, esp. Der Ring des Niebelungen?

 

I've never really listened to anything by Wagner - something I definitely have to do some time. From what I heard, I guess Wagner might make it all appear a bit to pathetic. All the bombastic atmosphere I'm told is developed in his operas... compared to the original saga as found in a decent Edda...

 

Anyway. It's not of much use talking about Wagner's version before I know it.

[Thurisaz]

If you are planning to battle Xtianity, can I be a wizard in your fight?

 

Aaah, Seidr

 

You're welcome!

[Merlinfmct87]

Wow...

 

That was a VERY moving read Thurisaz. Your struggle for honour and Truth really shines through... it's a wonderful example to follow.

 

Would you mind another Wizard tagging along?

 

Merlin

[Thurisaz]

That was a VERY moving read Thurisaz. Your struggle for honour and Truth really shines through... it's a wonderful example to follow.

 

Thanks

 

Would you mind another Wizard tagging along?

 

Be my guest - nothing like some powerful rune magic to ruin a fundie's day!

 

149. A third I know, | if great is my need

Of fetters to hold my foe;

Blunt do I make | mine enemy's blade,

Nor bites his sword or staff.

[Guest vanesa]

I am what you may call a Blue WIzard.

[Thurisaz]

I am what you may call a Blue WIzard.

 

Blue wizard?

 

I guess this is the time when it becomes obvious that I haven't dabbled (much) with runic, or any other, magic so far. What do you mean by that?

[Thurisaz]

A little update...

 

...for those who would like to get some information on Asatru in general, I have always gladly pointed at the website www.thetroth.org where my journey to Asatru basically started (that site showed me that there are still people out there who honor the Gods of the North). Only recently, however, did I take a close look at the online copy of their book "Our Troth" which is composed of a number of articles by members of that group. I figured that some of you would like to check out that online book too.

 

Here's where you find it. Enjoy

[Guest vanesa]

A BLue wizard is a term from Final Fantasy for any magician who obtains magics and special abilities from monsters or non-humanoid entities. Even some non-living abilities can be learned, i.e. laser shots from a laser cannon or a mortar shot from a turret.

 

Most abilities learned are usually magical or psychic in nature, like Rainbow WInd, which heals your allies using your health (if you are in excellent health, your and your allies will recover as much health as you have right now), or ForceField, which can negate random types of magic. Aqua Rake sends a flood onto the battle field, and Doom acts like a timebomb, when the counter reaches zero, bye bye foe!

 

I can even learn Xtian magics from any Xtian sorcerers, magicians, sages, etc. if those abilities can be emulated by me. Most spells with attributes of 8 or with levels divisable by 8 I can learn. Yes, even magics used by the ancient gods I can learn if they meet these attributes and I can actually emulate. 8 is a lucky number for me, so that's why it's 8.

 

I have a limit as to what spells I can learn, currently up to 32 now. Just FYI. If you have any level 8 or Level/8 spells or abilities I could emulate go ahead and let me know Thurisaz. Do you think you could use my help?

[Thurisaz]

No problem, and thanx for the explanation

[Guest vanesa]

A Blue Wizard/Mage is also known as a Gun Mage.

[imageownershipproblem]

I have asked you to explain a "phenomena" to me before and you have, but this clarifies things for me even more.

 

I was not overly interested in politics before November 3. In fact, I was the proverbial "dumb sheep" who is, when it comes down to it, ultimately responsible for what happened in my country. All I saw was so much hatefulness on a personal level. I even considered voting for der shrubbenfuhrer because I didn't trust Kerry and my dem friends seemed nastier than my neocon/fundy fiends (not a typo) who were at least trying to buy my vote.

 

I was looking forward to November 3 because I thought the mud-slinging on a personal level would finally, finally be over and we could all go back to the way things were "supposed to be". Like an idiot, I extended what I thought was an olive branch:

 

"Well, I didn't vote for the man but I will pray for him."

 

and was promptly insulted and flamed off a parenting board I had considered my home on the internet by someone I had considered to be my best friend of many years.

 

The strangers who helped me to understand what was going on around me were ALL German. The only people who said, "Hey, if worst comes to worst, you can always sleep on my couch. Here's my address:" were German.

 

I didn't understand it. I came to realize that, after stewing in literature from the Post-WWII era during my childhood, I was something that I have always despised: a bigot.

 

I could not imagine sleeping on that couch no matter how hard things got because I would have had to listen to a language that I (then; absolutely not now) found harsh and abrasive to my ear. German faces struck me as cold and ugly and mean for no reason whatsoever. I had never wanted to visit the country or learn the first thing about it.

 

I may not have hurled insults at the individuals who scraped me up off the ground, but I was certainly cold and rude. My benefactors did not take it personally, nor did they press for anything that might be considered a "friendship", but they were always there for me with a shoulder to cry on, words of encouragement, links to where I could find the information that I needed and was ready for, and somehow they were always indescribeably "just right".

 

I surprised myself when I saw an American critcizing a two people for exchanging lighthearted jokes in German on a predominantly American political forum board. The American said that we were too close to Naziism for this to be appropriate and one of the Germans was quite surprised that their native tongue was considered a "Nazi language" by so many over here.

 

I was horrified, declared that I thought it was a BEAUTIFUL language, wanted to learn it myself, and always found comfort in seeing a few words or phrases of German typed on a forum board.

 

I guess I didn't want friends because I couldn't be a friend. I don't know how I would have made it through those first horrible months, much less the deconversion that followed in February, without my acquaintances who knew just how badly one can need an acquaintance.

 

I'm not sleeping on that couch because I need to stay here and fight, but sometimes I sure wish I could.

 

Thank you for caring. You and others like yourself most certainly are making the world a better place, even if it is only to alleviate the suffering of a few confused sheeple like myself.

 

Life in the USA circa 2005

 

Life in the USA Circa 2005

 

I can't get the link to work right; it's easy enough to find here.

 

(Dial-up users be aware: the link is to an aproximately 5MB mp3)

[Thurisaz]

...I'm not sleeping on that couch because I need to stay here and fight, but sometimes I sure wish I could.

 

Thank you for caring. You and others like yourself most certainly are making the world a better place, even if it is only to alleviate the suffering of a few confused sheeple like myself.

 

Thank you

[Guest glasspuppy]

Do you still speak German? I can certainly relate with the dangerous book encounters. lol.

[Anakin]

Thurisaz,

Great story. Gives me food for thought.