Your New Freedom

[Guest Emerson]

What do you love or enjoy about your life now that you're an ex-christian?

 

I'm no longer bound by legalistic rules and if they make me a "better" person. I don't hesitate to go watch rated R movies, I'm catching up on a lot of movies that I missed because I thought they were "immoral" like I just saw Six Days, Seven Nights and loved it! I refused to see it before because I thought that it was "bad" and had too much immoral content or some other stupid little belief at the time.

 

I used to write for this christian movie review website and had the christian owner take down all of my reviews. I can't agree to base movies on their morality. Which is just stupid. Just because an actor does something, doesn't mean that their wrong or that their immoral. A lot of things just carry the plot and aid in character development. Just like in the christian bible, there are murders and such in order for god in the ot to carry out his "will."

 

Or whatever sick thing the writers had in mind for the story. Yet christians aren't against those "stories" all I hear from them is "well God doesn't approve" well it doesn't mean that I condone everything a character does in a movie just because I watch it, geez. Why is it so hard for them to get that? Okay I'm blabbing again, sorry!

 

I enjoy making decisions for my life instead of relying on "God's will." Whatever that means. This is my life and I can make my own decisions. I always used to worry about not being in line on God's will. I like the freedom that comes with my life. Nah, I haven't gone all crazy.

 

But freedom to choose to do things and believe in things without being damned to hell for all eternity. I enjoy not worrying about hell, damnation, and worrying about the devil and the cosmos being against me and I enjoy NOT worrying about being out of "god's will." I don't feel bad anymore about watching Sex and the City or listening to Madonna.

 

If I want to move tomorrow to Miami, Florida then I could...I was really stupid before when I used to think that "god will guide me to make the right choice in accordance to his will for my life." Well I learned that prayer doesn't change things, action does. By waiting for "god's answer" I have delayed myself in several areas including college which means I'll be graduating late, because I was "waiting for a sign from God or an assurance" of which major I was supposed to choose.

 

Now I know that my life is decided by me, "assurance and signs" don't come. I don't think. I think more than anything, I now appreciate and realize the freedom that I have whereas before I was making really silly decisions based on delusions. I also don't miss people saying "glory to be god" what the hell does that even mean? Do they even know???

 

Geez!

[LosingMyReligion]

Well for me it is definitely my sexuality. Since accepting it I feel completely free. I can literally see all the color in life(as cliche as that may sound).

 

I have struggled with being gay my entire life(I pretty much knew I was around 8-years-old). And the Christian church was the primary cause. Every Sunday, practically, it was preached as an abomination...Not to mention the bible based homophobia that was espoused in my house hold growing up.

This definitely gave me a self hate complex, which in turn led me to years of practicing ex-gay therapy on myself, and believing that god could make me be sexually attracted to girls.

 

Now, after figuring out that Christianity is a lie...I can finally allow myself to look at cute guys without wanting to gouge my eyes out afterward(as the bible tells us to do when we lust in our hearts)...And most importantly, it has allowed me to envision a future for myself that won't be based on secrets and lies.

 

Lastly, I am glad I deconverted because I like learning new things without believing I am going to goto hell for using my brain. I love to learn, and I find Darwinism and evolution to be velly, VELLY, intellesting...

 

Basically, leaving Christianity has allowed me freedom to just be myself.

[lothartx]

For me it's simply being at peace with myself. I still have struggles in life etc., but I feel I "know the truth" finally. I don't have self doubts about heaven/hell or is there some subtle message from god floating around my head. It's kinda like with Xianty promises but can't deliver.

[Amethyst]

Honestly, I don't do all that much now that I didn't do then. But I don't feel like I have to hate myself anymore. I don't have to worry that everyone who isn't Christian is really going to burn in hell.

[RedFox]

When I was a Christian, I saw demons at night in bed. After I deconverted, those sightings became less frequent and then stopped. The Christians at my school think that Satan doesn't bother them and that demons bother non-Christians all the time.

[♦ nivek ♦]

Emerson,

 

I need to correct your course of thinking a bit.

 

"Freedom" has always been yours. What you elected to do with it was bent in a different direction *then*.

 

*Now* you make the choice of how to expend the time you have to use this go around.

 

You've always had that choice, however now you can and are willing to do as you damn well please.

 

"Freedom is a choice"

 

Use it wisely now the black robed whores and silk suited masters aren't telling where to go.

 

k, Freeman by practice, L

[Thurisaz]

What do you love or enjoy about your life now that you're an ex-christian?

 

Oh well, by far most christians over here in Germany are of the "lukewarm liberal weakling" type, so you can imagine that not much changed for me when I went from Lutheran to Asatru...

 

Basically, I just exchanged one set of religious ethics (which I never followed very zealously, because I didn't need the babble to know what's right or wrong!) with another that even better matches my personal convictions.

[All Gods Fail]

Oh well, by far most christians over here in Germany are of the "lukewarm liberal weakling" type, so you can imagine that not much changed for me when I went from Lutheran to Asatru...

 

BTW Thurisaz, who's the Nordic-looking dude in your avatar? I feel like I should know who he is.

 

 

Anyway, not to derail the thread: for me, the greatest freedom I've found is the loss of fear. Xtians of every stripe can argue this till they're blue in the face, but the gospel of Jesus is all about hell. Take that away, and you've got no religion.

 

And hell is the most odious, depraved invention of mankind ever. How much human misery and suffering has that vile doctrine caused? We're well rid of it.

[willybilly30]

i like the freedom to be myself and be my own judge of what i should and shouldnt do. all yall wrote what i was going to lol i love being able to explore things not live in a little cube.

[Thurisaz]

BTW Thurisaz, who's the Nordic-looking dude in your avatar? I feel like I should know who he is.

 

(Re-)Watch "the 13th warrior" and you will recognize prince/king Boulway.

[Lycorth]

(Re-)Watch "the 13th warrior" and you will recognize prince/king Boulway.

 

Isn't it "Buliwyf"? Or is it spelt differently in the German version?

 

What a cool little movie. I've pretty much memorized it by now

 

As for my, I am free to define my life as I see fit. I am free to use my own good sense and innate morality to judge good and evil, and am not bound to any church's definition of such. Like nivek said, freedom was always mine, and now I just realize that concept more. I also exchanged Xian mythology for a spiritual tradition both older and more sacred, and part of my proper heritage, which Xianity cannot claim. I exchanged shit gods for better ones, and am free to be myself.

[Thurisaz]

Isn't it "Buliwyf"? Or is it spelt differently in the German version?

 

Good question. I never saw any official written form of that name, but "Boulway" would be one of several spellings that would get close to how the name is pronounced, at least in the German version (It wouldn't be an exception if someone, for some strange reason, changed the name from the original to something just different - not easier, not German-specific, just different).

Another possible spelling would be "Bullwei". But I digress.

[kellyb]

For me, it's mostly intellectual freedom I enjoy most.

Having been raised in an intensely fundy environment in the 80's, I grew up thinking the devil was out to get me everywhere.

I like being able to form opinions about things without having to wonder if my opinions are demonically inspired as part of a vast global satanic conspiracy to usher in the antichrist.

[Alexandrian]

It's nice being able to live my life with, to be able to think and do things without being punished by some invisible man in the sky.

 

And oh yeah, it's nice being able to have the whole day to myself on Sunday

[I Broke Free]

Now, after figuring out that Christianity is a lie...I can finally allow myself to look at cute guys without wanting to gouge my eyes out afterward(as the bible tells us to do when we lust in our hearts)...And most importantly, it has allowed me to envision a future for myself that won't be based on secrets and lies.

 

LMR, you just made me laugh. Like you, one the best thing about leaving the Christian Cult behind was that now I could enjoy looking at men without guilt. Like you, I used to feel guilty about my homosexual attraction to other men, but now I allow myself (discretely) to look at whomever I wish.

 

Why did I laugh at your post? Well, I started a new job three weeks ago. The building itself houses 3000 employees; my office alone has perhaps 200 in it. I am surrounded by scores of hot hunky 20-something year old men and I am having a hard time ignoring them. Day before yesterday I waked by one guy in his cubicle that registered a “10” on my personal attractive scale. I was obviously so enamored with his looks that I walked right into a pole just a few feet away from him. Thank goodness I was carrying some papers so I could immediately chastise myself for “reading while I was walking.”

 

IBF

[Guest Emerson]

You're right, my freedom was always there but I gave it away to my religion. The funny thing is that now, my unbelief in hell, heaven, the devil/demons/etc. are just as strong as my belief in them used to be as a christian.

 

In the end, I don't think religion really matters.

 

 

 

Emerson,

 

I need to correct your course of thinking a bit.

 

"Freedom" has always been yours. What you elected to do with it was bent in a different direction *then*.

 

*Now* you make the choice of how to expend the time you have to use this go around.

 

You've always had that choice, however now you can and are willing to do as you damn well please.

 

"Freedom is a choice"

 

Use it wisely now the black robed whores and silk suited masters aren't telling where to go.

 

k, Freeman by practice, L

[jasonwhatever]

Emerson and Losingmyreligion:

 

I can totally relate to the both of you. I can relate to you, Emerson, in that you used to not watch certain movies because they were immoral. I always had a strong interest in fantasy movies, but I never allowed myself to watch "The Lord of The Rings" until within the last six months or so. I thought it was evil. In fact I thought the title was blasphemous, since Jesus is Lord of Lords.

For a couple years I wouldn't even hardly eat anything that I really enjoyed, telling The Lord that I was denying myself those things because Christians are supposed to suffer for The Lord, and are supposed to be pilgrims in this earth, looking not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. I delayed my enjoyment of things, anticipating to enjoy them instead with God in Heaven. I remember I was so deep in all of this that even when I would go fishing with my family, I would take my Bible with me, that I would be keeping the exhortation "in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy path." I memorized thousands of verses.

 

I also sympathize with you, Emerson, when you said that you delayed college for years, awaiting for The Lord to guide you. I was a straight-A student in high school, went to a top college for a year, and according to the Stanford-Binet have an IQ of over 140. Yet, I'm now unemployed, have no degree, and will be probably be rejoining a workforce with peers with whom I'm overqualified to be working. (I'm not trying to degrade anyone, I'm just saying.) I was voted mostly likely to succeed in high school. So far, because of my religion, I'm a failure. I used to think that I was being selfish and in a sense denying The Lord if I went back to college, because all that is for is to pursue money and a career, rather than pursuing Life Eternal. I also thought that this was the very end of the world, and I eagerly awaited the end. As the year 2000 was approaching, I remember that I would everyday go into the hills and pray to God, thanking Him for all of His goodness toward me, listening to Christian cds (and only certain ones that weren't really demonic disguised under the name of Christian). I had a calendar, and everyday that passed I would mark it off as another that I had eagerly waited for The Lord. I literally used to cry to The Lord out of frustration that He hadn't taken me yet. I used to intentionally wake up in the middle of the night, go outside and pray to God, that, like Paul, I would be awaiting The Lord in the night watches.

 

Honestly, I got tired of the burden of it all. I got tired of being miserable. As they say, I got tired of being tired of being tired. Finally, I got a decent job and started to live my life for myself. When you have a powerful conversion at 19, then give up all for Christ, it is a hard burden to bear faithfully "unto the end." God has given humans a strong urge to accumulate things, to want to be happy, to have sex, to eat fine things, etc. But, in my mind's interpretation of things, all of this was contrary to true obedience and faithfulness to God. Looking back, I believe that part of my ascetism, if you will, was due to the fact that I was raised by a stepfather who never allowed us kids to have anything. We were pretty much brain-washed into thinking that for us to be happy was wrong.

Life was supposed to be miserable, not joyous, was the atmosphere in our home; I think that this skewed my outlook of The Scriptures. I now see Christians who don't really deny themselves of anything. In fact, they make money off The Name of Christ, and many times they make much of it.

 

Losingmyreligion: I can relate to you on being gay also, as I'm gay. For me, though, I just told myself that I would never have sex; that it didn't matter. I was also raised in the south, so there is a double wammy for ya. I didn't ever feel like I was damned for it, though. I just felt like it didn't matter. It's strange.

[Guest Emerson]

Wow Jason, your testimony is astounding! Yeah the thing about fantasy literature, if you notice that mainstream xtianity embraces fantasy works by authors who are christian, but they reject fantasy by authors who are secular.

 

Let's compare Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, they are very similar in that they both have a battle of good vs. evil in the books, adventure, magic, imperfect characters who want to do the right thing and be good. But J.K. Rowling is mostly shunned by xtians, while J.R.R. Tolkien isn't. What's the diff? One has told them that he is xtian, the one one hasn't.

 

Some fundies eventually gather and burn J.K Rowling's books, but this doesn't make a difference.

How does it affect her? It doesn't! J.K. Rowling is a woman if you didn't know. Someone had to buy one of her books to burn it! Which made her a profit in the process.

 

I don't think we're meant to be denied pleasured, whoever is out there clearly designed us to like things like dance, sex, food, enjoyment in general. I don't think money and material things are bad, I think that their good and as long as you aren't greedy and don't hurt anyone, I don't see a problem with it. Without money you can't sleep under a roof, eat, or lie in a nice bed. Money isn't evil.

 

Many people throughout history have predicted the end of the world and it never came. Didn't back then and probably won't, well maybe it will but not in the way xtians predict. Well Jason, I think I got harsh on you on other threads and posts and I'm sorry. I hope that you take the time to sort out all the issues before you make your decision. Think about it very carefully and don't be afraid to ask tough questions. You're doing a great job of that right now.

[Ouroboros]

I love the whole Lord of the Rings debate in the Church. When I grew up it was considered from the devil, and now many churches accept it as an allegory for the ultimate fight between good and evil, and Gandalf is Jesus etc. It's just amazing. Now they're burning the Harry Potter books, but 20 years from now I'm sure they have found the "connection" between Harry and Jesus, and it's approved reading again. 15 years ago, we had the scare in Swedish churches about "My little pony". There were rumours that it promoted homosexuality and witchcraft. And that they had magical incatations on small notes stuck in the horses. So of course, all Christian girls could not buy or own My Little Pony. *sigh*

 

Why is it that the people, who are supposedly directly linked in communication and power to the creator of the universe, are so fracking scared all the time? Didn't Jesus walk and talk with the lowlife, without being threatened and scared? But Christians can't be True Christians unless the erradicate every little threat to their faith, only because they know they don't have any faith in reality.

 

And what freedoms do I take now that I didn't as Christian? Drink, smoke and swear, but all in moderation.

 

What don't a do anymore? Feel guilty all the time.

[spamandham]

My rejection of religion roughly coincided with my overall rejection of external authority and my outlook on life that it really is all about me. That isn't to say I don't care about others, I do, for the same irrational reason that I care about myself, but I now choose how I expend my emotional currency directly rather than submitting it to someone else. That also doesn't mean I'm a scofflaw, but it does mean I have a different perspective of the law that is much more consequences-oriented.

 

I agree with Nivek that this was always in my control, I just didn't realize it.

[Lorena Rodriguez]

Emerson and Losingmyreligion:

 

Honestly, I got tired of the burden of it all. I got tired of being miserable.

 

Jason,

 

I find your comments so interesting. Have you posted your story yet? I would love to read it.

 

Txs.

 

Lorena

[LosingMyReligion]

Jason and Emerson I can relate so much to the both of you.

 

Jason, like you I gave my life to god, a few years back, at the age of 19. And this was after being born and raised in a Southern Baptist church. So I really had no choice. The christian faith was all I've ever known.

And like you I basically swore off sex and sexuality altogether, simply because I was afraid of owning my true sexual orientation. Moreover, Christianity gave me a pertinent excuse as to why I was one of the only guys not keeping any female company. I was trying to "preserve myself for marraige..." And now, looking back, every kid in the church was having sex, except me. Furthermore, EVERYONE in my church was having sex except me. No one was adhering to the christian tenets of celibacy and chastity.

Hell, when the church would stage overnight "lock Ins(sleepovers for Christian youth...Basically, you get to spend the night in the church)" they were nothing but orgies.

And there I was dutifully attending: Sunday school, bible study, evangelism training, and living according to ALL the principles of the babble. Plus, I actually thought I was going to be one of the 144,000 male virgins in Revelation...*shrug*

 

And don't even get me started on R-Rated movies and etc. As a lover of cinema(I ADORE movies)I stopped going to see anything that had any blood, any cursing, or any sexual connotation. It was pathetic. Back around 1996 - 97 (I was around 14/15ish)I really wanted to see the movie "SCREAM" because all of my friends said it was really good. I wanted to see it really bad; however, it was the whole Christian thing and I thought I was going to pollute God's holy vessel.

So I held off until I finally just got a ticket and saw it anyway. I loved every single minute of it too!

So I started secretly watching R-Rated films...I guess you could say that was the baby step towards my deconversion.

Growing up I have always adored Fantasy and Science Fiction. So I never saw, for the life of me, what in the hell was wrong with: The Lord Of The Rings, Harry Potter, and other films and literature of that ilk. The christian churches stance on that pisses me off. It is like they want to take away children's youth and innocence. However, they will gladly teach them about a guy who was torchered to death and raised from the dead. The irony of that is not lost on me anymore.

We can't believe in Santa, but we are supposed to have blind faith in Jesus? Give me a break.

 

Also, I did the "millenial" thing too. I seriously believed(because, according to the "prophets" on Trinity Broadcast Network)Jesus was coming back at 12:00 A.M. January 1, 2000. I was very excited, and I prayed every single day that god would make me good enough to not be left behind(Oh, and I used to own copies of those stupid as shit LEFT BEHIND movies...I sold them all to BLOCKBUSTER video a few months ago). Well, I waited and waited...And New Year's day came and went for the next six years.

 

Thinking about the mental torcher and anguish I put myself through back then literally makes me want to cry sometime. I wasted so much time. However, all I can do is go from here.

I still believe in a higher power, but I believe that power would like me to lead my life to the fullest.

[Guest Emerson]

Wow thank you for your responses everyone! Keep them coming if you still want to. Its nice to hear of other peoples experiences and how their living their life now and enjoying it. It seems as if we were always trying to find favor with God by constantly praying and trying to be good and not be "left behind." And how miserable that made us all. Ugh.

 

Yeah I know, I wasted years of my life as a christian. UGH! I can completely relate to you Losingmyreligion and it sucks, I don't know we can't change the past, all we can do is make the best of what we've got right now. I'm just glad to be out.