In need of comfort

[ReducedtoAtoms]

I'm in need of comfort because clearly my mother will never be there for me. I finally grew a spine and told her how christianity makes me feel and she's acts like I'm persecuting her. And that I'm trying to prevent her from worshipping. 

 

And I had least hoped that maybe she would see eye to eye, about the fact that christianity scares me but nope instead she's says (her words exactly) "but when Jesus cracks open the sky and comes to save his people you'll be on your own." 

 

Not even bothering to ask why I fear christianity not noticing the damage she's doing to me every single day. 

 

And then I've been trying to get into spirituality because it answers way more questions than the bible ever could. And every where I look it's some christian guilt tripping you to turn back to Jesus because "he loves you." The more I hear that, the more it looses it's meaning. 

 

They say spirit guides are fallen angels decieving you, everything is a lie, turn to Jesus or burn!!! It's starting to make my physically ill. 

 

Then for some odd reason my mother just defends nazis and says the bible doesn't suit white people. 

 

Now, of course the bible doesn't suit white people, it doesn't suit any race. But the bible does support slavery and when I heard that a flashback of viced rhinos video played in my head. (I'm aware it didn't have anything to do with race, but slavery could still be justified anyways) 

 

But I only refer it to as the "white mans bible." Because christianity I believe was somewhere in Africa and the white men found it and they edited it. 

 

And then she defends nazis by saying that Hitler knew that the Jews weren't the real people of God and he hated them for that so he "kinda" did the right thing. And it wasnt that bad because it only lasted 3 months. Just what? I couldnt even comprehend that as if that's a good reason to go genocidal on a bunch of innocent people. 

 

Lastly to close out with my rant. Im so tired and it's been destroying my mental health recently with all the overthinking. 

 

I've been wanting to put together an uncesssry 100+ page Google docs explaining the truths behind christianity. 

 

Idk Im writing this at 5 in the morning and I'm starting to hear sounds

[Castiel233]

Christianity, like Islam, is a cult of fear, suffering and death. 

 

That its hateful ideas are still with us in the modern age is lamentable 

 

Be kind to yourself, you are not alone. 

[♦ Fuego ♦]

The best things to do with toxic people are to move away from them if possible, or appeal to an authority for the abuse you are facing.

 

I moved away from a roommate who was invasive and used the cult to justify his greed and invasive habits. He actually saved months worth of junk mail that came to the house that had my name on it, and demanded that I come and get it, that it wasn't his responsibility to toss it in the recycling bin. He's a control freak. He can drown in junk mail for all I care. 

 

I had a coworker who had giddy delight in insulting me. My bosses tolerated him for the 12 years we were together. I didn't. After telling them and having them talk to him a couple of times, I bypassed them and went to HR, and that stopped him for about 6 months. Then I turned him in again when he started up again, actually cackling between insults. This time after his HR meeting he set a retirement date and left. 

 

Get out of her influence and cut off communication with her, if possible. Find your own path in life. 

[florduh]

The only solution is to get away from that insanity. Nobody wants to cut ties with relatives, especially parents, but if you want to survive and be mentally fit you must deal with things as they are, not as you wish them to be. It is a lost cause - move on any way possible. Perhaps you need to find a roommate, a better job, a new city. Good luck.