Do You Still Doubt Or Struggle?

[Guest Emerson]

Even though its been two years or so, I still have times of doubt and struggle. Sometimes I find myself on the sidelines of being an agnostic, but not an atheist. I don't know if I could ever be an atheist simply because of the way "god" has been conditioned to me.

 

I still remember life without god as a young kid and life "with" god as a teen and its not that much different. When I hit my teens, it was then that I became worried about god, heaven, hell, the usual stuff. I guess if anything I'm having trouble swalling the bitter little pill that this life is only it and that there's no afterlife, that there's no "purpose" beyond our daily lives. You know, that there's no "meaning to it all." Also death scares me and what if there is some sort of god waiting to judge me? The "what if" q's sometimes get to me.

 

I guess if we had been born in Ancient Egypt we would have believed that our corpses needed to be mummified and we needed to take treasures with us to the Egyptian afterlife, although this was limited to the upper classes & people with money for something so elaborate. I still realize that religion is regional and cultural. But somehow you just can't help but wonder if you're wrong. No I don't want to go back and this isn't about that.

 

I guess I just want to know your stories, do you still struggle or doubt? if you have been out of xtianity for a long time then I'd like to know how you dealt with beinig a newbie ex-christian. I've also gotten so used to believing in a general god that not believing in god would be sort of sad and "empty." When I used to be a xtian, I loved that I had a god whom I could go to no matter what, that this god knew me better than me and that he loved me. But now all of that is gone and I just sometimes have hard time dealing especially knowing that I'm alone in this world.

 

Okay not completely "alone" because I have family but you know what I mean. I don't know if "truth" can be known. And I'm also annoyed at how we just can't know certain mysteries. Its very unfair.

[Asimov]

Doubts and struggles are for wusses.........

 

[Guest Shiva H. Vishnu]

Even though its been two years or so, I still have times of doubt and struggle. Sometimes I find myself on the sidelines of being an agnostic, but not an atheist. I don't know if I could ever be an atheist simply because of the way "god" has been conditioned to me.

 

I understand. You can be an atheist. Conditioning isn't foolproof. You still have your mind, and thank.....thank yourself for that.

 

I still remember life without god as a young kid and life "with" god as a teen and its not that much different. When I hit my teens, it was then that I became worried about god, heaven, hell, the usual stuff.

 

I lived through my teens believing that I was a sinner, but unable to choose the banal path of the saint.

 

 

I guess if anything I'm having trouble swalling the bitter little pill that this life is only it and that there's no afterlife, that there's no "purpose" beyond our daily lives.

 

There is purpose. It's just not written into some book with a holy stamp of approval and a guarantee. You make your own purpose, or you don't. But the choice is your's.

 

You know, that there's no "meaning to it all."

 

If you are looking for everlasting bliss and security then I suppose the real meaning of it all will never be enough for you.

 

Also death scares me and what if there is some sort of god waiting to judge me? The "what if" q's sometimes get to me.

 

Death scares everyone, no matter how macho their posturing. But, I'll tell you something. Death isn't 1/100th as scary as it was when I believed in a god who wanted to punish us. Now it's just scary like the unknown. But, like looking into an unfamiliar cave, I can at least be assured that I'll not be mauled by a manbearpig.

 

I guess if we had been born in Ancient Egypt we would have believed that our corpses needed to be mummified and we needed to take treasures with us to the Egyptian afterlife, although this was limited to the upper classes & people with money for something so elaborate. I still realize that religion is regional and cultural. But somehow you just can't help but wonder if you're wrong. No I don't want to go back and this isn't about that.

 

Yeah, you can't help but wonder if your wrong. That's the beauty of programming. It allows people to influence you even if they are absent. But you can recognise your programming for what it is, and think those thoughts which cause you the least stress - which involve no cognitive dissonance. Like, whatever thoughts are in tune with what is demonstrably true.

 

I guess I just want to know your stories, do you still struggle or doubt? if you have been out of xtianity for a long time then I'd like to know how you dealt with beinig a newbie ex-christian. I've also gotten so used to believing in a general god that not believing in god would be sort of sad and "empty." When I used to be a xtian, I loved that I had a god whom I could go to no matter what, that this god knew me better than me and that he loved me. But now all of that is gone and I just sometimes have hard time dealing especially knowing that I'm alone in this world.

 

We are alone in that we all came into this world alone, and when we leave I daresay we wont do it in the company of a parade. But, we are all in this together in a way that defies mockery and religion and misunderstanding and disparate perspectives. Every last unfulfilled one of us knows what its like to be human, and thats the holiest thing I know of. Gods cheapen the experience, and the afterlife makes our life a joke. When there is nothing more all of a sudden holy and sacred take on real, urgent meaning.

 

Okay not completely "alone" because I have family but you know what I mean. I don't know if "truth" can be known. And I'm also annoyed at how we just can't know certain mysteries. Its very unfair.

 

First, get used to thinking outside the bible. Then most of these questions will answer themselves.

[chefranden]

Doubts and struggles are for wusses.........

 

 

Ah, Asimov, you are always such a sweetheart.

 

Life is a struggle. If you are not struggling with this it will be something else. Everything comes to pass, and not to stay.

 

It is logical to be afraid of dying, it helps keep you from stepping in front of speeding busses. It is not logical to be afraid of death, i.e. being dead. You may as well be afraid of the sky being blue. If you can remember what you were doing the day before your mother was born, then you will know what it is like after you die.

[Checkmate]

Nope. No struggles at all for this Grinch. Once I connected all the logical dots, crossed my T's and dotted my I's, I walked away and never looked back. Why waste time boxing with shadows, when you KNOW that's all they are? Also, why waste time laboring over the "meaning of life", or life's origins? Just live life, enjoy what you've got cause you ain't getting another shot at the Brass Ring and try not to kill too many idiots in the process.

 

Quit frettin' about shit you can't control, change or effect. You'll just make yourself sick.

 

 

"Live life as if every day were your last, because one day you'll be right." -- Forgot who said this.

[Gnosis of Disbelief]

Even though its been two years or so, I still have times of doubt and struggle. Sometimes I find myself on the sidelines of being an agnostic, but not an atheist. I don't know if I could ever be an atheist simply because of the way "god" has been conditioned to me.

 

Nobody says youhave to be an atheist. Although I think you'll

notice that most of us ex-C'ers do eventually end up being one.

 

I still remember life without god as a young kid and life "with" god as a teen and its not that much different. When I hit my teens, it was then that I became worried about god, heaven, hell, the usual stuff. I guess if anything I'm having trouble swalling the bitter little pill that this life is only it and that there's no afterlife, that there's no "purpose" beyond our daily lives. You know, that there's no "meaning to it all." Also death scares me and what if there is some sort of god waiting to judge me? The "what if" q's sometimes get to me.

 

Well, we don't know what happens after death, although I'm pretty

sure it has nothing to do with sitting in clouds throwing crowns at some

psychotic, egomaniac deity. All we know is that this life is all we have

for sure, so make the best of it while you have it. We have no control

over what happens afterwards, so there's not much point in worrying

about it.

 

I guess I just want to know your stories, do you still struggle or doubt? if you have been out of xtianity for a long time then I'd like to know how you dealt with beinig a newbie ex-christian. I've also gotten so used to believing in a general god that not believing in god would be sort of sad and "empty." When I used to be a xtian, I loved that I had a god whom I could go to no matter what, that this god knew me better than me and that he loved me. But now all of that is gone and I just sometimes have hard time dealing especially knowing that I'm alone in this world.

 

Didn't have much of a struggle personally....I tested the theory that

there was some loving, magical sky-daddy out there who supposedly

would make everything better for me, and I discovered that he wasn't

there. At first, I assumed he was simply evil. Over time, though, I

concluded that he simply did not exist.

 

Staying with xtianity is like staying 3 years old. Remember how you

could manipulate your parents when you were that age, to get what

you want? That's what xtianity is appealing to. It was a cool deal you

had when you were 3 years old - you basically had your parents as y

our slaves, taking care of all your needs. xtianity manipulates you by

making you think that you can stay 3 years old forever, only this time

with some invisible, magical sky daddy as your parent. The Wholly

Babble wasn't kidding at all when it said you had to become "as a child"

to believe in its rubbish.

 

When you left xtianity, you took your first steps in growing up, both

mentally and emotionally. And just like growing up means you have

more responsibilities, you'll also find out that you have more freedom.

 

Okay not completely "alone" because I have family but you know what I mean. I don't know if "truth" can be known. And I'm also annoyed at how we just can't know certain mysteries. Its very unfair.

 

Life would be kinda boring if we really did "know it all." And when you

say, "It's very unfair," who or what do you think is being unfair? It's

not like all the mysteries of life were instantly explained when you were

christian....you were just fooled into thinking they were.

[Guest Emerson]

thanks for all your replies everyone. I don't know if there is a higher being out there, I don't know what good it does to anyone if such a thing exists. Today I got a new job. It'll be okay while I go to school. Well I got it all on my very own, no god helped me do it. I went in there and I did it.

 

How many times have I prayed for something to happen, but didn't take any action simply because I thought that "god" would tell me what to do. I really was that naive. Meanwhile all my praying and waiting got me nothing. Others went in and got the opportunites that I could have had.

 

Life is complex and just because it is that way doesn't mean that god did it or whatever, and its also hard living in such a fundy state. I live in AZ, the land of the republicans or christian republicans that I have a prob with. The jesus freaks are everywhere. Especially in college.

[Asimov]

Doubts and struggles are for wusses.........

 

 

Ah, Asimov, you are always such a sweetheart.

 

Life is a struggle. If you are not struggling with this it will be something else. Everything comes to pass, and not to stay.

 

It is logical to be afraid of dying, it helps keep you from stepping in front of speeding busses. It is not logical to be afraid of death, i.e. being dead. You may as well be afraid of the sky being blue. If you can remember what you were doing the day before your mother was born, then you will know what it like after you die.

 

Hey, I did smile ya know!

 

Listen to chef, Emerson. I disagree with some of what he has to say on other things but on this life thing he has it down.

[Gobbler]

It seems like I am confronted daily with some form of christian bullshit. This has made it easier for me to cast all doubts away. I am convinced with each passing day that it was all a cruel mind game and I am glad to be rid of it's twisted logic! Here's to the Flying Spaghetti Monster!

[narcissist]

I no longer "know" if their is such a thing as a God, and I don't care. However, when struggles come, as they occasionally do, I just blame Him. After all, He deserves it.

[insomniac]

im a newbie atheist, and sure it gets lonely without a god in your pocket all the time. but hey, I try to think of it as quitting a bad habit.

[Poonis]

Here is what irrevocably severed christianity from my psyche:

 

The longer it takes for a particular belief to be lost, the more axiomatic, or foundational, it is in a persons life. The sooner a belief is lost, the less important it is in a persons life. We live our lives based upon these things, and they are not understood until they are finally done away with. You think you cannot give up christianity completely, although I suspect that you want to. You must attack your remaining beliefs head on.

 

For me, it was this the concept of heaven/hell. I can now say with shear honesty that I do not fear Hell, nor do I desire Heaven. The core of my christian faith was not of the apostles creed, nor of the denomination of my church, nor any outside-from-self aspect of myself, but of my own personal fear of death and the unknown. I have conquered my fears of death, and this did it for me.

 

Unless I again fear and desire what christianity has to offer, my de-conversion is irrevocable.

 

I sleep better at night and am optomistic about the future, whereas when I was a christian, I was the opposite of these.

 

Good night.

[LosingMyReligion]

Honestly, I have no doubts about the biblical god being just as false as the rest of them. If anything the bible writers are guilty of plagerism!

 

However, I still struggle a bit with the question of "Who is god?". In this religion you are so conditioned to believe that you are going to rot in hell for everything that you're afraid NOT to question the faith...

 

I often wonder could I ever be an athiest? I guess I am too romantic to grasp the concept.

But I wonder is that because I've been taught to not question anything, and just believe? I was never given the choice. I was never taught to think for myself. The church did it for me since childhood.

 

As it is I still believe in a sentient force and life beyond this one...However, I just refuse to get involved in some dogmatic religion and base my ideas and beliefs around violent, masochistic, fairy tales.

 

Well, I used to say that I would never leave Jesus behind...Who knows where my beliefs will go from here.

I just take it oneday at a time.

[fallenleaf]

I no longer have doubts but it has also been 12-13 years since I left. I do know that it took a few years for the emotional gut reactions to subside. Even when I knew they were illogical and false. I eventually developed a recognition of how those feelings arose inside myself and tried to face the underlying issue. One of the primary underlying issues (which you already know) is the fact that we are going to die. And not in some imaginary far-off way. Our death is real as each breath and immediate -- it could happen at any time. We do our best to keep our death in the realm of fantasy. We know, cognitively, that it will happen but we keep it at arms length... in the shadows. We keep it apart from us and do everything we can to avoid facing the reality. Then, when we are suddenly confronted (in a moment of lucidity) with the imminent reality of our death we bring up another fantasy (religion) to shield ourself from it. But you can learn to face death with honesty -- it just takes time.

 

In truth, I don't know if there is anything after we die. I don't believe there is and see no evidence that there should be... but who knows. The reality of it though is that I am going to die and I can not prevent that. What happens then -- if anything -- is something I will deal with then.

[Guest Emerson]

oh geez! Yes you're judging others by saying its "absurd" to be an atheist. Maybe some here think that its absurd that you are a xtian. Honestly, please don't come here to preach because that's what you're doing. Most of us have had enough of that. You know what Jason, then why are you here dude?! Why are you even here at all if you think xtianity is the way. I'm kind of curious now.

[fallenleaf]

lol @ jasonwhatever... you're classic. Can I take you home and keep you? I promise to walk you twice a day and make sure your food and water dish are always full.

[Guest Emerson]

lol ericf you're terrible

[chefranden]

I think that it's absurd to be an atheist. I'm not trying to judge anyone on here, but that someone can go from being a "Christian" to being an atheist truly does show that that person was never truly saved, ie, they never received awareness of The Truth of Jesus Christ by The Holy Spirit. One The Spirit of God convicts, there cannot possibly be any doubting it.

Now that you are un-saved how do you know that you were ever truely saved? Any minute now you may say to yourself, "hey, there is no god." You can never know if you were truely saved, because when you die you will be in hell where you would be if you were never truely saved.

 

You cannot say I know I was saved once just because you still believe, tomorrow you may not believe. When that happens, will you say, "Oh, cool, I was never saved. Now I can go back to believing and be saved?" You could if what you say is true.

 

So this is the way out of your difficulty. If you un-believe then you know you are not saved. Then you can start over and believe. And if you mess that one up, why you can do it all over again. It's perfect.

 

Look around you....the world is in order. The sun shines, and it's consistency is a testimory of the faithfulness and consistency of God. Because He is infinitely consistent and alive, the sun shines consistently, not waivering or pulsing. The sun rises and shines with the seasons...the earth tilts. Surely, God is real, and surely Jesus Christ is His Son.

Well I see that you don't know much about the sun. Therefore you don't know much about God. Anyway this is just as much proof of Apollo as of YHWH and the Boy Wonder. So if you want to be saved, just change gods.

 

I think that perhaps you all never fully repented with your whole hearts when you were "saved." If you come to God with any deceit or false intent, or desire to be saved only to fit in with a group, The Holy Spirit will resist you. God is pure and makes His vessels pure. Something I didn't realize when I was a Christian (before I lost The Holy Spirit through sin) is that God truly is good; God is long-suffering; Jesus would rather bless than curse; and those who follow The Lord can lay up treasures in heaven that they surely will inherit by doing good: giving to the poor, fasting, being kind. But don't do these things with a doublemind or with an evil heart, or you will not receive a reward.

What is the sign of having fully repented with your whole heart? How do you not have a double mind, or a triple mind or a... mind? You are repeating non-sensical blather.

 

I've been reading The Shepherd of Hermas, and it is very powerful and beautiful. I pity myself that I wandered from The Lord.

Out of the Easter basket and into the Frying Pan, eh? Why are you studying that gnostic text? Do you wish to add heresy to your sin? Is the pit you are assigned in hell not deep enough for you?

 

But, praise be to God that you can still repent. God is merciful. Put away all sins and all evil thoughts, don't envy anyone, don't speak ill of anyone, and ask for God's forgiveness and illumination.

Go and read the newspapers. You will see that God is anything but merciful, if he is real. If he is real, I say, "fuck him, for what he has done to you! You poor sot." There you see I love you better than he, cause I'm saving you a seat on the hell train.

 

I wish extremely much that God would receive me back, but it's too late for me.

 

I don't believe that you wish this. If you really wished this you would un-believe so you could re-believe. Nay, but you like being the whipped cur.

[Guest Agent Ytnok]

That preaching is priceless! The more I hear the less doubt I have!

 

I have no doubt about my atheism, I don't even feel alone because all of existence is with me. I will confess, however, that when I'm waiting to hear some news that could be really bad I think "maybe I should cover my bases and ask God for help". Then I quickly come around to the logic that this is the whole problem to begin with. Religion is a crutch, an opiate, when we're scared or unsure or want some reasurance that everything will be okay, it provides easy answers.

 

FTS, I'm done with my crutch and i've never felt better.

[kellyb]

That preaching is priceless! The more I hear the less doubt I have!

 

I have no doubt about my atheism, I don't even feel alone because all of existence is with me. I will confess, however, that when I'm waiting to hear some news that could be really bad I think "maybe I should cover my bases and ask God for help". Then I quickly come around to the logic that this is the whole problem to begin with. Religion is a crutch, an opiate, when we're scared or unsure or want some reasurance that everything will be okay, it provides easy answers.

 

FTS, I'm done with my crutch and i've never felt better.

 

Yep.

I pretty much had to default to atheism because to move to, say, deism...I knew...deep down inside...was a cop out.

I figure if any religion ever makes any real sense, I'll consider it.

Unfortunately, none of them do, and if I just believe something because I feel like it out of emotional needyness for whatever reason, then I'm eventually really going to be SOL, coz I'll also lose respect for myself in the process once I "wake up".

And that hurts like a mofo.

Been there, done that, no thanks.

I still feel like I "need god" in a way. It's human nature, though, I think. We want simple answers, and we want the nature of nature to be better than it is.

So poof, we simply recreate reality in our minds with a more pallatable spin.

People do this with science, god, new age crap, whatever.

 

 

I do give myself room for hopes and wishes, though.

But I refuse to allow my hopes and wishes to become "facts" in my mind.

[mick]

I've found that trying to have any shread of remnants of belief in God is very difficult. Because of programming and brain washing, it ultimately leads me to think "I could be wrong" and hellbound. I know that is rediculous though. For example, if you decided after years of being fundy, that you were now a liberal CHristian, or that you believed most or even all were going to 'heaven', and then you try to pray to Jesus, your programmed brain starts yelling things like "deceived" or "Satan" or some other crap.

 

I find it way easier to realise that it is all imaginary and hence nothing to be feared in any way. It also then deserves none of your attention or emotional energies either.

 

Here's a tough thing though. Many people are fundy and love "Jesus". They could very well go through this whole life with these beliefs and do well. Deconversion could ruin some of them. I think many Christians are like this. They have created their own version of Jesus in their brain. I for one am battling depression and fear, even while I know it is false.

 

Someone on the board said they would rather someone be a happy christian then a miserable atheist. This is part of what it means to truly care about people.

 

That preaching is priceless! The more I hear the less doubt I have!

 

I have no doubt about my atheism, I don't even feel alone because all of existence is with me. I will confess, however, that when I'm waiting to hear some news that could be really bad I think "maybe I should cover my bases and ask God for help". Then I quickly come around to the logic that this is the whole problem to begin with. Religion is a crutch, an opiate, when we're scared or unsure or want some reasurance that everything will be okay, it provides easy answers.

 

FTS, I'm done with my crutch and i've never felt better.

 

Yep.

I pretty much had to default to atheism because to move to, say, deism...I knew...deep down inside...was a cop out.

I figure if any religion ever makes any real sense, I'll consider it.

Unfortunately, none of them do, and if I just believe something because I feel like it out of emotional needyness for whatever reason, then I'm eventually really going to be SOL, coz I'll also lose respect for myself in the process once I "wake up".

And that hurts like a mofo.

Been there, done that, no thanks.

I still feel like I "need god" in a way. It's human nature, though, I think. We want simple answers, and we want the nature of nature to be better than it is.

So poof, we simply recreate reality in our minds with a more pallatable spin.

People do this with science, god, new age crap, whatever.

 

 

I do give myself room for hopes and wishes, though.

But I refuse to allow my hopes and wishes to become "facts" in my mind.

[Ouroboros]

I think that it's absurd to be an atheist. I'm not trying to judge anyone on here, but that someone can go from being a "Christian" to being an atheist truly does show that that person was never truly saved, ie, they never received awareness of The Truth of Jesus Christ by The Holy Spirit. One The Spirit of God convicts, there cannot possibly be any doubting it.

Sorry, but that is not true. It's a process, and it starts with doubt, then it goes over to apostacy, and eventually (for some) it goes to atheism. But I can see that you don't know the atheist mind. You think atheists "hate God" or are "strong believers that there is none and never will be any God", some sort of militant anti-religious. That is the Christian propaganda that have you believe that. I'm an atheist, but I know that I don't know if there is a God. I don't believe there is a God, and I think the probabilities are stronger for the argument for no-God, but I do not leave out the possibility that there might be some kind of divine entity or superbeing, I just don't find it probable.

 

And for the "Not a True Christian" argument, I can tell you that it has an implication that you're telling me that I'm either a liar now (and/or then) or a was delusional as Christian. How do you explain that someone spend 30 years on their knees, believing they are Christian, and God doesn't hear that prayer? 30 years of talking to God, and God let me be fooled? What kind of God is that? It's contradictory to the concept that everyone that asks God for salvation or anyone that asks for faith, will get it! The whole "never true Christian" is extremely false and extremely irrational. It also suggests that you are just as likely delusional and believe you're saved, while you're not. And even more, every Christian live this delusion, and no one is saved, because there are No True Christians.

 

Look around you....the world is in order. The sun shines, and it's consistency is a testimory of the faithfulness and consistency of God. Because He is infinitely consistent and alive, the sun shines consistently, not waivering or pulsing. The sun rises and shines with the seasons...the earth tilts. Surely, God is real, and surely Jesus Christ is His Son.

So, if I understand you correctly. The order of nature and the beauty and complexity of nature points to a Creator? So what about God himself, is he ordered, beautiful and complex? If so, then it poinst to a super-creator that created God, and what about that super-God, is he ordered... I think you get the point. It's a false argument, or a false deduction from the fact that you have the ability to recognize order and patterns. You recognize it, but you think it points to something that isn't necessarely so.

 

Secondly, you claim a world in order and being perfect, why then are humans full of "sin" (according to the Bible)? That is an imprefection. So the Bible points to the proof that the world is not perfect, hence God didn't create the world.

 

I think that perhaps you all never fully repented with your whole hearts when you were "saved." If you come to God with any deceit or false intent, or desire to be saved only to fit in with a group, The Holy Spirit will resist you. God is pure and makes His vessels pure. Something I didn't realize when I was a Christian (before I lost The Holy Spirit through sin) is that God truly is good; God is long-suffering; Jesus would rather bless than curse; and those who follow The Lord can lay up treasures in heaven that they surely will inherit by doing good: giving to the poor, fasting, being kind. But don't do these things with a doublemind or with an evil heart, or you will not receive a reward.

You're being extremely ridiculous. 30 years of giving my life to Jesus, wouldn't Jesus/God have noticed some problems and fixed them? Wouldn't the pastor of the (then) largest Bible School in Europe, praying for me at many occasions for giving blessings etc, him being a prophet and "chosen" by God, not have noticed and said something, or even taken me in for counseling? If that is true that you say I was fooled or lied, then I have the proof that God does not talk to or through his prophets or "annoited" preachers. Sorry bud, but with me, you will paint yourself into a corner whichever color you choose.

 

I've been reading The Shepherd of Hermas, and it is very powerful and beautiful. I pity myself that I wandered from The Lord.

It's up to you. Be careful. You might crash again one day, and the disappointment will only be bigger.

 

But, praise be to God that you can still repent. God is merciful. Put away all sins and all evil thoughts, don't envy anyone, don't speak ill of anyone, and ask for God's forgiveness and illumination.

Wait a minute. You were Christian, you are backsliding, and you repent, and you're a true Christian? One second, Christian's can never doubt or become un-christian, while they can backslide and sin, and then repent.

 

So logically speaking, if I repented now, would I become a Christian for the first time, or again?

 

What about the first time I repented, and the times I was backsliding and repented like you did? Did it never happen or maybe the simple answer is that I Was A True Christian, but the True Christian is just a delusion for everyone?

 

I wish extremely much that God would receive me back, but it's too late for me.

[Thackerie]

I no longer "know" if their is such a thing as a God, and I don't care. However, when struggles come, as they occasionally do, I just blame Him. After all, He deserves it.

 

LOL! Me too. I really don't believe in god , certainly not in the horrible psychopath described in the bible. I hold out the slim possibility that there might be some type of creative force that could be called god for want of a better term, but as for a god who intervenes in individual's lives? Nah!

 

Howsomever, I've gotten into this weird habit lately of saying "Thank you, god" as a substitute for "Fuck" or "Shit" when something bad happens, or I stub my toe, or whatever. Makes sense to me; god = shit. Blasphemy is fun!