Why Did I Become A Christian?

[Bael]

Ever since I was a small child I had feelings of abandonment. (My father left when I was 2 years old.) It has been a rare period in my life where I felt secure within my friendships. I became a Christian at 18. At first the love and acceptance I experienced really seemed to meet my needs, however little by little I began to realize this was not the genuine goods that I was being sold, albeit

many people were sincere. So here I am, feeling desperately lost and alone at times. I feel I need desperately to get together and process these feelings out. But where, how?

[Ouroboros]

Well, you have this community to talk to. This is a pretty diverse group of people. Lot's of people to talk to. So Welcome Bael.

[Guest Emerson]

You're not alone in experiencing feelings of abandonment and of being alone. I've had father issues to deal with as well. I don't speak to my father and we haven't seen each other in years. As a matter of fact I don't know where he is and a lot of times I would just cry and break down because he didn't know how to love me and was never a father to me. But anyway I was able to deal with that, and I realize while I'll never have a father, I'm going to be all right. I was able to forgive him and that's what helped me a lot, but I forgave him for myself and not for him. That's what helped me, if you want to talk about this here or on pm I'd be welcome to talk about them. Okay?

 

Just read and post and ask, *welcome* to this forum.

 

You can also try the forums at www.infidel.org or just go to this link

 

http://www.iidb.org/vbb/index.php

 

Most people here and over there are pretty nice. So welcome and hope you enjoy your stay here. I know its hard but please don't give up on yourself and your life.

[Ex-COG]

Hello, Bael. Welcome to the forums.

 

My, how Christianity takes advantage of those who are vulnerable! I think the church seeks out needy people because their defenses are down, plus they're searching for answers, love, fulfillment, direction, guidence, etc. They give you the package deal, which you buy when you repeat the sinner's prayer and give your soul to Jesus. Then you open the package, and it's empty.

 

Keep posting here, and it will help. Read what has been said; the stories, the rants, the victories. It will get better.

[Amethyst]

Welcome! You are not alone.

[LosingMyReligion]

Bael, you became a christian for much the same reasons that I did.

 

When I was a teenager I was in a state of anxiety and suicidal depression.

I joined the faith in my late teens because everyone said I needed Jesus to be happy.

I did join and , at that time, christianity fulfilled my needs. I felt like I belonged somewhere and fit in...That is what any vulnerable and rejected person needs....

 

But over the last few years I started seeing what a crock of bull it was.

 

My advice to you is to keep chatting on this site, and reading literature that contests christianity. That will help you develop a good foundation.

 

And perhaps talk to a counselor. I am doing that right now and it is helping me tremendously.

 

You aren't alone.

[kellyb]

I was just thinking earlier today about how much I miss that acceptance you get when you're christian.

I had 2 Christians tell me earlier today that they thought secular humanists were bad, mean people because they were "trying to fill a god shaped hole with things that don't work, which leaves them bitter, angry and resentful".

 

I suddenly felt very lonely.

It almost made the christian brainwashing kick back in. (for a second)

 

Anyway, hi and welcome.

You're not alone.

[Bael]

Thank-you all. I am at a point in my life where I feel a tremendous sense of failure and rejection. My story is one of being raised by a mother who never nurtured/but rejected me and a father who was never there. At age 18 I was constantly being picked up by the police. People hated the site of me. Despite this I have made tremendous strides. I am a school teacher and hold a license in Occupational Therapy. I am getting my Masters degree, I own my own home and have some savings, investments. Yet all my coworkers are from different backgrounds. They don't understand me nor try. I find them tremendously fake and self-righteous hypocrites. I feel I need my family to be here for me. They should be saying, "David" "We are so proud of you!" "Keep it up boy!" But instead I never feel affirmed, accepted , loved!

[Taphophilia]

Thank-you all. I am at a point in my life where I feel a tremendous sense of failure and rejection. My story is one of being raised by a mother who never nurtured/but rejected me and a father who was never there. At age 18 I was constantly being picked up by the police. People hated the site of me. Despite this I have made tremendous strides. I am a school teacher and hold a license in Occupational Therapy. I am getting my Masters degree, I own my own home and have some savings, investments. Yet all my coworkers are from different backgrounds. They don't understand me nor try. I find them tremendously fake and self-righteous hypocrites. I feel I need my family to be here for me. They should be saying, "David" "We are so proud of you!" "Keep it up boy!" But instead I never feel affirmed, accepted , loved!

 

My childhood is similar to yours. Though, the fundies found me when I was 13. (Thinking back, it did keep me out of trouble. Instead of drugs, booze, and sex, for me it was Jesus, Church, and the Bible. Though, not really all that much different in terms of messing up your life, just a lot less fun.)

 

I don't think that people who haven't experinced soul crushing painful traumas can relate or empathize, though they think they can. (Kind of like certain Republicans!)

 

For me, at least, it helps to see family members as human beings with their own hurts and pain who are trying as best they can to cope, and don't know enough to nurture themselves much less the ones they are supposed to.

 

Taph

[Guest Emerson]

Thank-you all. I am at a point in my life where I feel a tremendous sense of failure and rejection. My story is one of being raised by a mother who never nurtured/but rejected me and a father who was never there. At age 18 I was constantly being picked up by the police. People hated the site of me. Despite this I have made tremendous strides. I am a school teacher and hold a license in Occupational Therapy. I am getting my Masters degree, I own my own home and have some savings, investments. Yet all my coworkers are from different backgrounds. They don't understand me nor try. I find them tremendously fake and self-righteous hypocrites. I feel I need my family to be here for me. They should be saying, "David" "We are so proud of you!" "Keep it up boy!" But instead I never feel affirmed, accepted , loved!

 

I'm sorry Bael, you've really had it rough. But you are amazing because you didn't give up, you didn't give up on yourself or on your life. You went on to get your education, and a masters degree?!! Most people stop at their bachelor's. You should be proud of yourself. You're certainly more savvy and intelligent than most, too many people don't have savings & don't bother into having portfolios for their financial future.

 

The world is rough, no one cares about anyone. Most families in one way or another care for each other, only families care. I've found friends and friendships to be disappointing as well. Friends, I've found are better for socializing, and you do have to make an effort for that. But families are usually great about sticking together. You have to be the one who loves you, who cares for you, who looks out for you, you have to be the mother and father you never had even though it shouldn't be this way. You didn't deserve to have been denied and abused by your family. Emotional neglect and denyment is abuse.

 

Everybody's fake or a hypocrite to some extent I think. You can't change the past, but you can work through these things and build a nice future for yourself. Who knows, maybe you could try building the family that you want as an adult with a nice wife or partner and kids. Taph is right, human beings hurt each other and that gets passed on. I'm sorry you had to go through this, stories like this break my heart.

 

Gosh, Bael I just wish you the best, I really do. Its sad what you've been through. But don't give up,

for some reason you are here, and now that you are take advantage of it and live. Live greatly, because you can. You can pick up the pieces and move on. You can be strong and you are strong! That much is obvious.

 

 

 

btw, I'm realizing now that I will have to pick up on myself from where my parents will be leaving off once they die. For example, their love...I'll never have again not even if I get married and parental love is different from mate love. I'll have to be my own encourager and love myself unconditionally once my parents are buried. And that makes me very sad. Death is an ugly thing.

[Guest Emerson]

I also got into xtianity because I was lonely and sad and depressed, and it turns out that when you're feeling that way its best to work through your issues, religion wasn't the answer in the longrun.

[Lorena Rodriguez]

Ever since I was a small child I had feelings of abandonment. (My father left when I was 2 years old.) It has been a rare period in my life where I felt secure within my friendships. I became a Christian at 18. At first the love and acceptance I experienced really seemed to meet my needs, however little by little I began to realize this was not the genuine goods that I was being sold, albeit

many people were sincere. So here I am, feeling desperately lost and alone at times. I feel I need desperately to get together and process these feelings out. But where, how?

 

Same here. Same story. My father died when I was six, and I was raised by my mother, an abusive monster.

 

After like 10 years of therapy and reading many books, I reached the conclusion that my deepest need was not to be accepted by others. It was to be accepted by me. Once I accepted that, I stopped begging others for the love I needed. I think people sense how badly we need their love and get scared and run away. It is overwhelming for people when they realize that all of our eggs are in one basket and that they're it.

 

I have ways to go, lots of things to learn. But leaving chrisitianity was my first huge step. I recommend that you read books on positive thinking and books on recovery from childhood wounds. Alice Miller has some outstanding books on the issue. I learned a lot from her discussion of the issues that made Hitler who he was.

 

Good luck.