Sexual abuse and Christianity (trigger warning)

[TruthFollower]

Basically the advice given from 'well meaning' 'followers of Jesus' regarding SA  - you must learn to  forgive and why go to the police because it would embarrassingly expose your own or others personal lives - instead trust God to work it out and send them to hell or pursue them till they regret it and make amends.   In other words, dont do anything except pray.

 

This, and a lack of any compassion and practical support  but instead a sense of disappointment towards me, was one of the final things that killed my faith in Jesus.

 

Strangely I do still believe in good and a God, but the NT must be wrong.    

 

 

 

 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Welcome home, @TruthFollower  Healing from abuse can be a long and arduous process.  We are here to help you in any way we can. 

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Welcome! The church in every branch has a very long history of abuse and covering it up. The strange tribal Middle Eastern values of the bible are a lot like today's Taliban, brutal, misogynistic, male dominated, protecting the hierarchy of power, eschewing education in favor of faith. The church adds a lot of magic thinking like "the power of prayer" (there isn't any) or "spiritual warfare" (it's all imaginary), and keeping up appearances at the cost of damaged lives. The hypocrisy runs deep, and those in power like it that way. The whole pretend world gives the power over those that are true believers. The threat of god/devil hurting you is always there but nothing ever happens to the abusers but pay raises and more accolades. But these days a LOT more people are seeing through the facade and law enforcement is typically interested in prosecuting, except where the cult is strong in the local law. I hope you find what you need.

[Chicken0Life]

It happened in the church I grew up in. Nothing illegal, but he definitely abused his position and authority. The advice the girl got from the pastor of the church was to keep quiet about it. He worried it would reflect poorly on HER character. The guy resigned and continued his career in the ministry. 

 

The women came forward a couple years ago. It did nothing of significance to stop him and get him out of the ministry. He's still preaching and appears to be doing very well for himself. 

 

It's disgusting. When will these people start living up to the standards they preach? And when will churches stop enabling them? 

 

I was ashamed to call myself a Christian. The secular world that I was taught was "evil" is more ethical and moral then the church. 

 

If something happened to you, I'm truly sorry. 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

And I have seen the girl get blamed for "enticing" the minister.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

20 hours ago, Weezer said:

And I have seen the girl get blamed for "enticing" the minister.

 

Yep, "Eve" and the apple story made women the enemy in the church since nearly the beginning, particularly after Paul blamed her for starting sin and wouldn't allow them authority in the church. 

 

On 9/1/2022 at 9:58 AM, Chicken0Life said:

And when will churches stop enabling them? 

 

Likely never. They have a different set of values they consider more important, at least in many congregations. "Touch not the Lord's anointed" is a favorite of narcissist pastors and their circle of cronies. They mean that no matter what the jerk does, it is blessed by god and only god can/should judge him. 

 

[pantheory]

On 8/19/2022 at 2:41 AM, TruthFollower said:

Basically the advice given from 'well meaning' 'followers of Jesus' regarding SA  - you must learn to  forgive and why go to the police because it would embarrassingly expose your own or others personal lives - instead trust God to work it out and send them to hell or pursue them till they regret it and make amends.   In other words, dont do anything except pray.

 

This, and a lack of any compassion and practical support  but instead a sense of disappointment towards me, was one of the final things that killed my faith in Jesus.

 

Strangely I do still believe in good and a God, but the NT must be wrong.    

 

 

 

Welcome to Ex-Christ TruthFollower. Some churches try to keep sexual abuse allegations quite and internal, while others report such crimes as the law requires. Especially child sexual abuse should be aggressively stopped since a single person can abuse many children.  One study said that 19% of both boys and girls say they were sexually abused before or during their teens. Half of them say the abuse was forceful, and roughly half say they didn't exactly know what was happening to start with. 90% of perpetrators are men and roughly 10% are female. About 30% of perpetrators are said to have some homosexual tendencies whether men or women. More boys than girls are molested by couples.

 

Most sexual abuse goes unreported regardless of age. Most sexual abuse reported by churches are adult men abusing adult woman in a congregational setting.

 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/ne

 

https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Child-Sexual-Abuse-009.aspx

ws/posteverything/wp/2018/05/31/feature/the-epidemic-of-denial-about-sexual-abuse-in-the-evangelical-church/

 

 

[TruthFollower]

Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply   I owe you an apology as basically I posted then ran!!     I don't think anyone would believe the things that have happened to me lately, so I won't go any further with that, but just to say that deconverting can certainly be fraught with difficulties.   

 

 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

8 minutes ago, TruthFollower said:

 I don't think anyone would believe the things that have happened to me lately, so I won't go any further with that

Please take your time and feel free to tell us as much as you're comfortable sharing.  This is a safe space for you; and, not only will we believe, we will also understand, as many of us have been where you are and experienced what you're going through.  This is your healing.  We're just here to help.