My journey away from Christianity at a young age

[Wertbag]

Hello, I've been a member here for 17 years (joined Nov 2005) and while I've mentioned my personal story in parts here and there, it's been pointed out I've never given the full story in the testimonial section.

About me; I'm a 45-year-old father of two from Auckland, New Zealand. I was never as deep into Christianity as many of the people on here, definitely a Christian-lite person, with my journey to atheism beginning at a young age.

 

Growing up, there are three major events in our family which darkened my view of Christianity. They didn't destroy religion, but they did leave me with the feeling that it was a man-made appearing concept, so stripped away the mystique.

 

First was a discussion with my Granddad. He told me that my Great Granddad was abusive, often beating his children to the point of unconsciousness. All the while he would quote bible verses; Proverbs 22:15 - "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." or Proverbs 13:24 - "Whoever spares the rod hates his son". Granddad said he had Christianity beaten out of him. This didn't disprove God in any way, but it did point to a clear black and white reading of the bible leading to horrific outcomes.

 

The second event was my Great Aunt had a still born baby. She was heartbroken and went to the Catholic church she had been a member of for 20+ years, asking for them to allow her to bury the baby. The priest said the baby was born into sin, and as it had never been baptized it was unclean and could not be buried in the church cemetery. This was kicking the poor lady while she was down, and the whole family left the Catholic church in protest.

 

The last one I'll mention was my uncle's marriage. My uncle was an atheist and married a Christian lady. They said early on that they wouldn't let their beliefs come between them, and she would attend church on the weekend but wouldn't mind that he didn't wish to do the same. For several years they seemed happy... until they had children. She wanted them to go to a Christian school, while he wanted public schooling. She wanted to take them to church, while he wanted them to choose (and kids given a choice will usually say no). She wanted to tithe, while he said they were financially struggling as it was.

She spent more and more time at church, becoming a deacon and joining the administration staff. Slowly but surely the church became the division in their household. It was when she wouldn't take the kids to the doctor, saying it would be fine if she could pray and lay on hands (which of course didn't work). That seemed to be the last straw, and they were rapidly heading towards divorce when illness struck my uncle (NZ's longest surviving kidney transplant patient up to that point) and he passed away.

Of my two cousins, one became an atheist, while the other is strong in her belief as a Christian. Both are lovely, happy girls, but I always wish their family hadn't split the way it did.

 

My story away from Christianity starts when I was young, probably around 7-8. We had a bible class talking about Noah's Ark and our teacher was a bible literalist, so expected us to accept the whole story was true as written. It felt wrong to me, but at that age I didn't have the knowledge or vocabulary to question it. I looked around at my classmates nodding along and felt that it was all my fault. I was just too ignorant, and if I was smarter and better studied then it would all make sense. I couldn't ask questions because it would make me look foolish in front of everyone, so I stayed quiet and began researching in my own time. Back then (late 80s) there was no internet, so my research was library books and mail order materials.

 

I spent ages 10-20'ish calling myself a "seeker" or agnostic. I played what I thought of as belief tennis. Lobbing an idea across to one side to see how they handled it, then bouncing their arguments back to the other side to see how it was countered. I would say to various Christians, who I considered intelligent and well read, something like “How did all the animals get on Noah's ark?”. The response would be something like “magic”, then I'd ask an unbeliever the same question and always get a much more in-depth and considered response like “The physical space is inadequate to fit the creatures alive today, and a crew of 8 wouldn't have time to look after them.”. The unbeliever would support their answer with calculations, animal types that couldn't survive and a dozen different follow-on questions that the believer was forced to plug with “magic”.

Time and time again I ended with similar results, in that science would not only tell you the answer it reached, but explain the process to get to that conclusion, and even how you could test ideas yourself. The religious responses tended towards miracles, mystery, faith and “God can do anything”, which always left me feeling unsatisfied.

The only way to make Noah's Ark work as a literal story, was to layer a hundred non-mentioned miracles on top of one another to patch all the holes. Since then, I've spoken to Christians who believe the story describes a local flood (you have to ignore a lot of the bible to hold that idea) or that it is a moral story only and not a real event (if you start cherry picking which parts to believe are true, then why accept any of it?). In a way I'm glad my bible teacher was a literalist, as her demand for faith in this unbelievable story was the thing that started my journey, while a more moderate teacher might have left me finding it easier to accept.

 

I think the big nail in the coffin for me was divine hiddenness. I had prayed, crying for a sign, for even just a whisper to confirm God was there and nothing. I was told God wanted a personal relationship with me, and yet He wouldn't communicate to me or anyone else for that matter. I was told salvation was contingent upon believing in Christ, but there was no way to meet Him, you just had to have faith. This idea was just so contradictory, that a loving God wouldn't make Himself known, that it was a hurdle I couldn't overcome. You can't force belief and without even the smallest response to my heart felt prayers, I couldn't gain a feeling of there being anything listening. It really just felt like I was talking to myself...

 

After a decade of research, I reflected on my beliefs and realized that there was nothing there. Every answer had pointed one way, and nothing was left that convinced me that religion was even worth consideration. I then admitted to myself that I was an atheist and have remained so for 25 years.

 

I think that feeling in the class stuck with me, and the fascination of the arguments and how people come to form their beliefs, have made this a lifelong study of the human condition. I still take part in online discussions and arguments, still watch apologetic videos and still enjoy the mental exercise, but I'm well and truly an atheist.

[freshstart]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

One thing that never made much sense to me in Sunday School as a child was how jesus went to the cross as silently as a lamb.  That's what we were told, anyway, that jesus went as a lamb to slaughter.  But we were also told that running in the hallway made jesus cry.  Not sharing the crayons with the new kid who smelled like ham made jesus cry.  Taking an extra cookie off of the refreshment tray made jesus cry.  Apparently, even crawling under the table and looking up Tina Cochran's skirt made jesus cry (found out the hard way on that one).  It seemed like just about everything made jesus cry... except for the most brutal and torturous death the Roman empire could imagine.  He just kind of accepted that without so much as a whimper.  Weird what we're told as kids and how our brains try to reconcile and make sense of it all.

 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

On 11/3/2022 at 3:51 AM, Wertbag said:

,

have made this a lifelong study of the human condition. 

 

I identify with that, and how your sense of logic figured into your decision.  It is interesting how the human condition seems similar the world over, no matter the religious belief, or lack of it.  But it seems some of the more radical religious countries have more war and chaos than secular ones.  I have been impressed by what I have seen from New Zeland.  You seem to have a lot of logically, humanitarian minded people.

 

Thanks for posting your story.

[Henndigo]

Thanks for your story - it’s not that common for those who left religious groups while young to remain interested in religion in general.

 

 I am from across the ditch and have been to Auckland and NZ in general a few times, though not recently.  NZ and Australia are quite similar I think.  Pockets of religious belief particularly among recent migrants but non-believers are the biggest majority group and growing fast.   
 

[TABA]

4 hours ago, Weezer said:

But hey, we are getting away from religious discussion.

 
Ya think?  

[webmdave]

23 minutes ago, TABA said:

 
Ya think?  

 

FYI: The rabbit trailing discussion originally posted in this thread can now be found in the OPINE club.