Ex-COG Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 I was in a silly mood, and started to think of what Jesus would say if he cussed. I mean, if his word was from God, Jesus would have to be mighty careful! I can picture him stubbing his toe, yelling "God damn it", and seeing the rock he tripped on explode into a million pieces. Worse yet, he damned "it", a non-specific pronoun. God could goof up what Jesus meant by "it", and send firey hail stones to pulverize the house closest to the stumbling point, or the person unfortunate enough to be nearest to Jesus would spontaniously combust. Hey, it's plausable; he did curse a fig tree, and looked what happened to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob the Unbeliever Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 Maybe upon a toe stub, or a thumb-smash (he was a carpenter until he was 30, remember ) Jesus may have said, "I dammit" or, "Me damn that to hell" When startled, Jesus might say, "Me! That was close" Unfortunately, there are not too many personal pronouns that fit very well ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted April 29, 2006 Share Posted April 29, 2006 I'm sure it was closer to Holy Fuck'n Myself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 I was in a silly mood, and started to think of what Jesus would say if he cussed. I mean, if his word was from God, Jesus would have to be mighty careful! I can picture him stubbing his toe, yelling "God damn it", and seeing the rock he tripped on explode into a million pieces. Worse yet, he damned "it", a non-specific pronoun. God could goof up what Jesus meant by "it", and send firey hail stones to pulverize the house closest to the stumbling point, or the person unfortunate enough to be nearest to Jesus would spontaniously combust. Hey, it's plausable; he did curse a fig tree, and looked what happened to it! Look at all that FUCKIN water! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Wrong, wrong, wrong! You can't blaspheme your own name, "Randen Fucking Chef!" It just doesn't work. Jesus would have to use something else. Devil Damn it! But he could perhaps say, "bloody heaven." "Satan B. Devil!" Something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Can you imagine how he would have yelled at the disciples??? Remember the story when he was walking on water and they thought he was a ghost? I can almost picture it now.... Peter: Holy shit a ghost!!!! Fuckin' A! It's walking on the water!!!!!!!! Jesus: No you dumb fuck, it is me!!!! (Damn, I have my work cut out for me with this one...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Jesus swearing? Interesting. Maybe he'd say "Oh, Moses! I forgot my sandals at the inn again. Peter can you get them for me?" Or "Gehenna! Can't they learn to bring their own food? Do I have to make food from a few molden breads again?" Maybe: "Oh Jona in a whale! Can't those lamb-fuckers in this restaurant ever learn I don't eat shelfish?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex-COG Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Jesus swearing? Interesting. Maybe he'd say "Oh, Moses! I forgot my sandals at the inn again. Peter can you get them for me?" Or "Gehenna! Can't they learn to bring their own food? Do I have to make food from a few molden breads again?" Maybe: "Oh Jona in a whale! Can't those lamb-fuckers in this restaurant ever learn I don't eat shelfish?" Hey, I like those examples; very relevant to the Jewish culture of his time. How about this one: "Then Jesus, crying with a loud voice, said, 'Yahweh damn it, that hurts!' " Gives the crucifixion a new twist, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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