An enslaved mind set free

[chatpilot69]

My walk with Christ began in January of 1990. The only reason I remember this is because I had just come back after a stint in the military on New Years day and had moved back in with my mother. I had no job nor anything else to do with my time initially so I would walk over to a local park and sit there and read books or just kick back and enjoy the weather. One day I was at the park and I saw a van pull up. Out poured a few Pentecostal Christians who were easy to spot because of the way they dressed. Not to mention the fact that they all had bibles in their hands and some came with stacks of religious tracts to hand out. 

 

The main preacher that day was a man named Luis Zambrano he was that church's local evangelist at the time. Once he got set up with speakers and microphones he started his sermon. I recall thinking to myself this is nice! I get to hear the word of God and it wouldn't hurt since I can use all the help I can get at this point in my life. Eventually, Luis points to me out of a crowd and starts telling me that God was calling me to serve him. He had big plans for me and wanted to use me to help spread his word. I came forward, bowed my  head and gave my life to Christ right then and there. After I prayed with Luis he asked me to say a few words to "testify" about how I felt etc. I protested initially by telling him I was shabby looking and had a pack of cigarettes in my back pocket and did not think it was appropriate. He said God does not care what you look llike and so I speaking about my conversion experience moments after converting. 

 

I joined the church and it wasn't long before I was speaking in tongues and feeling the Spirit of the Lord all over me at all times. I prayed fervently looking for a very close relationship with God through Christ. I begged for him to use me and mould me to preach his word and confirm his word with signs and wonders. It wasn't long before I was with Luis every weekend on street corners preaching the gospels publicly and carrying my bible with me everywhere I went. I talked to anyone who would listen about salvation and genuinely rejoiced when someone converted through my ministry. I praised God and gave him all the glory for using me and letting me experience his love and power on a daily basis. I spoke to Him in my mind almost every waking moment and sought his guidance in every aspect of my life. I used to pray over my resume's and before going to job interviews etc. 

 

Eventually something strange began to happen. I would be at a service and a demon would manifest itself through someone in the congregation or a visitor and I found that I was able to step forward and minister to those people and break their possession with the word of God. I believed at the time that I had at one time or another used one or more of the so called 9 gifts of the Spirit as outllined in 1 Corinthians 12:7-11. I began reading books on exorcisms and eventually ended up reading more than 65 books on the subject! It got to the point where I had mastered it so much so that I could look or point at a demon possessed person and they would drop right were they stood without me having to be anywhere near them! i would then go over and minister to those people till I "felt" that they had been set free by God's power. 

 

I had eventually become Luis's evangelistic partner and for the next four years we preached together on the wekends and ministered to many. i would get called to preach at revivals by other churches who knew of me through an established reputation I had built through my ministry. I was at one point offered a radio show and worldwide travel sponsored by a church who wanted me to switch over to their congregation! I rejected the offer because I was loyal to my pastor and my congregation. 

 

I eventually joined our churches seminary to study and become an ordained minister. I only did that for a year and was disillusioned by an instructor who ignored evolution completely. Our text book had a chapter on evolution and I had read it and was so excited to go to class because it was a topic I was looking forward to tackling. But when we got to class the instructor opens the books laughs and says "today we are supposed to read about that Satanic lie called evolution. If you want to believe that you came from a monkey you go right on ahead. All I know is that I am a child of God!" Then he asked us all to turn to the next chapter and that was that! I remember being enraged at that moment and I went home begging God for forgiveness because my blood boiled over what had transpired. I ended up going to the library and getting Darwin's book On The Origin of Species. That was the begining of the end for me. 

 

The next thing that started me towards atheism was a challenge put forward by our pastor. He wanted all of us to read the bible in its entirety from cover to cover so that we could see God's whole revelation as it was meant to be seen. I ended up reading it and found that the more I read it the more disgusted I became. I was shocked beyond words! This loving God that I was taught to believe in our so called heavenly father was far from that. After reading the bible I saw a dictator who ruled through fear and intimidation. Someone who demanded to be loved and threatened death and eternal torment to those who refused to believe or even acknowledge his existence. I was literally horrified at what I was finding out and at the consequences of my judging God. The fear of hell was palpable and very real to me. I also came to doubt the manifestations of the Spirit I experienced and saw in church. I prayed and asked God to lead me to the truth about the matter. Ironically, it was a Christian author who kicked me across the line from believer to agnostic. I was at a Chrstian book store looking for something new to read and I remember praying to God to lead me to a title that would clear up my doubts. I ended up being impacted by the title of a book and when I read the jacket description I said to myself "thank you Jesus for answering my prayer. The book was called Charismatic Chaos by John F. MacArthur Jr. 

 

The author basically talks about charismatic churches and their practices as not even being biblical. He talked about the early church and stated that the gifts were only necessary to establish the church but that once that had been done they were no longer needed. He talked about psychological factors that might be influencing believers to think that they were experiencing and using such gifts. after reading the book I was so impressed that I wrote the author telling him of my plight and asking him if he had any affiliate churches in my state that I may attend. It took him three months to reply but by the time I got the letter with the list I had already left the church for around two months! I threw the list away and began my journey as a nonbeliever. I ended up reading the bible 4 more times from cover to cover. I read books on the history of the church etc. I was ashamed and angry that I had been duped into this belief system and had wasted 4 years of my life there. 

 

Back then there weren't as many resources as there are now. I devoured books by prominent authors such as Thomas Paine and his Age of Reason, The AntiChrist by Nietzsche etc. About a year later I was out and about and ran into a friend from my church who I have not seen since I walked away from the faith. He said to me that it was like he was looking at a ghost and ran to me and hugged me. I asked him what he meant when he said that he thought he was seeing a ghost. He told me that in the church they had told everyone that I had died of a drug overdose! The story told was that after leaving the church the Devil ensnared me into the world of drugs. According to this and other tales invented by my loving brothers an sister in Christ I was often seen on the streets high as a kite practically falling over as many meth heads or opium addicts are know to do. 

 

My biggest obstacle was trying to explain away the many so called supernatural experiences I had. I did this by thinking of an experience and then researching how those events could have transpired naturally. For example: when I was a believer and even when I left I would get some of the most horrific night terrors you could imagine. I felt the pressure of demons sitting on my chest as I slept and even heard them speak! So the first thing I did was to research sleep disorders and stumbled upon hallucinatory sleep paralysis. I continued this process for several years and was eventually able to debunk every last experience through science and psychology. The biggest hurdle for me was the fear of God and the fear of hell in that order. It took me six hard years of independent study to go from an agnostic to an atheist. I am now convinced to my satisfaction that there isn't nor ever was a God to fear, love, hate, or reject. 

 

I have read every major work on atheism as it pertains to Christianity but I believe that it applies to all religious beliefs where there is a supernatural being who is a celestial dictator and tyrant such as the god of Islam. Christianity is racist, misogynistic, hateful, judgemental, self degrading, disgusting and if I had my way it would be abolished from the face of the earth as all other religions would. I realized that I don't need a god to be good. I consider myself to be a rational man who is honest and caring and find that my purpose in life is to do those things that make me happy and to live for those I love the most. I am a grandfather of four and love them all to pieces as well as my wife and two daughters. I don't need god to know what love is. If anything if God existed he seems like he could use a few lessons in love himself. 

 

 

 

 

[sdelsolray]

That's quite the journey.  You will find many folks here with similar journeys.

[chatpilot69]

I'm not done but I will get into the juicy stuff gradually. 

[sdelsolray]

Cool.  I look forward to reading you additional posts.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

It sounds like you accomplished in a few short years, (walking out the church doors) that took me 40 years.  I'm looking forward to hearing more.  Thank goodness for logical minds.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

6 hours ago, chatpilot69 said:

 

My walk with Christ began in January of 1990.  "just came back from a stint in the military", etc.

 

 

In another thread it sounds like you started the walk in the 9th grade with another student.  Please explain.

[freshstart]

I absolutely loved reading your story.  Thank your for sharing!  My only comment is I don't think you wasted any years.  You would not have grown in the way you did without those "wasted years."

[Crystalclear]

Really interested to read your account and look forward to next post.   Would love to know more about how you debunked demonic experiences.   Thanks for sharing here.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

On 3/23/2023 at 12:20 AM, Weezer said:

 

In another thread it sounds like you started the walk in the 9th grade with another student.  Please explain.

You haven't answered my question.  Would you mind clarifying whether you started your walk with Christ in the 9th grade, or after a stint in the military?