How Do I Absolve Myself of Internalized Homophobia and Christian Guilt?

[Casualfanboy16]

This is something I struggle with in regards to my sexuality. Despite the many steps I've taken: coming out to myself and others, breaking free from the shackles of Christian dogma and distancing myself further and further from the faith, etc. I still feel like there's so much I could be doing. I've mentioned this a million times previously, but my family and overall community is heavily Conservative Christians. Even non-believers hold homophobic views. I know it'll be a bit for me to feel confident in myself in certain areas to be able to get the hell out of here, but while I'm still stuck here I can at least fix up my internalized homophobia and shame issue that came about as a result of  religious, community, and societal stigma among other things. I know people tell me it's not wrong. It's okay and normal. But I'm still held captive. Why does my brain so desperately want to work against me? I hate how lots of my posts feel like cries for help it makes me feel awful for attempting to fully break free.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

43 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

 

 Why does my brain so desperately want to work against me? I hate how lots of my posts feel like cries for help it makes me feel awful for attempting to fully break free.

 

Read my post in your other thread about psychological conditioning.  You are handling all of this extremely well, considering the situation you are in.

 

You are up against centuries of societal brain washing, and a double dose of it.  Religion and sex, two very emotional issues for many people who have very rigid ideas.  This might be a good time to consult a mental health professional if you are feeling overwhelmed.  But I believe from all the posting you have done here, you have a good mind with good insights.  The people you are having trouble with simply do not understand.  They are afraid of anything that is different to what their brain washed mind is telling them.  

 

Repeat this to yourself often.  "My mind is healthy.  I can think for myself.  Relax!"  You might even do post it notes (or on your phone) to remind you.  

 

And that will be $100 for this session.    JUST KIDDING!

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

12 minutes ago, Weezer said:

And that will be $100 for this session.    JUST KIDDING!

Weezer,

 

Having you on this site is priceless. For people that come through here, advice from a retired mental health professional is needed. But you forgot to give your cash app info for payments. Lmao  

 

Seriously though. Your expertise is greatly appreciated.

 

Thank you,

 

Dark Bishop

[Casualfanboy16]

3 minutes ago, Weezer said:

Read my post in your other thread about psychological conditioning.  You are handling all of this extremely well, considering the situation you are in.

 

You are up against centuries of societal brain washing, and a double dose of it.  Religion and sex, two very emotional issues for many people who have very rigid ideas.  This might be a good time to consult a mental health professional if you are feeling overwhelmed.  But I believe from all the posting you have done here, you have a good mind with good insights.  The people you are having trouble with simply do not understand.  They are afraid of anything that is different to what their brain washed mind is telling them.  

 

Repeat this to yourself often.  "My mind is healthy.  I can think for myself.  Relax!"  You might even do post it notes (or on your phone) to remind you.  

 

And that will be $100 for this session.    JUST KIDDING!

Yeah, I guess I should be giving myself more credit. Even with everything going on, I'm pretty good at fighting off the bullshit brainwashing I've been subjected to. My Christian education I got has left me hungry for knowledge I missed out on if I went to a more public school. On the bright side, I have plenty of life ahead to learn evolution and other topics I missed out on. Years worth of Christian dogma and indoctrination may have psychologically fucked me up, along with mildly traumatizing me due to my first therapist (who I will post an unhinged rant about later today because I did not like him) was very much Christian and you could imagine how that affected me. I could go back to my second therapist. Not sure how much he helped though. All I ever really did was work up the courage to come out to my parents and I haven't been back since. I could go back, but I'm fairing decently at least. Not to mention therapy is expensive. I also have my journal as well, so I can write or doodle extensively in that to help piece together everything and work on things for the time being.

 

Despite my mind being like this, I think journaling will be a valuable tool to help overcome things.

[Casualfanboy16]

18 minutes ago, Weezer said:

And that will be $100 for this session.    JUST KIDDING!

Lmaoooo! You wish I could give you $100.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

1 hour ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

This is something I struggle with in regards to my sexuality. Despite the many steps I've taken: coming out to myself and others, breaking free from the shackles of Christian dogma and distancing myself further and further from the faith, etc. I still feel like there's so much I could be doing. I've mentioned this a million times previously, but my family and overall community is heavily Conservative Christians. Even non-believers hold homophobic views. I know it'll be a bit for me to feel confident in myself in certain areas to be able to get the hell out of here, but while I'm still stuck here I can at least fix up my internalized homophobia and shame issue that came about as a result of  religious, community, and societal stigma among other things. I know people tell me it's not wrong. It's okay and normal. But I'm still held captive. Why does my brain so desperately want to work against me? I hate how lots of my posts feel like cries for help it makes me feel awful for attempting to fully break free.

 

Casual,

 

I hope you are also looking into those videos I mentioned before. Everyone is different but the best thing I found to cure my anxiety, what if I'm wrong thoughts, and get me support my resolve was and is to study. The more I learn about the bible from a secular perspective the stronger I've become. 

 

When I first came here and until last year I wouldn't come out of the closet about my loss of faith to my parents or family. No I've told them, I'm posting my oppositions on Facebook at be times. I haven't had a relapse since the first year after I deconverted. Now I'm devoting as much time as I can to help out this forum. 

 

These doubts you have were all programmed into your brain from birth and it will take new knowledge that actually makes sense to dispell them. IMO.

 

DB

[Casualfanboy16]

8 minutes ago, DarkBishop said:

 

Casual,

 

I hope you are also looking into those videos I mentioned before. Everyone is different but the best thing I found to cure my anxiety, what if I'm wrong thoughts, and get me support my resolve was and is to study. The more I learn about the bible from a secular perspective the stronger I've become. 

 

When I first came here and until last year I wouldn't come out of the closet about my loss of faith to my parents or family. No I've told them, I'm posting my oppositions on Facebook at be times. I haven't had a relapse since the first year after I deconverted. Now I'm devoting as much time as I can to help out this forum. 

 

These doubts you have were all programmed into your brain from birth and it will take new knowledge that actually makes sense to dispell them. IMO.

 

DB

Yeah I shall check out the videos later tonight. Honestly, my faith in God is pretty much dead. Even with my limited knowledge of the Bible and its history, it all seems illogical to me. I do plan on venturing back into reading the Bible eventually and using the journal I bought to document some of my findings, along with general mental health improvement stuff which I originally bought it for. Honestly, I'm sorta open about my lack of belief. I never outright said I was agnostic, but I brought it up that I don't really believe before. To be honest, I'm still teetering on going by agnostic atheist or just simply atheist. The concept of any god creating the universe seems weird to me.

 

A lot of my parent's friends don't believe in God and I'd like to talk with them about this, although their views are rather indifferent about gay people so I'd rather not talk to them about that aspect of my life. I can't really ask them too much because if the topic gets to gay people I don't know what I'd be subjected to.