Creative Writing Thing About Hell

[Casualfanboy16]

Hello! I decided to do a bit of a fun, short creative writing exercise about going to Hell because I'm trying to get over my Hell anxiety even with my lack of belief in such a place. And what better way to get over Hell anxiety than writing graphic depictions of suffering!! Just seeing if my writing abilities are any good. I hope it's a decent read! Enjoy!! - Casual

 

My feet ached as I traveled through the barren wasteland for any ounce of nourishment. The jagged, rocky terrain felt like piercing daggers swiftly stabbing deep into my flesh. The ground feeling as if I was stepping on a mixture of hot coals and shards of glass. My feet were weary from walking despite only being thrown into this wretched place only moments ago, like a pile of worthless garbage being tossed away. My lungs burned as I took in each breath; the smell of smoke and ash and other putrid scents assaulting my nostrils. My eyes were red from crying, tears streaming down my battered and blood-soaked face. Pus and bile oozed out of every orifice in my body, leaking all over my wretched naked form.

 

My flesh cried out for relief from all this suffering, but God has turned His back on me. His mercy may have endured, but his hatred of my sinful ways will last for the rest of time. Had I not been good enough? If I still believed, would I be able to bask in His glory? It doesn't matter anymore. I sealed my fate long ago.

 

My stomach churned, still hungering for any morsel that I could get my hands on. I scavenged the land for any signs of life so that I may be able to satisfy my ever-growing hunger, but the search was fruitless. I ended up picking up rocks off the ground; shoving them into my mouth and gnawed on them. Their solid and sharp surfaces chipping away at what was left of my already broken teeth and lacerating my gums in the process. They continued to tear up my throat and internal organs when I swallowed them, causing me to throw up a brownish puddle and choke on my own vomit. Maggots squirmed in the mess before me. I resisted the urge to vomit even more. My legs were weary by that point. I collapsed to the ground, hitting the jagged surface and winced in excruciating pain as I felt rocks jab at my flesh once again. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't rest. My mind was being kept awake by my swarming thoughts. A cacophony of endless noise infests in my weakened brain. My ears ring and pulse with immense pain. A vast emptiness washes over me much worse than the hunger I feel. My soul is devoid of any earthly pleasures I once had; and now, I lie down in place. Unable to die, unable to feel peace as the last false hope of escape is yanked away from me.

 

Ok so, I couldn't think of any more things to write, so let me know how I did!

 

The End!

[TABA]

Wow, that certainly depicts the despair and agony pretty well!  Good writing!

 

People have different ways of dealing with fears like this.  I trust writing helps you with it.  It will take time in any case...

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

1 hour ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Ok so, I couldn't think of any more things to write, so let me know how I did!

Sounds like a pretty good depiction of a hellscape for sure. 

 

DB

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, TABA said:

Wow, that certainly depicts the despair and agony pretty well!  Good writing!

 

People have different ways of dealing with fears like this.  I trust writing helps you with it.  It will take time in any case...

Thank you so much! It's been a while since I've written anything. At least I think I still got it!

[Casualfanboy16]

30 minutes ago, DarkBishop said:

Sounds like a pretty good depiction of a hellscape for sure. 

 

DB

Yeah. I'm actually really proud of it. It's not my greatest work, but I enjoyed writing it.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

15 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Hello! I decided to do a bit of a fun, short creative writing exercise about going to Hell because I'm trying to get over my Hell anxiety even with my lack of belief in such a place. And what better way to get over Hell anxiety than writing graphic depictions of suffering!! Just seeing if my writing abilities are any good. I hope it's a decent read! Enjoy!! - Casual

 

My feet ached as I traveled through the barren wasteland for any ounce of nourishment. The jagged, rocky terrain felt like piercing daggers swiftly stabbing deep into my flesh. The ground feeling as if I was stepping on a mixture of hot coals and shards of glass. My feet were weary from walking despite only being thrown into this wretched place only moments ago, like a pile of worthless garbage being tossed away. My lungs burned as I took in each breath; the smell of smoke and ash and other putrid scents assaulting my nostrils. My eyes were red from crying, tears streaming down my battered and blood-soaked face. Pus and bile oozed out of every orifice in my body, leaking all over my wretched naked form.

 

My flesh cried out for relief from all this suffering, but God has turned His back on me. His mercy may have endured, but his hatred of my sinful ways will last for the rest of time. Had I not been good enough? If I still believed, would I be able to bask in His glory? It doesn't matter anymore. I sealed my fate long ago.

 

My stomach churned, still hungering for any morsel that I could get my hands on. I scavenged the land for any signs of life so that I may be able to satisfy my ever-growing hunger, but the search was fruitless. I ended up picking up rocks off the ground; shoving them into my mouth and gnawed on them. Their solid and sharp surfaces chipping away at what was left of my already broken teeth and lacerating my gums in the process. They continued to tear up my throat and internal organs when I swallowed them, causing me to throw up a brownish puddle and choke on my own vomit. Maggots squirmed in the mess before me. I resisted the urge to vomit even more. My legs were weary by that point. I collapsed to the ground, hitting the jagged surface and winced in excruciating pain as I felt rocks jab at my flesh once again. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't rest. My mind was being kept awake by my swarming thoughts. A cacophony of endless noise infests in my weakened brain. My ears ring and pulse with immense pain. A vast emptiness washes over me much worse than the hunger I feel. My soul is devoid of any earthly pleasures I once had; and now, I lie down in place. Unable to die, unable to feel peace as the last false hope of escape is yanked away from me.

 

Ok so, I couldn't think of any more things to write, so let me know how I did!

 

The End!

 

Hey!  You made hell seem even worse than biblical writers!  Maybe you could sell that to some christian publication. 

[Casualfanboy16]

8 hours ago, Weezer said:

 

Hey!  You made hell seem even worse than biblical writers!  Maybe you could sell that to some christian publication. 

Honestly though. Like I'm really proud of this. I'm probably gonna make another one. Maybe, maybe not be hell related. Not sure yet.

[Casualfanboy16]

27 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Honestly though. Like I'm really proud of this. I'm probably gonna make another one. Maybe, maybe not be hell related. Not sure yet.

Actually, I could totally do a rapture one... when I'm ready though. Could use the Bible for inspiration. The last time I picked up a Bible was when I was hyperfixating about the rapture and that was not good for my mental well-being; so maybe I should lay off until a later time because opening that damn thing just makes me feel the same sense of existential fear now than it did back then. I remember when I was obsessed with it I'd treat it as if it were a post-apocalyptic survival horror genre type thing and I had really intricate plans to survive. I'm glad I let that go a while ago, but man does it bring back horrible memories. The fear also still lingers from time to time despite the irrationality of it all.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

4 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Actually, I could totally do a rapture one... when I'm ready though. Could use the Bible for inspiration. The last time I picked up a Bible was when I was hyperfixating about the rapture and that was not good for my mental well-being; so maybe I should lay off until a later time because opening that damn thing just makes me feel the same sense of existential fear now than it did back then. I remember when I was obsessed with it I'd treat it as if it were a post-apocalyptic survival horror genre type thing and I had really intricate plans to survive. I'm glad I let that go a while ago, but man does it bring back horrible memories. The fear also still lingers from time to time despite the irrationality of it all.

Yeah, take it slow. Get a firm and fixed foundation on your deconversion before you look into things that still are triggers for old emotions and fears. There is a term here called having a full deconversion. It is when you get to the point that you're mentally and emotionally sound in your resolve that the Bible is not true. And you can face anything without those feelings of dread, fear, and belief coming back up. I couldn't open the bible for a long time. And that was hard for me. Having been a preacher. I was just..... lost.

 

It takes time. I came here after deconverting and after awhile had to take some time off from the site to get my life resituated. I had a wife that hated seeing me on here. We would fight whenever she noticed. Still doesn't like it but we are divorced now so.... anyway. My kids were all going through changes as well because of my change and the relationship falling apart. Basically my whole family has been affected by my deconversion. It has brought me and my kids closer I think. But has had a toll as well. I began drinking more and made a lot of stupid mistakes during the divorcing period. Drunken arguments in front of the kids mostly.

 

All the time I was wrapping up unresolved feelings about the bible, studying secular and archeological research to see if there was a shred of truth in the bible, and going through the stages of grief from losing faith in a loving father (God), Brother (Jesus), and confidant (the Holy Ghost).

 

I learned a lot. About myself, the bible, God, and the good people here that helped me through. Some friended me on Facebook and messaged me every once in awhile.

 

After the divorce I decided I was no longer going to let someone else's displeasure with my presence here deter me from helping others like you. This can be a truly depressing time in someone's life. It was for me. And if I hadn't had people from this site encouraging me and checking on me from time to time. I just don't know how the past 6 years would of panned out. In a way I feel like I owe these guys. Not that I do. Its just that I'm very thankful for their help and want to do my part as well. 

 

 

DB

[Casualfanboy16]

9 hours ago, DarkBishop said:

Yeah, take it slow. Get a firm and fixed foundation on your deconversion before you look into things that still are triggers for old emotions and fears. There is a term here called having a full deconversion. It is when you get to the point that you're mentally and emotionally sound in your resolve that the Bible is not true. And you can face anything without those feelings of dread, fear, and belief coming back up. I couldn't open the bible for a long time. And that was hard for me. Having been a preacher. I was just..... lost.

Yeah. I went through a period of time where Christian imagery, songs, verses, and many things just instilled this sense of fear into me and set off triggers. I used to get vicious bouts of anxiety from seeing anything Biblical or Christian-related. I don't live in the Bible Belt or anything, but one such particular thing that would always make my anxiety spiral was the digital billboard across the street from the gas station that would flash messages like "JESUS IS COMING. ARE YOU READY?" and "REPENT SO GOD CAN LIFT HIS JUDGMENT OFF AMERICA". I hated them so much. I can handle most of them now, minus the Bible itself, but it really wasn't a good time. Honestly, I'm glad I joined this forum so that I can finally get all this out of me. I wish I could contribute more with the debate sections on the forum, but my knowledge of the Bible has waned significantly over the years and I'm not in the right headspace to pick it back up just yet, but I'm looking forward to when I overcome this small hurdle and hope to participate in the debates between you guys and the Christian members of the community, but for now I'm not quite there yet.

 

9 hours ago, DarkBishop said:

After the divorce I decided I was no longer going to let someone else's displeasure with my presence here deter me from helping others like you. This can be a truly depressing time in someone's life. It was for me. And if I hadn't had people from this site encouraging me and checking on me from time to time. I just don't know how the past 6 years would of panned out. In a way I feel like I owe these guys. Not that I do. Its just that I'm very thankful for their help and want to do my part as well. 

Honestly though. I get the feeling, in a different way, but I get it. Before I came out to my parents after years of suffering in silence, I had (and still current have) a great close-knit group of Discord friends who were all in the same boat as me one way or another. In a way, they helped me by giving me a space to feel supported and at home. I'm glad I found them. I'm glad I decided to come out and had all that support from them so if my parents didn't support it (they didn't) then I'd have people who did. And I have that here too. I'm really glad I joined. All these years of torment finally feel worth the struggle when you find online communities of people who are more or less in the same boat as you. And likewise, I'm very thankful for all the people here that have been so nice and want to help me out in this confusing, bumpy, insane ride. So, thank you all so much!

 

-Casual (I'm even getting into the habit of putting signatures on my posts lmao)

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

39 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Honestly, I'm glad I joined this forum so that I can finally get all this out of me. I wish I could contribute more with the debate sections on the forum, but my knowledge of the Bible has waned significantly over the years and I'm not in the right headspace to pick it back up just yet, but I'm looking forward to when I overcome this small hurdle and hope to participate in the debates between you guys and the Christian members of the community, but for now I'm not quite there yet.

 

You take care of yourself for now. If you feel up to it later on, your more than welcome. Like I said. It takes time. It is a big life change. And we will help you anyway we can. Feel free to Direct message me if something comes up that you don't want to talk about out in the open. Sometimes a good confidant that will just listen can help. 

 

DB

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

47 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Casual (I'm even getting into the habit of putting signatures on my posts lmao)

I do that because I was raised in a different time. But yes, thats pretty cool .  I like it! That is the way they taught us to write when we were in elemetary school. 

 

50 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Before I came out to my parents after years of suffering in silence, I had (and still current have) a great close-knit group of Discord friends who were all in the same boat as me one way or another.

My daughter has a small group of friends like that at her school. Unfortunately I've had to but heads with the principle because I think he and the teachers discriminate against LGBTQ+ students. My daughter gets picked on by students and teachers i feel sometimes. Her girlfriends mom is fundy Christian and I think she may have told the school. She is no longer placed in classes with her. 

 

Can't prove it tho.

 

She has her friends and support from me. Even if no one else has got her back. I WILL!!

 

DB

[Casualfanboy16]

12 minutes ago, DarkBishop said:

You take care of yourself for now. If you feel up to it later on, your more than welcome. Like I said. It takes time. It is a big life change. And we will help you anyway we can. Feel free to Direct message me if something comes up that you don't want to talk about out in the open. Sometimes a good confidant that will just listen can help. 

Wow, thanks a bunch. I'll be sure to DM you whenever. Again, very thankful for you and everyone else here!

[Casualfanboy16]

5 minutes ago, DarkBishop said:

My daughter has a small group of friends like that at her school. Unfortunately I've had to but heads with the principle because I think he and the teachers discriminate against LGBTQ+ students. My daughter gets picked on by students and teachers i feel sometimes. Her girlfriends mom is fundy Christian and I think she may have told the school. She is no longer placed in classes with her. 

 

Can't prove it tho.

 

She has her friends and support from me. Even if no one else has got her back. I WILL!!

I went to a Christian school where being LGBT was not tolerated. There were a few people I knew that were LGBT there. If anything, I felt bad for them. I don't know if they got bullied or anything, but the school had in its rulebook that being LGBT was basically not tolerated because it "Rejected God's design for marriage, sex and gender" or something along those lines. I still cringe thinking about it.

 

Also, man. Your daughter's school experience sounds worse than mine. I never got bullied. I just kept my sexuality on the down low unless if it was me and my friends hanging out with no other people around. And it's good that you got her back. I wasn't fortunate in that regard. I got the equivalent of "We love you, we just don't agree with it and we think it's sinful because the Bible". Still, better than being kicked out and being homeless, I guess. I keep the bar kind of low though for coming out in a place like this. Even the non-religious have unsavory and often uneducated, homophobic and painfully stereotypical views of LGBT people and if I had the balls I would call them out, but unfortunately I'm too nice for my own good and not wanting to argue with these people.

[◊ Krowb ◊]

6 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

I keep the bar kind of low though for coming out in a place like this. Even the non-religious have unsavory and often uneducated, homophobic and painfully stereotypical views of LGBT people and if I had the balls I would call them out, but unfortunately I'm too nice for my own good and not wanting to argue with these people.

 

First:  Obligatory welcome to the community!

 

Second:  Being in a profession known for arguing, most people aren't worth the stress and effort.  Biting sarcasm in passing is a far more effective approach.  May even give them something to think about.

 

But in all seriousness - welcome. I'm in a busy season again, so I'm not around much.  As others have said, it gets easier the longer you've been out unless there are other difficulties you may have that will exacerbate certain religious beliefs or rituals.

[Casualfanboy16]

20 minutes ago, Krowb said:

First:  Obligatory welcome to the community!

 

Second:  Being in a profession known for arguing, most people aren't worth the stress and effort.  Biting sarcasm in passing is a far more effective approach.  May even give them something to think about.

 

But in all seriousness - welcome. I'm in a busy season again, so I'm not around much.  As others have said, it gets easier the longer you've been out unless there are other difficulties you may have that will exacerbate certain religious beliefs or rituals.

Firstly, thank you very much for the warm welcome. I've greatly enjoyed my time here so far getting acquainted with the members here in the forum and interacting with people. Secondly, I do agree. It's not worth the stress (athough my anxiety loves to think it is). Wish I could articulate my words irl just as good as on the internet. That would make dealing with these people so much easier.

 

I've been out to various irl and online friends for about 2~ years or so now. My parents were more recent, beginning of this year to be exact. Minus my parents, sister and one of my friends, the reactions have been otherwise pretty good. Unfortunately, I lost my old support system after I graduated high school last year. I still see them sometimes, but not often. I miss them, but I'm glad I still have people online at least. I'd still wish I had friends irl that could relate to my struggles, because I have been feeling a bit lonely these past few months. We don't have any LGBT groups in my area as far as I'm aware. So I'm in a bit of a tough spot.