An Apostate's Lament

[Casualfanboy16]

Just made a "letter" to god lamenting my lack of belief in him and my overall anger regarding how he's kind of messed up. Just for fun though.

 

Dear God,

 

Why have you forsaken me? What have I done wrong in your eyes? With all your omniscience, you have seen everything from before the beginning until the very end, and yet you are so distant towards me. I begged on my knees, praying for forgiveness and your infinite mercy. I flipped through your Holy Word out of desperation to feel your presence fill my soul again, and yet you left it vacant. I cried tears, begged for death to plant its sweet kiss onto me so that I may finally be with you forever and ever. I wanted so badly to be with you. Oh, how delusional I had been. This thing you call "love" has left me in shambles. What is love if it comes with terms and conditions to fulfill? What is love if I must bury my desires you deem so sinful so that I may have a chance to be with you for all eternity? Why must I suppress my love while others can live happily and freely? What kind of sick, twisted diety are you?

 

You say that I cannot live among your people in Heaven. I am an abomination, a wicked sinner who must pay the ultimate eternal price for committing the crime of loving another man. We aren't welcome in your dwelling place, but for what? Did you not forsee this before time began? Before my life began? You knew all along this would happen, and yet you're punishing me for sins you saw coming long before the inception of the universe. My ways may not be your ways, but why must you punish me this way? Why am I to blame? I never had a choice. It was all planned from the start. My fate was predestined, and yet I must suffer the consequences. Why aren't you held accountable. The millions of souls screaming and wailing in the deepest pits of Hell call out for you, yet you do not answer them. Their fates were also planned out from the very beginning, were they not? So why do this to us?

 

You brought us into this world knowing full well where we would end up, so why have you created us? Are we just mere chess pieces moving across the board? Are we here to thwart your people into leaving your loving arms, or are we here to strengthen the beliefs of those closest to you? Why did you do this to us? Why are you punishing us when all is going according to your plan? You saw everything when there was nothing, and yet I and countless other unfortunate souls must writhe in agony when we had no choice to be born into this world. Why are you so utterly cruel as to toss us into the lake of fire when so many of us were once devoted to you? You are a sick and cruel being. You set us up to fail and you knew it; so why must we suffer when all we are doing is going down your predestined path that you had planned for us? What free will do we have when our destinies have been set in stone? I scream out, but you didn't care to listen. If there really is an eternal punishment waiting for me, I will burn knowing that it was your doing alone and I will never forgive you.

 

Loathe,

Casual