What are some things that improved after leaving Christianity?

[Casualfanboy16]

I feel like a lot of my posts and comments have been a bit on the negative side- for good reason. I mean, trying to break free of the shackles of Christianity is an emotionally and mentally devastating and difficult process; so what are some ways your life has improved after leaving? What positives did leaving the faith bring?

 

I'll start: One thing I noticed, especially after a few days of being on this site, is that I feel like I'm starting to gain control of my life and it feels worth living again. While in Christianity, I felt like my entire life wasn't all that great. I mean, at the time being a closeted gay in a Christian school and overall Christian environment is not at all fun, nor is it an experience I would ever wish on anyone else because of the toll and weight of like everything placed upon you and the fact that opening up to anyone can be a huge risk. Hell, even nonbelievers can hold indifferent or outright hostile attitudes toward people like you without even realizing you are the thing they don't like, as I've observed from living around here for so long.

 

When I finally found my people, (mainly through online spaces, but there were a few friends in my real life that knew) I felt welcome and actually able to live more authentically, at least more so online anyway. Same with being here as well. I can express my non-belief more openly (although my parents kinda guess I already don't believe anyway because of my sexuality and me in general not taking an interest in going to church). Also, I feel like despite the emotional rollercoaster I've been experiencing, I finally am starting to improve, even if it's just slightly. I still have a loooong way to go, but I'm glad I have people online to connect with and help me out; and maybe one day I can do the same for others once I get further along with accepting myself completely in multiple areas of my life and get a move on from this difficult period in time. Looking forward to posting more and seeing other people post and stuff in the forums! Glad I have y'all!

 

 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

A peace of mind I never had as a christian.  Was able to function without antidepressants.

A complete acceptance of self, "as is".  No longer worried about keeping up appearances.

And a BIG surprise was finding myself more "moral" than before.  But some of that may have been age and experience related.

[Casualfanboy16]

25 minutes ago, Weezer said:

A peace of mind I never had as a christian.  Was able to function without antidepressants.

A complete acceptance of self, "as is".  No longer worried about keeping up appearances.

And a BIG surprise was finding myself more "moral" than before.  But some of that may have been age and experience related.

 

Honestly, that's the thing I'm working towards right now. I'm still on anxiety meds, still keeping up appearances in certain places and still working on accepting myself "as is" as you say. It's a process, but I feel like I can rise above all this despite the spot I'm in currently. I have here to thank, and my other online friends as well for making things more bearable during everything I'm experiencing right now, so thanks again!

[◊ Weezer ◊]

I probably should add that it did not happen overnight.  It was like I saw a light at the end of a tunnel, and my vision became clearer as I went toward the light.  HA! And it was NOT an approaching train!

[Casualfanboy16]

7 minutes ago, Weezer said:

I probably should add that it did not happen overnight.  It was like I saw a light at the end of a tunnel, and my vision became clearer as I went toward the light.  HA! And it was NOT an approaching train!

I wish it was an overnight ordeal. Especially after yesterday with that whole emotional rollercoaster I went through. I'm glad I didn't keep everything pushed down. If I did I imagine it would be like dropping a pack of Mentos into a Coca-Cola bottle lol. I'm still in that dark tunnel in certain ways, but the light at the end feels a lot closer than it did years ago.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

Appreciation for life in general. Especially my own. The realization that this small 60-90 year window we have is sobering. When you're Christian you think you have eternity to spend with loved ones and the reality is you don't. So every moment of life should be cherished more. Also it made me look at the lives of other animals with more respect. Their lives are just as important to them as ours is to us. We just are more cognitive about life. I like to watch my dogs and think about what simple desire they are thinking about. A walk outside on a leash or doing a trick and getting a treat. Life is precious and shouldn't be wasted on hoping for an eternity that you will never receive. 

 

DB

[Casualfanboy16]

2 minutes ago, DarkBishop said:

Appreciation for life in general. Especially my own. The realization that this small 60-90 year window we have is sobering. When you're Christian you think you have eternity to spend with loved ones and the reality is you don't. So every moment of life should be cherished more. Also it made me look at the lives of other animals with more respect. Their lives are just as important to them as ours is to us. We just are more cognitive about life. I like to watch my dogs and think about what simple desire they are thinking about. A walk outside on a leash or doing a trick and getting a treat. Life is precious and shouldn't be wasted on hoping for an eternity that you will never receive. 

 

DB

 

Yeah, when I still considered myself a Christian the thought of eternity used to comfort me. When I started losing my faith, however, I thought I'd be spending eternity in Hell. Eventually, the doubts and holes started popping up, but the fear of burning eternally or spending eternity separated from God never really went away. I still have it a bit, but it's sort of been tossed to the wayside. I think my rapture fears are still there, but that's going to be a separate post I'll make in the future.

 

However, now that I'm starting to realize that this is the only life I'll, it's a bit upsetting, but also freeing and makes things all the more special. I still sometimes take life for granted still because maybe I just haven't quite let go of the whole afterlife stuff, but now I just feel generally happier and less scared of death. This is the only life we get, so why not spend it trying to make things better for the people living in it long after we're gone? That's my take on it anyway. I definitely appreciate life more now than I ever did before.

[older]

No more fear, no more guilt.

 

 

5 hours ago, DarkBishop said:

Life is precious and shouldn't be wasted on hoping for an eternity that you will never receive. 

 

Reminds me of a friend of ours who said she can hardly wait until she gets to be with Jesus.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

7 hours ago, DarkBishop said:

 

 Also it made me look at the lives of other animals with more respect. Their lives are just as important to them as ours is to us. We just are more cognitive about life.

 

I hear you.  Saw an orangutan the othe day and thought, "he ain't much different than some people I know". 

[borgus]

The single biggest peace of mind comes to me when I look at my baby daughter. By not involving her in anything church or religion, I am doing one of the most powerful statistically meaningful things I can do as a father; prevent her abuse as a child. Abuse in any forms (from an insurance underwriters perspective) is a mathematical inevitability for a large enough section of society that it is bookable (i.e. you can sell insurance for it) - and what's worse, the rates are relatively constant through time, and it's very hit or miss profitability from an underwriter perspective (meaning they are mathematically flipping a coin anytime they insure a religious group against any abuse claims). Her little smile breaks my heart and hearing her tiny laugh. I can't risk her safety like that to satisfy any personal spiritual growth ideals when I just know the math, and I have had to read through thousands of claims data and saw what actually happens (that doesn't even make the news). The thought of anyone taking her to church is enough to make me want to punch them.

 

Luckily neither family (mine or my wife's) is "zealous" - my side are liberal Christians and her side are non-observant evangelicals. The tricky part will be teaching her to say she's Lutheran around my wife's family, and understanding why we say that to them, that way when she has her own kids, she can raise them without having to say that to them. My family would accept agnosticism (my sister is one) - her family would be a bit upset though, but really don't care about anything Christian at all, they just say they are because it's what you say in their culture; always call yourself a Christian, Evangelical, or Catholic, and don't even worry about actually being one, it's just the label that matters to check off the box - they haven't been to church in about a decade, and even then only go to church if someone is getting married or dies, or a baptism (if that).

[Casualfanboy16]

42 minutes ago, borgus said:

The single biggest peace of mind comes to me when I look at my baby daughter. By not involving her in anything church or religion, I am doing one of the most powerful statistically meaningful things I can do as a father; prevent her abuse as a child.

Good for you, man. As someone has been raised up in the faith since birth, attended a private Christian school from Pre-K to 12th grade, and had to go to church almost every Sunday... I'm glad you're not involving her in that stuff. It's awful; and it robbed me of so many years I could've spent growing as a person, so I'm glad she's going to be raised up outside of that crap. Good on you and I wish you the best of luck with that!

 

42 minutes ago, borgus said:

and I have had to read through thousands of claims data and saw what actually happens (that doesn't even make the news). The thought of anyone taking her to church is enough to make me want to punch them.

I'm curious... what claims data exactly have you read about? I can imagine though... unless I actually can't and it's much worse than I could ever imagine.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

50 minutes ago, borgus said:

 

The tricky part will be teaching her to say she's Lutheran around my wife's family, and understanding why we say that to them, that way when she has her own kids, she can raise them without having to say that to them. 

 

You don't see that as teaching her to be deceptive?  Is it then okay if she turns around and is deceptive with you in some manner?   It doesn't sound like they would disown you (or your family) if you were above board with who you are.

[older]

On 7/21/2023 at 9:57 AM, Casualfanboy16 said:

what are some ways your life has improved after leaving? What positives did leaving the faith bring?

 

Here is an article in today's Guardian that's right on this topic. A woman who grew up a Jehovahs Witness and became a BDSM model.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/aug/21/why-i-quit-jehovahs-witnesses-bdsm-model?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other 

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, older said:

 

Here is an article in today's Guardian that's right on this topic. A woman who grew up a Jehovahs Witness and became a BDSM model.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/aug/21/why-i-quit-jehovahs-witnesses-bdsm-model?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other 

I don't know why, but immediately what came to mind before and after reading this was this post I saw that was like "BDSM = Bible Discussion/Study Meeting" lol

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Music. Once I deconverted, I knew that all the music I had shunned as the devil was waiting for me. Much metal was consumed. Then I took voice lessons and found out I have a very popular voice. A friend told me to go to a local "jazz" (more Rat Pack era) supperclub where you can sing with a band complete with a horn section. I started listening to Sinatra and others of that era and started singing there (a bar! eeek!). 

 

I noted that reality hadn't changed at all, but my perception of it changed dramatically. The invisible war of angels and demons went silent because it was imaginary. It took time to deprogram my fears, and my mind even cooked up a very detailed dream to have me confront "the devil" who turned out to be me, my creative self, my desires, etc. Fascinating how the mind wanted to know what I would do, and what it should do now that it didn't have to pretend to be God talking to me. 

 

I'm still very reserved when interacting with women, not out of fear but out of respect. So damn many have told me how guys hit on them all the time and that I'm refreshing. So that was one positive I kept from the past. Many dreams working through what was worth keeping and why the rest was simply a cult. 

 

 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

2 hours ago, older said:

 

Here is an article in today's Guardian that's right on this topic. A woman who grew up a Jehovahs Witness and became a BDSM model.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/aug/21/why-i-quit-jehovahs-witnesses-bdsm-model?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other 

 

Sigmund Freud would have fun diagnosing that situation!    

[Casualfanboy16]

51 minutes ago, Fuego said:

Music. Once I deconverted, I knew that all the music I had shunned as the devil was waiting for me.

I can kind of relate. My parents were never really extreme with the music I could listen to, more so TV shows, but when I was a kid I couldn't listen to much. Not so much that it was of the Devil or anything, my parents weren't (and still aren't) a big fan of cuss words or certain themes in music. Suprisingly though, they allowed me to listen to Boom Boom Pow by the Black-Eyed Peas at the age of 6 which had "shit" in the song several times, which is really funny to me. Like all other songs with swear words? No. That one in particular? Sure.

 

I don't particularly like sharing my music tastes with people in my real life because I think they would be concerned for me considering I have a playlist of 1000+ Japanese songs and a lot of them have dark subject matter or are just weird and the last thing I would want to happen is for someone to ask what I'm listening to. I usually just lie and say "Fireflies by Owl city" as my go-to because it's like the only thing that comes to mind. I don't know why I developed this weird insecurity of showing people outside of online spaces my taste in music, but I hope that lessens with time.

[Wertbag]

I was always a Christian-lite, I started off confused, became agnostic trying to figure out what the bible teachers were going on about, and ended up atheist by study.  What I gained from that was a worldview that I can feel confident in because it is supported by science and evidence with no need to insert unproveable angels, demons, gods, souls, heaven, hell or magic of any kind.  Once you find it is possible to view the world without needing to patch everything with magic, things make so much more sense.

 

I don't just say "the world isn't flat" but understand how we can know that for sure.  The world isn't young, people didn't live with dinosaurs, there was no global flood, and nature is an amazing, horrifying, beautiful and complex thing that it's okay to be in awe of without having to praise the unseen for making it so.  There is no problem of evil/suffering, no problem of divine hiddenness, no problem of instruction or incoherent attempts to explain what a soul, trinity or sin even is.  Things just make sense.

[Casualfanboy16]

15 minutes ago, Wertbag said:

I was always a Christian-lite, I started off confused, became agnostic trying to figure out what the bible teachers were going on about, and ended up atheist by study.  What I gained from that was a worldview that I can feel confident in because it is supported by science and evidence with no need to insert unproveable angels, demons, gods, souls, heaven, hell or magic of any kind.  Once you find it is possible to view the world without needing to patch everything with magic, things make so much more sense.

I'm not quite sure yet where I land. I have a lot of science stuff to catch up on. I mean, I may call myself agnostic right now, but maybe atheist could work too eventually. Whatever works, honestly. The more I think about it, the less the God and spiritual stuff makes sense. I still have to do quite a lot of deprogramming though. Sometimes I notice things and wonder if it's a learned behavior or thought or whatever that I picked up from my Christian years.

[Casualfanboy16]

Also as a bonus: I noticed too that my intense self-consciousness, anxiety and self-destructive thought patterns has dialed down a whole lot. Especially with the mindfulness stuff and all the other advice that I've received. In a little over a month, I'm doing better than I previously was. I still have a long ways to go in other areas, but I'm noticing improvements, especially mentally. It's amazing, honestly. It's a combination of a lot of things: this site and the wonderful people in it, my anxiety meds and my rad as fuck therapist, and just a bunch of other factors. I'm just surprised at all the progress I've been making. It's good to look back to see how much I've improved. Even in the short time frame of a little over a month, I feel better than I have in several years. I'm sure there'll be plenty of challenges along the way, but I'm confident that I can get through it. I'm gonna be believing in myself rather than some God. If he's that concerned about who I'm gonna be with, he needs to get his priorities straight (while my priorities get gay lmaoooooo).