Feeling A Bit Angry Lately....

[Casualfanboy16]

I'm just angry lately with a lot of the injustices lgbt people face caused by religious people and those who don't take too kindly to me. What are some ways (besides journaling because I already do that) that I can try to deal with it in a healthy way? I think I worry too much about being angry when it's perfectly fine to do so with all the injustice. I just don't want to take it out on them, y'know? 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

2 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

 

 I just don't want to take it out on them, y'know? 

 

Maybe I am thick skulled, but who are you referring to when you say them?

 

I am also beginning to think you are expecting things to move too fast.  And that perhaps you need to get more involved in life, outside obsessing about your problems.  Get a full time job.  Develop some hobbies.  Do some volunteer work, etc.  Accomplish something.  Obsessing leads to more obsessing.

[TABA]

I know you feel oppressed by your parents, by the Christian religion and even by non-religious conservative people where you live.  I am not in the slightest trying to minimize your challenges.  But the truth is that in western countries, the acceptance of LGBT people has never been higher.  Just a handful of years ago, same sex marriage was unthinkable (I remember when Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton were both opposed), and it was the norm for gay people to stay “in the closet” for their entire lives.  This progress is undeniable.  Is everything peachy now?  Of course not, perfection is elusive in any area.  But the progress is real.  And the truth is that by almost every measure, in most of the world, human welfare - no matter if you are male or female, black or white, straight or gay - is better then at any time in history.  I’d recommend Steven Pinker’s book “Enlightenment Now”, where he backs this idea up with more statistics and examples than you can imagine.  
 

There are plenty of people out there who gain power and money by telling us all we’re oppressed.  It gets votes and it gets likes, clicks and subscriptions.   They’re gonna put you in chains!  They’re after your culture!  They’re corrupting your children.  You need ME in office to keep your life from sucking!  Only the government can help you!  I alone can fix it!  My party does this, your party does this.  Getting people riled up is the oldest racket in the book.

 

So I agree with Weezer.  Focus on your own life and what YOU can do to make it better.  Nobody else is gonna take care of you.  Certainly not politicians and activists.  They’re in it for their own power, glory and money, with very few exceptions.  

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Anger is a useful tool.  But, like any other tool, it can be both dangerous and destructive.  If I try to use a hammer to do the work of a saw, I'm going to end up destroying something.  If I try to use a saw in place of a screwdriver, I'm likely to end up hurting myself. 

 

Anger is the same way.  Remember that you are experiencing the 5 stages of grief; and anger is a part of the process.  This is the best chance you will ever have to learn how to use your anger effectively and to your own advantage.  There are constructive ways to channel your anger; just as their are destructive ways.  Using your anger as a means of motivation to make positive changes in your life is a good example of the former.  Because the business of life is living; irrespective of the hand you've been dealt or the obstacles in your way.  

 

You're a creative person; but being creative is more than just having the ability to write an eloquent poem or draw a captivating image.  How do you face the challenges that come your way?  By getting angry and bashing yourself uselessly against them?  Anybody can do that.  But there are always different options available; such as using your creativity to find a workable solution to the problems posed by the challenge.  By finding creative ways of living with the problem.  Or by creating a way around the problem and moving on.

 

Every choice that is given to you in this life will be yours to make.  What you choose will determine your character as much as your character will determine what you choose. 

 

Remember that inside each one of us, there are two wolves--a light wolf and a dark wolf--and they are in a constant battle for control over our thoughts, words, and actions.  The wolf you feed will be the wolf who ultimately wins.

 

 

[Casualfanboy16]

5 hours ago, Weezer said:

Maybe I am thick skulled, but who are you referring to when you say them?

When I say them, I mean my parents and Christianity as a whole. I feel guilty sometimes for being angry at people even if they don't take too kindly to people like me and stuff. I'm just fed up with people giving me a "love the sinner, hate the sin" approach or just being outright hostile towards lgbt folk.

 

5 hours ago, Weezer said:

I am also beginning to think you are expecting things to move too fast.  And that perhaps you need to get more involved in life, outside obsessing about your problems.  Get a full time job.  Develop some hobbies.  Do some volunteer work, etc.  Accomplish something.  Obsessing leads to more obsessing.

Also, you're right. I am obsessing and expecting things to move fast. Being patient is something hard for me since I've been stuck in a destructive loop for a while. I attempted to get full time at a local Philips because it pays more and has benefits, but unfortunately I got rejected (only a small handful of like a couple hundred got picked) so I might have to search elsewhere.

 

I could also pick up my art hobbies again. I was planning on doing that after I get back from vacation.

 

Thanks for the advice by the way. It's something I needed to hear.

[Casualfanboy16]

24 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

When I say them, I mean my parents and Christianity as a whole. I feel guilty sometimes for being angry at people even if they don't take too kindly to people like me and stuff. I'm just fed up with people giving me a "love the sinner, hate the sin" approach or just being outright hostile towards lgbt folk.

 

Also, you're right. I am obsessing and expecting things to move fast. Being patient is something hard for me since I've been stuck in a destructive loop for a while. I attempted to get full time at a local Philips because it pays more and has benefits, but unfortunately I got rejected (only a small handful of like a couple hundred got picked) so I might have to search elsewhere.

 

I could also pick up my art hobbies again. I was planning on doing that after I get back from vacation.

 

Thanks for the advice by the way. It's something I needed to hear.

Also, to add more to this: I think, too, is that I'm taking too much of a perfectionist and obsessive approach to improving myself and I'm getting too ahead of myself and expecting things to move fast. I need to remind myself that deconversion is a process . 

 

Also, recently my Mom made a comment that I'm really protective with my phone. It's true. I don't want my parents to know I talk with people online here and elsewhere. I'm afraid if they find out I'll lose that support that I can't get from my own parents. I know I have to not fully rely on others too much and build myself up as well and just get my life back on track, but I have no one to relate to and online spaces are my only outlet to be more authentic when it's hard to find people like me here.

 

The only young adult group has members from the church I used to go to and when I was told about it they didn't make it out to be connected to church and Christian stuff and said it wouldn't be overly churchy; but when I went they began talking about God and stuff and it's frustrating because I went into this expecting it to not have Christian stuff, but when they started going around the room asking people what God did for them that week I felt like I walked into a trap. It's like the only way to make friends here is through the church. I'm trying to find other things though like an art club or something I can join. We don't have much here. It sucks.

 

I'm just afraid my parents will find out I interact with people on the internet and make me cease contact with them because it's like my only proper way I can find people who I can relate to and encourage me to do better and don't ultimately want me to end back up in the fold. I remember I used to sneak pride stuff in so I could feel a bit more normal and my parents found them and threw them out. If my parents find out I use the internet to talk with people outside the faith and people that are more lgbt friendly then I'm afraid I'll lose that as well. I can't go back to hating myself and wanting to die. Not again.

[TABA]

2 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

I'm just afraid my parents will find out I interact with people on the internet and make me cease contact with them

 

 

2 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

If my parents find out I use the internet to talk with people outside the faith and people that are more lgbt friendly then I'm afraid I'll lose that as well.

Even though you are legally an adult, as long as you live with your parents and depend on them you do not have the independence an adult should have.  Sooner or later you are going to need a job that pays for housing, food and transportation.  There is no getting away from this.  So you need a plan: to go to some school and get a qualification that has a high likelihood of earning a living.  Once you get such a job, then - and only then - can you be an independent adult.  

[Casualfanboy16]

1 minute ago, TABA said:

 

 

Even though you are legally an adult, as long as you live with your parents and depend on them you do not have the independence an adult should have.  Sooner or later you are going to need a job that pays for housing, food and transportation.  There is no getting away from this.  So you need a plan: to go to some school and get a qualification that has a high likelihood of earning a living.  Once you get such a job, then - and only then - can you be an independent adult.  

Yup. You're exactly right. Once I get back from vacation, I'm getting back into art again, gonna search for a community college or something in state (because I'm pretty sure it's cheaper to stay in state rather than out of state for college- or so I've heard) and just get moving forward in life. As long as I'm stuck here, I'm still under their roof and not going to be fully independent, so I'm gonna search for anything to get moving towards independence. Get a better job to pay for college and get more engaged in my hobbies and put perfectionism aside because it's been weighing me down for so long. When I get back from vacation, I'm gonna start drawing more. I can even upload some of my drawings here maybe- I mean max image  size for uploading things is rather limited here, but I can find a way. Then I can show you guys my art

[Casualfanboy16]

15 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Yup. You're exactly right. Once I get back from vacation, I'm getting back into art again, gonna search for a community college or something in state (because I'm pretty sure it's cheaper to stay in state rather than out of state for college- or so I've heard) and just get moving forward in life. As long as I'm stuck here, I'm still under their roof and not going to be fully independent, so I'm gonna search for anything to get moving towards independence. Get a better job to pay for college and get more engaged in my hobbies and put perfectionism aside because it's been weighing me down for so long. When I get back from vacation, I'm gonna start drawing more. I can even upload some of my drawings here maybe- I mean max image  size for uploading things is rather limited here, but I can find a way. Then I can show you guys my art

I admit, it's been a loooong time since I picked up my art tablet. My knowledge on certain things isn't the best, but that won't stop me. I need feedback on my art so this is perfect. Gonna start creating stuff. Probably will look meh, but I don't mind. Time to embrace imperfection instead of hating it. Once I get back from vacation, I'm gonna create and create some more. Hope you guys will enjoy it because I sure will!!

 

Also, it'll give me something else to focus on rather than the negatives and gives me something to work for and feel accomplished.

[TABA]

16 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Once I get back from vacation, I'm getting back into art again, gonna search for a community college or something

Do you expect that an art diploma will earn you a living wage in the short or medium term?  I’m just skeptical about this.  I’d love to be proven wrong.  Or are you thinking of a course in some other field? 

[Casualfanboy16]

1 minute ago, TABA said:

Do you expect that an art diploma will earn you a living wage in the short or medium term?  I’m just skeptical about this.  I’d love to be proven wrong.  Or are you thinking of a course in some other field? 

I could always find a better paying job and just do art as a side thing too. It really depends on what you get into, I think. I could also go for writing as well. Or combine both art and writing and make a comic or something, but that requires for me to improve on both then. Maybe I need to do more research before I jump into everything haha. Getting a bit too ahead of myself again

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Did your parents pay for your phone?  And pay the monthly bill?  Is the account in their name?  If not, how can they take that away from you?

[◊ Weezer ◊]

2 minutes ago, Weezer said:

Did your parents pay for your phone?  And pay the monthly bill?  Is the account in their name?  If not, how can they take that away from you?

And if it is in their name, can you get one of your own?

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Perhaps a different approach might be to explore areas where art and creativity can bring in a steady income.  There are a number of professions where an artistic eye and a creative touch are solid gold.  Architecture, interior design, technical writing, furniture design, woodcrafting, freelance photography or journalism, graphic arts, even landscaping--just to name a few.  With a steady income, you could then focus on your anime/Manga idea and have more capital to invest in yourself. 

 

Sure, you'd have to start at the bottom in any one of these fields and learn the trade.  But creativity can be literally anything from trimming a bush to designing a cupola for the front of an office building.  It's all in how you approach it. 

 

Also, listen to Tycho.

[Wertbag]

18 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

I'm just angry lately with a lot of the injustices lgbt people face caused by religious people and those who don't take too kindly to me. What are some ways (besides journaling because I already do that) that I can try to deal with it in a healthy way? I think I worry too much about being angry when it's perfectly fine to do so with all the injustice. I just don't want to take it out on them, y'know? 

A personal thing and depending on your area, finding a martial art can be a way to both blow off steam, get fit and meet new people.  Learning boxing or kickboxing and hammering a heavy bag for half an hour will give a positive outlet to your anger.  Depends on what your options are, but such an aggressive outlet can be quite therapeutic.  I keep a training dummy in the garage, so it's easy to throw on some gloves and have a fight with him with limited time, no prep and regardless of the weather.