Struggling With Motivation In Life (Edited For The 3rd Time)

[Casualfanboy16]

This is less of a question related to Christianity, but more so just life stuff, I guess. I've always had a hard time getting motivated for years, even now. I have a desire to pursue art and writing, hoping one day that I can make a comic or something because I do have talents in those areas; but my problem is finding, cultivating, or even getting the motivation to do those things. It's such an annoying problem. The desire to do them is there, but when it comes to actually getting to doing it-- it's like I'm not able to and it's so frustrating. I can't "just do it". I like have these short periods of time where I gain like this spontaneous ability to actually get up and draw or write, but it's so short-lived and fleeting and I don't know where it comes from or how to keep it going.

 

I have mentioned previously about my perfectionist tendencies before. I remember when I was more into art and stuff I used to spend hours at my laptop just drawing (I'm a digital artist. Traditional doesn't make me happy when I look at my art and I prefer having tools to help me since my hands are rather shaky when drawing) and I used to forget my surroundings,  not take breaks, or even not eat or drink because I got so absorbed into my work. That didn't help either because I would get eye strain from staring at a computer screen for long hours without stopping. That wasn't very healthy, looking back.

 

Now I'm in this weird spot where I have the desire to pursue my passions and try to break free of my perfectionist tendencies, but at the same time have like the most abnormal motivation and can't pick up what I want to so desperately work on to save my life. Any tips on how to overcome this? Even I can't figure out what's wrong and I'm not sure what to do. This weird rut is something I don't want to be stuck in its like so difficult on me. I just want to pursue what I enjoy.

 

Edit 1: Well, fuck. I guess after some intense self-reflection and introspection I have come to the conclusion that I not only suffer from my perfectionist tendencies, but also some kind of brain rot. I began to notice how often I distract myself from doing the task or demotivating myself from doing the task in the first place because I have so much distractions in my life and my head (i.e. my phone, the TV in the living room; my intensely negative thoughts that stemmed from years of perfectionism, anxiety and other factors filling my mind and causing me to focus on everything besides what I want to be doing). I've been focusing on the how more than the why. Like "how do I do this, how do I do that, etc, etc" and that's why my mind is so cluttered is because I get so focused on the thoughts and distractions rather than focusing on the task at hand and idk why it takes a while or even like until after I type something up to realize what's wrong, but it makes sense, I think. My mind gets so preoccupied with everything that I start to lose focus of the task and as a result I get bogged down by all my distractions and thoughts and just life things in general. I think maybe creating an environment where I can free myself of distractions, while also questioning my negative thoughts and how I perceive myself might be the right step to overcoming this. I literally just had a Q&A with myself lol.

 

Edit 2; Editing Boogaloo: 

Ok so I wrote stuff down in my journal to just really drill in into my head, but I want to share it here as well because I thought it would be beneficial in case someone else is going through it like I am. So here's a list of things that might help. It's a bit long. I had it cover like one and a quarter of a page lol. I'll try to condense it for here though. Feel free to suggest additional things or changes to existing points to make them better.

 

Motivational Stuff

- Eliminate distractions; focus on the task at hand. Don't let distractions bog you down and get you demotivated or make you lose focus from the task.

- Your (negative) perception of yourself is not reality. A thought is just a thought. Doesn't have to have any bearing on you. It helps to imagine your thoughts as like cars or something. If a thought pops up that's like "you are a crappy artist/writer" or some other negative thing, doesn't mean it's true. Acknowledge it, but don't give it meaning. Just let it pass through.

- Rejection is just a part of life; it doesn't mean you shouldn't try again.

- Don't compare yourself to others. Let yourself be inspired by them instead.

- This kind of goes into one of my previous ones, but challenge your negative thoughts. Listen to what its saying, but realize that they aren't you and don't let them define you. You are not your thoughts.

- How others perceive you isn't reality either. If somebody calls you lazy, stupid, etc. IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE. This is only somebody else's perception of you. Not the real you.

- Perfection doesn't exist. Let go of the notion that if it's not perfect, then it's a failure. IT'S NOT.

- Practice makes PROGRESS

- Let yourself make mistakes. Everyone does! Don't beat yourself up from them. LEARN FROM THEM!

- Set manageable, realistic goals. Don't forget to take breaks!!

- This last one is mainly for me, but I saw a post about it once and just in case anyone needs a reminder... Just because someone says "You can make lots of money out of this" doesn't and shouldn't take away from the joy of the activity away. You know you're not in it for the money. Let yourself create just to create regardless if you're making a profit or not. You know deep down you just want to share a story with the world.

 

Alright, that's all I have. Again, let me know if I should add, change, subtract or anything from this list. Thank you for reading.

 

[Casualfanboy16]

This video in particular gave me an insight to my thoughts as well. This guy's videos always come at the perfect time lmfao.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

5 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

 

I just want to pursue what I enjoy.

 

You have some great insights into religion.  Perhaps you can develop bettter insights into life.

 

We all want to do things we enjoy, and there is nothing wrong with that, but consider a reality in life.  Does pursuing what you enjoy prepare you for putting food on the table?  And providing a shelter over your head?  Earning the money you need to provide the things you want and need in life?  Your parents may not be around to provide those things for you for the rest of your life.  

 

In my experience, people who seem to be the motivated and feel worthwhile are those who are contributing to our very survival.  Providing food and shelter. They are thinking about the future and what is needed for society to continue.  People who don't do that seem to continually be selfishly chasing after a good feeling.  Are you putting the cart before the horse?   

 

I watched the video you posted above, and it has some very good points.  But there are some things in life that are even more basic than what he was talking about.   With your brain condition you may not be able to set the world on fire, but you never know what you can do until you try.  And if you are not willing to do some work, and take some chances, and knocks in life, you may will never reach what you enjoy.  

 

I suggeat sessions with your therapist, and if you haven't done so, an appointment with a neurologist who may be able to give you some medication or suggest other ways to help with your thinking process.  And get off you telephone and computer for a while, take a walk, mow the lawn, fix something that needs to be fixed, help some old lady who needs help, look for a job.  Sitting around obsessing abour how you can feel better ain't going to cut it.  You know the old saying.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

And I know you are wanting to draw and write. but you have to be realistic.  Are you wanting to do that just for the sake of doing it?  Or do you want to market it?  Unless you are a genius at it, and a genius at marketing your skills, you are going to have to go through years of training and practice.  Are you looking into the possibilities yet?

[Casualfanboy16]

25 minutes ago, Weezer said:

We all want to do things we enjoy, and there is nothing wrong with that, but consider a reality in life.  Does pursuing what you enjoy prepare you for putting food on the table?  And providing a shelter over your head?  Earning the money you need to provide the things you want and need in life?  Your parents may not be around to provide those things for you for the rest of your life.  

 

In my experience, people who seem to be the motivated and feel worthwhile are those who are contributing to our very survival.  Providing food and shelter. They are thinking about the future and what is needed for society to continue.  People who don't do that seem to continually be selfishly chasing after a good feeling.  Are you putting the cart before the horse?

Yeah, I do need to be realistic about this. If I don't end up pursuing art and writing as a career and it never takes off, I can always do it as a hobby or something.

 

The way I want to contribute is probably different in a way than just survival. Creating is my way of contributing. It may not be survival-related (maybe); but the way I see it, at least right now, is that I want to create something meaningful for not only myself, but for others. I want to use my struggles in a creative way. I have characters in my head; their personalities and lives and everything about them I intricately crafted through the years. I'm still a bit lost on some things about them, but I pour my heart and soul into what I create. I want to make a story somebody going through the things I'm going through right now can pick up what I make and hopefully I can help in some way by giving them worlds and characters to relate to and even help them ignite a creative spark within them. Maybe even help them too.

 

Yeah, I need to be realistic about all this, but creating things is just like my thing. I don't really need to chase after some good feeling or whatever. I just want to make something meaningful. Money, status, fame... not really important to me. Sure, I mean, I need money to survive and stuff because I have to make a living somehow. Just it's not something I solely want to get out of creating stuff, y'know.

 

44 minutes ago, Weezer said:

And if you are not willing to do some work, and take some chances, and knocks in life, you may will never reach what you enjoy.  

 

Oh, I definitely am willing. I'm at a point where perfectionism isn't cutting it anymore. Taking chances and knocks are what I'm trying to be all about now.

 

47 minutes ago, Weezer said:

I suggeat sessions with your therapist, and if you haven't done so, an appointment with a neurologist who may be able to give you some medication or suggest other ways to help with your thinking process.  And get off you telephone and computer for a while, take a walk, mow the lawn, fix something that needs to be fixed, help some old lady who needs help, look for a job.  Sitting around obsessing abour how you can feel better ain't going to cut it.  You know the old saying.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

I'm actually going to set up a session here soon. Just need to find out when. As for medication, anxiety meds are actually kind of helping. It depends though. Sometimes the anxiety starts winning, but I am working on myself in that regard with journaling and getting back into therapy and stuff. I actually was off my phone quite a bit too. Just writing stuff in my journal and writing up stuff for characters in a story I want to try and take a crack at. I'm still looking for jobs though. I tried applying for a job at a local Philips that had higher pay and great benefits and all this stuff that my current job doesn't have. I went in for an interview, but I didn't make it in. Only 6 out of like 70 or so people got in. I'll just have to do more job searching or go in for another interview and take another crack at it. I'm kinda determined to get into this place because it's one of the few decent jobs in this area and if I can't pursue an art/writing career, I can pursue this one at least and do art/writing as a side-hustle or whatever. Then I can go someplace else once I save up enough money. There's so much to think about.

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, Weezer said:

And I know you are wanting to draw and write. but you have to be realistic.  Are you wanting to do that just for the sake of doing it?  Or do you want to market it?  Unless you are a genius at it, and a genius at marketing your skills, you are going to have to go through years of training and practice.  Are you looking into the possibilities yet?

(Sorry, this next response turned out to be more ranty than anticipated. I'm so sorry if it sounds too aggressive or a bit much. I lost my cool a bit).

 

I'm trying to look into the possibilities, but the more I think, the more complicated everything gets. I have to be realistic, but my God I'm just so frustrated anymore. Like I'm at a point where I'm gonna need therapy real soon because I'm like in such a confusing, chaotic and complex place right now. I want to pursue my passions, but then I have to be realistic and think of all these other stupid, stupid factors. I can't take another moment of just not knowing anymore. Every time I get close to something, then all these other things pop up and now I have to think realistically and stuff, but now I have more on my plate to consider and I feel overwhelmed and trapped all over again. It's a constant cycle of just everything. 

 

Like, will this be realistic? Will this provide anything for me? What else can I do if this doesn't take off? I get so overwhelmed by all the possibilities and questions and just trying to think realistically that I don't even end up doing that in the first place because I'm fucking stuck and I'm unable to fucking just be grounded in reality for just a moment in time. I'm really just constantly overthinking everything and whenever I try to get better and just take it slow, I'm back to square one again because something always pops up. Some new obstacle in my head to climb over. I don't want to lose myself to my own struggles. I've been stuck in my own head for years and now that I'm trying to break free I feel like there's just so much to deal with and think about and I feel cornered by everything and trying to think realistically feels so alien almost. I haven't done that in years, like maybe almost a decade. I have mostly been negative, not really positive or realistic. I ruminated in my own bullshit for so long thinking anything other than negative thoughts feels like a huge challenge. Mindfulness helps a bit, but it's like... what am I supposed to do now?

 

Edit: I went for a bit of a walk. Cooled down a bit. Disregard some of the insane ramblings lol. I just feel like I've been living in my head more than living in my life and now that I have to be realistic it's just another thing because it's not that I can't be realistic, it's just that I've been ruminating in so many negative thoughts and feelings and stuff that I don't exactly know how to think realistically, or even positively. Like, I want to be positive, but in a realistic way, y'know? Not overly positive to the point of blinding myself to everything, but not realistic to the point of essentially just throwing myself back into a negative feedback loop because I don't exactly know what "realistic" would even be because my reality has been shaped by my own negative thoughts for several years. Now that I'm working towards being realistic, I think I need positivity in the mix as well because my version of "realistic" has been altered by years of negative thoughts and ruminating and stuff. I don't know how else to explain it.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Yes, I pushed you hard, but it seemed like something was needed to get you moving---to get you to do something other than ruminate about your ruminating.  Until you start DOING something different, nothing will likely change.   You have to get out into the world to make things happen.  To prepare yourself for life.  You can study how to swim for years, but until you get in the water, you will never swim.

 

If you are afraid to get out into the world, talk to your therapist.  We will understand and back off.  If you are okay with venturing out, read the following. 

 

Like you, I sacked groceries.  Stocked shelves.  Swept floors. Worked my way up to running the cash register. When I finished college, guess how I got my first "professional" job?  Through the friend of a person at the grocery store.  And as a new professional, several of my first customers were people I met working at the grocery store.  If you want a different life, you have to get out into the world.  The world is not going to come to you while you are sitting at home. 

 

And before that, one of my first major acomplishments (that I was very proud of) was getting my own car from money doing odd jobs on the farm next door, and being a carpenters helper.  And this just occured to me, when hauling hay for the farmer next door, a guy told me about the job at the grocery store, mentioned above.  Are you getting my drift?  If you want to accomplish anything, you have to get out into the world.  Understand the world.  Mix with real people face to face.  

 

I will continue this on P.M.

 

   

 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

By the way.  Are you getting anxiety meds from your family doc?  If so, there may be other meds that would be more helpful.  That is why I reommend seeing a neurologist, or even a psychriatist.

[Casualfanboy16]

30 minutes ago, Weezer said:

By the way.  Are you getting anxiety meds from your family doc?  If so, there may be other meds that would be more helpful.  That is why I reommend seeing a neurologist, or even a psychriatist.

Yeah it's a family doc. Not sure how good Lexapro is compared to everything else. I usually take one a day. I did notice improvement after I took it, but maybe I need a higher dose or a different medication. Not quite sure. I mean,  medication alone isn't gonna fix things. Maybe getting into therapy is the best option.

[Casualfanboy16]

52 minutes ago, Weezer said:

If you are afraid to get out into the world, talk to your therapist. 

Yup. My first thought loool. Btw I'll just continue in DMs.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

I HIGHLY reommend you see a specialist other than your family doc for that kind of mediation. 

[Casualfanboy16]

2 minutes ago, Weezer said:

I HIGHLY reommend you see a specialist other than your family doc for that kind of mediation. 

Alright, thanks for the input. I mean, it kinda works. For the most part

[Astreja]

Casualfanboy, from my own experiences in trying to motivate myself, here are a few things that may help:

 

Make sure you're getting enough rest, and eating well.  Low energy can make it hard to work on things.

 

Touching base with a psychologist, even for a short time, may give you some tools to deal with depression and perfectionism.

 

Build up a routine with just one of the things you want to do, and set a "trigger":  At a specific time of day, go into a consistent area of your home (for example, sit down on the couch or at the kitchen table), and write for 5-10 minutes.  Do the same thing every day in the same place, at the same time, and repeat until it feels natural.  When that habit is established, and not before, consider adding a second one.

 

I've found these following books particularly useful for building up a routine and developing motivation:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Mindset by Carol Dweck

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, Astreja said:

Make sure you're getting enough rest, and eating well.  Low energy can make it hard to work on things.

 

Yeah, these past few days I've been on vacation so my sleep schedule has been out of wack. As for eating well, I've been trying to get into the habit of doing that for a while. I mean I exercise a bit (mainly walking), but I definitely need to incorporate healthier foods into my diet.

 

1 hour ago, Astreja said:

Touching base with a psychologist, even for a short time, may give you some tools to deal with depression and perfectionism.

I am getting back into therapy here soon. I have yet to set up an appointment, but I'm working on finding a day. I could search for a psychologist as well (or are they like similar? I have no idea).

 

1 hour ago, Astreja said:

Build up a routine with just one of the things you want to do, and set a "trigger":  At a specific time of day, go into a consistent area of your home (for example, sit down on the couch or at the kitchen table), and write for 5-10 minutes.  Do the same thing every day in the same place, at the same time, and repeat until it feels natural.  When that habit is established, and not before, consider adding a second one.

 

I was thinking about setting up a routine. I do thrive on consistency, it seems. When it comes to doing it at the same time though, I might have to adjust that somehow. My work schedule kinda gets in the way of forming a routine because it's not consistent at all and varies like every week. It's the one thing I don't particularly like about my job. In order to form a routine I'd have to be a bit flexible.

 

1 hour ago, Astreja said:

I've found these following books particularly useful for building up a routine and developing motivation:

• Atomic Habits by James Clear
• Mindset by Carol Dweck

Also, thank you for the book recommendations. I've had so many books recommended to me these past few days I won't know where to begin lmao.

[Wertbag]

On 7/30/2023 at 10:14 AM, Casualfanboy16 said:

Every time I get close to something, then all these other things pop up and now I have to think realistically and stuff, but now I have more on my plate to consider and I feel overwhelmed and trapped all over again. It's a constant cycle of just everything. 

One thing I found helped me with depression was making sure you look at the bigger picture.  We often get stuck worrying about the here and now, while those issues are often fleeting.  Often you look back 5 years, and ahead 5 years and it turns out your life is and was completely different.  Different friends, job, hobbies, home, level of fitness, pets and priorities.  

There is a set of things in our lives that we have control over.  How we invest our time and what will have our focus.  Then there are a lot of things that we have no control over, such as other people, events in the world, rejection or good luck.  We need to focus on what we can change and accept that things will happen outside of our control, so we need to just let those things go.

As the saying goes "Let me accept the things I cannot change; have the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

 

That is why suicide is so terrible.  It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but in our depression, we only see the bad and fail to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  It may not always be an easy journey to that better place, but it will get better.  Always remember to keep looking forward and every step you take to better yourself and your life will come to make big changes down the road.

[Casualfanboy16]

14 minutes ago, Wertbag said:

As the saying goes "Let me accept the things I cannot change; have the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Thank you for this. I feel like sometimes I get overwhelmed by like so much that I tend to start losing myself in the process. It's really hard for me to accept things outside of my control-- specifically my family's reaction to me coming out. That's like the main thing out of a million other things. At this point I just have to accept that right now they're stuck in their ways and aren't open to change.

 

23 minutes ago, Wertbag said:

That is why suicide is so terrible.  It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but in our depression, we only see the bad and fail to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.  It may not always be an easy journey to that better place, but it will get better.  Always remember to keep looking forward and every step you take to better yourself and your life will come to make big changes down the road.

Yeah. I need to remind myself it'll get better. Right now I may feel really horrible and still stuck in my own head, but it'll pass eventually. I'm hoping to look back one day and smile knowing I was able to overcome this. I have to take it slow though and not rush things like I've been doing. Hoping therapy will help since right now my mind kinda feels like a junk drawer overflowing with, well, junk lol.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

12 minutes ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

 

. Hoping therapy will help since right now my mind kinda feels like a junk drawer overflowing with, well, junk lol.

 

There has been a lot of good advise given to you in the past few days.  Do not worry about remembering all of it.  It will "gel" (come together) as you progress.  But if you want to memorize something of benefit, make it the "serenity prayer" that Wertbag mentioned above.

 

And speaking of "changing the things I can", that goes with what I was going to suggest.  If you want to get a running start in therapy, be thinking about what you want to change in therapy.  You need a focus to keep from rambling around in circles.  I don't want your answer here, but in the next few days, consider what it is you want to accomplish.  That will give you a head start, and save some therapist fees.  But there is something I am curious about.  Is this at a mental health center, or affiliated with a medical facility?  And is he a licensed or registered therapist?

 

 

[Casualfanboy16]

40 minutes ago, Weezer said:

And speaking of "changing the things I can", that goes with what I was going to suggest.  If you want to get a running start in therapy, be thinking about what you want to change in therapy.  You need a focus to keep from rambling around in circles.  I don't want your answer here, but in the next few days, consider what it is you want to accomplish.  That will give you a head start, and save some therapist fees.  But there is something I am curious about.  Is this at a mental health center, or affiliated with a medical facility?  And is he a licensed or registered therapist?

Alright, thanks for the advice. Also yes, this is at a mental health center (counseling center) and he's licensed. Why do you ask?

[◊ Weezer ◊]

22 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

Why do you ask?

 

Concerned that it might be affiliated with a religious group.

[Casualfanboy16]

10 minutes ago, Weezer said:

 

Concerned that it might be affiliated with a religious group.

Ohhh okay. Yeah, thank goodness this guy wasn't religious. The last one I went to left me with severe issues involving privacy from that Covenant Eyes shit and worsened my perfectionism because I didn't journal to his standards so goodbye to that hell hole! I'm just glad this guy was normal (I had him before when I was working on coming out to my parents.  It's been months since I last saw him). I'm gonna write up an entry in my journal focusing on the stuff I want to improve on so I don't run around in circles like I did previously because all I could focus on was coming out to my parents at the time and nothing else.

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, Casualfanboy16 said:

The last one I went to left me with severe issues involving privacy from that Covenant Eyes shit and worsened my perfectionism because I didn't journal to his standards

Honestly though. For that being my first therapy experience, I'm suprised I ever went to another guy after that and wasn't completely deterred from seeking further help. I was so worried that when I found another person they would turn out like him. I did not like him at all. I don't remember what we discussed all that much, and honestly, let's keep it that way. The Bible verses and worksheets were already enough. It took me a long time to get back into journaling too and I'm glad I did manage to pick it back up. Something just nice to do to get my thoughts down and I'm glad he didn't urge me to show my entries to him like my old shitty "therapist".