Casualfanboy16 Posted August 20, 2023 Share Posted August 20, 2023 Uhm soooo. I got a little silly. Haha. Anyway... FUCK YOU GOD YOU STUPID SELFISH SON OF A BITCH. SCREW YOU AND YOUR STUPID STUPID RELIGION FOR ROBBING ME OF MANY YEARS OF MY LIFE. FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID HOLY BOOK. FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID CHURCH HYMNS THAT GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AND FUCK YOU FOR LETTING JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL AND NOT EVEN TAKE ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. SCREW YOU AND YOUR TEACHINGS AND MY CHRISTIAN SCHOOL EDUCATION. SCREW ALL OF THOSE YEARS I SPENT WANTING MY GAY ASS TO DIE BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR FOLLOWERS. SCREW HEAVEN, HELL SATAN, ANGELS, DEMONS, THE BIBLE ITSELF!! I'M FUCKING DONE WITH IT ALL. I'M DONE LIVING IN FEAR I'M DONE BEING HELD BACK BY MY OWN HEAD I'M DONE NOT LIVING MY LIFE. IT'S MY FUCKING LIFE AND I AM LIVING IT FOR MYSELF. NOT GOD. NOT JESUS. NOT THE BIBLE. NOT ANYONE ELSE BUT ME. I MAY FUCK UP AND FAIL BUT I'M STILL ALIVE AND HAVE PLENTY OF LIFE LEFT TO LIVE UNLESS I DIE SOON BUT FUCK DEATH BECAUSE HEAVEN AND HELL ARE STUPID AND I FEEL LIKE I SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE LIVING IN FEAR OF IT ALL. I'M LOSING IT. I'M GOING CRAZY. I'M FREE, BITCH! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. PURITY CULTURE, STUPID RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT, ALL OF IT IS FINALLY DYING AND I CAN TAKE MY LIFE BACK SO FUCK THIS STUPID RELIGION FOR MAKING ME FEEL TRAPPED. IT'S NOT MY FAULT!! I CAN BREATHE I CAN LIVE!! LET'S FUCKING GO!!!!! I AM ALIVE!! I'M NOT A SINNER OR AN ABOMINATION!!! WOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! Okay. I'm done. The journey isn't actually over, but yay for catharsis!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Moderator TheRedneckProfessor Posted August 20, 2023 Super Moderator Share Posted August 20, 2023 I think we've made some real progress here. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casualfanboy16 Posted August 20, 2023 Author Share Posted August 20, 2023 1 minute ago, TheRedneckProfessor said: I think we've made some real progress here. Honestly... yeah. I don't know what just happened. I kinda just did whatever this is. I want this feeling to last, so I'm gonna cherish this moment right now. I still have a long way to go, but this is something, at least. I'm just done. I'm gonna live my life for me. It's gonna take some adjusting and stuff and there's going to be difficult days, but I'm done letting my head control me and religion control me and this trapped feeling. I still have lots to work on, but maybe a bit of catharsis every now and then would be beneficial for me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ Weezer ◊ Posted August 20, 2023 Share Posted August 20, 2023 3 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said: but maybe a bit of catharsis every now and then would be beneficial for me. Yep! And this is a safe place to do it. And later you may feel the sadness and have some crying spells which will also be cathartic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casualfanboy16 Posted August 20, 2023 Author Share Posted August 20, 2023 29 minutes ago, Weezer said: Yep! And this is a safe place to do it. And later you may feel the sadness and have some crying spells which will also be cathartic. I guess. I mean, I don't feel like crying, at least not yet. I guess I got stuff out after just doing whatever that was hours ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ Weezer ◊ Posted August 20, 2023 Share Posted August 20, 2023 10 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said: I guess. I mean, I don't feel like crying, at least not yet. I guess I got stuff out after just doing whatever that was hours ago. The crying will probably come sooner or later. In our society crying (sadness) and fear are equated with weakness, and is frowned upon. So we turn them into anger. When you start recognizing and expressing the anger, the sadness and fear often follow. And that is a healthy thing to happen. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casualfanboy16 Posted August 20, 2023 Author Share Posted August 20, 2023 7 minutes ago, Weezer said: The crying will probably come sooner or later. In our society crying (sadness) and fear are equated with weakness, and is frowned upon. So we turn them into anger. When you start recognizing and expressing the anger, the sadness and fear often follow. And that is a healthy thing to happen. Yeah, the crying will come eventually. Wether it's sad or happy tears, or a mix of both- I don't know when it'll happen. I just feel alive after cussing out all those years of Christian doctrine and the self-loathing and internalized homophobia and shame and self-hatred. The catharsis was needed. I guess it helps too that the weather is nice and sunny out. Makes it feel like a brand new horizon is on its way. I feel more alive than I have in years. Even though I admittedly had a lack of sleep last night, I don't feel sluggish or tired. Just alive, really. For years I felt like a walking corpse essentially. I was alive, but kinda dead. Existing, but not living. After this whole weird catharsis thing I had, something's different. A good type of different. Like, different from the previous rants I did. I like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
◊ Weezer ◊ Posted August 20, 2023 Share Posted August 20, 2023 15 hours ago, Casualfanboy16 said: SCREW ALL OF THOSE YEARS I SPENT WANTING MY GAY ASS TO DIE BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR FOLLOWERS. I am reminded of a story I heard some time back. A christian ask a gay if he was not aware that God hated queers. The gay guy replied, "It is my understanding that God made me. If he doesn't like what he made, he can change me". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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