Dealing with Anger Towards Family

[WinstonSmtih]

My parents infected me with the "mind virus" of Bible-centered, fundamentalist Christianity when I was too young and trusting to defend myself from it. I know that they too were brainwashed in childhood and were giving me the best they knew, and meant no harm. However, the fear/guilt/terror and social isolation I felt as a result have been real.  I have battled off and on my entire adult life to rid myself of it, and doing so has been difficult. I have suffered from various addictions as a way to anesthetize myself from associated childhood traumas, and whenever the chips were low, the Christians were always right back at my doorstep. Want emotional support from me? Well, first we've got to get you right with God.

 

Also, there were issues of mental illness from my mother, and ultra-rigid, demanding narcissism from both of them. Furthermore, my sibling, who was always competitive with me, has exploited this situation to his own advantage, becoming the Golden Child and building his own family's entire life around their flavor of religious faith, which is dying away, and which, I must say, I take immense pleasure from witnessing. The grandchildren are at a private Christian school and subjected to an inordinate amount of Bible-reading, chapel services, and prayers every single day, in addition to church attendance every time the doors are open. I hope that one day they manage to think their way out of it. My sibling wants a relationship with me and not estrangement, but they are either unwilling to or -- incapable of, due to the conditioning -- to see our parents as anything but wonderful. So I suffer, but any attempts to share why with my sibling are met with blankness, or even a strange giddiness that infuriates me. I do take some satisfaction in pointing out atrocities and contradictions in the Holy Babble to them, but they change the subject quickly.

 

When I'm clean and sober -- as I have been for some time -- the anger and resentment comes back with renewed intensity, often seething.

 

I don't want to live like this. I want to forgive and have a clean heart so I can live the rest of my life in the right way.

 

Can anyone relate? And any advice?

 

 

 

 

[Casualfanboy16]

1 hour ago, WinstonSmtih said:

Can anyone relate? And any advice?

Hello @WinstonSmtih and welcome to Ex-C!

 

I can definitely relate to the Christian mind virus stuff. I endured an entire PreK-12th grade Christian school education, attended church often, went to youth group and all this other stuff. I have issues with my family, but for a couple different reasons from yours. I've covered it throughout my various posts here if you're interested!

 

I understand your want to help them think their way out. Religious brainwashing does a lot to a person. It did a lot to me. Made me a codependent, self-hating shell of a human being. I'm working on it though. It's gonna be a while.

 

I understand that you don't want to feel angry, but it is perfectly normal to feel like this. Hell, I do. I'm in the Rants and Replies section of the forum quite a bit lmao. I understand wanting to forgive too. I haven't done that yet, but I want to eventually, so I feel ya there. There's plenty of productive ways to deal with anger. My main method is ranting, but there's also drawing or walking my dog, playing videogames, etc, etc. Gives me something to do so I don't ruminate in the anger and gives me space to engage in something I enjoy.

 

Again, thank you for joining us here on the forums and enjoy your stay!

[WinstonSmtih]

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply, Casual.

 

Yes, you obviously grok a big part of it. Thank you for the validation...

[◊ Weezer ◊]

Welcome, Winston!    yes, a lot of people here can relate.  Tell us more about your general situation.  City or rural?  Social contacts?  In a relationship?  Kids?  Etc.  

 

And congratulations on clean and sober.  That is an accomplishment!  Stick around an we will be back with you and get better acquainted.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

Welcome, sir.  You could have just as easily been telling my own story there, in every detail, right down to the Golden Boy asshole brother.  Things will get better with time; but I can completely understand the feeling of lost-ness and disconnect that comes with the shattering of your entire worldview and the disillusionment of having so much of your life manipulated away, stolen away, ultimately wasted, all over a blatant lie.  Anger is a natural response and a normal part of the process.  As a fellow addict, one of the most valuable bits of experience I can share with you is that it is imperative not to isolate.  Especially in times of depression, anger, and frustration.  Find someone to talk to, even if it's just to your new online community here at ex-christian.  

 

On a personal note, you're more than welcome to reach out to me via DM if you get to feeling squirrelly.  I'd also invite you to read the thread linked below, which will give you a little more information about my own background and struggles.