Dreams Being Back in the Church as an Ex-Christian

[AnonSan]

Since 2018, my dreams during slumber brought up experiences when I was still attending my family's church, or the (traumatic) experiences when I stopped going to my family's church while living with my parents after college. In the past few weeks, they have gotten more intense and bizarre. I guess it was my subconscious trying to figure out the possible alternative realities in my life that could have happened had I been more assertive leaving the church and faith. 

 

In my dreams, I have: ditched the sermons, met former members who were 10 years younger than present day, beaten up/headlocking a youth leader who bullied me into taking the Sunday lessons seriously in order to get baptized, and refused to participate in church activities. The most intense scenarios were arguing with my parents that end me in tears (I even had a dream within a dream which I was beating up my dad)- these (nightmares) always wake me up crying in the middle of the night/early mornings every 1-2 months. The most bizarre was an alternative reality which my husband became one of the church's core youth leaders for the teens/brothers while sporting a man-bun, RayBan glasses, flannel shirt, skin tight jeans, Timberland boots, and playing the acoustic guitar like a pompous hipster . These dreams help affirm my reasons why I left, though makes me wonder if I have some mild form of religious induced PTSD- will talk to my therapist the next time I meet him. 

 

Do you still have dreams that dragged you back into your former Christian lifestyle, or other experiences related to it when you were still had the Christian faith or as ex-Christians?

 

 

[TheRedneckProfessor]

I have something similar in the form of what are called "drunk dreams."  As a person with alcoholism, my dreams often find me drunk and either remorseful, ashamed to face my family, or trying to figure out how to get away with it without anybody finding out.  Unfortunately, I also often end up with a hangover, without even the benefit of having had a good binge beforehand. 

 

I'm 4.5 years sober now, and the dreams have subsided somewhat in intensity and frequency; though they do still often arise when I'm stressed or in an otherwise less-than-ideal emotional space.  I'm told they are the result of both trauma and unresolved issues.  Perhaps it is the same for you.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

11 hours ago, AnonSan said:

Since 2018, my dreams during slumber brought up experiences when I was still attending my family's church, or the (traumatic) experiences when I stopped going to my family's church while living with my parents after college. In the past few weeks, they have gotten more intense and bizarre. I guess it was my subconscious trying to figure out the possible alternative realities in my life that could have happened had I been more assertive leaving the church and faith. 

 

In my dreams, I have: ditched the sermons, met former members who were 10 years younger than present day, beaten up/headlocking a youth leader who bullied me into taking the Sunday lessons seriously in order to get baptized, and refused to participate in church activities. The most intense scenarios were arguing with my parents that end me in tears (I even had a dream within a dream which I was beating up my dad)- these (nightmares) always wake me up crying in the middle of the night/early mornings every 1-2 months. The most bizarre was an alternative reality which my husband became one of the church's core youth leaders for the teens/brothers while sporting a man-bun, RayBan glasses, flannel shirt, skin tight jeans, Timberland boots, and playing the acoustic guitar like a pompous hipster . These dreams help affirm my reasons why I left, though makes me wonder if I have some mild form of religious induced PTSD- will talk to my therapist the next time I meet him. 

 

Do you still have dreams that dragged you back into your former Christian lifestyle, or other experiences related to it when you were still had the Christian faith or as ex-Christians?

 

 

Hey, GOOD FOR YOU!  that dream doesn't take much interpreting!    It is spot on how you are feeling about the situation.  I got a laugh out of it.  Except fot the part where you were crying.   But that even fits.  You are getting even with them, or at least standing up to them, but it is at the same time sad.  Especially the situation with your parents.  AnonSan, I believe you have a very healthy mind!

[◊ Weezer ◊]

On 11/11/2023 at 11:02 AM, AnonSan said:

 

These dreams help affirm my reasons why I left, though makes me wonder if I have some mild form of religious induced PTSD- will talk to my therapist the next time I meet him. 

 

Yes, do talk to your therapist about it.  But I wanted to tell you that your dream reminded me of a technique we used in group therapy years ago.  Role playing scenes that represented how you would have liked things to have gone in the past, rather than how they actually went.  It can be empowering.  You were doing something similar in your dream.

[♦ Fuego ♦]

I used to dream about being around the cult leader I used to promote (missionary preacher who claims wild miracles and several dead-raisings, has a large following among Pentecostals). Like some other dreams, my mind was working out what I'd do if around him again, and more generally what I'd do around militant believers. I did most of my processing while writing a book about my conversion/deconversion (non-published). That helped me really think through some concepts and analyze why I first believed and how I saw through it in the end. Dreams are a way to get the mind to deal with assumptions, beliefs, and patterns of thought and behavior. 

 

There is a thread (or was) in the Ex-C Spirituality section about using psychedelics, and I found that those are a way to uncover rather a LOT of hidden emotions and patterns. I think of it as years of psychotherapy in a few sessions. I haven't used them for years, but because they took me out of myself and gave me perspective on how I fit into the universe, I am still seeing connections in my behaviors and thoughts that were deeply ingrained patterns in my family for generations. What to do with that information is still up to me. Choice is our most powerful ability.