Guest MrEusOne Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Well, I've been lurking here for a little while now, so I thought it was time to post my deconversion story. My deconversion has happened over a number of years. My mother was, and is, a devout fundamentalist Baptist and from the time I was born until I was 16, I went to church three times a week. I was a born again, baptised christian. I was going to Heaven when I died, Amen! But why was I so frightened all the time? I was frightened when I heard that Satanic rock music on the radio. It's a sin! But why did I like it so much? I lied sometimes. Everyone knows that's a sin! I sinned all the time. I had to pray every night for Jesus to cleanse me of my sins with his healing blood. What if I didn't pray for forgiveness before Jesus appeared in the sky, the last trumpet sounding and all people in Christ being raptured up to Heaven? I knew that I was saved, didn't I? I believed in him, so even if I didn't get that last chance to repent of my sins, I would still go to heaven wouldn't I? That was pretty much my whole christian existance in a nutshell. I knew that I was a sinner and deserved Hell, so I accepted Jesus as my saviour, believed in him and loved him. And yet...I didn't ever really feel any different. I never felt that I had any kind of personal relationship with Jesus, or God. I was just me, trying to be a good kid and do what my parents told me, do what my preacher and sunday school teachers told me. But there was no feeling that I knew Jesus, just the constant fear of Hell. I also feared hell for another reason. My father was not a christian. I knew he was going to hell, not only because the bible said so, but because Mom said so too. Now, don't get me wrong. My mom and dad love each other to this very day. Mom didn't hate Dad, but she loved him so much that she wanted him to go to heaven as well. Dad, though, he was a tough egg to crack. All of his friends were going to hell and he would rather go to hell with them than go to heaven. Or so he said. Well, to a six year old, the prospect of your dad dying and being eternally tormented in a lake of fire was a little more potent, at least to me, than any monster under the bed or boogeyman in the closet. It scared the bejebus out of me. Of course, I usually ended up in tears just thinking about it. Luckily, he was born again when I was about 7 or 8. I'm pretty sure he never really believed, but having a six or seven year old crying for your immortal soul would probably get me to accept Jesus (at least publicly), if for nothing more than for my kid's peace of mind. By the time that I was ten or so, I began really thinking about certain things. Things like being born into a different religion. What if I had been born a Hindu? Wouldn't I naturally accept what my parents and society taught me about God? What if I had been born in the depths of Africa, and had never heard of Jesus and the bible? I never got any good answers to these questions, other than "Men could come to know God through their hearts", or some such nonsense. Mostly church wasn't so bad, though. Sit through the boring bible stuff and then play some tag or hide and seek with the other kids before going home. Then when I was a bit older it was flirting with the cute girls at church. Distractionary stuff that alleviated the boredom and fear of the services. By the time I was sixteen, I had a job and could schedule my work shifts to get out of going to church. I still believed in God and Jesus, but I wasn't necessarily buying into the religious aspects of it all. I liked most of my "sinful" things and figured that Jesus didn't really mind it so much, it was mostly my parents and the pastor who had the biggest problem with it. Anyway, that thinking continued as I turned 19, joined the Navy and set off to see the world. It lasted through my 6 years of service. After I got out, I never gave religion much thought. My wife and I went to a UCC church for a little while after we bought our house, but although she is a Christian, she's not very religious so we didn't go for very long. I only really started thinking seriously about religion a couple of years ago. What really got me thinking about it was a radio program which featured a guest who had written a book about Jesus, and his life. He claimed that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were probably married. He also dispelled several of the notions of the Christmas story. I began reading about Christianity and what was fact and what was fiction. I also began reading the bible, and things like the skeptics annotated bible. I had never experienced God in any way, shape, or form. Where was the basis for a belief in him? The bible was full of contradiction and outright errors. The "eyewitness" accounts of Jesus' life were written years after his death. I began to realize that, while I had stopped being a religious christian years ago, I was now not even a christian anymore. And with that realization, I have never felt more free; free from sin, free from eternal punishment, free to think and do what I think best. Free to read and think for myself, form my own opinions, decide for myself in all things based on logic and rationality. I'm happier today than I was for the past thirty odd years of Christianity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Welcome to the site! I can relate to one part of your story... I was converted by evangelical friends. Neither of my parents were religious at all, they were more like spiritual hippies. I remember fearing that my mom and dad would both go to hell... and gay family members, too. It was torture. When my dad died, I spent more time mourning the fact that he was suppsedly in hell than actually mourning him as my father. I, like you, feel more free than I ever felt as a Christian. I hope you stick around for a while! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MrEusOne Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Welcome to the site! I can relate to one part of your story... I was converted by evangelical friends. Neither of my parents were religious at all, they were more like spiritual hippies. I remember fearing that my mom and dad would both go to hell... and gay family members, too. It was torture. When my dad died, I spent more time mourning the fact that he was suppsedly in hell than actually mourning him as my father. I, like you, feel more free than I ever felt as a Christian. I hope you stick around for a while! Thanks for the welcome Pandora! I'm very glad I found this site. I know absolutely no one in real life who is not a Christian, so its nice to find a place where I can interact with others who hold my lack of belief! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manta Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Nice to see that even those with a full-on emotional attachment to a religion can see clearly given the right information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnosis of Disbelief Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Welcome aboard! Good to see that Jeeebus didn't shut down your brain! Freedom is great, ain't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mostlyharmless Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Welcome! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MrEusOne Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Welcome aboard! Thanks! Good to see that Jeeebus didn't shut down your brain! Freedom is great, ain't it? He didn't shut it down, but he did retard it for a bit. Although I'm not sure my wife would agree that my brain isn't shutdown sometimes... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest revpo Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 FREE at last...yes My friend you used logic and reason when you read the bible and listened,how could someone remember from 100's of years ago and record 100's of years later..logic/reason. I read t. paines...the age of reason...great, and it started the grey matter to THINK...what a relief... revpo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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