☆ moxieflux66 ☆ Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 My friends, both members and guests, on this holiday I would like to share with you what giving really has become to me this past year. A gift without all the fluff. Monday for me began with a mission to discover the reason for an alarming blood test result I'd been given late on Friday, indicating a possible internal blood loss. It was an unexpected and shocking thing for me but I had to wait the weekend out to resolve it. First thing Monday morning I returned to the clinic (25 miles away) to try to get a new test to see if the indicators were still there. Because the clinic couldn't take me without an appointment and my provider was swamped, eventually I was instructed to go to the emergency department to get a blood draw. It was my birthday. But the best present I could get was to know I wouldn't bleed to death on my birthday, right? I enlisted the only friend I currently have, Debbie, to take me to the ER. She'd been arguing heavily with her 34 year old daughter over the course of the week. She insisted I use a $100 overnight bag in case I got admitted and/or worse. She made me pack much too much into it, plus a few other things, and lugged it out to her car muttering, “I never pack light”. We made it to the hospital about 5:00 pm, filled to the brim with patients waiting in various stages of illness, got registered (thanks to Debbie's efficiency and ability to handle any crisis imaginable) and sat to wait our turn. The spot we found to sit happened to have two seats available, and upon sitting down, I had the sudden determination that though it wasn't cake and ice cream, there were plenty of people around, and so I began to show off in much the same way I do on this forum, joking with Deb as we laughed, commented and even involved another waiting patient in a word game Deb had on her phone. I joked with the nurse about how big my birthday party got and we only needed a few balloons. I managed to have one of the best, though bizarre birthdays of my life just because I had a friend who cared about me and was willing to do something I needed when I needed it. It turned out I was ok according to my new blood test so I was discharged, went back home to Debbie's house and en route, daughter had cooked plain white rice and boiled sausage for me to eat since I'd not had solid food all day. It tasted like manna from heaven. And then it turned into The Last Supper. I hugged Debbie's daughter, thanked her for everything and planned to see her soon. 18 hours later, she was dead, having been stabbed to death in her own home, dying in her mother's arms. I didn't find out about it until late the next morning. More chilling than that, I'd been texting with her not 45 minutes before the entire incident suddenly happened. While the grief for me is a pittance of what Debbie must feel, I have never known the kind of shock this is and would never dare to guess what it is for her. I can only be there whenever, and where ever she might let me help her with this and that is a gift to me. Meanwhile, another gift for me is that she has an army of support from friends and family, not that it's automatically good but just the same. Plenty of people to look out for her. I have to admit the head space I was last seen in here was bad, but of course this is worse. What made it better is that you all cared enough about me to let me know and that's pretty rare for me. My gift to you is to stick around and make you laugh a lot dammit. Love and Light (and live long and prosper too!) Moxie flux 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ Fuego ♦ Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 Wow. Hope they caught who did it. I agree, the best of life for me now is the little circles of people I have, foodies, singers, the few ex-C folks here, and some coworkers. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
older Posted December 23, 2023 Share Posted December 23, 2023 We all receive both gifts and pain. One does not negate the other; we perhaps simultaneously suffer and celebrate. For some reason I can't explain I am reminded of this quote: What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the winter time. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. — Crowfoot, a Blackfoot Indian 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ moxieflux66 ☆ Posted December 30, 2023 Author Share Posted December 30, 2023 On 12/22/2023 at 6:02 PM, Fuego said: Wow. Hope they caught who did it. I agree, the best of life for me now is the little circles of people I have, foodies, singers, the few ex-C folks here, and some coworkers. Yes, he is currently incarcerated without bail. Yesterday Debbie gave a deposition to the Grand Jury. He will likely be imprisoned for life but the rage in the community will remain and he might not survive prison either. After spending a week staying with her in her house, it has been pretty intense and if ever there was a need to be in the Now, it has been the entire last two week period. My friend specifically asked me to stay with her as the rest of her family and friends grapple with their own shock and horror. I am far enough removed from long terms roots here that I can be, oddly, the best resource for her now as she miraculously compartmentalizes everything that must be done now to prepare for the funeral, the estate, and every other thing she must do to shovel out the mess left behind (other than the crime scene itself. The cops took the doorknobs off the front door for evidence). She mourns when she has time but has spent 90% of her energy 'taking care' of others, just like she has always done, and just as her beautiful daughter did. I truly don't believe, yes BELIEVE her spirit is gone at all and in fact BELIEVE she cleansed the home before her spirit abandoned her body. It just FEELS that way. I feel humbled and grateful and lucky I had a concrete and easy job staying with her and helping her as best I could to deal with the BEGINNIGS of a hugely long, painful and frustrating (to say the least) situation. I received in greater measure her trust in me, something I've rarely had from a friend. That is also a gift. I've come back home to recharge a little, leaving her in the capable hands of friends and family. I'll be going back to stay and help more a bit after the New Year. Thank you all, my friends and may next year not suck like this year did, eh? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
☆ moxieflux66 ☆ Posted December 30, 2023 Author Share Posted December 30, 2023 On 12/22/2023 at 7:51 PM, older said: We all receive both gifts and pain. One does not negate the other; we perhaps simultaneously suffer and celebrate. For some reason I can't explain I am reminded of this quote: What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the winter time. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset. — Crowfoot, a Blackfoot Indian And the wounds themselves contain the seeds of healing. Thank you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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