Went back to Christianity out of fear, suffering immensely . . .

[FedUpWithIt]

I’m having a really hard time. Every day is terrifying. I grew up in strict fundamentalist Christianity and left at age 16 when I stopped believing entirely. Those were the best years of my life, from age 16 to 21. The fear of hell was completely gone — it fell of completely at the same time I left the religion. But at 21, the fear of hell started creeping back in.

 

Now I am beginning to suffer what I am convinced are demonic attacks/demonic communications. External things communicating with my mind. I don’t want any of this stuff to be true, and I told a psychiatrist that I’m hearing voices (and I am, daily) so I’ve gotten medication for it, and some of the hallucinations have greatly reduced, but deep down, the nature of the experience feels to me like I’m being tormented by demons, threatened, etc., EVERY DAY.

 

I just want Christianity to have never been in my life. I want the devil to go away — life without the supernatural was so awesome from 16-21. Just an evolved monkey living on a spinning rock in space — those years were so freeing, especially since I’m a staunch liberal and have always hated control and oppression and the patriarchy. I’ve convinced myself that I lost my salvation at 16 when I stopped believing, that I committed the unpardonable sin either by not believing, or one of the many times I’ve cursed God in the past and even called him a Narcissistic Bully, etc.

 

I’ve lost myself. I am suffering threats of hell every day. Satan keeps telling me, “You know you’ve blasphemed the Holy Spirit and you’re doomed to hell” etc. in my head, audible and almost visible hallucinations of evil things daily, I can’t get away from it.

 

I’ve tried to just leave Christianity and fight tooth and nail to keep my sanity, but I am afraid that the religion has caused permanent mental trauma/issues. From 21 to now (I’m 35), I’ve done many very strict religious things against my liberal nature and true person, coerced by the fear of hell, and I feel disconnected from reality.

 

How can I possibly get out of this trap? The demonic attacks drive me right back into forced prayer and Christianity (to try to make the attacks stop or be less severe), which is where I DON’T want to be. My mental health cannot heal in this environment. I feel betrayed by God for being treated so badly every day, I can’t believe He’s letting it go on, this suffering doesn’t even feel human, it’s not humane. Does anyone have any suggestions? I really appreciate you reading this, thanks.

[TheRedneckProfessor]

I think you're on the right track talking to a psychiatrist about this.  It sounds like you may not have found the right medication, or combination of meds, quite yet.  I know you know this; but sometimes it's nice to hear it.  This really is all in your head.  Intrusive thoughts and what not.  You have done nothing for which you should be ashamed; you've done nothing for which you deserve punishment.  If you can get out of your own head, even for a few minutes at a time, it will help.  I find Zen helpful, as well.  The damage will heal eventually; but the most important thing right now is to stop the bleeding.  Please, call your doctor.

[FedUpWithIt]

7 minutes ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

You have done nothing for which you should be ashamed; you've done nothing for which you deserve punishment.

Thanks so much for your reply, especially this part — I needed to hear this and didn’t even realize it. I have been experiencing a lot of false guilt and feeling like I’m being told I deserve to be punished. I’ve made another appointment with my psychiatrist to work on adjusting the medications. He’s been increasing the dose every time I see him, I’m up to 80mg twice a day with meals, he was talking about adding another 40mg at night if symptoms persist, so that’s probably what he’ll do. Thanks so much.

[FedUpWithIt]

12 minutes ago, TheRedneckProfessor said:

If you can get out of your own head, even for a few minutes at a time, it will help.

I just wanted to really thank you for this observation, too. I think it will help a lot to get out of the isolation I’m in and socialize a little more normally instead of ruminating on my own thoughts. Thanks again.

[jen2174]

4 hours ago, FedUpWithIt said:

I’m having a really hard time. Every day is terrifying. I grew up in strict fundamentalist Christianity and left at age 16 when I stopped believing entirely. Those were the best years of my life, from age 16 to 21. The fear of hell was completely gone — it fell of completely at the same time I left the religion. But at 21, the fear of hell started creeping back in.

 

Now I am beginning to suffer what I am convinced are demonic attacks/demonic communications. External things communicating with my mind. I don’t want any of this stuff to be true, and I told a psychiatrist that I’m hearing voices (and I am, daily) so I’ve gotten medication for it, and some of the hallucinations have greatly reduced, but deep down, the nature of the experience feels to me like I’m being tormented by demons, threatened, etc., EVERY DAY.

 

I just want Christianity to have never been in my life. I want the devil to go away — life without the supernatural was so awesome from 16-21. Just an evolved monkey living on a spinning rock in space — those years were so freeing, especially since I’m a staunch liberal and have always hated control and oppression and the patriarchy. I’ve convinced myself that I lost my salvation at 16 when I stopped believing, that I committed the unpardonable sin either by not believing, or one of the many times I’ve cursed God in the past and even called him a Narcissistic Bully, etc.

 

I’ve lost myself. I am suffering threats of hell every day. Satan keeps telling me, “You know you’ve blasphemed the Holy Spirit and you’re doomed to hell” etc. in my head, audible and almost visible hallucinations of evil things daily, I can’t get away from it.

 

I’ve tried to just leave Christianity and fight tooth and nail to keep my sanity, but I am afraid that the religion has caused permanent mental trauma/issues. From 21 to now (I’m 35), I’ve done many very strict religious things against my liberal nature and true person, coerced by the fear of hell, and I feel disconnected from reality.

 

How can I possibly get out of this trap? The demonic attacks drive me right back into forced prayer and Christianity (to try to make the attacks stop or be less severe), which is where I DON’T want to be. My mental health cannot heal in this environment. I feel betrayed by God for being treated so badly every day, I can’t believe He’s letting it go on, this suffering doesn’t even feel human, it’s not humane. Does anyone have any suggestions? I really appreciate you reading this, thanks.

I have been through this and told myself it was satan also and i know what we believe matters. For instance, in new age which I have been into some teaches that there are malovent spirits and entities like ghosts that torment us sometimes. might sound crazy but that could be it. it cant be satan because he is not real if the bible is not true. I have been watching this channel on youtube-Mindshift, the guy goes into every detail possible about why the bible is wrong. I went back to christianity four times afte trying to leave so i understand entirely. 

[TABA]

Hi @FedUpWithIt!  I hate that you’ve been suffering so much from the anxiety and misery that christian teachings can generate in so many people.  Getting as far away as possible from that religion is one of the keys to getting to a better life.  This community will support you 100% in that effort.  Whether it’s demonstrating the mythical basis for christian beliefs or providing support, encouragement or just a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on, you’re in the right place.  
 

There are excellent reasons to belief that Hell and Satan are pure fiction, the myths having developed and evolved over centuries.  If you’re inclined to look into that, we can suggest some good reading.  Or maybe you just need to catch your breath for now, to just put one step in front of another and let the professional help you are getting do its work.  Glad you’re getting that help!  Whenever possible, I would strongly recommend fresh air, sunshine and exercise as good natural aids to well-being.  And just know that you are among friends here.  You can get away from harmful religious dogma, many here have done so over the years.  I hope you will stay engaged with us here, and that it will help you as so many others have been helped.  
 

Best wishes for healing and peace to you!  

[Hierophant]

Hi @FedUpWithIt, first and foremost, I want you to know you are not alone. A lot of people have struggled with the exact same type of mental anguish you are going through, myself included. What you have to know, and I hope your psychiatrist has already identified this, but you are having intrusive thoughts and a form of religious obsession. What the root cause is, I am not sure. Mine started in Iraq back in 2003/2004 when I thought if I died, I might go to Hell. It was PTSD manifesting in a religious obsession. Religion, specifically hell and how I know I can be saved was all I thought about day and night. I went to bed thinking about it, I woke up thinking about it. I too was terrified I had committed the unpardonable sin. These doubts and intrusive thoughts sent me down one rabbit hole after another for about 15 years. I would visit hundreds of websites trying to figure out what the unpardonable sin even was, and two, if I broke it. If it was not that, it was the quest to figure out if I was really "saved."

 

Who knows how many hundreds of hours I spent in that quest, but I figured a couple of things out. One, nobody actually knows the answer to these questions. There is a reason there are thousands of denominations out there. For one, our current Bible has been translated, which also means interpreted. Hebrew and Greek do not directly translate, so there will always be a bit of educated guesses when it comes to translating the true meaning. Two, everyone who reads the Bible does so with glasses tainted by their biases, cultural norms, and a host of other nuances, which is why nobody ever understands it the same way.

 

Not only do we have the perspective bias problem, but the Bible itself is not internally consistent. I recommend this website: https://brucegerencser.net/ to get you started. I think you will find Bruce is a like-minded individual to yourself, and he is able to articulate the various nuances of the Bible, such as this https://brucegerencser.net/2020/08/one-plan-salvation/. What I think would be healthy for you is to start reading authors who used to be Christians and left, because I have no doubt you will be able to see the similarities you are having.

 

To the main topic of Satan, I do not, for one second, believe Satan is real. Matter of fact, if we posit a multi-omni God, Satan is hands down the stupidest character in theology. Think about this, if God was all-knowing, then he must KNOW exactly what Satan was doing at any given moment. That means no matter what Satan was up to, God is letting it happen implicitly or explicitly, so really, what is the point of Satan. He can do nothing outside of God's will, so who really gives a shit about him. He is a useless puppet.

 

Christians give demons too much credit, and I find the whole thing utterly ridiculous. If God is all-powerful and all-knowing, then he is behind it all. IMO, Satan is used to alleviate the cognitive dissonance of worshiping a God who might bless you one day, then kill your family the next. Below are some resources on the real satan (Hebrew translates to something like, "the accuser").

In the earliest mentions of the satan in the Bible, he is not God's enemy, he is an agent of God. He test people to see if they pass muster. Why would an all-knowing God need to test people if he already knows everything - the point here would be that Christian theology has so many contradictory ideas that they cannot all be true at the same time, and most likely, they are all completely false.

 

My intrusive thoughts started going away when I was able to read the Bible and talk about Christianity in the context of Higher Criticism and not Christian woo-woo. There is no easy overnight fix, but the smarter you get on the real history of Christianity, you will work your way out of this mental prison.

 

Also, and I really want to highlight this, I do not recommend you read anything in the realm of apologetics. When I was first deconverting/dealing with my religious obsession, reading anything pro-christian would simply send me right back into a tail spin of self-doubt, more intrusive thoughts, more guilt, shame, rinse and repeat. When I had an especially bad intrusive thought, I would obsess about it for days. Later, once I left Christianity, I was more rational, and I could recognize an intrusive thought it for what it is, dismiss it, and recovery time was significantly shortened. I spoke with a psychologist who said my brain almost has to remap itself before these things entirely go away. It has taken some time, but I am way better than I used to be, and it gets better every day!!!

 

Until you are equipped to read anything pro-christian, for your own sake, leave it alone. I probably did not read anything apologetic related for a good two years. Now I can look at it critically and see how absurd the arguments are.

 

Here is a good book I read on it:

https://www.amazon.com/Birth-Satan-Tracing-Devils-Biblical/dp/0739469797/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1R6WYQ2D93QVW&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.TYkejDZKmKM_SSl7V1bXfvcDe0mtyp0yVCUkq8MbyEYmm2mNAA2r_3auNfGcoL1z_ohtEXvTelfttpridKKcEg.7FRuhnrXwyAZk85m5Z-C2rp5PLQTxGMDiD143llE010&dib_tag=se&keywords=tracing+the+devil's+biblical+roots&qid=1707851852&sprefix=tracing+the+devil's+biblical+roots%2Caps%2C74&sr=8-1

 

 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

As a retired psychiatric social worker, I totally agree with all the suggestions above.  And in addition to the medication, if you are not in talk therapy with anyone, I suggest it. 

 

It may not be true in your case, but in my observations through the years many people who have similar conditions as yours, have been through some kind of traumatic situations early in life.  And sometimes do not remember what it was.  If you have blocked out some memories, finding a safe environment where you feel secure, the memories may come back and allow you to deal with them.  And realize the "devil" was outside yourself, NOT INSIDE YOU!  

The devil/satan is simply a concept.

 

 

[Hierophant]

5 hours ago, FedUpWithIt said:

I just wanted to really thank you for this observation, too. I think it will help a lot to get out of the isolation I’m in and socialize a little more normally instead of ruminating on my own thoughts. Thanks again.

 

I used to find distractions, such as playing golf would alleviate the obsession for a bit. So if you need a mental break, find something like that while you are working to unseat this mental anguish.

[TABA]

1 hour ago, Hierophant said:

Until you are equipped to read anything pro-christian, for your own sake, leave it alone. I probably did not read anything apologetic related for a good two years. Now I can look at it critically and see how absurd the arguments are.

This is very good advice.  People sometimes cause themselves unnecessary anxiety when they go back and re-read apologetics, almost re-litigating the question.  I understand they want to cover all the bases, but certainty can rarely be found in life.  As Hierophant says, you will eventually be able to see the problems with apologetics, you will be able to look at Christianity the same rational way you can look at some religion you were NOT indoctrinated into, but early in the deconversion process you can still be thrown off course by the fallacies they contain. 

[◊ Weezer ◊]

2 hours ago, TABA said:

but early in the deconversion process you can still be thrown off course by the fallacies they contain. 

Yes!  That early psychological conditioning through fear of abandonment and severe eternal punishment, can be very hard to shake loose.  
 

And something else to consider is that if you had been born in India, the conditioning would likely have come in the form of Hinduism.  Both religions claiming to be the true religion. 

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

On 2/13/2024 at 7:09 AM, FedUpWithIt said:

How can I possibly get out of this trap? The demonic attacks drive me right back into forced prayer and Christianity (to try to make the attacks stop or be less severe), which is where I DON’T want to be. My mental health cannot heal in this environment. I feel betrayed by God for being treated so badly every day, I can’t believe He’s letting it go on, this suffering doesn’t even feel human, it’s not humane. Does anyone have any suggestions? I really appreciate you reading this, thanks.

 

Fedupwithit,

      I feel your pain and anxiety here. And yes I feel that this is linked to some severe mental religious trauma. I'm no psychiatrist but the anxiety you feel from your perceived transgression against God is what I feel is driving these voices and demonic possession thoughts. 

    I say this because when I was very young and being indoctrinated I had some similar issues. My parents never censored movies from us. Except X rated. We were allowed to watch R rated movies and we would watch horror movies from time to time. Some of them had story lines where a person's soul would be sold. 

    At some point I had a random uncontrollable thought and made a wager in my mind. That led to some OCD traits for a couple years. Like I would try not to step on cracks. I would turn on the shower in a certain order. And wash myself in a certain order. I would try not to step on cracks. Not because I thought it would break my mommas back but because I had more uncontrollable thoughts and made wagers that I wouldn't or I'd lose my soul. Sometimes I would also hear what I thought were demonic voices telling me I was going to hell now. Because I had lost my bet. And maybe this is the same for you? I dont know. Like i said. I'm not a psychiatrist, but basically you feel like you have blashemed the Holy Ghost and are doomed to hell. And I thought I had lost my sould and was doomed to hell. As you can imagine this was a troubling time in my youth. Circa 8-12 years old or so. And for a believer, the prospect of hell is terrifying and I believe this immense amount of mental stress can invoke these voices. Atleast that's what I think it was with me. 

    I want you to think about those 5 years or so you felt so free as a non-believer. How liberating it was. Jesus said in John 8:36 that if the son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. But you didn't feel free did you? You didn't feel free until you left religion behind. I would suggest trying to complete your deconversion. Honestly the bible fails when looked at through the critical eye. The creation story is all myth, as well as the story of Moses, Noah, the tower of babel, and not to mention there are flaws, forgeries, lies, and contradictions mixed all throughout God's inerrant Bible. Does that sound like something an omni God would put together? Not really right?

     But as a former minister of the Holy Word I want to give you something else to think about as a believer. As mentioned before it seems the root cause for your anxiety is this belief that you blasphemed the Holy Ghost. But does anyone really know what Blaspheming the Holy Ghost or taking the Lord's name in vain is? I don't think that it is interpreted right in the churches. When I was a minister I was big on referencing words in the Hebrew and Greek dictionary I had to try to get closer to the original meaning. And my curiosity turned its eye to this specific subject one time. And these are the conclusions that I came to. 

 

First let's look at taking the Lord's name in vain. Some Christians think it's saying Goddamn, the Jews were so worried about it that they wouldn't say his name out of fear theu would get it wrong, and some think it's even as simple as exclaiming and saying something like this. "Jesus Christ what happened here". But I think it was meant to be a completely different issue. 

 

Exodus 20:7

7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

 

I underlined take and vain because these are the key words that I looked up.

 

Take

a primitive root; to lift, in a great variety of applications, literal and figurative, absolute and relative:—accept, advance, arise, (able to, (armor), suffer to) bear(-er, up), bring (forth), burn, carry (away), cast, contain, desire, ease, exact, exalt (self), extol, fetch, forgive, furnish, further, give, go on, help, high, hold up, honorable ( man), lade, lay, lift (self) up, lofty, marry, magnify, 

 

What I got from this word was that take in this instance is saying, to lift up, bear up, raise, carry, etc. 

 

Vain

in the sense of desolating; evil (as destructive), literally (ruin) or morally (especially guile); figuratively idolatry (as false, subjective), uselessness (as deceptive, objective; also adverbially, in vain):—false(-ly), lie, lying, vain, vanity.

 

Most of the term vain in this instance is talking evil, deception, lying, etc.

 

After seeing this I came to the conclusion that "Taking the Lord's name in vain" was much more than just a slip of the tongue or a curse word. It is saying that lifting up or bearing the Lord's name in deceit, evil, lying, etc. Is a sin that God will not be forgiven. 

 

Which makes sense right? That God would not want his followers doing evil in his name. 

 

So then I turned my attention to the blaspheme of the Holy Ghost. The other unforgivable sin in the bible. 

 

This one is a little trickier and ya have to take it into context. So we have to have more verses. 

 

Matthew 12

24 But when the Pharisees heard it, they said, This fellow doth not cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils.

25 And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:

26 And if Satan cast out Satan, he is divided against himself; how shall then his kingdom stand?

27 And if I by Beelzebub cast out devils, by whom do your children cast them out? therefore they shall be your judges.

28 But if I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of God is come unto you.

29 Or else how can one enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he first bind the strong man? and then he will spoil his house.

30 He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.

31 Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.

32 And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come.

 

As you can see I underlined the whole first verse I quoted. The pharisees were accusing Jesus of taking the Lord's name in vain. Can you see that? He was telling everyone he was sent by the father to show the father's works and power. They were saying he was not doing it by god but the devil. Which Jesus goes on to explain how that wasn't the case and then talks about Blaspheme of the Holy Ghost. 

 

In this verse Blaspheme in the Greek dictionary is this. 

 

vilification (especially against God):—blasphemy, evil speaking, railing.

 

So vilification against God. And what is the easiest way to make God a villain? By doing something evil in his name. It goes back and ties into taking the Lord's name in vain. Also the pharisees had spoken evil of and railed against Jesus. But they hadnt against the Holy Ghost. So they, at that point could be forgiven. But I think the important thing to take away is that it is not a simple curse word, or speaking against Christianity while deconverted. It is actually using God to do evil. When I think of this lesson I think about cultists that molest children and convince the parents that God/Holy Ghost told him that their daughter would be his wife. That is Blaspheme of the Holy Ghost. 

 

Anyway, I hope this old lesson of mine helps ease your mind. But my greater hope is that you somehow find a way out of it all together again. Free yourself from the chains of this ancient civilization and their ideologies. 

 

Sincerely,

Dark Bishop

[Hierophant]

2 hours ago, DarkBishop said:

 

Fedupwithit,

      I feel your pain and anxiety here. And yes I feel that this is linked to some severe mental religious trauma. I'm no psychiatrist but the anxiety you feel from your perceived transgression against God is what I feel is driving these voices and demonic possession thoughts. 

    I say this because when I was very young and being indoctrinated I had some similar issues. My parents never censored movies from us. Except X rated. We were allowed to watch R rated movies and we would watch horror movies from time to time. Some of them had story lines where a person's soul would be sold. 

    At some point I had a random uncontrollable thought and made a wager in my mind. That led to some OCD traits for a couple years. Like I would try not to step on cracks. I would turn on the shower in a certain order. And wash myself in a certain order. I would try not to step on cracks. Not because I thought it would break my mommas back but because I had more uncontrollable thoughts and made wagers that I wouldn't or I'd lose my soul. Sometimes I would also hear what I thought were demonic voices telling me I was going to hell now. Because I had lost my bet. And maybe this is the same for you? I dont know. Like i said. I'm not a psychiatrist, but basically you feel like you have blashemed the Holy Ghost and are doomed to hell. And I thought I had lost my sould and was doomed to hell. As you can imagine this was a troubling time in my youth. Circa 8-12 years old or so. And for a believer, the prospect of hell is terrifying and I believe this immense amount of mental stress can invoke these voices. Atleast that's what I think it was with me. 

    I want you to think about those 5 years or so you felt so free as a non-believer. How liberating it was. Jesus said in John 8:36 that if the son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed. But you didn't feel free did you? You didn't feel free until you left religion behind. I would suggest trying to complete your deconversion. Honestly the bible fails when looked at through the critical eye. The creation story is all myth, as well as the story of Moses, Noah, the tower of babel, and not to mention there are flaws, forgeries, lies, and contradictions mixed all throughout God's inerrant Bible. Does that sound like something an omni God would put together? Not really right?

     But as a former minister of the Holy Word I want to give you something else to think about as a believer. As mentioned before it seems the root cause for your anxiety is this belief that you blasphemed the Holy Ghost. But does anyone really know what Blaspheming the Holy Ghost or taking the Lord's name in vain is? I don't think that it is interpreted right in the churches. When I was a minister I was big on referencing words in the Hebrew and Greek dictionary I had to try to get closer to the original meaning. And my curiosity turned its eye to this specific subject one time. And these are the conclusions that I came to. 

 

First let's look at taking the Lord's name in vain. Some Christians think it's saying Goddamn, the Jews were so worried about it that they wouldn't say his name out of fear theu would get it wrong, and some think it's even as simple as exclaiming and saying something like this. "Jesus Christ what happened here". But I think it was meant to be a completely different issue. 

 

Exodus 20:7

7 Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

 

I underlined take and vain because these are the key words that I looked up.

 

Take

a primitive root; to lift, in a great variety of applications, literal and figurative, absolute and relative:—accept, advance, arise, (able to, (armor), suffer to) bear(-er, up), bring (forth), burn, carry (away), cast, contain, desire, ease, exact, exalt (self), extol, fetch, forgive, furnish, further, give, go on, help, high, hold up, honorable ( man), lade, lay, lift (self) up, lofty, marry, magnify, 

 

What I got from this word was that take in this instance is saying, to lift up, bear up, raise, carry, etc. 

 

Vain

in the sense of desolating; evil (as destructive), literally (ruin) or morally (especially guile); figuratively idolatry (as false, subjective), uselessness (as deceptive, objective; also adverbially, in vain):—false(-ly), lie, lying, vain, vanity.

 

Most of the term vain in this instance is talking evil, deception, lying, etc.

 

After seeing this I came to the conclusion that "Taking the Lord's name in vain" was much more than just a slip of the tongue or a curse word. It is saying that lifting up or bearing the Lord's name in deceit, evil, lying, etc. Is a sin that God will not be forgiven.

 

I have heard Dr. Price say he thinks taking the Lord's name in vain could also mean making a promise or taking an oath in the name of God, but the person taking the oath or making the promise never had any intention of doing so to begin with.

Something related to Matthew 5:34-37:  But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; ³⁵ or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. ³⁶ And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. ³⁷ All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.^[a]

[FedUpWithIt]

I can’t thank you all enough for your replies. I have been struggling so much that I haven’t even been able to properly reply to everyone, but I want you to know I’m so grateful for your advice and support.

[☆ DarkBishop ☆]

11 hours ago, FedUpWithIt said:

I can’t thank you all enough for your replies. I have been struggling so much that I haven’t even been able to properly reply to everyone, but I want you to know I’m so grateful for your advice and support.

Don't worry, we get it. It's isn't easy. Most of us have been in your shoes. Just take your time and work through everything. We'll be here when you are ready to talk. 

 

DB

[FedUpWithIt]

I’ve been having a really hard time the last few days and tonight I came back on here and carefully read all of your thoughtful and helpful posts again. I feel like you guys are keeping me sane/have helped me get a footing again. I am so grateful to you guys, and I’m going to take all of your advice. I have to do what I have to do for my mental health and my well-being, for myself. I am going to give leaving Christianity another serious try, and I believe I will succeed. Christianity has done SO MUCH damage in my life that it can’t even be articulated. Thanks again everyone for the support and help, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

[TABA]

There you go.  You can do this.  Know this: Christianity- or any other religion - only has the power that people give to it.  Its promises and threats are otherwise empty, not worth the paper they are written on.  I don’t want to in any way minimize how hard it can be sometimes, but I can see that you have what it takes to prevail over these fears.  I’ve seen people unable to take the steps you’ve taken or to have the clarity of mind that you’ve shown.  I have every reason to believe that you can overcome.  You understand what’s involved and you’ve come to a place where many have been gloriously liberated from religious fear, guilt and misery!  When things get tough, remember your friends here.  We are real and this theology is pure myth!  You can in time replace Christian dogma with positive guidelines for living.  Not religion but philosophy.  Not myth but truth.  
 

Stay the course.  We are here for you.  The truth will set you free.  

[◊ Weezer ◊]

On 2/24/2024 at 1:59 AM, FedUpWithIt said:

I’ve been having a really hard time the last few days and tonight I came back on here and carefully read all of your thoughtful and helpful posts again. I feel like you guys are keeping me sane/have helped me get a footing again. I am so grateful to you guys, and I’m going to take all of your advice. I have to do what I have to do for my mental health and my well-being, for myself. I am going to give leaving Christianity another serious try, and I believe I will succeed. Christianity has done SO MUCH damage in my life that it can’t even be articulated. Thanks again everyone for the support and help, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

 

That fear of abandonment and punishiment, especially if it was instilled early in life, (in family as well as from religion) can be really hard to shake off.  HANG IN THERE!