Hello!

[FreeWillFreeFries]

Hello I posted in the questions section but wanted a proper introduction I suppose. 

 

My name is Jess and man have I been struggling with my faith. I attended a Bible thumping church from preschool to high school, I’m 31 now. I stopped going after being told I needed to submit to my future husband. (My husband doesn’t understand how that feels to a woman but I digress.) 

 

It’s scary and kind of funny the Jesus you get in church compared to the Jesus in the Gospels and His cronies/Apostles’ writings.
 

I’m the kind of person who gets lost in music. So worship for me was huge. Entrancing. Then the sermons, which sometimes made me uncomfortable, sometimes I learned something, sometimes I got emotional…this has got to be geared towards emotions no? We don’t tithe at the beginning of service for a reason. But again I digress.

 

Pro-tip for believers—don’t read your Bibles! Get a nice thick layer of dust on there, trust me. The God I worshipped for SO long…drowning people, letting Job suffer to one up Satan, letting people burn in hell for not accepting Jesus but by the way get baptized or BURN do good works (good luck figuring out which ones,) or BURN also arbitrary sinners BURN although they’re forgiven???? Whew! No wonder Jesus made wine…

 

What’s the hardest for me is that empty hole. I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years so it’s close to a religious OCD at this point. I cannot and will not excuse the Bible. I can’t get behind it! But…now what? I’ve tried Buddhism, Wicca, meditation, etc. Wicca was a breath of fresh air but it didn’t stick. Freeing my mind is so scary ironically!

 

Thanks for reading and thanks for this website!

[older]

Hi Free:

Several of us have replied to your other post, but welcome again. 

 

1 hour ago, FreeWillFreeFries said:

Pro-tip for believers—don’t read your Bibles! Get a nice thick layer of dust on there, trust me. The God I worshipped for SO long…drowning people, letting Job suffer to one up Satan, letting people burn in hell for not accepting Jesus but by the way get baptized or BURN do good works (good luck figuring out which ones,) or BURN also arbitrary sinners BURN although they’re forgiven???? Whew! No wonder Jesus made wine…

 

I am reminded of several Youtube videos where an interviewer throws a Bible contradiction at a Christian. They can't provide an answer or explanation. I particularly like the one where the interviewer says that there is a book in which two girls get their father drunk and then have sex with him. The interviewer tells the mark that this book is in schools and libraries and available to kids. The mark is shocked. And then the interviewer reveals the source of the story, after which the mark just turns and walks away.

 

I can't find the source for this but someone wrote that Christianity is founded on the notion that an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent god sent himself to earth and then killed himself in order to avenge himself for a curse he put on us because one of our distant ancestors and a rib woman ate fruit off a magical tree after being told to do it by a talking snake.        Ohh-kay.....

 

Anyhow, we hope you'll stick around and join in the conversations, and let us know how things are going with your adventures.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

3 hours ago, FreeWillFreeFries said:

 

What’s the hardest for me is that empty hole. I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years so it’s close to a religious OCD at this point. I cannot and will not excuse the Bible. I can’t get behind it! But…now what? I’ve tried Buddhism, Wicca, meditation, etc. Wicca was a breath of fresh air but it didn’t stick. Freeing my mind is so scary ironically!

 

The emptynes is a hard phase to go through, but it will fade, and if you are a like a lot of us, being your honest self instead of a perfect robot for god will bring a peace you never had before.  If you like the ritual and are a social justice person, you might find the Unitarian Universalist church to your liking.  I tried them, and could live with their precepts, but the ritual never did much for me, and my redneck background didn't fit with them socially.  

 

 A female exchristian friend who likes to sing, joined a local female singing group and really enjoys it.  

 

3 hours ago, FreeWillFreeFries said:

 

I stopped going after being told I needed to submit to my future husband. 

 

It’s scary and kind of funny the Jesus you get in church compared to the Jesus in the Gospels

 

I also found that interesting.  Jesus in the Bible was actually very liberal for that day and age, in regards to womens roles, and the early church even had female deacons.  And in the Gnostic gospels, which didn't make it ito the Bible, Mary was part of the group who was following Jesus.  When the Catholic church was putting the bible together, they conviently left that out and returned the movement into an all male organization.

[◊ Weezer ◊]

15 hours ago, FreeWillFreeFries said:

 

What’s the hardest for me is that empty hole. I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years so it’s close to a religious OCD at this point.

 

Freeing my mind is so scary ironically!

 

You have some good insights.  If you understand the mental conditioning (some call it programming) that we go through as we grow up, perhaps you can see that the doctrine of original sin that lies at the bottom of Christian "conditioning" (that we are by nature incomplete and depraved)  sets us up to feel empty and unworthy, and that we must have a "savior" to rescue us from this emptyness.  And sometimes that conditioning is reinforced by families who use a lot of shaming and threatening in the disciplining of their children.  

 

That mental conditioning can be reversed by understanding how you got there, and doing thngs to reverse the thinking and feeling.  Feeling like you belong and are worthwhile is a basic need for mentally healthy people.  You get that by being nurtured and encouraged----not from being shamed.  You get that by doing worthwhile things.  It is a different mindset than many have in our world.  It sounds like you have decided to change that thinking and are seeking a better way.  Freeing your mind (which created an emptyness) is scary, but using your abilities, and seeking a better way will displace that emptyness.  And consider that it will be a life long process.  Not a destination to be reached where, like the fairy tails say, you will live happily ever after. 

 

You still have a long road ahead of you, and at times it will be a lonely endeavor, but if you are like most of us, you will be glad you started the journey. 

[☆ moxieflux66 ☆]

15 hours ago, FreeWillFreeFries said:

I stopped going after being told I needed to submit to my future husband. (My husband doesn’t understand how that feels to a woman but I digress.) 

This attitude has been with our society for so many decades now that it's 'normal'. Your generation is the one to begin questioning it in earnest. So thank you for that, first off! 

 

15 hours ago, FreeWillFreeFries said:

I’m the kind of person who gets lost in music. So worship for me was huge. Entrancing. Then the sermons, which sometimes made me uncomfortable, sometimes I learned something, sometimes I got emotional…this has got to be geared towards emotions no? We don’t tithe at the beginning of service for a reason. But again I digress.

This is EXACTLY it, my friend. And that's the hook. How 'bout a RAVE instead? Same thing?? Only no fun drugs...

 

15 hours ago, FreeWillFreeFries said:

Pro-tip for believers—don’t read your Bibles! Get a nice thick layer of dust on there, trust me. The God I worshipped for SO long…drowning people, letting Job suffer to one up Satan, letting people burn in hell for not accepting Jesus but by the way get baptized or BURN do good works (good luck figuring out which ones,) or BURN also arbitrary sinners BURN although they’re forgiven???? Whew! No wonder Jesus made wine…

 

 

 Go Jesus!! 

 

15 hours ago, FreeWillFreeFries said:

What’s the hardest for me is that empty hole. I’ve struggled with anxiety for many years so it’s close to a religious OCD at this point. I cannot and will not excuse the Bible. I can’t get behind it! But…now what? I’ve tried Buddhism, Wicca, meditation, etc. Wicca was a breath of fresh air but it didn’t stick. Freeing my mind is so scary ironically!

 

Welp. That's what we're all here to figure out, isn't it? Not like there's a miracle cure for that spiritual hunger but having friends does help. Thank you for contributing and hope to hear from you more. I like your style! Hang in there and we'll see you around the ex-c! 

Moxie

 

[♦ Fuego ♦]

Welcome! The best replacement for church is finding a new tribe that vibes with what makes you resonate. I also went through a witchy phase, going to rock shops, taking Reiki classes, and so on. I found ultimately that I enjoy nature and its cycles, and just stopping for a moment to feel the wind, sit by a fire, listen to the birds, and grow something in the yard helps me remember that we evolved on this planet. So much of modern life is based on cultural abstractions instead of being another animal in this ecosystem.

 

I found through taking dance lessons that I enjoy that. I found through voice lessons that I have a pretty voice, and made new friends and acquaintances through going to local piano bars and singer "jazz" jams. By exploring new avenues, I found new people. I do remember the times where a worship session felt like I connected with everyone in the room and to something energetic, and still don't know what that really was (but have learned enough about the Bible that it sure isn't that god). There's definitely a vibe to be part of with others or even nature.  Sometimes a nice street dance or hippie drum session can be fun. It's something we don't get in our daily jobs typically, but doesn't have to cost anything. 

 

Church sort of forces an intimacy on people that would otherwise be strangers. They pushed us to be up in everyone's private thoughts and to be "my brother's keeper", which just isn't done outside of the church (and other cults). They pushed us to believe in magic answers, and when those answers turned out to be imaginary we were told it was our fault for not believing just right, or not being obedient enough, or or or. So that feeling of close connection with others is more rare in normal non-tribal life. But by exploring what you like in life, and by being in proximity to others that enjoy these things, you can find emotional connection.