Ryan Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I’ve been lurking around for about a week, and I must say my deconversion is pretty boring compared to a lot of what I have read. I was never a fundamentalist. I was never even a very serious Christian. There was only one time I can ever remember feeling something that I thought was God’s presence. It was at a huge teen convention that are all emotionally charged with thousands of serious Christians all praying at once. It was a powerful experience at the time, but it wasn’t God. It was masterful organizing and a lot of high running emotion. I never got that feeling back even though I wanted it. I was raised Christian, but having a single mom as my only active parent, I was pretty much left to my own devices most of the time. I was never put into any serious religious activities. Christianity still had a hold on me. I had grown up going to church, and my whole family is Christian. I actually used to think religion was something you got from your parents. For years I thought I was half Catholic, half Christian since I had a parent of each. I went along with church until high school. We had moved from a Catholic church to a small Nazarene church, and it was there that I took my first step away. In high school I started training in martial arts and one of the nights was the same night as youth group. I didn’t have any friends there so I opted to do something where I had friends. My mom and my step-dad didn’t particular like that, but being that I was 16 I was starting to realize that “because the parents say so” isn’t exactly a valid reason. I stopped going to youth group. It continued slowly from there. Gradually I started getting this feeling of growing uneasiness about Christianity that I couldn’t define and wasn’t even fully aware of. I eventually just stopped going to church. My mom would ask me to go, but I would pretend I was asleep or say I was too tired. Sleeping seemed a much better use for my time since we moved from the Nazarene church which had service at 1:00pm to a Baptist megachurch with service at 9:00am. I was not so much a big fan of that. I had a few times where I went back, but I never went in any long term way again. I tried Buddhism for a while. A Wiccan friend of mine in high school made me realize there were other options. I had a basic problem with karma and reincarnation, so I dropped it. I became agnostic. I still wanted to believe there was some form of higher power. It’s a comforting idea. I did some more research, did some reasoning and introspection, and I decided there was only one course for me at this point in my life. I declared myself an atheist, and I feel great about it. I know the nights of fearing being sent to hell for not being “right with God” are a thing of the past. It tweaks me every once and a while, but the moments are becoming less severe and coming less often. The weirdest part about this new worldview is not that I can think that after I die there’s nothing, but that I have to catch myself in little everyday phrases and assumptions. I wasn’t “meant” to bump into anyone. There’s no destiny or fate. Also, I’ll never find my soulmate, since the human soul is a fantasy. I’ll just find happiness where I can, and that’s more than I can say about my time as a Christian. Now there’s only the matter of breaking the news to the fam. That ought to be a blast. But yeah, there’s my pretty boring anti-testimony. I look forward to actively joining the boards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandora Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I was lured in and kept in by the mental masturbation, too. Welcome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorena Rodriguez Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Boring? I don't think so. Actually, I think it's interesting that even know the indoctrination was minimal, compared to others', you still have some fears and mental conditioning that come from your exposure to Christianity. For example, you used to think that your future was pre-determined, a pretty damaging way of thinking--it was for me anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Emerson Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 You're not boring and I liked reading your story, do we need some variety around here. The doubts will come and go but you'll see how freeing it is to be truly free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mostlyharmless Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Hi Ryan and welcome! I can see similarities between your journey and the one I took to atheism, only it took a few wrong turns and a bit longer in my case. Looking forward to hearing more from you in the future. MH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike D Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Also, I’ll never find my soulmate, since the human soul is a fantasy. I’ll just find happiness where I can My sentiments exactly. Anyway you would think if everyone really did have a "soulmate" the divorce rate wouldn't be over 50% . Guess that's just yet more evidence that it's bunk. And welcome, by the way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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