Guest VioletV Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 I just wanted to know if anyone around here has any advice about dating and relationships in the secular world. I deconverted at the age of 22. Up until then I was a virgin and had been patiently waiting for my perfect husband to come falling out of the sky. Unfortunately, that never happened and I then entered into the secular dating world woefully inexperienced. Many men seemed to be freaked out by my virginity at such an age, and this made them more reluctant to become involved with me. I eventually lost it at 24 to a man who ended up breaking my heart. I am now in another relationship with a man who truly loves me, but I can't help feeling extremely insecure about my inexperience, especially since he is much more experienced than I am. I feel very cheated by being chaste; I held out for so many years because I thought I was waiting for something special; in reality I feel like I would have had more special relationships if I hadn't held back so much when it came to sex. Does anyone have any advice for me? Am I completely hopeless? Do I have reason to feel so insecure? Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kuroikaze Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 I just wanted to know if anyone around here has any advice about dating and relationships in the secular world. I deconverted at the age of 22. Up until then I was a virgin and had been patiently waiting for my perfect husband to come falling out of the sky. Unfortunately, that never happened and I then entered into the secular dating world woefully inexperienced. Many men seemed to be freaked out by my virginity at such an age, and this made them more reluctant to become involved with me. I eventually lost it at 24 to a man who ended up breaking my heart. I am now in another relationship with a man who truly loves me, but I can't help feeling extremely insecure about my inexperience, especially since he is much more experienced than I am. I feel very cheated by being chaste; I held out for so many years because I thought I was waiting for something special; in reality I feel like I would have had more special relationships if I hadn't held back so much when it came to sex. Does anyone have any advice for me? Am I completely hopeless? Do I have reason to feel so insecure? Thanks for listening. No advice here really, but I can at least commiserate. I'm 28 and I've only had sex twice...so your not the only inexperienced one around here. Christiantiy has a way of screwing us up sexualy.... And if the person your with really loves you, it won't matter to him how much or little experience you have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Don't let Xianity continue to mess you up. Don't feel bad because you got cheated out of a more normal sex life. Live in the here and now, and don't let the Xian ghosts continue to haunt you by making you regret your past. Xianity can indeed really screw up a person's natural, healthy urges. That, and many Xians place this bizarre, unrealistic concept in people's heads that if they wait, Mr or Ms Perfect will the only thing they can encounter and everything will be bliss and joy from here on out. It's one of the unrealistic, illogical fantasies that Xianity injects into a person's life, and I've seen several people really have their sex lives screwed up because of it. My advice is to revel in the present. Revel in the fact you've got a good, loving guy who's great in the sack. Enjoy your life as you have it now, and make a committment to live and enjoy living, not wallow in guilt and fear of sin as you once did. When you look at it now, your life is better at this moment than it ever was as a Xian. You're on the road to a better world, and the best thing you can do is enjoy it. Don't regret the past - you can't change it. Don't waste the present - you'll never get it back. Life is yours for the taking Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrawberrySundae Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 I agree. If this guy really loves you, he will be patient and understanding. I don't see how your inexperience would be a bad thing, in fact, most guys I know would prefer it over dating someone with a ton of partners. Just talk to him about your feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 As with everything else, sex becomes better with more practice. No snide remarks inferred. Love, learn, enjoy, make mistakes, find what you like and maybe not. If doesn't involve pain or force you don't want, try it. Sex is the fun end of romance, flirting, goofing around, and just having a good time. Don't let the spectres of the skY Sp00k and his h0lie botZ fuckover trying what feels good and will feel good again.. Life is meant to be lived, live well, fuck hard, it is fun... kL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 I agree. If this guy really loves you, he will be patient and understanding. I don't see how your inexperience would be a bad thing, in fact, most guys I know would prefer it over dating someone with a ton of partners. Just talk to him about your feelings. Focused: I don't see how your inexperience would be a bad thing, in fact, most guys I know would prefer it over dating someone with a ton of partners Different situations make for different styles and approaches. Just as it is foolish to start a n00b driver or rider to a high powered fast machine *at first*, taking an inexperienced partner too quickly into the assorted fun_and_games sexually can be detrimental. Some folks are ready for the big things, others need time. For me? I love a lady who is my experience_equal. Fuck this "Oh she's had too_many_partners". Hate the ebbile_double_standard that makes a guy with a lotta fucking a *stud*, but would call the femme equal a *slut*. She doesn't have to be kinky and strange, but it helps.. As long as we all stay disease_free and can have an enjoyable time, the fun part of mutual seduction is kickass fun. Try not to let our prior mental reservations built on religious_bullshit ruin exploration and simple joys of our bodies.. k, DrNivekburgel, Honduran diplomate Freshly inked daily, L Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHEMtron Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 exxxactly. dont let your past get to you. instead of thinking about your experience, think about how you want to share your love and passion for this person. besides... usually when youre horny you dont think about these thing haha. but not to worry. no matter what age you start having sex, youll be a little insecure about the inexperience. like everyone said... it takes "practice". even if you have experience, when you have a new partner, it takes a while for you 2 to get used to each others "techniques", wants, and needs. so no worries... be fruitfull and multiply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrawberrySundae Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 nevik- I was just saying that since she seems insecure about her inexperience, I know many people who do have conservative feelings about sex that don't have anything to do with religion. My husband and I are eachothers first and only, and it had NOTHING to do with religion. All the premarital sex is a testament to that. If he is a loving bf and the relationship is a solid one, her history shouldn't make a difference. Thats why she needs to talk to him about this. If he is pushing her to do things she is unwilling, or frustrated over her lack of experience, then maybe this isn't the relationship she thinks it is. Otherwise, have fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hatepirate Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 I'm a 20 year old virgin (21 in 5 months). I'm absolutely terrible with women. I've never had a girlfriend; never asked a girl out. Chicks hate me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 I'm a 20 year old virgin (21 in 5 months). I'm absolutely terrible with women. I've never had a girlfriend; never asked a girl out. Chicks hate me. Don't feel too bad; when I was 21, I was also a virgin. I'm 29 now and lost my virginity less than seven months ago. Also, when I was 21, I was exactly like you, and couldn't bring myself to ask a girl out if my life depended on it. Don't give up - you're young and maybe like me, life will drop Miss Right in your lap - literally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KT45 Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 I'm a 20 year old virgin (21 in 5 months). I'm absolutely terrible with women. I've never had a girlfriend; never asked a girl out. Chicks hate me. www.askmen.com is a good place to start for advice in dating and life in general Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorena Rodriguez Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 hmmm... I can't help but wonder if your inexperience is part of what he finds attractive about you. If he wanted an experienced woman, he could probably find one. It is the whole of you that he loves, and that includes your sexual inexperience. But part of the problem may be that you, like the rest of us, want your current partner to be with you forever, and of that there is no guarantee. If you don't believe me, ask Jennifer Aniston. My point is that your worries may be stopping you from enjoying something really good that you have right now. It may be short lived, but why not enjoy it while it lasts? If nothing else, the guy is providing you with the experience you want. All the best to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mostlyharmless Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 I can't watch 40 Yr Old Virgin because, at 32, it hits too close to the bone. I lost a guy last year because, in his words, I was "too innocent". However, an equally inexperienced friend was married this year to a loving husband. They met at church. If they want experienced women, why don't they just hire a prostitute? It's not like they're focussing on personality or anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex-COG Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 I can't watch 40 Yr Old Virgin because, at 32, it hits too close to the bone. I lost a guy last year because, in his words, I was "too innocent". However, an equally inexperienced friend was married this year to a loving husband. They met at church. If they want experienced women, why don't they just hire a prostitute? It's not like they're focussing on personality or anything. I doubt the guy who dumped you for inexperience was really worth it. Sounds like he had a check list, and you missed marking one of the boxes. Some guys do focus on personality, and the real you. Just concentrate on being yourself, living honestly, and seek men that treat you right. You just might find a good one yet. At least, that's what I tell myself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Devil's Due Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 Here is Patricia sneaking out of the shadows to be mushy for a second. Does he love you? Is he your best friend? Can you tell him anything? Do you trust him? Do you believe, without a doubt, that he will still be your friend no matter what happens? Sex is easy. We've been doing it for thousands of years, even before we evolved into this form. Love and friendship are not nearly so easy, but if you want your experience from this point on to be fulfilling, you have to have that connection first. You don't have to be in love with the guy, but love and friendship are a necessity if your heart is going to follow your body. Back into the shadows . . . And to be purely practical, read up. Go to Barnes and Noble or Borders, and either buy "The Joy of Sex" (or a similar guide, but not the Kama Sutra or something that's complicated) or sneak into the bathroom and read it on the loo if you don't want to purchase it. Avoid "Penthouse Letters" or anything of that ilk. Practical is your best friend right now. The second very best piece of advice I can give you if you want to feel more confident and more experienced is to masturbate. If you know what kinds of things give you an orgasm and you can show him rather than expecting him to show you, you will both have a much better time. I know this advice is blunt, but the sooner women learn that they do not need men for their pleasure (but can choose whether to have a man there or not), the easier it will be to see sex as something fun rather than something intimidating. There are five words in the English language that every woman needs to know by heart. "Shower Massage" "Hitachi Magic Wand" Very blunt again, sorry if I am being crass, but trust me on this one. You have to learn what pleasure feels like before you can openly receive it or give it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asimov Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 If they want experienced women, why don't they just hire a prostitute? It's not like they're focussing on personality or anything. Your sexual maturity (mental) is part of your personality. Love and friendship are not nearly so easy. I think they can be easy if you want them to be. If you analyze your friendship or relationship too much, you make it hard. That means asking yourself silly questions like "Does he love you? Is he your best friend? Can you tell him anything? Do you trust him? Do you believe, without a doubt, that he will still be your friend no matter what happens?" usually only serves to instill unfounded doubt. I think if you just enjoy the time you spend with people instead of wondering "is he really my friend? What about that time where he didn't say good bye? OMG HE HATES ME!" Unless there is abuse involved, or the marriage/kids question comes up....then you can scream all you want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Devil's Due Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 Asimov, my apologies, I should have clarified. 1. A lot of people out there will say whatever they have to in order to get laid. 2. A lot of other people get so swept up in the hormones rushing through their veins that they think a one time hook-up is love. Without the experience to differentiate between the two, a lot of pain and doubt can result. I believe what I meant to say was that I encourage thinking things through before hopping into bed to avoid as much confusion as possible the day after. May I remove my foot from my mouth now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest VioletV Posted May 21, 2006 Share Posted May 21, 2006 Thanks to everyone who's been helping me through this one. My current partner has never said that he has a problem with my inexperience. I think it's just insecurity on my part. Even though I feel fairly confident in my sexual abilities, I feel like I am somehow much more immature than he is because I was a virgin for so long. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but that's how I feel sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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