Is It Time To Move Out?

[Guest Emerson]

I need to vent. I'm 23 years old, I went to college right off the bat after high school. Then because of religious and other personal reasons, I took some years off from college. Now I'm back. Sometimes I'm really annoyed by my parents and they're annoyed by me as well. I also just started a new job and its going really well. Now whenever I come home, I get lectured or as they like to call it "advised."

 

A lot of times we won't talk about issues, will just avoid things, let them go and be back where we were before. Sometimes their advice is not very desired. They tell me what I should do with my life and all of that, and I don't want to hear that. Like they say because I'm an only child that I should get married since they won't be around for long. Um there are a lot of things wrong with that statement, seen as to how they're divorced from each other and have been married and divorced at least two times on both sides. Besides I don't want to get married just to not be lonely, geez. Besides I'm not interested in marriage, I'm more interested in an "Oprah and Stedman" type of partnership.

 

I know they want me to avoid the mistakes that they've made and I'm a pretty level headed 23 year old. I'm not stupid. I don't do drugs, I don't have promiscuous sex, I don't go out partying with people I don't know, I don't get drunk into a stupor...but it seems that they sometimes want to live vicariously through me, or tell me to go after things when I don't want to go after them at all. My interests are merely different.

 

Sometimes I'll just come home at night from work, college, out with people and they'll just go into lecture more or just argue about something silly. Uh, I don't really need that at 9/10/11pm at night. Then because I still with them they will actually take away certain priviliges. This doesn't have anything to do with curfew, they'll just start on something the minute I walk through the door. Since I'm 23, I'm a little too old for that and they don't really follow them through, they just tell me to not do it again or start lecturing. This is so annoying. I love my parents but this is getting ridiculous.

 

So anyway, someone told me that it'd be better if I eventually moved out before I even graduated from college and I agree. I'm really tired of arguing with the 'rents, I'm tired of fighting over something silly, I just want to come home and not be in a fight. Home is supposed to be a safe haven from the world, and not another warzone. The real world is tough enough, I don't need it at home too. I'm also tired of having them threaten to take away my priviliges which they hardly ever do. I'm also tired of them saying, "well since you live under this roof..."

 

I really just can't take it anymore. At some point you just have to break free and I'm so tired of all of this parent/child drama. I'm not a child anymore, I'm 23 for fucking gods sake. I want to have my own freedoms and do as I please. But the path to freedom is not easy. First of all, I have a car that belongs to the 'rents, and that's for my own use. Plus my checking and savings actually read $0.00 right now and I don't get paid until the end of the month.

 

I do my best to talk to them and we actually have a great relationship, but at the same time I'm just annoyed at certain things. I'm really just ready to be on my own. I'm just so frustrated.

[Ryan]

I'm generally of the opinion that it's always time to move out of the rents' house. Although it sounds like doing so would not be all together feasible. It sounds like the parent/offspring relationship you have would benefit from not sharing the same living space. I'd say move out as soon as you have the means. Personally, I only hung around for a semester after I entered college, and that was already a bit too long.

[Jedah]

I moved out about a month after highschool, and now I live with roomates. Its the biggest mixed blessing ever but overall, I enjoy it more. Even though Im paying all the time, Im glad I got out.

 

One big problem for me was the advice I was given as a teen. I was not the kind of teenager who ran around ... I was a geek. I focused on my computer skills, learning, and playing magic with my friends. I never went to huge partys or did drugs or anything stupid, I never went around tying to get inside random girls pants. I never picked fights or really did much of anything that you would expect a teenage high school guy to do.

 

Despite all this my parents felt the need to "make sure" I knew what I was doing. This is were the problem sets in- my folks wanted me to do good because the bible says so. I want to do good because its good. IMHO - my reasons behind morality are better then my parents. I started losing respect for them because of this. Dont get me wrong- I dont think they are stupid. I like my parents, they have helped me out a lot. My father is actually very smart except when it comes to religion. But in the end I just had to get out because having someone who doesnt really know you ( Im sure they suspect that Im not xian by now, but refuse to admit it ) tell you how to live - as if you dont have ideas of your own by now - just gets annoying.

 

 

Just be warned- if you decide to get out, get a good roomate. When I first moved out I went through a real estate agency that houses students together in an apartment and I didnt specify anything because I thought I would be able to get along with anyone else trying to get into the same field as I. Boy was I wrong! I got the most assinine, racist, self rightous, arrogant, self centered, fundy, and completely talentless hack in the entire college. This guy thought it was his god given right to exploit women and would call my other roomate a faggot for being bi...FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT !?!?

 

Here is a sample. This is not an exageration. His grammer really was that bad. SOme of this is an exact quote.

 

JAson- Yo matt ! YOU IS A FAG !

matt... what ?

Jason-Omg you is such a fucking faggot ! Look at you ! FAG clothes ! Fag colored skin ! All of you is just fag !

matt.. cant we just be friends ?

Jason MAN WTF ? HELL FUCKING NO ! I aint going to hell with you fucking faggot ! You know you is be a gowen to hell for this shit !? Man I cant believe I got roomed with a fucking faggot.

Me- so hes bi ? Who cares ?

Jason WHO FUCKING CARES ? Gawd !! Not that you would know anyting bout that fucking athiest fag !!!

Me-...

 

 

 

 

You dont want to know what its like to hear the word "faggot" repeated over and over again for that amount of time... and almost every day to boot. He would also make various physical threats but never follow through with them ... Spitting on my laptop for no reason at all was a common everday occurance. Did I mention this guy was a devout baptist ? Oh yah. Straight from the bible belt. I only wonder how I didnt go insane.

 

Ever since I got my new roomates it amazes me that I could have ever lived with such an idiot. In the course of 8 months every bad thing my roomates I live with now still doesnt even add up to one day living with mr asshole fundy.

 

uhh...sorry... /Rant

[Fweethawt]

The decision was quite easy for me when I turned eighteen. Some time at the end of my seventeenth year, I put a deposit down on a cheap apartment. I moved out of my parents' house within a week of turning eighteen and haven't been back since. I'm thirty-six now.

 

Of course, I ain't got me no college education.

But I still makes me some ends meat.

[Gobbler]

I know they want me to avoid the mistakes that they've made and I'm a pretty level headed 23 year old. I'm not stupid. I don't do drugs, I don't have promiscuous sex, I don't go out partying with people I don't know, I don't get drunk into a stupor...but it seems that they sometimes want to live vicariously through me, or tell me to go after things when I don't want to go after them at all. My interests are merely different.

 

I think your parents should be more appreciative of what kind of child they were able to raise. Pushing you into marriage is just ridiculous considering their track record. There is plenty of time for that when you finish school. Depending on where you live, rooming with someone else can have it's benefits and is definitely a lot cheaper in most cases than renting by yourself. But for your sanity, get out ASAP!

[Padreko]

Babes... Move out .. I did when I was turned 18 and have been happy ever since... Move in with your bf, cousin, uncle or rent a cheap apt... My mom still tries to tell me what to do and I live over 800 miles away - nothing to do with christianity, its just that she wants to control everyone. LOL

 

Most Recently... She said:

Don't serve anyone alcohol cause if someone gets in a car accident on the ride home they can sue you.

Yeah, cause one of my close "FRIENDS" will not be ripped while driving and they're not going to sue me.. Its a freak'n end of the year college graduation party - its against the law to disallow the booze to flow..

[white_raven23]

I'm nearly 30 and still live in a decent sized apartment under my parent's house. When I graduated college, I'd originally decided it was time to mooooove on........only problem was, that summer 5 apartment complexes burned down in a three week period. Various causes, two were arson, I think the others had to do with unattended cookouts on the balconies.

 

Anyway, I'm deeply in love with my book collection, and own quite a few out of print books that would be impossible to replace.......so after I'd given it some thought, I just asked my folks about renting me the downstairs apartment, and we agreed. That was when I was 22. THis arrangement has worked out fine. All the rest of our family live over 2000 miles away, so unless I had wanted to seriously relocate, it would have been a bit hard to roomie with my cousin. My folks get my rent money which they can turn right around and put into various house projects. And when either they, or I leave town, we have the security of knowing reliable people are keeping an eye on things.

 

And no, it's not perfect. My mother lives up to her right to nag me about ever possible thing under the sun.....but she would do that no matter where I lived. And she doesn't really see me that often anyway. Maybe once or twice a week.

 

As for your living situation....to me it depends how close you are to graduating. Because right now, any money you earn is poured into school stuff and gasoline, it may be better to stick it out until you graduate.

 

It's up to you. Either you suffer emotionally, or you suffer financially. Guess which lasts longer.

[pandora]

I feel you... my husband and I had our own place for two and a half years, but my mom got progressively sicker so now we are living with her again. She's pretty good at keeping to herself, though, and the plans are to build a more suitable place in the near future.

 

I would try to move out. Get something on campus. You can roll it into your loans that way. If you get something on campus, you won't need their car anymore. You can start saving for your own, or since you have your own job, you might be able to qualify for a small loan for a used car.

 

I think you could do it, and I don't think you'll suffer as bad financially as you think as long as you still work and take out loans for the extra expenses.

[LosingMyReligion]

I'm 24 and I still live at home as well, whilst attending college. Like you I took some time off and worked while I figured out what I wanted. Now that I know I am back in there chugging along.

 

My advice is to just let it go in one ear and out the other. You can't beat living at home while in school. As long as I pay my bills and buy groceries and stay responsible my mother is just fine and dandy. And living in the house is helping me to avoid those student loans, so when I graduate(which won't be long)I won't start out several grand in the hole.

 

Emerson, if it isn't really bad I would stay. Parents can be annoying but they are easily ignored...haha.

[Guest Emerson]

I think your parents should be more appreciative of what kind of child they were able to raise. Pushing you into marriage is just ridiculous considering their track record. There is plenty of time for that when you finish school. Depending on where you live, rooming with someone else can have it's benefits and is definitely a lot cheaper in most cases than renting by yourself. But for your sanity, get out ASAP!

 

Gobbler thanks for your post. My parents are proud that I never gave them any real trouble and they are proud that I'm responsible. Its not like I have to get married or anything like that, its just that this is what they preach because they somehow think in their minds that marriage will be different for me than it was for them. I don't get the logic of that, but I think that's their way of hoping things will work out for me whereas it didn't for them.

 

The whole marriage thing is something that they bring up, but its not as if I have to do it. Oh and yeah they expect me to only do that after I get an education and a career going. So its not as if I have to do it right away, but they just say "oh well it'd be great if you got married because its nice to have a partner in life, etc..." Its something to that extent.

 

Yeah I've been thinking about my finances and I definitely want to save up before I move out, I don't want to be one of those kids who has to move back in. Ugh. Yeah LMR you're right, parents can be ignored but I'm definitely feeling the strain. It isn't really bad but its just them being parents that's kind of driving me crazy.

[woodsmoke]

I moved out of my folks house about a week after my 18th birthday. Lived with a friend for a year, then fell on hard times and had to move back in with them again. It may be true that moving back in with the folks made me some kind of loser or failure, but my time spent out of the nest had also whetted my appetite, making my desire and resolve to make another go at it that much stronger. Four months ago I moved out again, this time sharing an apartment with my brother and his friend. At the end of June our lease will be up, after which our friend is moving back to Idaho and my brother will likely be moving to SLC. I'm working on finding the school which best suits me and starting the application process, and when the lease here is up I plan to transfer to the location of whichever school I decide on and set about immediately looking for work/lodging.

 

Rent sucks, bills suck, there's no getting past that. IMO, however, independence is more than worth it. As well, my relationship with my folks is never better than when I don't live with them.

 

In all likelihood, this is another one of those things you just have to figure out for yourself. For some (like myself), one of the strongest motivations ever experienced is the drive to get out on your own ASAP. For others, living with one's parents into adulthood works perfectly well. All just depends on you and your situation.

[jjacksonRIAB]

I need to vent. I'm 23 years old, I went to college right off the bat after high school. Then because of religious and other personal reasons, I took some years off from college. Now I'm back. Sometimes I'm really annoyed by my parents and they're annoyed by me as well. I also just started a new job and its going really well. Now whenever I come home, I get lectured or as they like to call it "advised."

 

A lot of times we won't talk about issues, will just avoid things, let them go and be back where we were before. Sometimes their advice is not very desired. They tell me what I should do with my life and all of that, and I don't want to hear that. Like they say because I'm an only child that I should get married since they won't be around for long. Um there are a lot of things wrong with that statement, seen as to how they're divorced from each other and have been married and divorced at least two times on both sides. Besides I don't want to get married just to not be lonely, geez. Besides I'm not interested in marriage, I'm more interested in an "Oprah and Stedman" type of partnership.

 

I know they want me to avoid the mistakes that they've made and I'm a pretty level headed 23 year old. I'm not stupid. I don't do drugs, I don't have promiscuous sex, I don't go out partying with people I don't know, I don't get drunk into a stupor...but it seems that they sometimes want to live vicariously through me, or tell me to go after things when I don't want to go after them at all. My interests are merely different.

 

Sometimes I'll just come home at night from work, college, out with people and they'll just go into lecture more or just argue about something silly. Uh, I don't really need that at 9/10/11pm at night. Then because I still with them they will actually take away certain priviliges. This doesn't have anything to do with curfew, they'll just start on something the minute I walk through the door. Since I'm 23, I'm a little too old for that and they don't really follow them through, they just tell me to not do it again or start lecturing. This is so annoying. I love my parents but this is getting ridiculous.

 

So anyway, someone told me that it'd be better if I eventually moved out before I even graduated from college and I agree. I'm really tired of arguing with the 'rents, I'm tired of fighting over something silly, I just want to come home and not be in a fight. Home is supposed to be a safe haven from the world, and not another warzone. The real world is tough enough, I don't need it at home too. I'm also tired of having them threaten to take away my priviliges which they hardly ever do. I'm also tired of them saying, "well since you live under this roof..."

 

I really just can't take it anymore. At some point you just have to break free and I'm so tired of all of this parent/child drama. I'm not a child anymore, I'm 23 for fucking gods sake. I want to have my own freedoms and do as I please. But the path to freedom is not easy. First of all, I have a car that belongs to the 'rents, and that's for my own use. Plus my checking and savings actually read $0.00 right now and I don't get paid until the end of the month.

 

I do my best to talk to them and we actually have a great relationship, but at the same time I'm just annoyed at certain things. I'm really just ready to be on my own. I'm just so frustrated.

 

Gar!

 

I went through my own pains out in Colorado. Five long years of (OK, four, but five sounds better) misery at the hands of my captors, no toilet, no running water, electricity, heating. Then my dad started turning into a complete fundie Xtian. We had several fights, and that ended when I knocked him flat after a choke session. Then I was pressured to leave, but had nowhere to go because I was in poor town, USA with no money. I took what I had and went back to Nebraska to finish college, but couldn't make it - there just wasn't enough money. I used what I had left to return and my car broke down on the way. I lived in Denver for a while with my brother. He was really helpful, and he helped me get a job, sold me his extra vehicle. You would think I would use that opportunity to make my own way, but I was stupid. Got a call from my dad saying things would be different, come home, help us finish our house - all of that. I believed it, and spent a few more years in poverty. I finally managed to get a job, save up about $4000 and make my way back to Omaha. I've been here for about 4 months now.

 

I do get lonely now and I sometimes doubt whether I'll pull through, but for the most part things have gone uphill and are continuing to do so. We moved when I was 21. I left the house at 25. I'm not going back. It's time to finish my education.

 

I do understand the parents now. Now that I'm away we get along very well. They don't understand why I came back and are miffed that my sister and brother-in-law are planning on moving here too, but I have unfinished business. Another 4 years and the world will be ready to accept another poor educated man.

 

I'm definitely with you on this one. It was very frustrating, ridiculous, insulting, and embarassing for me. It's more acceptable for a girl to stay at home in her 20's, but a guy??? Everyone in my family was calling me a loser, saying they'd written me off - now I'm the only one of the children who actually has a job. Ha!

 

Call me a late bloomer. Hell, if I didn't tell anyone how old I am no one would guess correctly anyhow.

 

One thing I know is that if I can do it, so can you. I entirely understand your frustration. In fact, a year ago I was in this very forum, saying the same thing. Mom's pressuring me to find someone and have children -- that whole spiel. No one in the family has any kids yet; I'm the only unmarried child, and a middle child to boot. I'm last in everything -- last to move out, last to get married (at least I won't be the first to be divorced). I do have the strongest education and I'm middle in pay of the three of us. I'm also the best survivor. Every shred of my life could burn right now and I'd still be OK.

 

It's cool. My experience has been parents aren't so bad when you don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. Definitely get a car. Man it sucks not having one. I drive the biggest piece of shit in the midwest, but at least I don't have no one holdin' it over my head. Save whatever you can.

 

You know, though, you're still a student so it might not be so bad staying at home. I had no viable college that wasn't at least 90 miles away from home, so that wasn't an option.

 

Can't offer much more, unless you want me to come up there and carry a spear or something.

[Guest Emerson]

 

Gar!

 

I went through my own pains out in Colorado. Five long years of (OK, four, but five sounds better) misery at the hands of my captors, no toilet, no running water, electricity, heating. Then my dad started turning into a complete fundie Xtian. We had several fights, and that ended when I knocked him flat after a choke session. Then I was pressured to leave, but had nowhere to go because I was in poor town, USA with no money. I took what I had and went back to Nebraska to finish college, but couldn't make it - there just wasn't enough money. I used what I had left to return and my car broke down on the way. I lived in Denver for a while with my brother. He was really helpful, and he helped me get a job, sold me his extra vehicle. You would think I would use that opportunity to make my own way, but I was stupid. Got a call from my dad saying things would be different, come home, help us finish our house - all of that. I believed it, and spent a few more years in poverty. I finally managed to get a job, save up about $4000 and make my way back to Omaha. I've been here for about 4 months now.

 

I do get lonely now and I sometimes doubt whether I'll pull through, but for the most part things have gone uphill and are continuing to do so. We moved when I was 21. I left the house at 25. I'm not going back. It's time to finish my education.

 

I do understand the parents now. Now that I'm away we get along very well. They don't understand why I came back and are miffed that my sister and brother-in-law are planning on moving here too, but I have unfinished business. Another 4 years and the world will be ready to accept another poor educated man.

 

I'm definitely with you on this one. It was very frustrating, ridiculous, insulting, and embarassing for me. It's more acceptable for a girl to stay at home in her 20's, but a guy??? Everyone in my family was calling me a loser, saying they'd written me off - now I'm the only one of the children who actually has a job. Ha!

 

Call me a late bloomer. Hell, if I didn't tell anyone how old I am no one would guess correctly anyhow.

 

One thing I know is that if I can do it, so can you. I entirely understand your frustration. In fact, a year ago I was in this very forum, saying the same thing. Mom's pressuring me to find someone and have children -- that whole spiel. No one in the family has any kids yet; I'm the only unmarried child, and a middle child to boot. I'm last in everything -- last to move out, last to get married (at least I won't be the first to be divorced). I do have the strongest education and I'm middle in pay of the three of us. I'm also the best survivor. Every shred of my life could burn right now and I'd still be OK.

 

It's cool. My experience has been parents aren't so bad when you don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. Definitely get a car. Man it sucks not having one. I drive the biggest piece of shit in the midwest, but at least I don't have no one holdin' it over my head. Save whatever you can.

 

You know, though, you're still a student so it might not be so bad staying at home. I had no viable college that wasn't at least 90 miles away from home, so that wasn't an option.

 

Can't offer much more, unless you want me to come up there and carry a spear or something.

 

*dons Southern Belle accent*

 

Fiddle-dee-dee, why JJ are you trying to be my Knight in Shining Armor. Why you're the sweetest thing darlin', just one of the best that I've come across. Who can really measure up to you? Why none that I can see from afar! Carry me away and take me away from my opressors and help me escape into freedom.

 

*end of Scarlett O'Hara accent*

 

[jjacksonRIAB]

 

Gar!

 

I went through my own pains out in Colorado. Five long years of (OK, four, but five sounds better) misery at the hands of my captors, no toilet, no running water, electricity, heating. Then my dad started turning into a complete fundie Xtian. We had several fights, and that ended when I knocked him flat after a choke session. Then I was pressured to leave, but had nowhere to go because I was in poor town, USA with no money. I took what I had and went back to Nebraska to finish college, but couldn't make it - there just wasn't enough money. I used what I had left to return and my car broke down on the way. I lived in Denver for a while with my brother. He was really helpful, and he helped me get a job, sold me his extra vehicle. You would think I would use that opportunity to make my own way, but I was stupid. Got a call from my dad saying things would be different, come home, help us finish our house - all of that. I believed it, and spent a few more years in poverty. I finally managed to get a job, save up about $4000 and make my way back to Omaha. I've been here for about 4 months now.

 

I do get lonely now and I sometimes doubt whether I'll pull through, but for the most part things have gone uphill and are continuing to do so. We moved when I was 21. I left the house at 25. I'm not going back. It's time to finish my education.

 

I do understand the parents now. Now that I'm away we get along very well. They don't understand why I came back and are miffed that my sister and brother-in-law are planning on moving here too, but I have unfinished business. Another 4 years and the world will be ready to accept another poor educated man.

 

I'm definitely with you on this one. It was very frustrating, ridiculous, insulting, and embarassing for me. It's more acceptable for a girl to stay at home in her 20's, but a guy??? Everyone in my family was calling me a loser, saying they'd written me off - now I'm the only one of the children who actually has a job. Ha!

 

Call me a late bloomer. Hell, if I didn't tell anyone how old I am no one would guess correctly anyhow.

 

One thing I know is that if I can do it, so can you. I entirely understand your frustration. In fact, a year ago I was in this very forum, saying the same thing. Mom's pressuring me to find someone and have children -- that whole spiel. No one in the family has any kids yet; I'm the only unmarried child, and a middle child to boot. I'm last in everything -- last to move out, last to get married (at least I won't be the first to be divorced). I do have the strongest education and I'm middle in pay of the three of us. I'm also the best survivor. Every shred of my life could burn right now and I'd still be OK.

 

It's cool. My experience has been parents aren't so bad when you don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. Definitely get a car. Man it sucks not having one. I drive the biggest piece of shit in the midwest, but at least I don't have no one holdin' it over my head. Save whatever you can.

 

You know, though, you're still a student so it might not be so bad staying at home. I had no viable college that wasn't at least 90 miles away from home, so that wasn't an option.

 

Can't offer much more, unless you want me to come up there and carry a spear or something.

 

*dons Southern Belle accent*

 

Fiddle-dee-dee, why JJ are you trying to be my Knight in Shining Armor. Why you're the sweetest thing darlin', just one of the best that I've come across. Who can really measure up to you? Why none that I can see from afar! Carry me away and take me away from my opressors and help me escape into freedom.

 

*end of Scarlett O'Hara accent*

 

 

 

You'll have a hard time getting rid of me.

[Fweethawt]

*dons Southern Belle accent*

*end of Scarlett O'Hara accent*

Whether you know it or not, that accent thing is JJ's weakness.

 

Just don't tell him that I told you that.

[Rosa Mystica]

Hi Emerson,

 

I can tell you from experience that it definitely *does* get better when you move out. You can come and go as you please, and you no longer need to put up with loud family members or parents' manipulation tactics. I left my parents' house two years ago, and have not looked back. Of course, in my case, I was my dear daddy's emotional abuse target, and so I *had* to leave ASAP.

 

As for the marriage comment: what is the deal with that???? People who rush into marriage are more likely to end up divorced. Have your parents thought of *that*.

 

I suggest you keep saving until you have enough to move out. Get a second job if you need. Be prepared to make some sacrifices as far as material comforts are concerned. I've been doing it for quite a while now- and I don't even work full time (my hourly wage is pretty high). And if you have any questions for me about the process, I'm always willing to answer them for you.

 

Rosa

[Guest Emerson]

 

You'll have a hard time getting rid of me.

 

I'm betting on that.

 

Fwee, thanks for the head's up.

 

---

Rosa that's what I'm hoping for, that by having my own place, there'll be less friction with the folks even though they'll always be parents. I can't blame them for trying to say certain things, I think most people end up like their parents anyway and I do understand that they want the best for me but sometimes it just gets annoying and irritating.

 

The marriage thing, I do get why they say that, because they're hoping that for me it'll be different and that it'll turn out different and they always say "its nice having a partner in life..." but at the same time I don't know if marriage is the thing for me and I don't think on some level they want to listen to that. I think they've still yet to see that I can make up my own mind and I don't always need a hand on life decisions. The model of marriage is idealistic rather than realistic. Society holds such a high standard for it and yet we are so miserable at it. So I'm trying not to be naive but realistic about it.

 

I don't believe in Knight in Shining Armors, and no man is going to rescue me. Its up to me to be my rescuer and my helper. Its not someone else's job to take care of me, but me. I slay my own dragons. Sure it'd be nice to find a great bf, but i'm trying to be realistic. And even then I don't want to be entirely dependent on a human being. I'm a total cynic when it comes to relationships, I think in some ways that's why I've avoided dating and relationships as well. I just don't believe in them. Too much shit with your parents drama leads you to cynicism.