Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 http://www.exile.ru/2003-March-20/prince_o...uinea_worm.html Prince of Parasites: the Guinea Worm "If there's anything in nature that might call God's plan into question, it's the Guinea Worm." -- The Seattle Post-Intelligencer Are you carrying around some vestigial conviction that God is good, or that Nature loves you? We guarantee that our newest Schopenhauer Award nominee, the Guinea Worm, will fix that in one easy lesson. We figured, why save the best for last? Why not introduce Exhibit A, our star witness, right away? And so, Ladies and Gentlemen: the Guinea Worm, a creature so horrific it led a reporter from the cheerible, happy-sappy Seattle Post-Intelligencer to question "God's plan." Of course, the Guinea Worm can only shake your faith if you're thinking of God as a nice dad. If you share Schopenhauer's view that the God who made this Hell-Universe could only be a cosmic Sadist, getting acquainted with the Guinea Worm will only strengthen your faith. Either way, we promise that you'll never forget the day you met G. Worm. Like so many Schopenhauer Award nominees, the Guinea Worm got its start in Africa. It's a big parasite, growing up to three feet long. By the time it pokes its head out of the victim's skin, it's as wide as a strand of spaghetti. It's a slow developer, spending up to a year squirming through the victim's body. Europeans first learned of its existence when they saw people limping through African villages in obvious agony, holding long sticks which seemed to be attached to a white string emerging from a leg or arm. Africans explained that these unlucky villagers had become hosts the Guinea Worm. The reason victims were walking around with the worm twirled around a stick was that the worm could only be coaxed out a few millimeters per day. Those who tried to pull it out soon died a terrible death: the worm's head came off, and its body died and putrefied inside the victim, who rotted while still alive.Since the Guinea Worm can be up to three feet long, the process of drawing it out of your body could take weeks. Think of the horror of that first glimpse of the worm -- the blind white "spaghetti-like" tip poking out from your swollen flesh. Then imagine that instead of yanking it out and stomping it, as all your instincts urge you to do, you must cultivate your parasite, get to know it, persuade it to wind itself around a stick. Then you must hobble around in pain, an object of loathing to everyone you know, while winding the worm around the stick a little more each day. The stick must stay close to you, waking and sleeping. If you drop it, the worm breaks off in your body and you die, putrefying from the inside out. If you are very patient and very lucky, you finally twirl the last coil of worm around the stick. Then you can kill it as you've been dreaming of doing for weeks. But don't celebrate too soon. Because, as Africans explained to the European travellers, dozens of Guinea Worms often develop inside their victims at different rates. So a few hours after you've finally gotten rid of the first worm, you're likely to feel the first twinges of pain that mean another is getting ready to chew its way through your skin and greet the world. The God who made this creature engineered it perfectly, making sure its victims would have no chance. Like the crab-facemask in Alien, it could not be removed without killing the patient. And like that crab-thing, it used the host's body as an incubator for its eggs. But unlike the laughably inefficient Alien, which could only hatch one egg per human host, the Guinea Worm can produce millions of eggs per victim. And unlike the big, clumsy Aliens, the Guinea Worm starts its life in microscopic form -- invisible, undetectable, unstoppable. It's a typically sly, cruel, intricate booby-trap, presicely the sort of elaborate maiming-machine the Sadist-God loves to tinker with. The Worm starts out as an egg so tiny that it lives in the gut of "water fleas," tiny crustaceans which swarm in African freshwater ponds and wells. The fleas themselves are harmless; but when an African villager drinks water infested with the fleas, the fleas are digested but the worm-eggs are intact, free to start chewing their way through the intestinal wall, migrating to the victim's limbs. When they're nice and fat and full of eggs, they make the final move, poking their blind snouts through the skin, sniffing for fresh water in which to deposit the next generation of worms. The God of Pain must have chuckled himself sick when he finished designing this creature. There was no way for pre-20th-c. cultures to begin to guess where the infection started, let alone how to stop it. For a thousand human generations, the worms prospered while their hosts screamed in pain and horror. Best of all, the Worm could reinfect a host every year -- because, though agonizingly painful, the parasite isn't usually fatal. It's exactly the sort of thing Schopenhauer's evil Creator-God would have relished: a perpetual pain-machine, completely self-sufficient, reseeding itself more and more widely every time another wretched African wife, slave or concubine limped to the stagnant village pond to draw water for her master. A beating awaits her when she arrives, because the pain of the swollen worm-hole makes it hard to walk and she takes longer than her master/husband considers acceptable. Besides, the worm protruding from her leg has made her repulsive to him, and the entire village attributes her misfortune to some unspecified misconduct. But the Pain God is fair, in his Hellish manner: her pain will soon be shared by her Master and the rest of the clan, because the water she carries contains millions of water-fleas, each of which swarms with the larvae of the Worm. In a few minutes, the little parasites will be wriggling into her family's bellies, preparing to burst the skin and spew more horror on the world. "God's plan"? Why, God's plan is obvious in this simple scene of African village life. God's plan is exactly as Schopenhauer described it: carefully-engineered pain machines, self-sustaining, spreading ever wider and deeper through the world. In this sense, the Guinea Worm doesn't "call God's plan into question"; the Worm is the very incarnation of God's plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuaiDan Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 It's because Africans are the descendants of Canaanites, and everybody knows Canaanites were condemned for eternity in the eyes of God. sheesh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 I liked how this part was written. Of course, the Guinea Worm can only shake your faith if you're thinking of God as a nice dad. If you share Schopenhauer's view that the God who made this Hell-Universe could only be a cosmic Sadist, getting acquainted with the Guinea Worm will only strengthen your faith. Either way, we promise that you'll never forget the day you met G. Worm. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 Heh... I used to have doubts like this when I was a Xian. I used to wonder how could viruses (which are alive, if I'm correct) actually come to exist in a world where this all-good god made everything to exist in harmony and to follow some kinf of Plan? For the longest time, I had to make myself think that viruses were really demons, since no good god could create something evil - but then again, he made demons ultimately, so the doubts grew and so on... Nature is beautiful but nature is also ugly. Some is nice, some is nasty. Nature itself exhibits that there is no such thing as an all-good, all-powerful, all-present god. That said, that is one fucking nasty parasite Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 12, 2006 Author Share Posted May 12, 2006 It's because Africans are the descendants of Canaanites, and everybody knows Canaanites were condemned for eternity in the eyes of God. sheesh. But of course! And no one wants to be on an all-loving god's shit list! lol... Heh... I used to have doubts like this when I was a Xian. I used to wonder how could viruses (which are alive, if I'm correct) actually come to exist in a world where this all-good god made everything to exist in harmony and to follow some kinf of Plan? For the longest time, I had to make myself think that viruses were really demons, since no good god could create something evil - but then again, he made demons ultimately, so the doubts grew and so on... Nature is beautiful but nature is also ugly. Some is nice, some is nasty. Nature itself exhibits that there is no such thing as an all-good, all-powerful, all-present god. That said, that is one fucking nasty parasite Nature is about survival. This is the way this little organism survives. Where's the pity for the por animal? lol... I'd love to show this little guy to those "every life is precious" people. Really? So you'd alow this parasite into your body so it could reproduce? Isn't it wrong to deny it a good home? And the ability to have it's millions of wriggling children? Yes, and I've seen a lot of parasites. This one takes the cake. It made me grab my leg in pain. Ouch! Talk about torture! I liked how this part was written. Of course, the Guinea Worm can only shake your faith if you're thinking of God as a nice dad. If you share Schopenhauer's view that the God who made this Hell-Universe could only be a cosmic Sadist, getting acquainted with the Guinea Worm will only strengthen your faith. Either way, we promise that you'll never forget the day you met G. Worm. lol... God is Evil, this I know! Because the Worm loves me so! lol... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entgegen Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I used to wonder how could viruses (which are alive, if I'm correct) actually come to exist in a world where this all-good god made everything to exist in harmony and to follow some kinf of Plan™? Well, from what I read on Wikipedia, "viruses and aberrant prion proteins are often considered replicators rather than forms of life, a distinction warranted because they cannot reproduce without very specialised substrates such as host cells or proteins, respectively." Also, as of the fall semester of 2005, my microbiology class I took pretty much teaches that the scientific community doesn't really consider viruses to be "alive," as they can't really self-replicate, along with a host (no pun intended) of other reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
narcissist Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Oh Lord we want to thank you for showing us the wonders of your creation today. Yes Lord, we want to thank you for Reverend AtheiStar and his bringing this wonderful news about the Guinea Worm, which You have made. Oh, precious Father in heaven we want to thank you that you continue to show us how much you love us by providing us with such blessings as this beautiful Guinea Worm. May we continue to spread this good news about the parasitic Guinea Worm and how it plays such a crucial role in revealing the Divine Truth about You and Your most splendid Creation. And, please Lord, please remove the scales from the eyes of those evilutionists who refuse to see the irreducably complex evidence clearly revealed by the flesh eating, pain inflicting Guinea Worm, of your goodness and love for us. We do pray these things in Jesus' name, Amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 16, 2006 Author Share Posted May 16, 2006 Oh Lord we want to thank you for showing us the wonders of your creation today. Yes Lord, we want to thank you for Reverend AtheiStar and his bringing this wonderful news about the Guinea Worm, which You have made. Oh, precious Father in heaven we want to thank you that you continue to show us how much you love us by providing us with such blessings as this beautiful Guinea Worm. May we continue to spread this good news about the parasitic Guinea Worm and how it plays such a crucial role in revealing the Divine Truth about You and Your most splendid Creation. And, please Lord, please remove the scales from the eyes of those evilutionists who refuse to see the irreducably complex evidence clearly revealed by the flesh eating, pain inflicting Guinea Worm, of your goodness and love for us. We do pray these things in Jesus' name, Amen. LOL! That was great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nick5 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I wonder what christians would have to say about this? Maybe this should be posted on a christian forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosingMyReligion Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 It's because Africans are the descendants of Canaanites, and everybody knows Canaanites were condemned for eternity in the eyes of God. sheesh. Correction: It is because Africans worship pagan gods, so our just and loving god is punishing them for their sins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 "These signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new languages, they will take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it will in no way hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover." Clearly these people are not True Christians. Otherwise these liitle serpents wouldn't be vexing them this way. I say we test the faith our fundi guests with a glass full of these little buggers. Faith heal this, oh ye of little faith! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 "These signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new languages, they will take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it will in no way hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover." Clearly these people are not True Christians. Otherwise these liitle serpents wouldn't be vexing them this way. I say we test the faith our fundi guests with a glass full of these little buggers. Faith heal this, oh ye of little faith! A very good idea! Let the Lawd decide whether these little parasites are successful within their body. If they're successful and they come out of their legs -- not enough faith! They must have done something to remove his loving protection. They have fallen out of the category of True Christian! Not enough tithing? Not enough praise and worship? Too much doubt? Lustful thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 17, 2006 Author Share Posted May 17, 2006 It's because Africans are the descendants of Canaanites, and everybody knows Canaanites were condemned for eternity in the eyes of God. sheesh. Correction: It is because Africans worship pagan gods, so our just and loving god is punishing them for their sins. A lot of Africans are converted to Christianity. They get sick just the same. Beliefs in minds are irrelevent to parasites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosingMyReligion Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 It's because Africans are the descendants of Canaanites, and everybody knows Canaanites were condemned for eternity in the eyes of God. sheesh. Correction: It is because Africans worship pagan gods, so our just and loving god is punishing them for their sins. A lot of Africans are converted to Christianity. They get sick just the same. Beliefs in minds are irrelevent to parasites. Oh I was being sarcastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specs appeal Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 EWWWWWW.......!!!!!!!! "All things bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small, All things wise and wonderful, The Good Lord made them all!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lycorth Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 EWWWWWW.......!!!!!!!! "All things bright and beautiful, All creatures great and small, All things wise and wonderful, The Good Lord made them all!" Really puts it into perspective, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loren Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 Now, now! You all know perfectly well that the Good Lord didn't make the G. worms the way they are now; They are vile and revolting because of the Fall from Grace! When Adam and Eve sinned, the entirety of God's Holy and benevolent creation was corrupted! Probably, in the garden of Eden, the G. worms were vegetarian (like the lions and tigers were), reproduced by heterosexual union (always within the bonds of Holy Matrimony, of course.) and no doubt they were also cute, fuzzy and cuddly. Remember, the wages of sin is death! That's why the big extiction happened; the dinosaurs were sinners! What's wrong with you people, anyway? Lost your critical thinking skills because God has given you over to a reprobate mind? Just pray to Jesus for forgiveness. Then the Good Lord will fill you with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, and the G. worm will suddenly make all sorts of sense. Just like the cross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 20, 2006 Author Share Posted May 20, 2006 It's because Africans are the descendants of Canaanites, and everybody knows Canaanites were condemned for eternity in the eyes of God. sheesh. Correction: It is because Africans worship pagan gods, so our just and loving god is punishing them for their sins. A lot of Africans are converted to Christianity. They get sick just the same. Beliefs in minds are irrelevent to parasites. Oh I was being sarcastic. Oh, ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LosingMyReligion Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 Now, now! You all know perfectly well that the Good Lord didn't make the G. worms the way they are now; They are vile and revolting because of the Fall from Grace! When Adam and Eve sinned, the entirety of God's Holy and benevolent creation was corrupted! Probably, in the garden of Eden, the G. worms were vegetarian (like the lions and tigers were), reproduced by heterosexual union (always within the bonds of Holy Matrimony, of course.) and no doubt they were also cute, fuzzy and cuddly. Remember, the wages of sin is death! That's why the big extiction happened; the dinosaurs were sinners! What's wrong with you people, anyway? Lost your critical thinking skills because God has given you over to a reprobate mind? Just pray to Jesus for forgiveness. Then the Good Lord will fill you with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, and the G. worm will suddenly make all sorts of sense. Just like the cross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 21, 2006 Author Share Posted May 21, 2006 Now, now! You all know perfectly well that the Good Lord didn't make the G. worms the way they are now; They are vile and revolting because of the Fall from Grace! When Adam and Eve sinned, the entirety of God's Holy and benevolent creation was corrupted! Probably, in the garden of Eden, the G. worms were vegetarian (like the lions and tigers were), reproduced by heterosexual union (always within the bonds of Holy Matrimony, of course.) and no doubt they were also cute, fuzzy and cuddly. Remember, the wages of sin is death! That's why the big extiction happened; the dinosaurs were sinners! What's wrong with you people, anyway? Lost your critical thinking skills because God has given you over to a reprobate mind? Just pray to Jesus for forgiveness. Then the Good Lord will fill you with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, and the G. worm will suddenly make all sorts of sense. Just like the cross. lol... What was I thinking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Creeeeeeeeepy, just reading the description makes my skin twinge and shiver.... uh oh, better check out for spaghetty strands Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 Creeeeeeeeepy, just reading the description makes my skin twinge and shiver.... uh oh, better check out for spaghetty strands Yes! What's the pain in your leg? Oh it's just a little Guinea worm. He wants to poke his head out and say hi to the person who was so kind as to keep him safe and warm since he was a little hatchling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I would totally freak out if that had to happen to me. I'm quite tolerant to bugs and worms but that kind of parasitism just creeps me out...*shivers* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reverend AtheiStar Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 I would totally freak out if that had to happen to me. I'm quite tolerant to bugs and worms but that kind of parasitism just creeps me out...*shivers* Hey, so would I. I saw one of those Ten Most shows on Animal Planet when the topic was parasites. Most gruesome was the Botfly: http://entomology.unl.edu/lgh/ent108/BOTW/...bit_botfly.html http://www.davesgonemental.com/stuff/mybabybotfly.html http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Botfly Take a look at the spines on the larva! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wertbag Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 "All Things Dull And Ugly" from Monty Python's Contractual Obligations Album All things dull and ug-ly, All creatures, short and squat, All things rude and na-sty, The Lord God made the lot. Each little snake that poisons, Each little wasp that stings, He made their prudish venom, He made their horrid wings. All things sick and cancerous, All evil great and small, All things foul and dangerous, The Lord God made them all. Each nasty little hornet, Each beastly little squid, Who made the spiky urchin? Who made the sharks? He did! All things scant and ulcerous, All pox both great and small, Putrid, foul and gangrenous, The Lord God made them all. Amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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