Let's Make A Deal!

[Joyous1]

One of the first ex-christian web pages I found when my faith came crashing down was this firefighter's deal, which he has proposed to BibleGod and all His Followers. His "deal" is that if Jesus will resurrect a single child who died in one of the fires he fought, he wil reconvert to Christianity with total devotion.

 

I think my "deal" was in regard to my crazy former neighbor. If God had delivered me from her and her insanity, my faith would have remained intact. Because I had absolute faith that He would deliver me from her in a miraculous manner. But He did not, I had to take matters into my own hands. Which turned out fine, as I am now living in a brand new house in much nicer community AND I have been liberated from that heavy HEAVY yoke of Chrisitanity ("my way is easy and my burden light," BS!)

 

Did you make a deal with God before you left? A deal that would have made all the difference if God had followed through?

[Lycorth]

Not before I left, but I know I tried several deals with the Xian god before deconversion. Sort of - for me, I knew that if the Xian god can do this or that for me or someone else, my faith would've been stronger than steel. But I kept seeing instance after instance of the Xian god failing to come through, failing to do this or help that person or relive this tragedy or that. Noticing such things chipped away at my "faith" and when I finally confronted and examined my Xianity, those things were in the back of my mind. All the unanswered prayers that, had the god existed and responded to, would've secured my faith for the rest of my life.

 

But Yahooweh™ didn't show me the money. I had to come to the conclusion that if he did exist, he was a dick for not listening to the many valid requests I had, or that he simply didn't exist. Knowing Yahooweh™ like anyone who has ever read the OT does, I know he'd try to pull off something to get me to believe in him, so I had to conclude that he just didn't exist.

[pandora]

I made lots of deals... the most memorable being that I just wanted to be granted a spiritual experience that was distinctly Christian or an ineffable "knowing" that God existed.

 

Needless to say, none of my deals were ever granted.

 

I even gave God one last chance this last time around... I said if God would someone make it so the powers at my university would let me finish my PharmD, then I would definitely start seeking the spiritual world again (not necessarily Christian, I'm too far gone into apostasy for that ). Even if this happens, I am not so sure I would actually seek it, though.. maybe that's why it isn't granted... but in all reality, things just happen and God has nothing to do with it.

 

 

I am geussing that I will continue to make little deals over the course of my lifetime, but I doubt I'll ever be making a deal with the Christian God again.

[Ex-COG]

(Ex-COG puts on her most dignified preaching voice.)

Ah, no, my brothers and sisters. You are all testing God, and that is wrong. We must be humble and faithful servants, willing to accept whatever God wills for our lives, no matter how painful or confusing it may be. Put your trust in the Lord, abandon this silly, sinful deal-making, and feast upon the love of Jesus as he fills your soul with contentment. Don't shake your fist in God's face, saying "If you do, then I will..."! Gaze upon His holiness, and say instead "Even if you don't, I will still...". Agree with Brother Job who said "Even if you slay me, yet I will still trust you". Sing the beautiful worship chorus "If the harvest never comes, I still will praise you." Read your Bible, feed your faith, and starve your doubts to death.

 

 

 

Ok, back to reality folks...

[LosingMyReligion]

LOL Ex-Cog!

 

The sad thing is, is that I've heard sheep--whoops Christians--echo those sentiments, just not in those precise words.

 

Well, my whole deal was that if God would turn me 100% heterosexual I would come back to Jesus.

Well, I'm still 100% gay...However, I am 100% happy about it. The only thing I needed out of my life was Babble Gawd. I refuse to be a follower of that tyrant.

 

Hallelujah I'm free!

[Ouroboros]

Did you make a deal with God before you left? A deal that would have made all the difference if God had followed through?

Yes. To give me faith in him again. I never saw anything in my life or my family's life that could be contributed to a supernatural power. We needed help and protection from the God we believed in, but never saw one single shred of magical influence. The last stand was to overcome doubts of his existence, and it was in my last prayer: "Give me sign or give just me faith, because I have none left." And I'm still waiting... I guess what I want is the feeling inside that I know he exists, but I don't have it. I can't feel that certainty anymore, but rather the opposite. Like I said in another post once, I have no notion of a God.

 

Of course if I saw a true miracle happen with my son, I would take that as a big sign. But there's times and opportunities lost that we can't get back. For instance the chances of taking my kids to see my dad before he died, are gone. The only true miracle would be for the clock to turn back 10 years and us not leave on the devastating trip.

[kellyb]

Actually, one time I did make a deal with god, and it seemed like god came through.

The details are a little too personal to share, but let's just say I was very emotionally unstable at the time, and needed god to show himself for me to go on living. (I'd also been awake for 14 days thanks to very deep depression, so my mental facilities were basically pudding at that time.)

But it really looked like god came through.

Honestly, I'm still a little haunted by that, but I logically know it was an illusion.

Years later when I deconverted, the only deal I made was "How about you quit being so extremely fucked up? If you're going to insist on acting like a homicidal sociopath, then I'm going to have to conclude that you don't exist at all, and are and have always been an invention of man."

And that deal still stands.

 

And I'm still waiting... I guess what I want is the feeling inside that I know he exists, but I don't have it."

See, I'm pretty well trained to get that feeling on demand. Those feelings just wash over me sometimes unwanted.

But my problem is reconsiling those feeling and common sense.

[Guest Emerson]

Varky,

 

Here's what I'm getting you for xmas.

 

haha, okay on a more serious note. I was putting my life on hold waiting for God's answer on his will for my life. I took a few years out of college and just focused on my faith, church and other "religious" activities. Needless to say my life was passing me by and I was so unhappy. While I'm still figuring out my life and what I want to do, I now decide what's best for my life instead of waiting for some magical answer out of nowhere, and I'm no longer in the sidelines when it comes to my life.

 

God didn't speak to me the way that "christian living" books tell you that he does. He just didn't. Its pointless having a "relationship" with a deity if they don't respond, and I don't consider reading the bible as god's way of "talking back" -heh, I mean let's be realistic, okay. I also got tired of typical xtian responses to doubts and q's, and the way that they deny women's sexuality, "men are physical, women are emotional."

[Joyous1]

God didn't speak to me the way that "christian living" books tell you that he does. He just didn't. Its pointless having a "relationship" with a deity if they don't respond...

 

During the last few weeks of my struggle to hold onto my faith, someone mentioned to me that Mother Theresa had not "felt" the presence of God or the Holy Spirit for the last 50 years of her life. But she continued with her life's work anyway, even though it never delivered on the promise of inner peace and contentment. I think they were holding up MT as a role model, hoping I would emulate her, but it only made me angrier with God. If He disses even His most faithful and loyal servants, what's the point in staying faithful?

[SkepticOfBible]

In my childhood and teen years, whenever my mom used to get sick, I used make a deal with God, that if he/she/it made her well, I would give up eating my favourite food. ::-):

[LloydDobler]

Yes. To give me faith in him again.

Same here. For the last 3 years of my belief, I sat in church and prayed this one prayer over and over and over. I asked not for some miracle, but that he simply show me he's real in a way that would be convincing to me and me alone. Since he is God, he will know what that is, and all I asked was that he do it, because I really wanted to believe.

 

He responded by letting my christian wife become infatuated with other men to the point that she wanted to leave me over it.

 

So the end of my faith kind of coincided with the end of my marriage.

[godlessgrrl]

Hmm. I don't remember making deals with god, although I must have.

 

The only "deal" I have now is the standing invitation to god to demonstrate to me that he exists, beyond any shadow of a doubt. I know what it would likely take to get me to believe in god again, and if there is a god, s/he/it/they know where I live.

 

So far I haven't heard a divine knock on the door. Funny how that works...

[thunderbolt]

So far I haven't heard a divine knock on the door. Funny how that works...

Reminds me of evangelism. You MUST first believe before god will reveal himself. Huh? Why? Why can't he do something from his side if HE is the want that WANTS/NEEDS us to believe in him? Why must WE take the first step if he is the "hidden" one?

 

I had plenty of deals with god, mainly revolving around my sexuality. I made tons of deals with him that if he would just remove my attraction for guys that I would do plenty of stuff for him. Needless to say, he didn't come through ... Mind you, if I was as inept as BibleGod, then I would have stayed “hidden” for millions of years as well …

[Amethyst]

Hmm. Well, when I was a kid, I remember asking god to make me thin and beautiful so my mother would love me. Never happened.

 

I also remember asking him to cure my mother's cancer, and he never did.

 

Those were NOT the reasons I deconverted though. I hung onto my faith through college, had universalist leanings after that but labeled myself Christian anyway, tried joining a liberal church, couldn't believe in that, and finally decided enough was enough. I had to be honest with myself, at least, and ditch the label.

[white_raven23]

Five or six times I prayed this one. Alone at night, staring at the calm darkness of my ceiling as I lay in bed, feeling my heart full of fresh hope:

 

"Please God, let this guy be 'The One'."

 

And it never was.

 

Got so I tried not to pray at all, because it seemed someone (not god surely?) was out to make sure whatever I prayed for....I didn't get. Simply wanting? Okay...you can have that. But if you ask....kiss it goodbye.

 

Know I can't be alone on this one.

 

[The Sage Nabooru]

Deals? Oh yeah, I tried making those. "God, if you're there, don't make my dad come storming down the hall into the room to beat the shit out of me and destroy my stuff."

 

I've read a book by a very good friend of mine, Bill Tucker. He is not Christian, but spiritual, and in it he raises a very interesting idea, that was inspired by Conversations With God (which I now almost pretty much take with a grain of salt, but my friend and his book are still good): What we think and decide has a profound effect on the matters of the universe. My dad came storming down the hall because even though I prayed, I expected him to. Perhaps if we could have the determination - the faith - to take it for granted, it will come to us.

 

It's a long thing to describe and understand on a message board, but still, I think it's a pretty interesting idea.

 

Joyous1, since I love poking my nose into other people's business, do you mind describing your crazy neighbor? I used to have a self-centered, whiny old bitch live in an apartment below me once. If I walked down my hall with my footfalls too hard (i.e., with shoes on - I am not exaggerating), she'd go all pissy and in a fit call up the landlord and cry and moan about how loud and inconsiderate I was and how I was aggravating her "heart condition". I hate lousy neighbors.

[Jedah]

One of the biggest thing christians ignore has to be what is promised in prayer. They try to say that its all metaphorical, but when you look at the times in the bible when believers prayed and recieved spectacular results...its fairlyy obvious that xians are just trying to dodge out of admitting that its all smoke and mirrors.

[mostlyharmless]

I asked God to help a guy to fall in love with me if He approved and I would sing His praises.

 

Instead, I soon became insane and was hospitalised for eight days in a psych ward where I was diagnosed with schizophrenia.

 

After speculating that my episode of psychosis could be "God's wake up call", I set forth on a path that helped me wake up from religion.

[mostlyharmless]

Here's one from my childhood:

 

I promised I would always be good if God would PLEASE save me from drowning. Needless to say who welched on that one! I knew I couldn't hold my side of the bargain and tried not to think about it afterwards.

 

Anyway, it was really some bloke who saved me.

[Ryan]

I don't think I ever made any deals with God, at least none that I can remember. I rarely prayed when I was a Christian. I guess I never bought into the answering of prayers. On some intuitive level, I assumed that if something happens it's because there was a chain of events and choices that led to it, and no amount of divine intervention could sway that. Now I know that's what's going on.

[willybilly30]

I kneeled and prayed god please show me you're real and tell me what is the truth I am waiting. (I fell asleep) I did praying thing for about a week. Seems to me if god really cared if you believed and wanted you too follow a book he'd tell you.

[Joyous1]

I've tried to respond several times now and had to walk away from the computer. I didn't really expect to see so many deeply touching responses, or to be so affected by your stories. After all, I've been reading exchristian.net for months now, I should be acclimated. Strangely enough though, the longer I'm out of Christianity the more compassion I feel for others. That, more than anything, keeps me from going back.

 

Sage, my neighbor had emotional problems. A psychologist friend of mine who has seen her "in action" thinks she probably has Borderline Personality Disorder. Though she seemed nice enough when she moved in, she kept having meltdowns that got scarier and scarier. One night she flipped out and was throwing gasoline all around her yard and the foundation of her home, trying to set everything (including herself) on fire. After that I didn't want to have anything to do with her, understandably. Unfortunately rejection triggers the worst behavior in someone with BPD, and she made my life hell after that, vandalizing my property, stalking me whenever I left my home to shop or visit friends and family. She had friends on the police force, so calling the cops was no help whatsoever. Hell, they helped her.

 

Since I moved (my new home is 30 miles from my old one) I sometimes will hear someone laugh, or see that someone is behind me in a store, and for a second I feel the same terror I used to. Then I remember that she is far, far away and I feel so happy and peaceful.