Been Putting Off Outing Myself

[Ryan]

I'm a very new atheist. It's only been about a month, and I don't really feel prepared to tell my Christian family that I've turned infidel. My family is pretty easy going, but the closest thing that's happened to my situation is an apathetic step-sister who doesn't attend church. I have no idea how they'll react to me saying the religion I was raised with is a lie.

 

I keep finding reasons to put it off. The most recent was that it was my sister's birthday yesterday. "Hey sis, here's your present. Oh and I'm an atheist now, by the by."

 

They all no doubt know I have issues with Christianity and that I flirted with Buddhism. I guess I just want to know if any of you did the delaying thing or are still doing it.

 

The fam really is awesome, so I doubt there will be any huge issue. However, I dislike confrontation. Any advice for a new atheist not really prepared to defend his deconversion to life-term Christian family? How to handle it?

[greygirl]

Is there some reason why you *have to* tell them right away? Religion is a very personal thing, and I don't think you have to advertise it if you don't feel ready. I didn't say anything to my family until someone asked me why I quit going to church. When they did ask, I just said it was because I didn't believe it anymore, and didn't consider myself a member. The important thing is to not treat it like something you're ashamed of or hiding. It's just the personal decision you've made after a lot of thought, and it's not something that requires anyone else's validation, so you just told them when it came up.

[Lycorth]

Like greygirl said, religion is a personal matter. No one should feel the need to make sure everyone else knows what they believe or don't believe. Life is the one true religion, so don't do anything that will make living life harder. You only get one.

 

I'm still delaying. My folks, who are older and in ill health, might not be able to handle it too well. I couldn't care less what religion they think I am so long as they stay healthy and happy. Some friends know, some don't. Usually, it only comes up during a discussion, and isn't planned. I have too many things I'm juggling in life right now to worry about breaking the news to some of my more fundy friends. I really wonder how the poor dears will handle it

 

Either or, neither coming out nor staying in the closet affects my ability to live my life in most aspects of it, so it's not something I worry about right now. Usually the best thing to do is just worry about the big stuff.

[white_raven23]

Greygirl and Varokhar said it well.

 

That and while you know the label "atheist" really doesn't mean all that much, and you are the same person you ever were.....you've got to remember how religious folk have been trained and trained and trained regarding the "A" word.

 

Really, remember what it was like to be a christian for a sec. The word Atheist and the word Satanist could have been used interchangeably! Remember YOU have learned that is not so, your family has not.

 

I'm not saying atheism is bad and you should hide it. Not at all. But for your loved ones, you have to be senitive to the fact that they are indoctrined. Take it slow. You don't have to declare yourself the Big A right away, and it's better if you don't. Remember that christians are trained to have an adrenal "fight or flight" response to that word. And yes that's evidence of the level of brainwashing people go through. Ease into it with you family. They might not like that you are "falling away", but you have to get them used to the idea of seeing that your life is not full of drugs, careless sex, and depravity as a result of being a "lost sheep".

 

If you love your family the same way they love you (duh), then respect how they see things a little bit. Yesterday you were their angel cherub staring adoringly into the face of jesus while sitting at his feet. Today.....you're sporting a tail and tattoos with one foot propped up on a Harley with fire spewing from the tailpipe.

 

It is neither necessary, nor nice to shock your parents regarding your belief system. Don't worry, you can shock them to your heart's content about other stuff. But regarding religion and faith, try to handle with care.

[Amethyst]

You don't have to tell everyone all at once. It's only the Christians who feel that they have to tell everyone. I'm letting most of my family think that I'm a very liberal Christian. My parents know I'm agnostic, but I see them more often. I'm sure other relatives suspect, but I'm not going to just come out and tell them. I don't trust them not to reject me.

[Ryan]

I never really thought of it that way. I guess a neon sign that says "Atheist" would be pushing it. I don't know why that strategy didn't occur to me. I'm a private person. That's how I deal with pretty much everything else.

 

Thanks everyone.

[Entgegen]

While it's true that you don't have to shout your atheism from the rooftops, you should be honest. If someone asks, tell them; it's nothing to be ashamed of. All of my friends know, but only because we have discussions about religion and other things. Plus, most of them are atheists themselves, so that helps. As far as my family goes, only one of my brothers knows, mainly because he hangs out with my friends and I. Other than that, the only ones who don't know are the ones who haven't asked, and that's how it's going to stay...they'll find out whenever they decide that they want to find out.

[jjacksonRIAB]

My grandparents brought it up once, and I told them I wasn't interested in it. They refused to believe me at first. Humor proved to be our way past it, but they didn't really know because we're not in constant contact. The problem was they assumed I was Christian just like "everyone" is.

 

I suppose the worst that could have happened was that I'd be shunned for life, but even though it hurts me to say it, if they can't accept it then we can go our separate ways. On thing I will not do, however, is turn away from them. Though they wait to summon me in their final hour, I will come.

 

Can't you just allow it to flow into everyday conversation? I mean, usually people use the Bible in terms of their own interpretation of life. Is it not possible to agree/disagree with their interpretation without agreeing with the Bible?