KT45 Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I want to start making a flash series with a bunch of bible stories or sermons that were too violent, too racist, too sexist, too sexual or too politically incorrect. I would also like to do it without making additional commentary but just a pure literal translation of the KJV of the bible. It will look like it's marketed to kids. I wanted to do the Elisha sending 2 female bears to eat 40 kids but Infidel Guy already did it here http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/191437 I was thinking of doing the the first chapter of Ester Can you tell me the passages to some of the more untold stories of the bible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JP Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Wasn't there one about how David "knew" Jonathan? Oh, yeah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KT45 Posted May 24, 2006 Author Share Posted May 24, 2006 Oh and the one where elisha heals a young boy.....by getting on top of him and putting his mouth on the boy's mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Oh, I have to find the one with the prophet that went to a hooker. Ay'll bee baack... --- okay, found it --- Hosea 1:2- "Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry And children of harlotry..." Commanded by God to take a hooker wife. I wonder if he checked them all out first? And he got a whole bunch of kids with this Gomer. He must've liked her a lot! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Judges 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnny Smith Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Don't forget the drunk prophet, Noah. He had a wee bit too much wine after planting that vineyard. (Genesis 9:18 - 29) Oh, and don't forget Lot's daughters. They desired to have sex with their father. I missed that one in Sunday school. However, if anyone currently teaching Sunday school wants a reference for the next puppet lesson, look in Genesis 19:34. Regards, JS PS - I guess I need to brush up on my Bible. After going back to read that passage, I realized that not only did they desire to have sex with their father, they actually did! This was, of course, after getting him hammered. Thus says the infallible "word of God." Regards, JS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godlessgrrl Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 You might also get some inspiration from The Brick Testament. Pretty much anything from Leviticus is fair game, in my book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
futurekid Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I seem to remember a particularly gory story about a guy who cut his concubine into pieces and had them delivered to the four corners of Israel. Truely inspiring stuff. Judges 20:5-6 NKJV And the men of Gibeah rose against me, and surrounded the house at night because of me. They intended to kill me, but instead they ravished my concubine so that she died. 6 So I took hold of my concubine, cut her in pieces, and sent her throughout all the territory of the inheritance of Israel, because they committed lewdness and outrage in Israel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shy1680 Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Evilbible.com has a lot of the untold stories, that might be of some help to ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Abraham have sex with Sara's handmaid Hagar, and it was Sarah's idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlerman Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 You might also get some inspiration from The Brick Testament. Pretty much anything from Leviticus is fair game, in my book. I was just going there. I just read this one that's worth a good laugh! http://www.thebricktestament.com/the_law/s...s/lv15_16a.html It's stuff like this that I read in bible college that really began opening my eyes to how utterly man-made the whole thing was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sage Nabooru Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 My personal favorite was always the story of Judah and Tamar, from Genesis. Truechristian.com started the story in the Kidz section, but never completed it. So Judah has this woman marry his son. But God doesn't like his son, so God kills him. Judah then has her marry his next son. But his next son knows that whatever children they have won't be considered his, but his older brother's, so he pulls out and jacks off during sex to prevent any offspring. That pisses God off, so God kills him, too. Then Judah says he'll marry her to his third son when he's of age. But Tamar is pissed because both of her husbands have died, so she dresses up like a whore and waits at the road for Judah, who comes along, bangs her up, and pays her with his ring and some other of his stuff. She goes back to her house. Judah finds out that his daughter-in-law's been whoring herself, so he orders her pulled out of her home and stoned. She brings out his ring and says, "Hey, whose are these? Cast the first stone, dude!" And Judah gets embarrassed and calls off the stoning. And from this blessed union Jesus is descended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjaburns Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I seem to remember a particularly gory story about a guy who cut his concubine into pieces and had them delivered to the four corners of Israel. Truely inspiring stuff. Judges 20:5-6 NKJV QUOTEAnd the men of Gibeah rose against me, and surrounded the house at night because of me. They intended to kill me, but instead they ravished my concubine so that she died. 6 So I took hold of my concubine, cut her in pieces, and sent her throughout all the territory of the inheritance of Israel, because they committed lewdness and outrage in Israel. Don't forget the absurd yet hilarious story that immediately follows that one. Judges 20: 18-37. The Israelites go off to kill the people who killed the concubine and they face a vast army. They ask God which tribe should fight first and he says Judah. So, Judah goes out and gets obliterated by the enemy (22,000 Israelites killed). The Israelites ask if they should try again and God says yes. So, they face the enemy again and this time 18,000 Israelites die. Only on the third time, when Israel makes burnt sacrifices to God do they actually win, yet at no time did God ever hint that burnt sacrifices might help. On the third try God personally helps the Israelites kill 25,100 Benjamites. They then precede to kill every single person (man, woman, and child) in the city with God's help. Why God didn't help before they made burnt sacrifices is anyone's guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KT45 Posted May 25, 2006 Author Share Posted May 25, 2006 Oh and Saul going to a psychic and to talk to a dead prophet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHEMtron Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 I want to start making a flash series with a bunch of bible stories or sermons that were too violent, too racist, too sexist, too sexual or too politically incorrect. I would also like to do it without making additional commentary but just a pure literal translation of the KJV of the bible. It will look like it's marketed to kids. I wanted to do the Elisha sending 2 female bears to eat 40 kids but Infidel Guy already did it here http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/191437 I was thinking of doing the the first chapter of Ester Can you tell me the passages to some of the more untold stories of the bible? we actually had something like this on another thread. it was a book selling online of "stories we never learned in bible study". the thread has a link to the website and i think it had flash shorts of each story... or maybe it was just images. but anyhow ill get back to you when i can find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyFeline Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Ezekiel's got some good stuff, too. Harlots and heathens and murder, oh my! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
infidel666 Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Genesis 19:4-8 Lot's virgin daughters get raped by how ever many it take to surround a house. Since they were gay I wonder if the girls could sit afterward? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Material_Miser_Joe Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 How about some of Ezekiel's barley doodoo cakes? "And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight." (Ezekiel 4:12) (JH) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benjaburns Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 How about some of Ezekiel's barley doodoo cakes? "And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight." (Ezekiel 4:12) Although, God does later relent and let Ezekiel use cow dung instead of human dung. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ouroboros Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 What about the story (can't remember where it is, or the details but) the guy that makes this promise to God that he will sacrifice the first person that exists his house, and it's his daughter? (Have to see if I can find it...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Material_Miser_Joe Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 What about the story (can't remember where it is, or the details but) the guy that makes this promise to God that he will sacrifice the first person that exists his house, and it's his daughter? (Have to see if I can find it...) Jephtha, Judges 11:30-40. Can someone say, "Call child protective services!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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