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Goodbye Jesus

The Real Jesus Would Say.......


The Sage Nabooru

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For anyone who's actually picked up and read the New Testament (a rarity among Christians, as we know), it's pretty easy to figure out rather quickly that Jesus is kind of, well, an asshole. He's sexist, neurotic, obsessed with Hell, and often seems like a stuck-up celebrity who chews out autograph-seekers in public.

 

So now it is time to expose the real Jesus, not the lovey-dovey angelboy uninformed Christians make him out to be. For example:

 

Jesus meets a modern-day heroin addict who approaches him for drug money.

 

CHRISTIAN JESUS says, "You may be a disappointment and a loser to everyone who sees you, but I see you as the precious child you really are. Know that I love and accept you anyway. Peace to you, and know I'm always here for you."

 

REAL JESUS says, "Eeewww. Loser. Get away from me. Either sell everything you own and give the money to my treasurer, or fuck off."

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