Onyx Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Onyx meets Jesus By Onyx © 2006 Onyx All Rights reserved to Onyx Hi, I'm Onyx, I'm an heathen bastard guy that's irreversibly hell bound. The reason? I met Jesus. It all started with a normal taxi ride... I was fiddling around with my black bag in the taxi after school, my best friend was sick that day so I was very bored, I was absent mindly staring at the snail cars that trudged along the Harbour Bridge. I was thinking about that hot guy I met in the library, oh was he lovely! I waxed on about him in my mind. When a flash appeared on the seat opposite of me on the taxi, I was frightened. A bearded figure with a lovely olive skin tone and a white robe was sitting on the seat. The Muslim taxi driver was startled and tried to keep the taxi on track. I signed "WHO are you?" The funny olive skinned man said in sign "I am the eternal Jesus that is The Highest's son!" I was surprised, "How-how did you know sign? I thought you just healed these deaf guys and took pity on them." "Onyx, you are not ready to know how I picked sign language up. I know everything and every word of the twisted things you say and read on that infernal site "Exchristian.net" and I'm digusted! I can read your mind as well. The things you think of, tsk, tsk, that's against the Holy Unchanging Text." he shaked his head in digust and sadness. I was startled, I thought, Jesus can read my mind? Let him get a blast of my questions, then. Jesus frowned. "Jesus, I have a lot of questions to ask you. If you are one with God and Holy Spirit, how do you explain all these bloody masscares you had fun ordering and I'm sure that you also had fun conducting these sad, sad masscares that had ten of thousands of people dying at a time? How about letting the guys cut up the concubine in twelve pieces and sending out the remains to the twelve tribes of Israel?" Jesus was getting angry now. "Onyx, you're dangerously close to making me damn you to Hell when you die... These masscares and the hack up of the concubine was approved by the Supreme Lord God of Everything and that's good enough for both of us!" I hit back, "If you don't let me question your motives, how I can be sure that you're a god that are worthy of my worship?" Jesus was very very pissed off, he signed frantically, "I am God therefore you must worship me! That's a good reason!" I sighed "An appeal to their authority doesn't make god a god." Jesus was visibly in rage, his movements was like that of a rabbit hopping on hundred of pins. "Waaah! This kid's QUESTIONING MMEEEEEEEE!" he shouted and signed at the same time. The taxi driver was so frightened, he drove through a red light. Luckily, we didn't crash and not getting the police on our tail. I was shaken and thrown around like a rag doll lassoed and yanked, I had a belt on. The sky got grey and the rain started, it was pelting bullet raindrops now. When I got my balance back, I saw Jesus who wasn't hurt or anything, I noticed something lost about him. He was close to tears by now. I felt no sympathy or pity for him so I decided to throw more questions at him. "Why do you make ridiculous rules like that "Unforgivable Sin" thing? Why do you make a exception for the Holy Spirit so that if I say he's a demon, I'm instantly damned to hell? That's thin skinned big time!" Jesus looked depressed and said "Just because He's the childish member of the Holy Blessed Eternal Trinity! He cry, he needs our protection even though he's of adult age. If you say a bad thing about him, he threatens to kill himself front of us, throws a tantrum, destroys his stuff! It takes 3 human years to convince the Holy Spirit out of suicide every time..." I smirked "Since Holy Spirit was on the plot with you both to hurt and mistreat humanity, I don't care if he lives or not." Jesus looked shocked and looked heavenward "Yahweh! This kid said he didn't care if Holy Spirit lives or not!" The sky screamed with thunders and heavier rain. Jesus exhorted "Don't say a bad thing about the Holy Spirit or he'll definitely kill himself." I was sorely tempted, to make the whiny tryant kill himself, on the other hand, if I say the words, I'll be responsible for a suicide. Not just a suicide, but deitical suicide. But then, I thought of the crusades, the broken promises, the irrational men that probably wrote what the Holy Spirit told them. I decided to do it. "Holy Spirit is secretly gay, he is a demon that is in diguise, your miracles was not from the Holy Spirit but from Satan." Suddenly, the sky went red, the water went red, even the trees were red. Then the most horrible, loudest noise blared through the land, probably the world and the universe. It was a wonder that I still was alive after the noise. Jesus was the maddest that I saw him. He showed me a vision. He showed me Topeka, Kansas. Fred Phelps was protesting a new gay bar called "The Pink Water" when suddenly, he put down his protest sign ("God hates fags that drink") he said "What was I thinking? I'm gay!" He went into the bar along with his church who was also out of their illusions. The crowd cheered. Then Jesus showed me again. A christian was about to bomb a abortion clinic when he was snapped out of his zeal. "What the hell? Anyway, I have to help the abortionists!" He goes into the clinic but the bomb is not turned on and thrown away into the bin. The police sighs in relief. Then he showed me a mental hospital, I saw a man with a Napoleon hat, a woman banging her head on the wall and a man that seems to think he is a chicken. Then the Napoleon man said "Napoleon was a tryant. Now I want to go home." The woman screamed "OUCH!" and got away from the wall. The Chicken man stopped flapping his arms. I saw the doctor comes in. He checked the people and pronounced "You are all sane." They are all let out of the hospital. I saw a lot of visions that involved criminals in prisons forgetting what they commited in the first place, NAMBLA being disestablished, KKK rallies dissolving, people making sweet love to each other without guilt and happy families going on pinics. Then I was back on the taxi. Jesus was frosty, his countence was terrible and he signed and spoke slowly. "Onyx, you are damned straight to hell after you die." I sniggered, "Fuck you Jesus, God, Holy Spirit who is dead." Jesus vanished. Then the Muslim taxi driver who just threw the Koran out of his window, took me home. I came up the ramp to get into the house. My mum greeted me. I ate and I went out to the school drama that night. (The crush at the library was performing in it.) When at the end of the drama, I met the guy at the library that I had a crush on. He came to me, asking if I wanted to kiss him. Everyone watched me and him getting closer and when we kissed, everybody cheered! That was my story. Now, we're dating and he's such a fun guy, we joke together and I recently beat him at table tennis at the deaf club! The END Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dhampir Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Wow. I like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Heh. Very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willybilly30 Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 lol I like the ending were everyones giving up their foolish ideas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Japedo Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Nice Job Onyx, very creative! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gnosis of Disbelief Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Nice twist of irony there at the end.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Braggio Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Great but the part where you blasphemed the Holy Spirit and kills himself really offended me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Padreko Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Great but the part where you blasphemed the Holy Spirit and kills himself really offended me! I'm offended that you're offended... That was a pretty damn good story :-D I think you should expand it more.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Not too shabby. Keep up the good work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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