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Typical Looking Fundie


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What picture pops in your head when your hear Fundie Christian?.

 

 

Right now this what I picture every time.

 

7673_320x240.jpg

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I picture a middle-aged, overweight guy in a dark suit with a big shiny cross hanging around his neck. He's probably well-groomed, but might be sweaty from his exertions yelling about unbelievers. His hairstyle hasn't changed since the 1950's, only it's white or gray now instead of dark. He wears glasses, probably the same horn-rimmed beasties he's worn for the last 50 years. He's overweight because he indulges in the sin of gluttony, not because of any medical issues. He probably has coronary artery disease.

 

His wife never wears pants or makeup. She is small and birdlike, and wears pink flower-print dresses with long sleeves, and pink vinyl granny sandals with nylons. She is demure and has a small smile on her face most of the time. Nobody knows if she can speak or not, because nobody ever hears anybody talk but the fundy and his sons.

 

Fundy has several sons. The eldest probably looks like a younger version of him, wearing neat button-down oxford shirts and ties. He might have a middle son, who is perhaps more "hip", but still straight-laced. He has a youngest son who we don't talk about, because the youngest son took drugs and grew his hair long and went apostate and nobody has seen him for several years because they all treat him as if he's dead.

 

Fundy might or might not have daughters. If he does, you never see them because they don't go out in public, or else he married them off early to guys just like himself. Except for his youngest daughter, who got knocked up by the local preacher's son and had an abortion - she either ran away from the family, and nobody talks about her, or else she was beaten into fundy submission and is kept under close guard in her daddy's house, continually reminded of her shameful sin.

 

Most likely, he killed his daughters at birth and buried them in the backyard. Or ate them. (It ain't the Satanists that are baby-eaters, it's the fundies.)

 

Grandchildren are all home-schooled. They may be bright, precocious kids, but their intelligence is being stunted and dumbed down by the stultifying restrictions Fundy and his family place on their education. No sex education, no science, no comparative religion, nothing but the basics plus Bible study.

 

That's my fundy stereotype. (Even though real fundies come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.)

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I picture a middle-aged, overweight guy in a dark suit with a big shiny cross hanging around his neck. He's probably well-groomed, but might be sweaty from his exertions yelling about unbelievers. His hairstyle hasn't changed since the 1950's, only it's white or gray now instead of dark. He wears glasses, probably the same horn-rimmed beasties he's worn for the last 50 years. He's overweight because he indulges in the sin of gluttony, not because of any medical issues. He probably has coronary artery disease.

 

His wife never wears pants or makeup. She is small and birdlike, and wears pink flower-print dresses with long sleeves, and pink vinyl granny sandals with nylons. She is demure and has a small smile on her face most of the time. Nobody knows if she can speak or not, because nobody ever hears anybody talk but the fundy and his sons.

 

Fundy has several sons. The eldest probably looks like a younger version of him, wearing neat button-down oxford shirts and ties. He might have a middle son, who is perhaps more "hip", but still straight-laced. He has a youngest son who we don't talk about, because the youngest son took drugs and grew his hair long and went apostate and nobody has seen him for several years because they all treat him as if he's dead.

 

Fundy might or might not have daughters. If he does, you never see them because they don't go out in public, or else he married them off early to guys just like himself. Except for his youngest daughter, who got knocked up by the local preacher's son and had an abortion - she either ran away from the family, and nobody talks about her, or else she was beaten into fundy submission and is kept under close guard in her daddy's house, continually reminded of her shameful sin.

 

Most likely, he killed his daughters at birth and buried them in the backyard. Or ate them. (It ain't the Satanists that are baby-eaters, it's the fundies.)

 

Grandchildren are all home-schooled. They may be bright, precocious kids, but their intelligence is being stunted and dumbed down by the stultifying restrictions Fundy and his family place on their education. No sex education, no science, no comparative religion, nothing but the basics plus Bible study.

 

That's my fundy stereotype. (Even though real fundies come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.)

 

 

Very nice. :lmao: This sounds like an After School Special, OR DATE LINE NBC special

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The women always wear pastel polyester outfits that are at least 40 years out of style. They have washed-out complexions, and could really use some eyeliner. Severe, tightly curled hair that's never quite neat. Cheap, clip-on earrings. Either pathetically thin and frail, or morbidly obese (from having pie with every fellowship event).

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Kind of like this......

post-155-1150934804.jpg

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but not always...

 

don't forget the Stepford wives look & the big hair

TPreaching.jpg

 

or this look.....don't quite know what to call that...

200406-04.jpg

the slutty 'avon lady' look..

 

(sterotypes...are naughty but fun...)

 

I couldn't find a male version of what comes to my mind.....a man with an erection in his pants (white shirt/black tie of course)

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but not always...

 

don't forget the Stepford wives look & the big hair

TPreaching.jpg

 

or this look.....don't quite know what to call that...

200406-04.jpg

the slutty 'avon lady' look..

 

(sterotypes...are naughty but fun...)

 

I couldn't find a male version of what comes to my mind.....a man with an erection in his pants (white shirt/black tie of course)

 

 

OMG, I just sprayed coke all over my monitor! :lmao:

 

I'll take the woman in red tied to a bed with some duct tape over her mouth. :wicked:

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The man is old, fat, with a terrifying blabby turkey neck that stretches over the collars of his shirts. He wears expensive but hopelessly boring and unfashionable suits with little gold crosses pinned to the lapels. He wears gold bifocals and has a pure white combover with skin the color and texture of sunburnt oranges. He wears a giant gold cross ring and gold watch with a gold wedding band. His shoes are expensive and shiny. He seems to be perpetually sweaty and has a constant look of smug satisfaction on his face, often broadening into a grin that exposes his stained teeth.

 

His wife is a skeleton stuck in the 80's - big up-do and enough makeup to make a Thai trans hooker look like Mother Theresa. She has a penchant for shaking and crying in prayerful ecstasy. Her sister is unbelievably fat with a porcine face and plenty of stomach-turning warts and skin growths. Her hair is always tightly permed and frizzy, although nobody knows why she still has it done. She prefers riding a scooter to walking and has the distinct smell of Gone Too Long Without Showering. She is always in a T-shirt with a cheap gold chain and cross around her neck and likes bicycle shorts.

 

The couple's son is in his early twenties and has had the same ducktail haircut his whole life. He is clean-shaven and his expression is a cross between pissed, determined, and scared. He wears golf shirts with belted, ironed pants and brown loafers with little leather tassels on them. He has yet to express an interest in the opposite sex; this is due to his secretly being gay.

 

The couple's daughter has long blond hair and a snotty, stuck-up disposition. She is tanned and wears light makeup. She wears the same gold cross as her aunt and stud earrings and jewelry meant for a woman three times her age. Her clothing is made up of jeans, shorts, and long skirts in plain colors; altogether it brings on an air of complete boringness. And yet still underneath her veneer of humility you can see the slight, almost invisible stirrings of a young woman desperately trying to look sexy.

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What picture pops in your head when your hear Fundie Christian?.

 

One generic option:

 

talons.gif

 

I could have posted a pic of the walking hate crime too, but I wouldn't have been able to post an adequate warning to keep you from puking on the spot...

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