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Goodbye Jesus

Introspective Shift

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Shit Hitting The Fan Called My Life



Just a quick entry from me tonight.


I'm going through some personal stuff. Been thinking a lot about God, praying, etc.


As some of you know, I care for my grandmother. She hasn't been doing well these past couple of weeks. Lots of long nights, extra medication and chronic pain... sad.png


Last Thursday, my mother (who also has health problems) fell and fractured her left elbow and severely bruised her left hip. She also damaged the tendons in both of her shoulders over the course of the past year or so due to her rheumatoid arthritis causing mobility issues that have made her increasingly upper body dependent. A few months ago, she found out that she has a tumor on her spine that was/is causing the flare ups of her arthritis.


Well, this fall of hers is the straw that broke the camel's back. It has become apparent that she cannot care for herself any longer, at least not until she has corrective surgery on at least one shoulder. However, she also has a blood clotting disorder and is on blood thinners...so she has to be weened off of those before the doctors can do surgery. It's a maddening clusterfuck of epic proportions. My father's job requires a lot of travel, so he cannot be at home to care for her. The situation is pretty shitty. She can't do much of anything, really.


I have 3 sisters, but seemingly none of them are worth a damn. My oldest sister is going through a midlife crisis and is pretty much homeless right now. She says that she feels bad that she can't be here, help out, and so on...but I'm kinda pissed with her for not even being willing to make the effort. My other older sister hasn't had anything to do with our family in about 3 years. I don't even know where she lives at the moment and don't really want her negativity around anyway. She didn't respond to any of my calls anyway and Dad is pretty much through with her, so I doubt he'd want her in his house. My younger sister lives a couple of towns over with her husband and little boy. She is aware of what is going on, but is "too busy".


Yeah fuckin' right. I got on my decrepit family-only facebook yesterday to try and let my dodgy older sister know what was up and what should I see but pic after pic and a fuckin' youtube vid of my younger sister visiting her husband's family in another state this weekend! So much for caring about Mom, I guess. Also, I am currently pissed with her for not calling on grandma's 82nd b-day the week before last. What kind of shit is that? Bitch hasn't been to see grandma in over 2 months either, yet she acts so fucking concerned anytime I talk to her or go over to see her and my nephew.


What the fuck ever. I'm currently trying to sort out the situation with my family. I'm taking Grandma to stay with some relatives in another state tomorrow. I took off work tonight as well. I suppose that not much will really change. I'll just be caring for Mom instead of Grandma and Dad will be coming to get Mom when he is in town until she has her surgery. More doctors appointments, medications, etc.


I feel bad. I don't want to get rid of Grandma or whatever...but I can't take care of both of them and my fucking sisters are about useless at this point. At least other family members are willing to help with Grandma, even if it is only so they can get some of her pension check next month. I don't even give a fuck about that, really. I am pissed at my sisters, pissed at the world, pissed at an invisible sky-daddy that doesn't exist.


I have other things going on too, but I am exhausted and need some sleep for the long trip tomorrow.



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Hey 7,


I'm sorry you're having to go through so much and that you're feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. I'm also sorry there is so much suffering and difficulty in your family. Although I can't do anything to directly alleviate your burden, you and your family are in my thoughts. For what that's worth, to me it means I value you as a human being, and I care about what you as an individual go through. I appreciate that you felt comfortable sharing the details. And I appreciate the effort you're making in doing what you believe is right and decent.



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You have my respect and sympathies, ((seven77)).

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