This business of mine sux.
These well meaning more experienced “mentors” tell me to do things in certain ways because it will make my job easier. I then go and do these things and guess what, lo and behold, it actually makes my job harder. Man I’ve had enough.
I called “the boss” last week (not Bruce Springsteen), the bloke who runs the business I once did contract work for. Instead of offering myself again as a contractor, I offered myself as a full time worker. I can’t remember the exact words, but he said something like he was quite “delighted” to have me back, especially as a full time worker. Thank God for that (note irony). I am supposed to call him tomorrow to arrange a meeting to presumably discuss the usual pre-work discussion stuff. That is a moment of happiness in an otherwise despair filled month.
I went for a bushwalk on the weekend. It was a really nice walk. It was my first with the local walking club. I was expecting to be the youngest there, as most are retired or semi-retired folk or at least the more mature of our society. I was cool with that. I just wanted to walk this local track without getting lost, with someone who actually knows where it goes. About a dozen folk turned up, mostly middle aged and older, as expected. Everything was fine, everything was cool. As we’re standing in a circle in pre-walk discussion this car pulls up and out pops this nice fit nubile young girl – all by herself.
Oh fuck, here we go again.
She was new. It was her first walk with the club too. She was from interstate, here for a month. I tried not to be nerdy. I really did. I tried not to be “myself”. Why the hell would I want to be myself? I’ve tried being my nerdy insecure self and it never works. I tried to be confident, funny, etc. I’m not sure if it worked. Actually, I don’t think it did. At one point I agreed to take her walking to a particular place we had been discussing and she seemed keen to go. But then as the afternoon progressed and came to a close, I could see it all going wrong. I left awkwardly without exchanging contact details.
I might try to contact her through the club this week. Invite her along. Though previous experience strongly suggests that an outcome of complete and utter failure is assured.
Please pray for me. (note irony)