Hi!

First of all I want to apologise to everyone who commented on my last entry - turns out I still don't have my notifications set right, as I didn't see the comments before today! I'll have to work on that.

I've come out as truly Ex-C to three people now. My BF, my psychiatrist, and a friend who knew I'd left New Age anyway but I hadn't told him everything about it before now. It's been surprisingly good.

I'm still struggling with how to come out to people with whom I shared my actual faith in Jesus before and who currently have no idea I've had problems at all. I suppose that the right time will come, though. I've decided there's no reason to rush it before I feel ready.

Some funny little things have been happening lately. The kind of lucky coincidences that I used to attribute to being signs from God that I was doing the right things. Well, during the past month I've done more conscious blasphemy here on this website than during my entire life before, and the same "signs" seem to "follow me" anyway, so there's another proof that it wasn't God making those coincidences happen. At this point he, if he was real, should be so furious with me that I should be getting into accidents all the time. However, I'm not. I don't count my current cough as God's fury, or the fact that I bought a cocktail glass and when I got home, it was slightly broken.

What I used to count as these "signs" would be things like this: This is going to sound really silly, but I took the "ask and you shall receive" thing to heart, and I made an art out of it. I was told that nothing is too mundane for heavenly forces to take care of, so I decided I'd ask for things I needed in day to day life. I visualised the thing I wanted, say, a shirt (a real example, that!), added as much detail as I could, and then visualised how God helped the Universe hand me that shirt, and trusted it worked. Then I only had to go out, trusting that things were going to go well, and sooner or later I'd find my exact shirt in a second-hand store for a couple euros, or a friend would hand it to me for free.

I invited many shirts to my life this way. Also jackets, skirts, bags, shoes, curtains, many decorative pieces to my home. Glassware, kitchen equipment. Yes, feel absolutely free to laugh. I have asked for parking spaces too, and even that damn thing seemed to work.

I haven't done the God part of this, or even the Universe handing me stuff part, for about a year now but I have been visualising some things I've really, really wanted, and I've also really been wanting to get them cheap. I find that to be much better for me personally than "Oh I hope I find something cool" because I only end up with random junk that way. So, now, yesterday I found many things that were exactly what I wanted, nearly free too, in second-hand stores. One thing's actual price is over 300 euros, I got it for 35. The rest were for sale for a few euros apiece.

In my earlier life that'd have been a MAJOR sign of God's love and sense of humour for me. But God is out of my equation now, so I just basically got super duper lucky about four times in a row during one day. I had a similar series of strikes of luck a few months ago, I got to know a few new people who gave me some things I really really wanted for free.

It does make me wonder a little if there's anything to the so-called Law of Attraction, though. I don't know, there may not be quite enough evidence. For a lack of a better word I'll be "agnostic" about that too for now, saying that I guess it's not impossible but I don't know if it can be proven.

Maybe the explanation is something else entirely than "attraction" anyway. Maybe the people who know what they want get it, because the world is so full of everything that you only need to recognise the things you wanted when you come across them. The ones who don't know what they want are the ones who don't get anything satisfying, because it's just not possible - you can't fulfill a need/want that isn't there.

Any thoughts? Should we discuss this over at the Ex-Christian Spirituality section, or is it worth it?