Many call me the fool for my inability, or maybe even refusal, to move forward in life from a very traumatizing situation that followed me pouring my being into helping someone I felt like I could love. Watching all of the answers I wanted finally come together, and I'm yet still left with asking where I messed up. While that same many have told me it was nothing I did, it takes two to tango and somewhere along the lines I couldn't connect the dots. Or maybe I didn't want to, blinding myself to reality that all along, I was nothing more than a puppet being played and used for the ends of a woman who I thought needed the help, and she did not turn down.
I essentially went from having everything a man could want, to not even having what he needed in terms of emotional support. I've really had to work hard at suppressing my thoughts and emotions to avoid anymore situation where I felt like I could fall into the trap of letting my guard again and wind up in a situation where I am now: Having put in blood, sweat, and tears toward helping someone build a new life for themselves, hoping to be included in those plans of it - only to watch as someone else reaps the rewards of your labor. It's rather sickening, and also infuriating at the amount of indifference held on the part of the person I tried to help. Is there no such thing as appreciation anymore?
Her and I split on February 27th. That following weekend, she took a trip to Florida with "a friend". For all of her talk of wanting to spend time with her boys, and get things settled on her legal front - she found time to make a trip to, of all places, Florida. With "a friend." I had just finished making the repairs to her truck, having sold a few personal items to help purchase the parts needed for such. Bought her a necklace, dinner, and tickets to a Garth Brooks concert for Valentine's Day. All of this had happened just weeks prior - then the split. It's just like I tried too hard, and that is why I am so hesitant to get into any sort of new relationship. However, with my problems of being demisexual (at least based on research and considering my own habits), casual sex is not a possibility for me. This creates quite the conundrum when it comes to sating the desires of being human, mainly due to the fact that my depression, along with the possible demisexual tendencies make it near impossible to enjoy sex with anyone other than people I have formed some sort of bond with.
I can only hope that her new guy is enjoying the drama free her.
At least someone gets to I suppose.