Anais Nin says, "we don't see things as they are; we see things as we are."

Most of my "how could you do this to me" statements come from "seeing things from where I am" not from seeing things as they "are."

There my be some truth found in the theory that the ways in which our brains generate consciousness, including its many distortions, may have been subject to the pressures of natural selection. That is, our creative fictions may be sculpted to enhance survival rather than to maximize perceptual accuracy.

While the way in which our brains construct consciousness and reality do have some survival aspects that do screw up our relationships!

The hidden layers from which our minds process reality are like "black holes." We are made aware of their existence by the effects upon our visible world--including our relationships.

The "black holes" are more likely than not the "hidden carryover" of past learning and experiencing into the present. While this "carryover" may be irrelevant or even destructive to our relationships with those closest to us, it certainly stands out as one of the contemporary human brain's major flaws.

When "feel" the effects of a "black hole" (anxiety) I stop, look and listen to the way I'm thinking and to the messages my body is sending. I began to wonder from who's black hole is this old narrative coming. Usually I find it's a combination of my hidden layers intersecting with an others hidden layers--or what I experience as a "train wreck."

"Anxiety is love's greatest killer..."--Anasis Nin

Taking the time to rewrite my "story" has helped! Train wrecks still happen but the collateral damage is a lot less--but it takes two to Tango!

saner

Couple that with the statistics that Christians are not better people than atheists and I have to wonder what it is they think they have? What did I think I had? I honestly don't know, but I know that I used to be cock-sure that I knew.

Hi Infidel...

It sounds to me that your wife feels pretty shaken and uncertain, but LOVE is not about "what we believe" as much as it is "who we are". She probably was raised a "c" and has not learned how to think critically and logically to even have a conversation with you...you deserve to be heard. Maybe you could watch the Joseph Campbell DVDs on "the power of myth" and she will become interested to watch them with you. They helped me in my deconversion.

The above comment would be adamantly rejected by "c"s as they "see themselves" as being good and who "can be good without god?"...they don't understand it. I think, as I had thought I had, they may think that they have SECURITY IN THEIR SELF IMAGE by 'being a c'...I know that validation was vital and consuming for me. Overall, or should I more accurately say, at the bottom of it all, FEAR is what keeps a christian a christian; when we BREAK the fear, we can think logically without the fear of "eternal punishment"...