In the past few ywars it has really come home to me how differently I view the world from the average person. Even growing up I saw things that other people either didn't see, or ignored. I was always that kid who pointed out the emporer was naked, and sadly for me I was surrounded by people who were not very bright. They laughed at my questions and told me my curiosity about the world was odd. I was lucky enough though to have access to libraries, that answered a lot of my questions when other people wouldn't.
Wasn't until I violated a social norm that I realised exactly how different I am from most people. I believe in total honesty, no "white" lies. I believe everyone is equal, that people are more important than money or power or status. I don't think people in power are any more worthy of anything than the rest of us. I don't think my kids are perfect. I think the education system teaches people what to thik, not how to think. I don't believe governments have anyone's best interet at heart except their own. I believe insitutions are corrupt to the core. I am a bit of an anarchist really.
Seems to me that people are just programmed to believe the things they do by their socialisation, backed up by media and the need for social approval. Ever since I got the sharp end of social disapproval for my violation, it is like I can really see the world more clearly than I ever did. My biggest problem now is that every time I express an opinion that runs contrary to social norms I get in a stupid fight with people who have not had to see the world the way I have. My rational mind knows that they will never see life the way I do because they are not me, but my emotions scream "why can't this idot see that it is not a one size fits all world, and that there is more than one way to do things or view things". I just cannot seem to stop arguing with idiots.
The alternative is to just shut up completely, and keep everything to myself, caught in a prison of lack of self expression, pretty much a mental death sentence for me. I have learned the hard way what it is people expect me to say, that I am to "play the game" by someone else's rules, but I really don't want to. I want to be able to say what I want without having to constantly argue with people who haven't walked in my shoes.
As it is now, the friends I had have pretty well all drifted away seeing most were christians, and I no longer feel close to anyone. I can share my feelings with my parter and my ex hubby, but I don't want to overload them, men don't tend to like to talk about that stuff as much as women. If I cannot express my opinions and feelings on the net without people jumping down my throat trying to force me into comformity, where can I? Is there anywhere left that I can just be who I am and think what I like without people trying to convince me I am wrong about everything?