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Expansion On Phrases That Make You Gag!


Johnny Smith
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So - list away:

 

I'll start - (I'll quality my statements by stating that much of my Christian experience was in the Charismatic world, so these might or might not be unique to Charismania).

 

1) Remember, don't give because you have to. God loves a cheerful giver!

 

2) You can dislike somebody, but still love them.

 

3) The Holy Spirit is telling me that there are five people here who the Lord is speaking to give five thousand dollars! (yes, i've actually been in services where this happens).

 

4) Do you feel the anointing?

 

5) "I heard the Lord say..." (enter whatever crazy thought with a Christian slant that comes to mind).

 

6) Any phrase where the words "lost and dying world" are uttered.

 

7) God loves you soooooooooooo much!

 

8) God's love is unconditional, unlike human love.

 

9) Jesus is not only Lord, but your best friend.

 

10) God hates religion. He is about relationship!

 

11) Do you have a relationship with Jesus?

 

12) Are you saved?

 

13) Be filled with the Holy Spirit!

 

14) Thus saith the Lord... (the words uttered before a Charismaniac will offer a prophecy to you usually in a mix of modern/king james english).

 

15) He's alive! Jesus Lives!

 

16) Come to Jesus.

 

17) Dear Jesus - I know I'm a sinner. Please forgive me. I want to spend eternity with you in Heaven.

 

18) I'll keep praying for your lost loved ones.

 

19) The devil will give you 99 % truth and 1 % lie in order to keep you in bondage, on your way to hell, blah blah blah.

 

20) Speak to those mountains and they'll be removed! In the NAME of Jeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzus!

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"I'll pray for you"

What annoys me most is that christians use this as an insult to other christians--

 

"It's God's will"

Excuses Excuses

 

My personal favorite: "Rub a dub dub. Thanks for the grub. Amen"

 

hehe

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4) Do you feel the anointing?

 

Of course if you don't then you must not be right with the lord or are allowing yourself to be distracted. ;)

 

14) Thus saith the Lord... (the words uttered before a Charismaniac will offer a prophecy to you usually in a mix of modern/king james english).

 

This is a really annoying one. Why does a Christian think that using archaic language is going to make their words sound more like God's words?

 

20) Speak to those mountains and they'll be removed! In the NAME of Jeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzus!

Still yet to see anyone pull this one off.

 

"It's God's will"

Excuses Excuses

 

That's for sure. We can justify every thing using that one.

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"Hate the sin, love the sinner"

 

"God never gives you more than you can handle"

 

"Take my hand, and we'll pray for your salvation"

 

"Turn the other cheek" (Hate this one. It wasn't till I started giving a shot to my enemie's cheeks that they got the message to leave me alone)

 

"He died for you, how can you reject that?"

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I'll reiterate my: "What hurt you so much?" statement of iritation.

 

It's God's plan...(especially when someone is hurt of dying...so let me get this straight, if I turn around, gut-check you, throw you in a head and arm, cut off your circulation and use your head as a conga against the floor, you'd chalk that up to God's plan, too, wouldn't you?)

 

Its a free gift (yeah, but aparently terms and conditions apply).

 

And the king was today, but not religiously based: "Debugging should have been done before the run." I won't go into the details, but when you're transfering 19gig files at rates that drop as low as 3KBps...yeah, don't blame the network on me, or the fact that some basic system commands will varry by two orders of magnitude in their runtime. And this was from another coder!

 

In the same vein, no one has a spare 14 terabytes lying around, do they?

 

Oh, and any time the religious wackjobs pull out "FOr the Childeren" and when I object, they say, "When you have them, you'll understand." Well, first I understand that I haven't gotten anyone knocked up. And second, your choice, your responsibility, you take care of them. The state is not supposed to be (and is not, if I have any say in it) a fucking parent.

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I always hated, "You can dislike someone but you still have to love them."

 

How in the hell does that work? There have been people that I've held nothing but contempt for, and I am supposed to love them at the same time?

 

Hate and love are two different things, and they can't occupy the same space at the sametime as far as I'm concerned.

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Sorry if I've mentioned some of these elsewhere on these forums but...

 

"You'll come back to Jesus"

 

"It was Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, not Adam and Steve!"

 

"How odd of God to choose the Jews!"

 

"Nothing works like prayer"

 

"There are no atheists on a battlefield/foxhole/airliner that's about to crash etc.."

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Sorry if I've mentioned some of these elsewhere on these forums but...

 

"You'll come back to Jesus"

 

"It was Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, not Adam and Steve!"

 

"How odd of God to choose the Jews!"

 

"Nothing works like prayer"

 

"There are no atheists on a battlefield/foxhole/airliner that's about to crash etc.."

 

Actually, I like the 4th one on your list because it's so true, even if reversed. "Nothing" and "prayer" have exactly the same effect.

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My personal phrase that I hate the most: "It's all in god's plan."

 

First of all, nobody knows what god's plan is. You'd think he would've put it in the bible, or at least told the pope or some other preacher. But he didn't bother to tell anyone. Even Dubya tells his top generals and advisors his plans. Anyone with any brains can see that it's stupid for any leader not to tell at least a few of his or her people the plan. Otherwise they're being dictatorial, and even dictators tell their army leaders the plan.

 

Secondly, this is usually used to explain some terrible event that happened so Christians can keep believing in god. After all, god doesn't let bad things happen for no reason, so they must be in his plan. :rolleyes:

 

Gah! What a pile of BS!

 

I also hate "I'll pray for you." It's one of the most condescending things anyone can say.

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when I object, they say, "When you have them, you'll understand."

 

Gaaah, I hate soooo many people who have kids.

 

"Don't worry, everyone says that. You'll have your own someday."

 

"It's hard, but it's worth it!" Why do they feel they need to convince me into their miserable way of life? I guess to bring more people down with them?

 

I really hate all cliches and catchphrases. "Think outside the box"......"Got a clean slate"......"I get shotgun"......blah, blah to them all.

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Ok, another one, this is from being a GM:

 

"Let me tell you about my character..."

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"How are we feeling today?"

 

This one drives me nuts. I feel like saying, well I don't know about you, but I'm feeling fine.

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"God is about to do a mighty work in this city"

 

"God is going to use this church for his glory"

 

"THUS SAITH THE LORD....." then a whole heap of garbage using a lot of archaic English to try to make it sound authentic.

 

"Hallelujah"

I mean what is it with that word? Why do Christians insist on saying it? It makes you sound like a dork!

 

Or how about when people pray and use "Lord God" or "Father God" every few words:

eg. Lord God, I pray lord god, that you will do a work lord god, in this country lord god. We realise lord god that you are in control Lord god.....etc etc.... (I'm not kidding, I have heard prayers like that quite often!)

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"God is about to do a mighty work in this city"

 

"God is going to use this church for his glory"

 

"THUS SAITH THE LORD....." then a whole heap of garbage using a lot of archaic English to try to make it sound authentic.

 

"Hallelujah"

I mean what is it with that word? Why do Christians insist on saying it? It makes you sound like a dork!

 

Or how about when people pray and use "Lord God" or "Father God" every few words:

eg. Lord God, I pray lord god, that you will do a work lord god, in this country lord god. We realise lord god that you are in control Lord god.....etc etc.... (I'm not kidding, I have heard prayers like that quite often!)

 

 

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :grin:

 

Did we goto the same church or something?! LOL!

 

And I hate when after every prayer they say, "In Jesus name..." What the fuck man?!

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"God is about to do a mighty work in this city"

 

"God is going to use this church for his glory"

 

"THUS SAITH THE LORD....." then a whole heap of garbage using a lot of archaic English to try to make it sound authentic.

 

"Hallelujah"

I mean what is it with that word? Why do Christians insist on saying it? It makes you sound like a dork!

 

Or how about when people pray and use "Lord God" or "Father God" every few words:

eg. Lord God, I pray lord god, that you will do a work lord god, in this country lord god. We realise lord god that you are in control Lord god.....etc etc.... (I'm not kidding, I have heard prayers like that quite often!)

 

 

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :grin:

 

Did we goto the same church or something?! LOL!

 

And I hate when after every prayer they say, "In Jesus name..." What the fuck man?!

 

It seems LMR, that no matter where you go LMR, you get the same people LMR doing and saying the same things LMR. No matter how stupid they are LMR. HALLELUJAH!!! PRAAAAAAISE THE LORRRRD! PREACH IT BROTHERRRRR! :HaHa:

 

(Hey, there's another one "Preach it Brother".)

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I also am repulsed by the prayers where I hear people say "god," "father god," and "lord god" every other sentance: "thank you god for this church, lord god. God we pray for our city lord god. God we love you lord god."

 

OnceConvinced, you and I must have attended the same church! :)

 

Also a few other Christian phrases come to mind that make me cringe inside:

 

"Revival is coming."

 

"You are a favored generation."

 

"The devil can't stop you now!"

 

"We will win this generation."

 

"It's not about you, but it's up to you."

 

"God doesn't need you, but he chooses you."

 

"Glory!"

 

"Thank you, Jesus."

 

"Forgive your church, Lord!"

 

"I break that curse in Jesus' name!"

 

"I bind you, Satan!"

 

"Come out in Jesus' name!" (Said in pentecostal/charismatic exorcisms)

 

 

"God is about to do a mighty work in this city"

 

"God is going to use this church for his glory"

 

"THUS SAITH THE LORD....." then a whole heap of garbage using a lot of archaic English to try to make it sound authentic.

 

"Hallelujah"

I mean what is it with that word? Why do Christians insist on saying it? It makes you sound like a dork!

 

Or how about when people pray and use "Lord God" or "Father God" every few words:

eg. Lord God, I pray lord god, that you will do a work lord god, in this country lord god. We realise lord god that you are in control Lord god.....etc etc.... (I'm not kidding, I have heard prayers like that quite often!)

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when I object, they say, "When you have them, you'll understand."

 

Gaaah, I hate soooo many people who have kids.

 

"Don't worry, everyone says that. You'll have your own someday."

 

 

I HATE that phrase! I have a child and I can assure you it is not true. Don't get me wrong, I love my child more than anything. However, 3 years later, I have yet to develop a love (or even like) of children (with the exception of my own).

 

"The lord works in mysterious ways."

This is just a xians way of saying god just took a dump on you.

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Ooooh, count me as another with a kid who hates it when someone condescendingly says, "Don't worry, everyone says that, you'll have your own someday/you'll understand when you are a parent/it's sooo hard but it's worth it!"

 

I hate that with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

 

Parenthood sucks. There, I said it.

 

Wanna throw stones at me? Go right the fuck ahead, I don't care, I've been a mother for just about 12 years now, and you know what? Parenthood STILL sucks.

 

I hated the morning sickness, the weight gain, the stretch marks, the backaches, the swollen ankles, and not being able to see my own shoes, let alone tie them, when I was pregnant.

 

I hated the pain of labor and childbirth. And don't get me started on the ickiness of the postpartum period.

 

I hated cracked, sore nipples, and the letdown reflex when I was nursing.

 

I hated the smell of baby poop. And baby spit-up.

 

I hated the constant, "Mommymommymommy" that comes along with having a small child totally dependent on you.

 

I REALLY fucking hate the PMS mood swings, and teenage attitude. REALLY hate that.

 

Now, I love my kid. But, had I known what I was signing up for? I wouldn't have had ANY kids. I would have just had cats instead.

 

I still don't really like other people's children, when they are being horrible little spoiled brats (like the two on the Flight From Hell between Cincinatti and Nashville when we went on vacation....I wanted to kill them AND their mother and grandmother, who egged the two little demon spawn on). I like them when they are enthralled with Auntie K. and I can give them back when they get fussy.

 

Nope, understanding when you have kids of your own someday is a load of steaming bullshit. You just learn how to hate the people who smiled and said that to you, KNOWING what it was like to raise kids.

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"You'll understand when you get older." -Said by my grandmother when I told her I didn't believe being gay was wrong. I wish I was old so I can automatically win an argument by using the "age card". :Hmm:

 

"Faith-based"- I'd love to strangle whoever came up with this phrase.

 

"Keeping the faith"- This cliche has already been beaten, strangled and left for dead.

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