Should I tell my parents I am an atheist?

[bluewizard]

I am an atheist but my parents are making me sick by telling me about their christian religon, they try to convert me and take me to church every sunday.

Today, my dad was quoting the bible and he telling me to live my life as it says. I don't believe in the bible and i don't believe in god but I don't want to tell my dad and get bitched out over it and him trying to convert me and also i would disappoint him over it. what should I do? They are so intolerant I'm raising my kids to be whatever they want to be. I act like I believe just so he will shut up about it.

[Caretaker]

Perhaps you can come home some time wearing a Turban......

 

 

Hehehe

 

 

Or a pentagram

[Caretaker]

Actually, in all seriousness, consider leaving books by Isaac Asimov and Carl Sagan, and perhaps other atheistic literature around.

[Onyx]

Yu should tell your liberal parent or never tell them.

[dogmatically_challenged]

Yu should tell your liberal parent or never tell them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

What you say here sure feels like the correct answer sometimes. Some parents wil adjust and some never will...

I dunno

[been borg again]

I would not tell your parents until your out of the house at least.

Atheism is a dirty word.

I would play along, maybe I am the coward, I dont know.

See the humor in it, and pretend you beleive. I dont know.

play mind games with the church, something to pass the time and record in your diary.

Accualy I DO wear a hat that looks like a turban, because my elderly step dad thinks I am a muslim ( I am not & Allah is a pig), Oh well better than thinking I am an evil Atheist. I just do it cuz its funny that he would think I am muslim to begin with.

 

christian parents can make your life living hell if you tell then your athiest. ( because they love you I am sure their intentions are honorable)

Play the christian game, amuse yourself, and wait until your out of the house to announce your apostacy.

[Alice]

I am an atheist but my parents are making me sick by telling me about their christian religon, they try to convert me and take me to church every sunday. 

Today, my dad was quoting the bible and he telling me to live my life as it says.  I don't believe in the bible and i don't believe in god but I don't want to tell my dad and get bitched out over it and him trying to convert me and also i would disappoint him over it.  what should I do?  They are so intolerant I'm raising my kids to be whatever they want to be.  I act like I believe just so he will shut up about it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Hi Bluewizard,

 

thought I'd answer this from two perspectives -

 

(1) my parents were very strict, very old fashioned fundamentalist types (well especially my Dad) I never had enough courage as a teenager to ever question anything in front of him. I rebelled in secret - which in many way is a bit of a lame rebellion! but the result was I sort of got good at hiding my thoughts and feelings in different situations and 'going along with' whatever was the accepted way to behave in whatever group I found myself - I was a well behaved tow the line good christian girl on sundays and at family get togethers, and at the same time I was mixing with a group of peers and getting up to stuff that wasn't right for me either (and for which I have some regret) on a firday night.

 

Its as though I was following a whole load of other people on their chosen paths through life - without finding my own (and it was getting pretty tiring running back and forth between these different paths as well - because they were miles apart!)

 

At the end of this chapter - what happened was I settled for a Christian path, because the lifestyle I'd tried to follow that I thought of at the time as 'non christian' left me unhappier than the christian one.

 

I am only now finding out who I really am and I turned forty this year! Its just that most of my life I've been going in a direction someone else decided for me and I've got lots of lost ground to make up as a result.

 

Long story to say - I hope you do find the courage to speak to your parents. One of the sadnesses in my life is that my Father never actually got to know the real me. How you speak to them is key I think - and in offering advice on this I'd like to approach this from a second perspective

 

(2) When the eldest of my four wonderful children was fourteen, we were going through our fundamentalist charismatic phase (following someone else's path can lead you alsorts of places you later regret!)

 

He was very wise. I'd known he was unhappy for a while going to church - and I always blamed the 'church' for this - it didn't even enter my head at the time that it was because he was questioning christianity - I'd let myself be so conditioned I just couldn't concieve of any of my children NOT coming to church with me.

 

One sunday he just walked out of the service and went and sat in the carpark. I followed him out, and he told me he didn't want to come to church with us anymore. I was shocked and devastated. More so I guess because at that time I was the youth leader in the church with a special remit to stem the flow of teenagers leaving the church!

 

He talked to me about how the church teaches that you have to make 'a personal choice for Jesus' - and asked me where was the choice in something he was forced to do. He wasn't clear in his mind as to the path he wanted to follow but he knew he wanted to start looking for his own path. He asked me to give him the freedom to start looking and then told me that he wanted to be able to bring any ideas or questions to me still - for my view and input.

 

What could I say!

 

That was the start of a complete change in the way religion and belief was discussed in our family. It took our table talk to a new level of freedom and eventually those discussions became one of the things that contributed to my leaving the church.

 

You are the expert where your parents are concerned, so only you can decide whether it's right for you to sit tight and say nothing or speak out. But I wish you all the best and I hope you are freed uip to find your path through life soon.

[Caretaker]

Entire post quoted

I think one of the best types of parents are those who take the time to learn from their children.

[BlueGiant]

Tell them when you are comfortable. Honesty is the best policy overall, and it is better that you tell them on your terms than they find out when you aren't ready. More people tend to get hurt the later way.

[Lunar Shadow]

I don't know how my parents would react either I mean hell my parents are deep in Xtianity (father is a Theology Prof and my mother is a missionary kid) so how does one break it to them that I am an atheist? Especially since I am living with them.

 

my siblings would argue that it wouldn't change much due to the fact that I have their only grandchildren but I am hesitant they already know that I have renounced Xtianity and they ignore it like I never said such a thing

[Guest Matt Rose]

Yeah, I am having this same problem. I want to tell my parents but I am afraid of the reprecussions.

 

So to start things off, I told my sister I am 99%atheist/100%agnostic. She shrugged and said, "I know...." It was good to hear but intrigued me to no end.

 

I ask her if mom and dad knew. She told me that they had a good feeling it was the case and had known for quite a long time. She quoted my dad as saying, "I just think he needs the Lord in his life more." So that about affirmed it for me.

 

I don't know that I have to tell them at this point. So, if you have a brother or sister, let them know and test it out on that.

 

matt

[Amethyst]

Tell them when you are not living under their roof anymore. If you are still under their roof and a minor, they can make you do whatever they want as long as it's not illegal.

[Guest fit2btied]

oh, and aye there Blue when you do decide, you can advise me

peace, fit

I am an atheist but my parents are making me sick by telling me about their christian religon, they try to convert me and take me to church every sunday. 

Today, my dad was quoting the bible and he telling me to live my life as it says.  I don't believe in the bible and i don't believe in god but I don't want to tell my dad and get bitched out over it and him trying to convert me and also i would disappoint him over it.  what should I do?  They are so intolerant I'm raising my kids to be whatever they want to be.  I act like I believe just so he will shut up about it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[qadeshet]

Explain that Religion and God are subjects you would rather not discuss. If your Dad continues to push, be honest and explain your problems with the Bible. Point out the many contradictions. Ask him why God would send two she bears to devour 42 small children, just for laughing at an old man's bald head. Try to avoid confrontation but be honest.

[bluewizard]

I won't tell you what you SHOULD do, but I'll tell you what I did.  I just told my family I didn't care to discuss religion with them. I told them "I have different beliefs, we are never going to agree.  All it's going to do is cause problems between us."

 

At first they didn't listen or respect my decision.  So I forced the issue.  I stayed away from them for a few weeks.  When I came back and they brought up religion I said:  "I do not wish to discuss religion.  We disagree, lets leave it at that."

 

The next time they brought up religion I said: "I've asked nicely, you don't respect my boundaries." And I got up and left.  Let them think I'm being "convicted by the holy spirit" or whatever other bullshit they need to convince themselves they aren't being disrespectful.  I stayed away for a few weeks.

 

After that, they caught onto the pattern.  They may not like it...but religion is rarely brought up now around me, except in passing.  If it's in passing and they don't get into a big discussion with me I usually let it go.  When they ask me to go to church I say: "no thank you, you know I don't go to church." 

 

A little over a week ago my mother just slipped up...she couldn't help it.  I told her some pretty personal things that were going wrong for me in my view...and I guess it was just too much too soon in our newly defined relationship because she said:"If you were in church and gave your life back to jesus you wouldn't have such a hard time...instead of going your own way and doing your own thing."  I was able to steer the convo away though.

 

It's not a perfect solution but it's the only solution if I want to have a relationship with my family.  This is pretty much the way it is with most of us who have fundie families...we have to take all the steps and set up all the boundaries.  How much or how little information you reveal to your family about how you personally feel about religon specifically is up to you.  However it's been my experience...the more you "share" with them, the more they feel it's ok to try to convert you, as if you are "crying out" for them to evangelize you.  The more private you keep your nonbelief usually the better, with set boundaries.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Also I am a Satanist as well, I am a member of the SoS, Satanism is an atheist religion so I may get hung in a tree for that. Sinagogue of Satan is SoS.

[Amethyst]

Also I am a Satanist as well, I am a member of the SoS, Satanism is an atheist religion so I may get hung in a tree for that. Sinagogue of Satan is SoS.

 

I would also leave that part off. Most parents would have a shit fit if you told them that. (Personally I'd just shrug and say "whatever floats your boat", but that's just me.) If they press you, I'd just tell them the truth, that you don't believe in their god. Let them come to whatever conclusion they want to.

[spamandham]

Well, I'll tell you what I've done. I just don't bother with the subject. If they ask me "did you pray for X", I just say "No", with no further explanation.

 

"Let's go to church"... "I don't go to church"

 

"You're not a pagan are you?"..."Now that wouldn't be very rational would it"

 

"What are you then"..."I'm a rationalist"

 

I actually had this conversation with my mother a while back. I don't want to hurt my parents, but neither do I want to lie to them. The answers are enough to let them know I'm not pulling the party line, but not enough to get them to start arguing about nonsensical crap that doesn't really matter.

[RedPillAddict]

I wonder how many "Christians" are in this position. I have known many that were much too afraid to tell their family that they were atheists, much less debate them or educate them. Can playing along lead to a christian lifestyle? Dont all Christians simply play along and try to fit in?

[necrosmith]

This is always a tough question, and I don't pretend to have the answer.

 

On one hand, you have the right to assert yourself and stick up for yourself. On the other hand, you're going to catch holy hell for it (no pun intended).

 

Not sure what the right answer is. Is it worth it assert yourself to take all the hell you'll catch?

 

I don't know.

[shy1680]

I act like I believe just so he will shut up about it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

I have also been playing that role lately. I dont plan on saying anything about totally rejecting god until im like 100 miles away from my family. Its REALLY frustrating to keep this "dirty" lil secret without going nuts when you have really religious parents. My father is the type who carries around his bible whenever possible and preaches to everyone. He is so good with proving his brand right, the J.W. avoid him. When I told them I no longer was a Christian, my father pretty much ignored what i was saying, one sister looked at me like i was a pile of nasty trash stinking up the place and my mother begged and pleaded with me to just keep believing in god. My family seems to think it was just a phase because they have seen me reading my bible since then.

 

Now I dont believe in god at all but I still have to do things like stand in family prayer circle, say grace at family dinner, hear about demons trying to get them to do bad things, about how god has told my dad he is going to REALLY bless him this time and answer his prayers, and all the typical christian garbage. Just friday god answered my mothers prayer. I gave my father $20 for gas but then i walked back to my apartment and when I came back and gave him $10 more my mother goes, "god is amazing, he sure does answer prayers". Turns out she prayed for $5-10 more when i walked away. Couldnt be I thought about the fact that $20 isnt going to be enough to fill the gas tank. I got so pissed because im like god's a loser considering my father prays everyday, and reads his bible and still needed me to give him money since his god isnt providing for him like his book promised.

[Vigile]

Its REALLY frustrating to keep this "dirty" lil secret without going nuts when you have really religious parents.  My father is the type who carries around his bible whenever possible and preaches to everyone.  He is so good with proving his brand right, the J.W. avoid him.  When I told them I no longer was a Christian, my father pretty much ignored what i was saying, one sister looked at me like i was a pile of nasty trash stinking up the place and my mother begged and pleaded with me to just keep believing in god.  My family seems to think it was just a phase because they have seen me reading my bible since then.

 

 

Things will be much better for you when you head off to college. You will be able to look back at all of this from a much better position and will almost surely find yourself among people who emphathize with you rather than marginalize you. Hope this isn't patronizing. I'm really just trying to encourage you.

 

I come from a family of religious fanatics as well BTW. I love them all, but some of them are nuts.

[bluewizard]

I have also been playing that role lately. I dont plan on saying anything about totally rejecting god until im like 100 miles away from my family.  Its REALLY frustrating to keep this "dirty" lil secret without going nuts when you have really religious parents.  My father is the type who carries around his bible whenever possible and preaches to everyone.  He is so good with proving his brand right, the J.W. avoid him.  When I told them I no longer was a Christian, my father pretty much ignored what i was saying, one sister looked at me like i was a pile of nasty trash stinking up the place and my mother begged and pleaded with me to just keep believing in god.  My family seems to think it was just a phase because they have seen me reading my bible since then.

 

Now I dont believe in god at all but I still have to do things like stand in family prayer circle, say grace at family dinner, hear about demons trying to get them to do bad things, about how god has told my dad he is going to REALLY bless him this time and answer his prayers, and all the typical christian garbage.  Just friday god answered my mothers prayer.  I gave my father $20 for gas but then i walked back to my apartment and when I came back and gave him $10 more my mother goes, "god is amazing, he sure does answer prayers".  Turns out she prayed for $5-10 more when i walked away.  Couldnt be I thought about the fact that $20 isnt going to be enough to fill the gas tank.  I got so pissed because im like god's a loser considering my father prays everyday, and reads his bible and still needed me to give him money since his god isnt providing for him like his book promised.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My family's not that religious, they are xtians but only go to church once a week and hardly ever pray. They don't do religious shit outside of church but they'd still kill me for saying I'm an atheist.

[spamandham]

My family's not that religious, they are xtians but only go to church once a week and hardly ever pray.  They don't do  religious shit outside of church but they'd still kill me for saying I'm an atheist.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Then don't tell them. Just fake like you're sick every Sunday morning, or tell them you want to go with your friends to the 5pm Saturday service and just go hang out at Starbucks instead. Or go, and use it as an opportunity to sleep some more. If they get on your case about falling asleep, tell them you're trying not to and off handedly mention narcolepsy. Tell them you want to go to service with your friend (who happens to be a different denomination). Find a way to make it bearable for yourself.

 

They want you to lie to them and have made that clear in subtle ways.

[shakinshoog]

told mine and ughhhh

 

you can't turn back, that's all I can say

[Dark Helmet]

I'm not sure how to tell my parents about it. I'm moving to college next month and I'd probably want to tell them before I leave. Heck, my brother and my sister already know about it and they still respect me. I know my parents would too but I just don't know how and when to bring up the subject. I'm not that close to my parents, we don't have great discussions. So talking about something this personal with them is a bit akward for me. But they probably have a hunch, well they're smart enough to notice I don't go to church anymore, they stopped asking me too, plus my mom found The Purpose Driven Life and other christian stuff in the garbage the other day. If they ask about it I'll tell them but it's going forward on my behalf that's the hardest. Any tips guys?