Ramen666 Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 This thread is going to make Christianity seem more absurd than it already is. This is a thread designed in a list form of actual sins that Christians think are wrong but in this case its just life. Now join in and put as many sins as you know. 1. Thou Shall Not Murder unless God doesn't like a certain group of people then it is ok. 2. Thou Shall Not Steal 3. The shall not commit adultery 3a. Do not look at a women the wrong way 3b. Don't even think about looking at women what you really think 3c. Its adultery even if you are not married 4. Do not worship false Gods 4a. That includes every religion not Christian 5. Thou shall not think because thinking leads to disbelief 6. Thou shall not be born homo, remember if your born a certain way its a sin still even if its not your fault, 7. Thou shall not like worldly things 8. Thou shall not read Harry Potter ITS EVIL 9. Thou shall not want sex but want God Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbie Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 10. Thou shalt not enjoy sex. 11. Thou shalt not notice glaring errors in the Bible and in Christian tradition. 12. Thou shalt consider all forms of worship apart from your own to be the direct work of Satan. 13. Thou shalt blame Satan if and when it turns out you are: a) not actually any better than anyone else a latent homosexual c) a self-righteous little prick d) just generally a fuckwit 14. Thou shalt use 'religious freedom' as an excuse to establish and enforce your brand of Christianity, thereby eradicating true religious freedom. 15. No, seriously, thou really shalt not think!! 16. Thou shalt over-run the earth, spreading thy ignorance and hatred, become a majority and then complain about being persecuted. 17. Thou shalt moan about the War on Christmas every year in honour of the Lord your God for verily thou needest and deserveth pity. 18. Thou shalt not think about thinking! 19. Art thou thinking?! 20. Hi, I am the Lord your God. You may rememberest me from such myhtologies as "Dude, where be my goat?" and "The Art and Science of Sacrificing Virgins." Verily, I be here today to talkest about a growing problem: independent thought. peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mythra Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 21. Trimming your beard. 22. Allowing a witch to live. 23. Tatoos 23. Failure to stone a newlywed bride to death when it's discovered she wasn't a virgin on her wedding night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.god Posted February 14, 2007 Share Posted February 14, 2007 24. Thou shall not masterbate in private, because god is a voyeur. 25. Thou shall not masterbate anyone else, and especially if they are the same sex as yourself. Remember, god is a peeping tom. 26. Thou shall not take my goddamn name in vain and must use ridiculous sounding euphanisms such as "wowie" or "fudge" even though the there is no difference in intention 27. Thou shall worry about every insignificant decision, situation and random occurence until thy tiny brain is scatter into a hundred million pieces. 28. Thou shall not lie even if it will save the life of many others. 29. Thou shall fight thy human nature and human drives to its very core, causing much pain, suffering and mental anguish which your voyeuristic invisible friend oh-so-enjoys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 30. Thou shalt not drink soda directly from the bottle. --OK, that one may not be the consensus among most xians, but one lady from my old church fervently believed it was a sin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramen666 Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 31. Thou shall not become pornstar ( rememeber it is a job they do my choice.) 32. Thou shall not be liberal 33. Thou shall be close minded and think in absolutes 34. Thou shall not believe science 35. Thou shall not use logic 36. Thou shall not be foreigner's 37. Thou shall not be Democrat , since everyone knows they are the antichrists 38. The shall not protect husband and grab the enemies penis 39. Thou shall not come and assoistate with the others of another religion or lack of (see the Bible for more details) 40. The shall not be born in China, Africa, India because those will believe false Gods Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chefranden Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 30. Thou shalt not drink soda directly from the bottle. --OK, that one may not be the consensus among most xians, but one lady from my old church fervently believed it was a sin. That's because it reminded her of sucking a dick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramen666 Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 30. Thou shalt not drink soda directly from the bottle. --OK, that one may not be the consensus among most xians, but one lady from my old church fervently believed it was a sin. That's because it reminded her of sucking a dick. I have never honestly heard that before and why are they doing this again. Well this is a good example though of the crazyness of these people. Continue on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShackledNoMore Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 41) Now that I've changed my mind, thou mayest eat most things. But thou still shalt not eat most types of meat on Friday, for that is special. 42) Thou shalt exhault prayer over medical science. 43) Thou shalt watch out for dancing, for that is carnal. 44) Thou shalt bring thy little children up in the way of the Lord, for they are vile and will surely be damned. 45) Thou shalt not read about other religions, for they are false, and by doing so thou wouldst be worshiping false gods. 46) As thou art, so shalt thou make thy nation and thy world: all must be saved, nor mayest the heathen lead thee into temptation. 47) Thou shalt shun Harry Potter above Samantha the Witch and Jeannie the Jeannie, for surely this generation is more evil than thine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 This thread is going to make Christianity seem more absurd than it already is. This is a thread designed in a list form of actual sins that Christians think are wrong but in this case its just life. Now join in and put as many sins as you kn Tho shalt not enjoy wathching people willingly fuck and suck on camera for entertainment because they consent and its way too much fun! An oldy,don't fuckin eat meat on Friday! Its a fuckin mortal sin. ( I now go out of my way to have steak on good friday!) Thou shalt not have fuckin impure thoughts! Like god (a fantasy) gives a fuck what I think! Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife! Yea! Thats a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 This thread is going to make Thou shalt give a FUCK about god or religion, because I don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Thou shalt not say a word if thy brother is a glutton, no, thou shalt not even notice. I mean come on it's not like their a fag or anything. If two cometh amongst you that are living in sin, without the benefit of marriage, thou shalt conjole them, and tease them until they do gettith them married. Thou shalt not rebuke them mightily, I mean come on its not like their queer or anything. Thou shalt not judgeth thy brother or sisters, unless they be homosexuals. The Lord thy god is like totally grossed out by the homos, cuz they are so fucking GAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramen666 Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 garrison you sound angry do you need a hug? Can you edit your posts so that the sins are numbered.Thanks if you can do that. 53. Thou shall not be prostitute 54. Thou shall not work on Sabbath Day aka Saturday for us 55. Thou shall live by a book 56. Thou shall not worship any "other Gods except me" Then Cheezus comes along and messed this sin up. 57. men shou not have long hair except jeezus christ 58. Thou shall not eat pork 59. Thou shall have sex slaves as long as they are fed and clothed. When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her. And if the slave girl's owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter. If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife. If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment. (Exodus 21:7-11 NLT) 60. Slaves thou shall obey owners Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. (Ephesians 6:5 NLT) 61. Respect thou owner if Christian Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. (Ephesians 6:5 NLT) 62. Thou shall murder anyone that is not Jewish or Christian( FORGET THE TEN COMMADMENTS, the don't mean anything anyway its not like God follows them) You must kill those who worship another god. Exodus 22:20 Kill any friends or family that worship a god that is different than your own. Deuteronomy 13:6-10 Kill all the inhabitants of any city where you find people that worship differently than you. Deuteronomy 13:12-16 Kill everyone who has religious views that are different than your own. Deuteronomy 17:2-7 Kill anyone who refuses to listen to a priest. Deuteronomy 17:12-13 Kill any false prophets. Deuteronomy 18:20 Any city that doesn’t receive the followers of Jesus will be destroyed in a manner even more savage than that of Sodom and Gomorrah. Mark 6:11 Jude reminds us that God destroys those who don’t believe in him. Jude 5 63. Thou shall not associate or socialize with non christians, This is to you christians here you coming here is a sin. Don’t associate with non-Christians. Don’t receive them into your house or even exchange greeting with them. 2 John 1:10 Shun those who disagree with your religious views. Romans 16:17 Paul, knowing that their faith would crumble if subjected to free and critical inquiry, tells his followers to avoid philosophy. Colossians 2:8 remember folks verses make the arguments just more better when are Christian visitors arrive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fweethawt Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Bloweth not thine chunks unto thy mother's bosom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Former Follier Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 64. What my former pastors used to refer to as "gender reversal." What I take to mean, men having long hair and earrings and/or women having short hair and wearing pants. It's just TOO confusing to think of a woman in the correct context when she isn't wearing an ankle length skirt or a pair of (equally as long) coulottes (SP?), isn't it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 garrison you sound angry do you need a hug? Can you edit your posts so that the sins are numbered.Thanks if you can do that. his daughter as a slave, she w I am angry and a hug would be fine! 64. Thou shalt number thy sins from now on! Yes, I am angry that i am 49 years old. Angry that I believed in god for most of those years. Angry that I probably married the wrong person, yet have been "faithful" for 18 years. Angry that I don't have the energy I used to. I always "played by the rules and worked hard" I have all the money I need and material possessions yet feel empty. Sorry for the "woe is me" at least typing it feels good.l Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garrisonjj Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 garrison you sound angry do you need a hug? Can you edit your posts so that the sins are numbered.Thanks 65. Thou shalt not judge a person for their sexual preferance. What one does with one's private life is their business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twincats Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 66. Thou shalt infect as much of the world as possible with the "good news" and garner much glory for converting heathens and saving their immortal souls. And making them as miserable, er, joyful as we are. >psst, they can edit that, right?< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramen666 Posted February 17, 2007 Author Share Posted February 17, 2007 Did I scare off all the Christians? It's weird all the Christians just vanished...I guess some had to re read there Bible's on associating with nonbelievers. The forums seem to be quieter than normal...even Pug has vanished. 67. Thou shall not look at porn and masturbate to it. Funny stuff I was thinking after I did that yesterday....technically Jeezus is watching me and watching the porn. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robbie Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 68. Thou shalt make True Christianity in thy own likeness and hold it up as a graven image. 69. Thou shalt be white, clean-shaven American men in suits without long hair or peircings, projecting all your fear-based hatred for anything vaguely different to yourself onto the Bible and coming up with such utter shite as "The Bible forbids peircings". 70. Thou shalt be a lying, divorced and remarried, glutonnous, morbidly obese close-minded useless racist murdering in-breeding cannibal, as long as thou is not a faggot, for verily the Lord your God is, like you, a latent homosexual who is obsessed with what men do with their penises. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 71. Thou shalt not be even remotely intelligent, or if thou art intelligent, thou shalt bury thy talents and live in ignorance forever. 72. If thou art an intelligent female, thou shalt spend the rest of thy life berating thyself for not being a prairie muffin, and do thy best to be a prairie muffin even though it may be impossible. 73. If thou likest fantasy or science fiction or any book which engages the imagination, thou shalt burn those books and flaggelate thyself immediately. 74. If thou likest fantasy or science fiction TV shows or Movies, thou shalt throw thy TV out of thy house and discard all related VHS tapes/DVDs and confess thy sins to the lord. 75. If thou are more than 5 pounds overweight, thou shalt spend the rest of thy life hating thyself, for thou art obviously a lazy glutton and deserve eternal punishment, even if thou exercises and eats healthy food (according to my mother and the fundmanentalist church I grew up in). 76. If thou art even remotely creative, thou must only do religious art/writing. Any other writing/art is Satanic and evil and must be destroyed. And thou must give god all the credit for everything, even if thou createst evil non-Christian art. 77. If thou findest a job, it is a sin to claim that anyone other than god did the work for thee. 78. If thou is even friends with anyone who is not Christian or conservative, thou must immediately cut that person out of thy life. It is a sin to be friends with anyone who is not Christian, conservative, or homophobic. (Heaven forbid thou is friends with an atheist, pagan, or homosexual!) 79. Whenever anything good happens, thou shalt always claim it was a "miracle", even if it obviously was not. 80. Whenever anything bad happens, thou shalt always claim that it was "in gods' plan." (Wow, god must have a really sadistic plan, considering all the things that are supposedly in it. Like 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina.) 81. If anything bad happens, thou must keep thy head buried in the sand at all times and claim to have faith. Even if thou does not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramen666 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Share Posted February 18, 2007 Number 74, my fundy cousions actually did do that. After my cousions husband went to promise keepers he got rid of the TV. Its a sin of da lawd..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 Number 74, my fundy cousions actually did do that. After my cousions husband went to promise keepers he got rid of the TV. Its a sin of da lawd..... I'm not surprised. I had a neighbor who was a member of some fundy religion and didn't have a TV because she thought it was evil. And my former childhood friend that I ran into last year got rid of her computer because her ex used it for porn. She is very technophobic now. I should add that one to the list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amethyst Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 82. If you are female and your husband uses the family computer to surf the net for porn, thou must automatically divorce him and throw out the computer and never touch computers again because they are eeeevil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramen666 Posted February 18, 2007 Author Share Posted February 18, 2007 83. Thou shall think nudity,sex is worse than violence. -biggest hypocracy I think- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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