The Sin Thread

[SwissMiss]

84. Thou shalt devote huge amounts of thy creative energy contriving ways in which new scientific discoveries actually corroborate the existence and voracity of god and/or the bible rather than entertaining the possibility that it might just be a load of superstitious bollocks.

84. a. If thou lacketh enough imagination to do the above, thou shalt place thy fingers in thine ears and sing "Amazing Grace" very loudly.

 

85. If a Christian dieth in tragic circumstances then thou shalt say that god loveth that person exceeding much and desireth to call him or her home to him. And if a Christian escapeth from a dangerous situation (even one of their own making and negligence) then god hath "been faithful" to them.

85. a. Thou shalt disregard the oxymoronic (and moronic) nature of these two viewpoints.

 

(Shortly after the 11th of September in 2001 I resumed contact with a very old fundy friend of mine who I hadn't spoken to since we were kids and who was working as a lawyer in Washington. She told me how she had, on that fateful day, visited the Pentagon an hour before plane/missile/[insert your own conspiracy theory here] struck the building but normally went there an hour later. When she told me that the "lord had been faithful" to her I totally lost the ability to communicate with her any more. I found her viewpoint to be so completely arrogant that I realised then and there that we had nothing to say to each other. What about the thousands of others that died (horribly) that day?)

 

86. Thou shalt hate and condemn Catholicism as evil, regardless of the fact that for three quarters of the history of Christianity, Catholicism WAS Christianity.

 

87. Thou shalt make scathing judgements on thy fellow Man [or woMan] based upon what hangeth or what hangeth not from between his or her legs and thou shalt strictly regulate what he or she might do with such parts of his or her anatomy with consenting adults.

 

(I haven't posted to this board for a while, so HELLO to anyone that remembers me. )

[Eponymic]

88. Thou shalt not eat sweets, except low-fat snack-ums. And we you doth eat thine low fat sweets, thou shalt not enjoy them.

 

89. Thou shalt not watch professional baseball. Or if thou watcheth, you must favor the Cinncinati Reds- who doth get crucified every year.

 

90. Thou shalt never play mini golf. The nine hole is of Satan and is not to be condoned.

 

91. Thou shalt not rave to any other artist than the Chemical Brothers, for God doth love to Galvanize.

 

92. Thou shalt not pick your nose unless you have a hanky or napkin and can pick your nose through the paper and have the forsaken boogies end up on the paper and not sully thine fingers.