Mankey Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 I only make sense because the normal distribution curve has a far end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted July 22, 2007 Author Share Posted July 22, 2007 A true friend does take interest in you, meaning all of you, your projects, your work, your school, your thoughts and feelings, everything that makes you who you are. In otherwords a friend would have looked at your website and a friend would have asked why you feel the way that you do. Thank you. That is what I thought. I appreciate when people don't dig where I don't want them. But telling me she doesn't want to look at my website seemed a lot like a mom telling her kids she is not interested in the art project they did in school. My mom had a tendency not to like the mother's day gifts we made in school. We always looked forward to her happy surprise and she always managed to convey the idea that these public school teachers don't know what an Old Order Mennonite mother wants. Then when we finally got a church school in our area and made Old Order Mennonite stuff she still found ways to be condescending. We made a recipe book. Well, it wasn't recipes that she ever wanted to make. Not that she ever did any baking--she was busy taking care of the babies and had a maid do the baking until my sisters and I got big enough. My sisters and I sometimes chose recipes out of that book just to justify having made it. But when it was pointed out that this wonderful cake came out of that recipe book she would do her condescending "I'll pretend to be happy for your sake" schtick. She always pretended--only pretended--to be pleased with the mother's day gifts. She was no different with the grandkids. She always disproved of the stuff their parents bought for them but she pretended to be interested. The kids didn't like showing their Christmas gifts to grandma but their mother (my brother's wife) insisted that grandma wanted to see. I'm sure her own mother was interested. Just not my mother. Gift-giving is not so much a part of our culture as it is in some circles. And my parents were even less for it than some other families. Thus, even though my parents lived in a separate apartment of the same house as my brother and his family, gift-giving was a private family thing that did not involve the grandparents. But my SIL tried to involve my mother and mom acted so disapproving. She's gone now and I'm glad but her legacy lives on and I find it not-nice to be subjected to similar behaviour and emotional manipulation from this former friend. Thanks for helping me work through the issues. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unknowing1 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 You are welcome. What I meant by asking why you felt the way you do isn't to dig, I was basing it on my friendships. My best friend and I show each other we are interested in each other by talking about our thoughts and feelings; however, we both know that we have the right to say we just don't want to talk about it and respect each others right to not share everything. If I say something that is totally contrary to what she may believe, she can ask me why I feel that way. I can either tell her my reasoning or I can tell her that I prefer not to talk about it as she can with me, we don't hold it against each other. How awful about your mom. All I can say is that she missed out when you were kids by not realizing how priceless your projects were and taking an interest. My mom was a bit similar and while I know how crushed I was as a child, I know now after having my children, and how close of a relationship that we have how much she missed out on (probably more than me). Some of my fondest memories are from the kids making those recipe books, presenting them and then us making some of the recipes together. My youngest (15) and I still do some cooking and baking together (but our recipes now come from the Food Network). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
white_raven23 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Personally I don't take much offense when someone says they are going to pray for me. As I am free to not believe, they are free to believe. I don't walk around forcing the people around me to stop smoking or stop drinking either. If someone chooses to be a raging alcoholic, or a raging fundamentalist...it's all the same to me. I can choose to limit the amount of time I'm going to be around these people, and I do. The phrase is meaningless and empty. Unless someone grabs me and starts praying for me right there, I have nothing but their WORD that they are going to do so. And no one who has been around me longer than ten seconds and possesses even a marginal I.Q. is going to do such a thing. I accept it in the same vein as "Have a nice day." from someone I don't know. It's a pleasantry with varying levels of sincerity depending on who it comes from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R. S. Martin Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 You are welcome. What I meant by asking why you felt the way you do isn't to dig, I was basing it on my friendships. My best friend and I show each other we are interested in each other by talking about our thoughts and feelings; however, we both know that we have the right to say we just don't want to talk about it and respect each others right to not share everything. If I say something that is totally contrary to what she may believe, she can ask me why I feel that way. I can either tell her my reasoning or I can tell her that I prefer not to talk about it as she can with me, we don't hold it against each other. Sorry, I had not meant that as a dig at you. I understood it as you describe here. I was just looking at two extreme ends of the spectrum of "showing interest." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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