Crap...

[GraphicsGuy]

Okay, so I'm driving home from work yesterday. My car has been making some noise for a while (drum brakes out of round), but no big deal, right? Yesterday it starts creaking and groaning and it sounded like something broke and finally felt like there was some instability in the rear end.

 

So, what do I fucking do? Started praying to God that I would just make it home so I could fix it! Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

 

It was such an automatic response, I literally didn't realize what I was doing until I was 20 seconds into it. I was so mad because it made me wonder just how entrenched into my psychi the whole religious thing is.

 

Anyway, I finally got myself to stop praying only by talking to the car and encouraging it to get me home. Stupid, yeah, but at least the car is not a figment of my imagination.

 

Started to pull the suspension apart last night...nothing is busted that I can see. Driver's side struts are a little soft, compression could be gone. I still have to check the strut bellows, they were pretty chewed up last time I replaced struts, maybe they're trashed this time.

[bush country]

Oh yeah - I had to laugh when I saw your post GG. Good to see I'm not the only one that goes back to old habits. Since my deconversion I keep wanting to pray that my wife will deconvert too. Now who would I be praying to? lmao

[GraphicsGuy]

Since my deconversion I keep wanting to pray that my wife will deconvert too. Now who would I be praying to? lmao

 

Ouch...believing wife too, huh?

 

Yeah, I guess that is one downside of deconverting...who do you offer all the hopes and dreams up to?

[Taphophilia]

A few months after I deconverted, I was driving to work in a snowstorm. (I lived in Illinois then) My car started sliding a little and I was afraid I'd go into the ditch, so I started crying out for Jesus. I did get my car back under control, being used to driving in the snow and all. Though, I was just really confused why I would call out to something I no longer believed in. It's just a habit.

 

Not to long ago, I was getting on the Interstate and a car coming by really fast didn't get into the other lane. The car almost hit me and I blurt out "Jesus Fucking Christ" with my Fundy mother in the car with me. She didn't say a thing to me about it.

[Lycorth]

Yeah, I guess that is one downside of deconverting...who do you offer all the hopes and dreams up to?

 

Unless you believe in other gods, offer them to yourself. You make at least as good a god as any ever named in the course of human history, and you can be sure you actually listen to your prayers and try to answer them

 

But I've had moments like those during my time out of the cult. It's a reflexive action the religion instills in you, to place trust in its god in times of stress. It takes a while to deprogram oneself from Xian brainwashing and realize that we are the only gods we have to rely on.

 

It takes time, but don't sweat it

[NearlyInsane]

 

Oh man, this thread is so funny! It's so nice to talk to people who understand this kind of crap!!!

 

I don't remember going thru much of an accidental prayer phase, because I didn't really pray much as a believer, & not at all the last few years that I was a "questioning believer"... but I still have trouble w/ colloquialisms like "oh my god," "god only knows," "thank god," etc. Sometimes I can't figure out WHAT to say to get my meaning across w/out using some reference to a deity. Our language seems to be built around it.

[HuaiDan]

universal joint(s) ok?

[GraphicsGuy]

universal joint(s) ok?

 

I don't know...I'll check that tonight. Thanks.

 

Nice to know I'm not alone with the prayer thing...thanks everyone!

[HuaiDan]

They make a terrible, frightening noise when they go. That's why I mentioned it.

[GraphicsGuy]

Hey HuaiDan, I wonder if God just wanted me to come to this website so I could get that tidbit of advice from you?

 

Bwahahahahahahaha...

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry, I had to do it...I was one of those "everything happens for a reason" fools too...

[HuaiDan]

Still going through withdrawal eh? You have my best wishes. I've been diety free for over 15 years.

[GraphicsGuy]

Oh yeah...this is only month 5 for me. I've always been a skeptic, but being "healed" without God was the last straw.

[michie_s]

Still going through withdrawal eh? You have my best wishes. I've been diety free for over 15 years.

 

Definitely still going through withdrawal...it's been just a little over 2 months and I constantly slip back into "thank god" or "on my god"..etc. And because so many of my friends are still xian (most don't know about my de-conversion) I get asked to "please pray for..." or still engage in xian centered conversations/discussions. Sometimes I find myself actually praying and I have to stop and think who the f**k am I talking to? It's such a double life at times, but I don't feel strong enough to debate with xians yet so I take the chicken sh*t way out and hide (see, can't even swear online yet!)

 

I can't wait for it to stop (don't want to wait 15yrs). Like graphicsguy it's just so ingrained and still so fresh in my mind.

 

Michie

[Former Follier]

... but I still have trouble w/ colloquialisms like "oh my god," "god only knows," "thank god," etc. Sometimes I can't figure out WHAT to say to get my meaning across w/out using some reference to a deity.

This comes up quite a bit in my household due to the fact that my fiancée was still mired in Christian spirituality (not dogma), when we first got together. Since I had already freed myself, I understood the process and let her work through it on her own and made myself available to answer questions. I didn't want to sway her either way (trust me, it was hard) because it could've been a cause for contention between the two of us. Instead, I left little clues lying around the house like the books I'd been reading at the time and dropped little questions here and there that I knew she would think about; nothing overt but just enough to keep her from stagnating in beliefs that were indefensible.

 

About the "God" references, I've removed almost all cursing from my repertoire altogether. Not because of any moral conflicts but simply because I choose to express myself clearly to everyone who I may come in contact with. If I'm speaking with a Christian and I curse out of habit, it may cause semantic noise that could keep them from grasping the point. For that purpose, I have replaced all of my slurs and curses with very, very colloquial euphemisms.

 

Earlier this week, my fiancée was relieved about some news that I gave her and said, "Thank God! Well... you know what I mean." I thought nothing of it but I could tell that it really bothered her to reliant on those kinds of exclamations. I just told her that "God" is interchangeable with scads of other words. For example: instead of saying "Oh, my God!" I would say, "You're kidding?" or "That's incredible!" depending on the connotation. Be creative! That's actually another reason why I abandoned cursing (I had quite the array for several years when I was in the military); I think that it can portray intellectual laziness. Don't take that as an insult because it's not meant to be; I am referring to those who rely solely on expletives to convey a message. "Not my style, man" to quote Def Leppard.

[Ouroboros]

...

Anyway, I finally got myself to stop praying only by talking to the car and encouraging it to get me home. Stupid, yeah, but at least the car is not a figment of my imagination.

...

The Cute Holy Bunny did answer your prayers my friend. You see, you did get home. Oh, praise her Holy name. (And leave a couple of bucks in the offering chest before you leave, it's expensive to have these sermons, you see...)

[GraphicsGuy]

The good thing about expletives...especially FUCK! Is that they so accurately portray and release the amount of anger within me. I've never been much of a curse word thrower and know I can easily stop based on company or if I simply want to.

 

So, mischie...swear away. It's amazing how good it feels sometimes. And don't hide your true feelings from your friends too long. That can build resentment in you pretty quickly. You don't have to spill your guts right away. Start talking about things or asking questions that are usually taboo and see where it leads.

 

The Cute Holy Bunny did answer your prayers my friend.

 

I'm kind of partial to the flying spaghetti monster after seeing the website...

[smellincoffee]

The same thing happened to me about a year ago! I was driving down the highway in the middle of nowhere and my engine starts stuttering. My mind does something it hasn't done in a while -- pray. I got as far as "Oh, God, please..." before I realized and stopped. The car was fine.

[freeman]

Never really prayed much, but I am quick to use its name in vain when yelling at something!

"God damn piece of shit car!"

[Garnet]

God language is still a part of my vocabulary. To this day when something is going wrong, I mutter, "oh god, oh god, oh god."

 

I used to try to stop saying that stuff, but in the end, it really doesn't matter. It's ingrained in my vocabulary and it's not a statement of faith.

[sparkyone]

What came to my mind when I was reading this thread was several days ago when my boys and I were on a bike ride and my 8-year old stopped suddenly in front of me and I automatically back pedalled to brake even though I've had a bike with hand brakes for at least 12 years and backpedalling doesn't stop my bike. It was more like a reflex from all those years as a kid with coaster brakes. I sometimes want to pray, and when I do it's more to the creator or God somewhere out there that might be listening. I don't consider it prayer to the bible god.

Another thing I want to mention pertains to language and how I used to be shocked by the f word and others, but after getting away from many of the excessive and dumb rules imposed by Baptist teaching I didn't mind hearing profanity all that much. I watch movies with it and read books with it, but don't actively seek it out either. I worked a regular job at a small discount store for almost 5 months this year, and my immediate manager sometimes used a nice array of words if he was upset about something or at somebody. He didn't get violent or sound like he wanted to hurt someone, but it was more a way of letting off steam, I think. After he started dating the woman he ending up marrying not long ago he seemed happier and used more euphemisms, at least around me. I did notice that he was careful not to use that language in front of the store or district manager or the customers. I didn't even mind hearing it. It was almost like a relief to me for someone to be themselves around me and not "clean up" his vocabulary just because I was a woman or goody two shoes, like when my husband was in the Navy and I would come into the shop in the hangar where he worked, his co-workers were pretty careful to avoid profanity.

Sparkyone

[Luke Wolf]

I did take me a couple years to quite the auto prayer shit. Allthough, having drum brakes going bad, I would be praying to something that I can find someone to replace them for cheap, as I would much rather blow up the car than deal with drum breaks. The cheapest I have ever found is a guy who will change them for 50 bucks per side.

[OnceConvinced]

I experience it all the time Graphicsguy. It became such a habit as a Christian and I'd think as if talking to God - all the time.

 

Now, I find myself correcting myself and saying, "what the hell am I talking to you for, God? You're not listening to me". And then I have to correct myself yet again, after all he didn't hear me say that either. In the end I quit with the praying and generally notice no difference when it comes to anything. Prayer didn't work then and it still doesn't work. lol. In fact I usually feel a great relief when I remind myself I don't need to pray about this stuff anymore. I can just let things run their course without having to have God's ok on everything.

 

I'm set free!

[1oddmanout]

I went through this experience yesterday; had to keep avoiding saying a prayer for help in a personal situation. I'm still in the throes of deconversion, and old habits, (which have never succeeded) still come to fore.

 

I'm in a specific situation, where, due to conditions of parole, I have to take a bi-yearly polygraph. I failed the last one, knowing I didn't violate parole conditions but sure as hell put myself in a situation where I could have, and I was so freaked out about it, that I failed the last test. No restrictions from that test, but if I failed the one I took yesterday, "Bye Bye Free World!!"

 

So, I prepared myself, but driving to the test site, I was anxious, to say the least. I caught myself wanting to say a little prayer for assistance (to whom, a gawd or saviour who never was there?--one thing they say about an alcoholic is that they continue to try things that have failed in the past).

 

I steadfastly refused to invoke some deity, and reinforced to myself that I didn't violate conditons of parole, and would pass it. Hurrah, I did.

 

It is SO easy to revert to superstition. I still fondly remember my religious studies and associations, and sorely miss them, and a lot of the times want to return to "TheFold", as I truly was happy, involved and engaged; but I didn't truly Believe or Worship. Truth is all I have left in my life.

[Deva]

Praying when I am in trouble, in the sense of "Oh my God, get me out of this", is just like a reflex. I think it is hard-wired into my brain. It just makes me laugh afterward. I don't attach any importance to it.

 

Since you mention car trouble - the alternater went out on my '93 Nissan as I was driving and it was not apparent that I would make it home. Pedal to the floor and going 10mph. I naturally begain to think "God, get me home with this" and then when I managed to make it in it was "thank God". Later I just laughed. Now I have a new car, it broke down one too many times with the last incident.

[Connie Goodnow]

Not to worry. Sudden mechanical failure in a car, especially those that suddenly throw you into A LOT of unwanted motion, is a real pants-shitter.

 

I'm riding in the car right, it was on the way home from a routine grocery store trip, we're within 10 miles of home when all of a sudden the truck starts swerving.... going completely out of control. He manages to bring the car to a stop and lo and behold, it is a LOOSE WHEEL. We decide to limp it home. No sooner did he start going at maybe 10 MPH then we hear "THUD, THUNK!!!!!" and there it is, rolling down the street...... without us on it.... not the tire..... THE WHOLE WHEEL.

 

I'm not afraid to say that I think there is a Man Upstairs and He likes me. I'm not going to say something chuckleheaded, like angels were surrounding the car or something, but I do know had it happened when we were doing 55 MPH we would most likely have crashed, with at least one or two deaths. As it was, everyone got out without a single cut, bruise or scratch. We were VERY fortunate.

 

I believe in God. I even talk to him. But in my own frame, not within the framework of any organized Christianity. So I think praying was quite possibly a natural response under such sudden, severe stress.