Unitarian Universalism

[Guest xyz3]

I was wondering if anyone here has experience with Unitarian Universalism. What do you think about it? It seems to me to be an attractive looking alternative to both hard atheism and dogmatic religion, but I've never been to an actual church and am only beginning to learn about it.

[Dave]

They go from hard core Atheists like me to liberal believers. I didn't like the services which consisted of singing, candle lighting, sermons, and such. Others like that kind of stuff and the feeling of community that goes along with it.

 

 

Each UU has a different character. Try several, if possible, and see if you like it. It would not be a bad thing to hook up with them. Nice people in a nice community.

[Deva]

I went to a Unitarian Church for about 2 years. They have a regular church service, hymns and a sermon. Except for their being no Christian dogma, it was exactly like any other church I have ever been to. They even sing some regular Christian hymns, with some of the words changed.

 

I did meet some interesting people there, but after a while its resemblence to a regular church service, the sermons, and pleas to give more money put me off, and so I left.

 

It is worth a try, to meet people. The church was not intimidating in any way.

[OldApostate]

I keep meaning to go to mine, but always seem to find something better to do on Sunday morning.

 

The one near me posts the sermons online, which I really appreciate. There's no doubt that the minister is a nontheist, but his sermons are still very moving. I want to go in large part because I think my daughter would benefit from community moral instruction and the tolerance toward diverse faiths (I'm not super tolerant of a lot of faiths, but attribute in large part to the damage to my psyche done by Christianity). It would also be really nice for her to have an answer to proselytizing or questions regarding her religious beliefs, i.e., "We're Unitarians." I find that people seem to respect "something" as opposed to "nothing," which they regard as a void to be filled.

[Brother Jeff]

I attended a UU church a few times several years ago when I lived in Austin, TX. It was a good experience. I remember one lady sharing that she had just joined American Atheists! She was dragged outside the church by the loving Christians in the group and stoned to death for Jesus! Glory! Um... no... not really.

[4truth]

Brother Jeff, you always make me laugh!

 

I've gone to a UU church 4-5 times. I vacillate between feeling like it's a great place to meet caring people who think more like I do and feeling like it seems too much like church, which I never want to get sucked into again.

[Ex-COG]

I also attend a Unitarian church. It has a wide variety of people in it, with many different interests, beliefs and non-beliefs. We have humanists, atheists, pagans, buddhists, and others who attend. Sometimes the service is a little too much like christian church; I could do without the group singing, I can get a little irritated when someone calls the meeting a "worship service", and I think it would be cool if we could have a Q&A after the speaker finishes or some type of discussion rather than just sitting and listening. But you can't have everything, I guess. Of course, different UU churches can have quite different meeting styles. You'll just have to visit one near you to find out if it "fits."

[GraphicsGuy]

I started attending the UU in my city. It's just a small group (most of them are fairly long in the tooth) and they just meet in this heritage house that's always open for tours and special events. It's pretty much a discussion group and I find it rather relaxing. No songs, no preaching...couple of minor pointless rituals, but nothing I can't handle. They're quite accepting of my mixture of humanist/agnostic/atheistic thinking.

 

Overall, it's a positive experience and gets me out of the house two Sunday mornings a month.

[Skiergirl24]

I am actually thinking about attending a UU service. I have a friend who is a UU and they seem like very tolerant and intelligent people. The basic premise, if I understand it correctly, is that each person can find God OR find meaning in the values God embodies in his/her own way.

 

 

 

I was wondering if anyone here has experience with Unitarian Universalism. What do you think about it? It seems to me to be an attractive looking alternative to both hard atheism and dogmatic religion, but I've never been to an actual church and am only beginning to learn about it.

[Guest lifelong_agnostic]

I was wondering if anyone here has experience with Unitarian Universalism. What do you think about it? It seems to me to be an attractive looking alternative to both hard atheism and dogmatic religion, but I've never been to an actual church and am only beginning to learn about it.

 

 

Hi! I was raised in the UU "faith" if you want to call it that. I have not been going regularly these days, but last year I was married by a Unitarian minister. Because of the UU experience in my youth, I am a very open-minded person today. In UU Sunday School and Youth group we learned about all of the world's religions. We also did outreach trips to homeless shelters and tried to help within the community. We also had a unit on sex education, and I learned more about sex in those few months than I ever did in school or from my parents. It was a necessary education. I still love telling my friends today that I learned about sex in Sunday school. I get some very funny looks.

 

The UUs will never tell you what to believe. You can be an atheist, agnostic or Buddhist for all they care. Their common bond is really rooted in community activism and the human dignity of all individuals. Most of them are ex Catholics, Christians, Jews, or lifelong atheists/agnostics. I usually find the sermons very thought-provoking and often inspiring. It's just a group of people who each have their own version of spirituality. They gather together to support one another and help their community. They will NEVER, EVER try to tell you what to believe.

 

Now, my husband grew up Catholic and was "born again" in high school for about a month. Now he's not religious at all. When I take him to the UU church he gets a little uneasy with all the singing. He gets antsy and I worry that he's going to break out into a rash or something. For him, I think it hits a little too close to home. It reminds him of his childhood when he was forced to sit in church and praise a god he didn't care about or understand. So, I think HE is experiencing much of what the above posters are feeling. I'm sure it's a little scary for all of you... because it's so reminiscent of your Xtian days. At the same time, it might be too loose and unstructured for many of you who miss that about your Xtian churches. Your probably feeling very mixed emotions about all of it.

 

Anyway, I just thought I would fill you in. I'm happy to answer an questions. I'm not here to "sell" you on UU'ism.... but I'm happy to help. I know this must be a confusing time for all of you.

 

Oh, and why am I here if I'm not an ex x'tian? I'm trying to learn about the minds and thought processes of Xtians. Who better to learn from than those who have BEEN there. I'm hoping this will open up some lines of communications by helping me understand the way xtians think. I have family who are devout X'tians, and I would love to better understand them and what they think of ME -- the family heathen.

[Brother Jeff]

Brother Jeff, you always make me laugh!

Glory!

[Robbobrob]

I remember one lady sharing that she had just joined American Atheists! She was dragged outside the church by the loving Christians in the group and stoned to death for Jesus! Glory! Um... no... not really.

You got that backwards, it was the christians who would have been stoned....which is why there is a Coffee Hour that immediately follows the service for those of us that get the munchies.....LOL (just kidding).

 

Been going to UU services for a couple of years now, signed to book (the only requirement for official membership) about a year ago, got married there (got the organist to play Metallica for one of the songs...way cool) several months ago, and I was just roped into joining the Religious Education Committee (wife is on the Board of Governors).

 

I have met some great people, from lasped Christians to pagans (our Circle of Spirits group has a large outing to Salem, MA this weekend). Even some people who have been lifelong UUs. There are many Atheists married to Theists, and it works well because they respect each others inner journey to spiritual discoveries (or humanist discovers, or whatever the person is looking for to help them navigate through life).

 

I can only speeak for my congregation, but we are very focused on teaching all religions, and helping each other find their own spiritual path. Some are big into human rights, others just like the familiar weekly services (yeah, they can be very generic at times (Chalice lighting, hymn, reading, announcements, collection, choir, sermon, hymn are standard parts), I do like the Candles of Joy and Concern, where people share their happy and sad moments of life).

 

I have met some great people I never would have otherwise...as well as reconnected to friends I have not seen since high school. Me and my wife always laugh when people introduce us as the "Church Friends", because it would have been the last thing we ever thoguht we'd be called.

 

The biggest thing, like Brother Jeff hinted at, is we never take ourselves too seriously. The first person in our church to likely crack a joke about UU is our minister, she has based whole sermons telling UU jokes.

 

Q: Why do UU sermons last about an hour?

A: That is how long it takes to brew the coffee for Coffee Hour.

 

I do think you should not base a decision on ONE visit. I know some services just stink, but others are fun and educational, and even, dare I say it, spiritual.

[The Sage Nabooru]

I've never been but I really want to go. I think if you go to some of the older UU churches you'll get the more church-like "service", and the newer ones are less structured.

[ShackledNoMore]

I've been to the local UU church three or four times, all nearly 15 years ago.

 

Had a strange experience. After a few times there, a couple of the people started speaking ill of the people at the NEXT nearest UU church, who used to be part of the same congregation. Sounded like they had a pretty good feud going. For some reason, petty politics seems to be more ingrained in organizations of all sorts near where I live than in most other parts of the country.

 

It turned me off a little, and I certainly found a lot less motivation to go there than I would have to my local xian sect's brainwashing factory before I deconverted. A few years later, I talked to the minister at that same church about doing the wedding for my wife and I. I think it was then, that I mentioned that I was an escapee from an Assembly of God church. Despite my attempt at a disclaimer, he seemed convinced that I was somehow too hardcore an xian and the UU was not the church for me. I don't know what part of ESCAPEE he didn't understand or if he had a hearing problem--it was really, really weird. I made an appointment, my wife and I came, and sat, and waited... and HE STOOD US UP!

 

Even though I am convinced just out of bad luck, I stumbled upon the WORST UU church in the country, it still wasn't that bad. I got to have a couple of interesting and engaging conversations with the members, and the "sermons" were practical, secular, and not loaded down with xian crapola.

 

I would have no qualms at all about checking out another UU church (not that one) if a convenient opportunity fell in my lap. The description of the parishioners ranging from hard core atheists to liberal believers (who may or may not identify with the xian tradition) seems accurate. In retrospect, I should have checked out the competing UU church with the horrible, nasty people--I may have liked that better. But it just didn't seem worth the extra travel for me to find out.

[Robbobrob]

I too would have been turned off if I found a lot of inter-congregational politics at my current church. Round here almost every town common has a UU, since the national UUA is based in Boston, so finding a nearby church is not too difficult. I actually at some point want to do a tour of the local churches to see how similar/different other UUs are.

[Guest lifelong_agnostic]

I too would have been turned off if I found a lot of inter-congregational politics at my current church. Round here almost every town common has a UU, since the national UUA is based in Boston, so finding a nearby church is not too difficult. I actually at some point want to do a tour of the local churches to see how similar/different other UUs are.

 

 

As a youth group member in the UU church, I took a group trip to Boston and actually camped out/toured many of the churches in that area. We also toured the main office. The churches of Massachussetts will actually LOOK like churches and feel like churches with old wooden pews and the whole thing. Many are historical and quite beautiful. One of the churches (in Quincy I think) has a hiding place for the slaves of the Underground Railroad behind it's organ pipes. That was really cool to see! (They helped escaping slaves, much like they help escaping X'tians!)

 

I live out west now where things are probably a little looser and less structured. The UU churces are not old, and do not really look like churches from the outside.

 

Good luck finding a congregation you like! You should do just fine. You are in good company among many exChristians in the UU "faith."

[RankStranger]

I went to a Unitarian Universalist church here in Wichita Kansastan this morning. I'd been considering it for a while, and this thread finally convinced me to give it a try.

 

There were about 30 people there. They're between pastors right now- she left a few months ago. So the long-time members have been getting together and coming up with ideas for the service, and taking turns speaking, I think. This turned out to be a good day to show up for the first time, as the topic was "why am I a Unitarian?". The gal in charge gave a short talk about the history of the UU's and what they believe, then several of the regulars took turns speaking. They told their stories about where they came from, how they found the UU church, and why they kept coming. None of their individual beliefs were as simple as one label, but a brief breakdown of the speakers amounted to this: Two pagans, two atheists, one new-ager, three agnostics, one life-long UU, and one guy who wasn't very coherent... not sure what he believes, but he's recently (for the second time) out of prison and really likes the group. A majority of them were exchristian, and would fit right in around here- several of the stories sounded A LOT like the 'testimonies of former christians'. I felt like I was in good company.

 

The place didn't have a 'churchy' feel to it- at least compared to the Wesleyan church I grew up in. It was informal, with chairs rather than pews... and it just wasn't structured like a church. There was coffee and snacks during the 'service', and before things got started, they had what this semi-literate hick would best describe as new-agey music playing in the background. There was some singing, and a couple of songs did feel churchy- but no mention of God, or Jesus or anything. There were only two songs- I don't remember much of the first one, but it some something along the lines 'open your hearts and minds, it's gonna be a joyful day, let's get together and worship'. Or something like that. The other song was "Lean on me", which I happen to like anyway. We didn't do the song justice, but it's a nice sentiment.

 

Overall, they impressed me as an interesting, intellegent, and good-natured group of people. Sure, I thought a few were a little flaky... but much worse could be said about me. I'll definitely be back next week.

[Guest Muna]

I thought about going to a UU church near me but I never got around to it. Now I'm moving and the two nearest UU churches seem very Christian-oriented. Lots of talk on their websites about being based on Judeo-Christian values. Plus they don't have Pagan groups, which is one of the reasons I wanted to go to a UU church in the first place. So I don't think I'll be going anytime soon. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a good coven instead.

[Robbobrob]

I am fortunate that my church has cushioned seats, as opposed to the older churches in the area. The current building just celebrated 50 years, which is very young for any church around here.

 

UUs, back when they were still separate Unitarian and Universalist, were in the forefront of the abolishionists movement, as well as, during WWII freeing many Jews from occupied Europe.

[Kelli]

I've attended a UU church a few times and have given serious thought to going back. I liked it but my SO did not, so that's why I stopped going. I no longer have an SO so there's no reason not to go, LOL. I really need the socialization and that would really be my only reason to go.

[fallenleaf]

I am about 60% likely to attend a UU church tomorrow. Just to check it out. I haven't been to a "service" of any sort in a long time and it might be interesting. I certainly couldn't hurt.

[ShackledNoMore]

I am about 60% likely to attend a UU church tomorrow. Just to check it out. I haven't been to a "service" of any sort in a long time and it might be interesting. I certainly couldn't hurt.

Let us know about the experience if you do.

 

It turns out that a friend of mine (also an ex-christian, but hasn't been to this site as far as I know) will be speaking at the other UU church in our area on December 9th (the one that I didn't visit before).

 

It's an excuse for me to check it out, and I'll probably stand a 50 or 60 percent chance of visiting on that day, myself.

[fallenleaf]

Well, if I go... I should leave in the next few minutes. I checked their webpage and am not too thrilled with the topic today: "The fourth source:" Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God’s love by loving our neighbors as ourselves.

 

But the topics of other weeks suggest that this [biblical focus] is not a common focus.

 

I suppose I'll go. It's either that or stay here in front of the computer and play cards. At least that gets me out of the house for a little while.

[fallenleaf]

Okay, I went.

 

First impression, "Damn, everyone is so fucking old." I was probably one of 3 people there under 50. And the majority were MUCH older than even that.

 

They were very... uhm, welcoming. In a way that was not exactly comfortable for me. Not that they were bad or creepy or even disingenuous. I am just very "weirded" out by being "love-bombed" by church people. Because of my age, it was apparent to everyone that I was new and a lot of people went out of their way to try and make me feel welcome. They made me sign a book and get a name-tag. I was almost going to use my typical "fake" name for church things. But I went ahead and put my real one... since I had decided to go of my own choice and not because I was being dragged into it. They handed me a whole packet of information about UU and all that. I tried to check some of it out... but kept having people introduce themselves and welcome me... so I gave up on it. I eventually felt a little better about the name-tag thing, as I saw that everyone had one. And someone explained that they all wore name tags every service because it was more personal, or some bullshit like that, if everyone could use the name of the person they're talking to. Everyone had a nametag... including the pastor... so I didn't feel completely outcast.

 

Eventually they started the sermon and I was able to sit and be left alone. One very vocal [but friendly] woman sat down right next to me. Not accidentally, I later found... but I suspected that from the start. The service started and after an introduction they asked if any newcomers wanted to stand and introduce themselves. Or any long-time gone people who returned. I wasn't the only new-comer... and there were a few people who talked about being away and coming back. But I was probably the only new-comer who did not stand and introduce myself. I am not into such things. And they moved right along... giving me time to stand if I wanted but not making it obvious that someone was choosing to not stand. I am sure some people noticed but I am not much on doing things like that if I don't want to.

 

The singing, well the first song, reminded me of something very "Catholic." I didn't sing. The lady next to me belted out the words with enough emotion and volume that I am sure I would have been drowned out to my own ears... had I tried. The song was a little too "Christian" tasting for my likes... talking about binding wounds or something... but it was generic enough that it really didn't have a message relating to Christianity at all -- just made me feel like it should.

 

Some people got up to share their concerns. Sortof like prayer requests... but asking only for people to keep it in their thoughts. I thought it was nice. There was a moment of silence and then people shared their joys. I was pleased to see a lot of people sharing joys... it was really positive and made me think they had a good outlook on life. Small things were celebrated... and everyone seemed into it. Plus they were lighting candles for all of it... fire rocks. It was quaint... and uplifting. But everyone was so damn old... did I mention how old everyone was? The lady sitting next to me got up... I learned she had some really cool hippie name... which I got joy out of. I love hippies... even old ones.

 

There was an offering. Fairly standard. Cool song during it... I felt no pressure to contribute. Which I wouldn't have anyway. But they just passed the bowl... some people gave... some didn't... no pressure on anyone. At least from appearances.

 

The sermon was, like I said, related to the Bible. Talking about Christian and Jewish roots. The pastor even commented, "I'm going to do something I never do... read from the Bible as part of my talk." There was a good bit of Christian bullshit discussed... but very broadly and with the focus on the good positive stuff. The word "God" was used about three times... as in the direct quotes. He kept it about love, loving ourselves and others... he tied in some Buddhist commentary and some African tradition were you acknowledge seeing the person you greet. And we all had to turn and "see" the person next to us. This would have been a lot better on LSD... I am sure. But it was good... and fun... uplifting and social. Not too creepy like some of the things you're asked to do/repeat at a normal church.

 

Then we sang another song. This one was more "fun" and less preachy. More hippie than church-ie. Still from a Hymnal... but very upbeat and with almost no message but "be happy dammit." And then the whole thing wrapped up.

 

After, during coffee and tea... the lady who sat next to me was talking about my job and all that and basically did her best to convince me to come to the "new UU" meeting right after service. I was promised sandwiches and more food... plus a chance to be obnoxious and ask questions. Yes, she said "obnoxious..." boy did she have my number. But I was sold on the "free food" aspect. Besides, "buy the ticket, take the ride." I might as well ride the day to the very end. So I went. Met a couple others who were knew... to UU... not to life... Jesus fucking christ... did I mention how old everyone was?!!!

 

The whole thing was informative... but was aimed at their history (it's a series of talks and this happened to be history)... which is very "Christian" to someone like me. I think there was great shock when one of the people there asked if anyone had a clue was "Unitarian" meant and I responded that it was a reaction to "Trinitarianism"... or basically, anti-trinity. When I saw the stunned looks of silence... I didn't bother volunteering what I knew about the definition of "Universalism." Apparently, some people don't read up about the random churches they find themselves in. The history wasn't new to me... I know how to google and read. There was talk about how humanists and nontheists fit in. They talked about the general way things were run -- with each church doing it's own thing and deciding from their members what was important and all that. It was generally informative... and I got free food from it.

 

A bunch of people asked if I was coming back (right after the service). I was noncommittal in my response each time. "Maybe," I'd mumble. And, much to my comfort, almost all responded with, "you need to find what is right for you... maybe this is it... maybe it's not..." or something like that. Very laid back and not desperate. Which was decent of them. I mean, fuck them, I know I'll find what I want... they don't need to tell me.

 

 

Will I go back next week? I am not sure right now. I love the aging hippie goodness... but the aging part is a bit extreme. No hot single women... why go to a service if it's not going to improve my chances of getting laid?

[PeaceOfMind]

Hey, don't discount them on account of their age. I'm sure there's a few willing participants who haven't had a decent lay...in decades.