Kuroikaze Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 No. Almighty God is not any man's -- or woman's -- genie. God obviously afflicted this child with the inability to walk for a reason. Both of you are invited to join Our Holy Church, pay your tithes at least a year in advance to demonstrate that your family isn't just interested in scooping up some fast faith healing on the fly and then reverting to a life of unbelief and sin, and then gradually learn about the workings of the Lord from True Christians. In the fullness of time, God may or may not heal the child's affliction. He usually heals people who can best serve Him and His Divine Purposes once they're delivered from their infirmity. If the child can better serve God in a wheelchair, then so be it. If Our Holy Church's trained exorcists discover that the child's affliction results from demonic possession, as many diseases do, then a Holy Exorcism may do the trick for him. There is a modest charge for that service. Casting out demons requires extensive training. If you're going to bargain with God, there has to be a benefit in it for Him too. All my love -- and God's too -- Crown Princess Keesha Holloway Holy Woman of God Don't take this the wrong way....or hell take it anyway you want. This sounds like a scam, worse than any snake oil salesman or con artist ever pulled. Pull people into your church and suck their hard earned money out of them promising healing and all sorts of crap that you can't deliver on, and then when it doesn't happen you sell them a line about trusting god... only they aren't talking to god, they are talking to you and your con-artist pastor. Some will get wise to you, but hey you already have a year or two of money out of them by then, other poor saps will keep pouring their money into your church the rest of their lives....people like you should be ashamed of yourself. Your immoral behavior is an offense to any one with a sense of decency. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Marty Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 That was probably Dr. Thurgood Tucker, who offered to perform an exorcism on you last year. He's in hot water with God's One True Church of Holy Assurance right now and my parents may initiate disfellowshipment proceedings against him any day now. Please don't accept any offers of healing or cleansing work from him if you're ever so inclined until you get the green light from me. He's been accused of violating Our Holy Church's teachings on the maintenance of the Sacred Generative Organs and must subject himself to discipline before he can return to the Lord's Service. I thought you said you were all "true xtians" at your church? I guess sexual misconduct MUST be a requirment of xtianity's leaders, since they ALL seem to be doing it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Keesha Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Don't take this the wrong way....or hell take it anyway you want. This sounds like a scam, worse than any snake oil salesman or con artist ever pulled. Pull people into your [C]hurch and suck their hard[-]earned money out of them promising healing and all sorts of crap that you can't deliver on, and then when it doesn't happen you sell them a line about trusting [G]od... only they aren't talking to [G]od, they are talking to you and your con-artist pastor. The difference with Our Holy Church is that we truly do heal the sick and cleanse the lepers in it every week. Pseudo-Christian churches may not even have a healing ministry as ours does. If Faith Healing and the Exorcism of Demons were just "all sorts of crap that [we] can't deliver on," then people would eventually stop coming to Our Church to get to know Jesus personally and experience His Holy Healing Power. We definitely deliver the goods too -- just not at the push of a button to convince skeptics that God cures all manner of afflictions. At Our Holy Church the blind see, the deaf hear, the mute speak, the lame walk, and those with darkened minds see the Light. The pastor at Our Holy Church is my father. He is not a con artist. He is a True Man of God, Holy, Pure, Dignified, and Blameless in God's Sight. Scrupulously honest to a fault, both he and my mother have actually raised the dead with God's Help. We also don't just take people's money. We ask Our Holy Church's members to allow us to manage their bank accounts for them and to invest their earnings for them in a lucrative profit-sharing plan. They then reap substantial rewards from our investments. Some will get wise to you, but hey you already have a year or two of money out of them by then, other poor saps will keep pouring their money into your church the rest of their lives....people like you should be ashamed of yoursel[ves]. Your immoral behavior is an offense to anyone with a sense of decency. It may surprise you to learn that almost no one ever leaves Our Holy Church voluntarily. Every few months a handful are disfellowshipped for unacceptable behavior after one of our regular and unannounced witch hunts uncovers hidden sin on their parts. Most of those repent eventually and return to the Flock after paying a modest sin tax. No one ever feels cheated by our profit-sharing plan or tithing schedule. Our Holy Church helps people find and retain decent jobs, get the education to succeed in life, and to bring up their families with a sense of dignity and self-worth as the Lord's Faithful Servants. Our Holy Church is nothing like those greedy megachurches that glorify wealth, consumption, and ostentatious display. Our Church teaches saving and financial responsibility instead. Our Holy Church is different from the others. God really is in charge here. True Christians know we can't serve both God and mammon (Matthew 6:24). All my love -- and God's too -- Mother Keesha Holloway Faith Healer and Exorcist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Keesha Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 I thought you said you were all "true xtians" at your [C]hurch? No. I said we are all True Christians. It's disrespectful to reduce Our Lord's Holy Name to a mere X. I guess sexual misconduct MUST be a requirment of [Chris]tianity's leaders, since they ALL seem to be doing it! Dr. Tucker is innocent until proved guilty. It has been alleged by scandal-seeking rumormongers outside Our Holy Church that Dr. Tucker has been mishandling his Holy Insemination Ministry, essentially by selling Sacred Seed to the unworthy. He is happily married with four beautiful children and would never dream of consorting with whores, taking illegal drugs, or soliciting anonymous sexual encounters in public restrooms, as a few so-called Christians have done in the past. The Holy Church allows Dr. Tucker to perform Holy Inseminations on female members in good standing who are afflicted with some form of barrenness. He is not allowed to release Sanctified Seed to the general populace where its purity may be adulterated. All my love -- and God's too -- Crown Princess Keesha Holloway Faith Healer and Exorcist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Keesha Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 But didn't he heal your friend Ebonica Bradlaw-Hughes' arthritis? She's not a member of the [C]hurch. Or at least she said she wasn't at the time. Sunshine said that she was healed "easily through prayer" by her "Master"... That's right. Sister Ebonica is a True Christian who can and did appeal to the Lord Jesus directly for healing. He obviously answered her prayers. There are True Believers in most churches worldwide. They are simply concentrated in Our Holy Church, which is the Original Church founded by Jesus Christ in Galilee in AD 30. That's why it's called the First Universal Christian Kingdom, a translation of the original Angelic Aramaic name used by the earliest Disciples and Mary Magdalene. Sister Ebonica has gone soft on sin, I'm sorry to say. A cousin of hers recently turned all "gay" on her and she refuses to bring him to Our Holy Church for a through healing and cleansing. She claims she doesn't believe he can "help" his fall into disgrace, which apparently happened while he was serving time in jail on false charges that were later dropped. Members of Our Holy Church are prayer-bombing the family now to scare away the devil's minions before any further damage can be done. Our Church has proved a hundred times over that the Lord can heal homosexuality as easily as any other ailment, from first-degree burns to colon cancer. Praise the Lord! All my love -- and God's too -- Crown Princess Keesha True Christian Full Gospel Witness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euphgeek Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 But didn't he heal your friend Ebonica Bradlaw-Hughes' arthritis? She's not a member of the [C]hurch. Or at least she said she wasn't at the time. Sunshine said that she was healed "easily through prayer" by her "Master"... That's right. Sister Ebonica is a True Christian who can and did appeal to the Lord Jesus directly for healing. He obviously answered her prayers. There are True Believers in most churches worldwide. They are simply concentrated in Our Holy Church, which is the Original Church founded by Jesus Christ in Galilee in AD 30. That's why it's called the First Universal Christian Kingdom, a translation of the original Angelic Aramaic name used by the earliest Disciples and Mary Magdalene. But didn't you say that there are even atheists who will get into heaven? Do you think it's possible that HanSolo may be one of those atheists? If so, why can't he appeal to Jesus through you for a healing? He has said that if his son walks again he will convert back to Christianity, so what have you got to lose? Sister Ebonica has gone soft on sin, I'm sorry to say. A cousin of hers recently turned all "gay" on her and she refuses to bring him to Our Holy Church for a through healing and cleansing. She claims she doesn't believe he can "help" his fall into disgrace, which apparently happened while he was serving time in jail on false charges that were later dropped. Members of Our Holy Church are prayer-bombing the family now to scare away the devil's minions before any further damage can be done. Our Church has proved a hundred times over that the Lord can heal homosexuality as easily as any other ailment, from first-degree burns to colon cancer. Oh, yes. The "proof" you have which requires people to join your church in order to see it. It's funny that you keep trying to hide your proof using the "pearls before swine" argument. If it was really proof, you'd be happy to share it. But the real reason you won't share it is because you know it would prove you absolutely 100% wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Sister Ebonica ROFLMAO!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Keesha Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Sister Ebonica ROFLMAO!!!! Why are you laughing? I'm the director of Our Holy Church's Ebonic Ministry. When I preach in Ebonics, an American related to Holy Hebrew and Sacred Swahili, Euphgeek pretends he doesn't understand a word of it and cross-posts the sermons to anti-Black hate groups on Usenet. The poster Yeshua whose nonsense he quoted earlier was a white man pretending to be Our Lord. It could have been Euphgeek himself in disguise. He masqueraded as pseudo-Christian hatemonger Shirley Phelps-Roper once. His main lesbian cohort actually rallied around Dr. Tucker as he took a stand against "her" error-filled screed that says homosexuality can't be cured. Our Holy Church has the Ultimate Cure for all sexual aberrations. Tell me, Michael, what's missing from your life? Don't you feel loved any more? Why do you get so angry about God's Prophecies and Promises? Why is it you want to be in control when it's obvious that we should all just let go and let God -- especially where worldly goods are concerned? All my love -- and God's too -- Crown Princess Keesha Holloway God's Faithful Servant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Sister Ebonica ROFLMAO!!!! Why are you laughing? I'm the director of Our Holy Church's Ebonic Ministry. I bees a laughin mame cause it bees all funny an stuff... Lemme axe you a querstion, why do bes talkin incorrectly, be considered a language? Tell me, Michael, what's missing from your life? Don't you feel loved any more? Why do you get so angry about God's Prophecies and Promises? Why is it you want to be in control when it's obvious that we should all just let go and let God -- especially where worldly goods are concerned? LOL thanks but no thanks, all filled up with crazy here, I don't need anymore, but hey! Thanks for offering! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euphgeek Posted November 23, 2007 Author Share Posted November 23, 2007 Sister Ebonica ROFLMAO!!!! Why are you laughing? I'm the director of Our Holy Church's Ebonic Ministry. I bees a laughin mame cause it bees all funny an stuff... Lemme axe you a querstion, why do bes talkin incorrectly, be considered a language? You've opened the flood gates now. She's probably going to start responding in "ebonics". You can see a sample of it here in her post, "You Homos Just TO' Up From the Flo' Up!" They believe that "ebonics" is a combination of English, Hebrew and Swahili. One of their members, Lurlean, who posts with a Southern accent believes that her accent is "right out of Shakespeare's time" and that when she visits heaven Shakespeare prefers talking to Southerners "on account of we all speak the same language." Speaking of Lurlean, her family consists of "cousins name of Gurlean and Shirlean plus aunty's name of Earlene and Myrlene." Not to mention a cousin named Purlean and a niece named Sizzlean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWIM Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 You've opened the flood gates now. She's probably going to start responding in "ebonics". . Oh that would be hilarious! What would we do around here without a little comic relief? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
♦ nivek ♦ Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 Dear "Sister" Elbonian Sprecchin' Daughter of Solomon's Git, and Heir to Pointy Haired Bosses: Take a quick clue off the clue truck delivery fresh and hot at 2300 Pacific us time this evening. Clue is simply that you are as Free as anyone else to speak your mind on matters on topic in the spots where they are appropriate. If you decide that you have a screaming NEED to "git to preacccchin' and skreeeeetchin' fer der LardE, hit the Lion's Den, save me a few minutes of work either moving it, or deciding how fast to delete it. Yer funny, will admit, sometimes; don't suck up the Bosses bandwidth bills with bullshit. Consider this a "Fair Warning", it is something that came in on the Clue Truck this evening addressed to me. I'm trying on you as I type. kFL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HuaiDan Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 If this is parody, fine, but keep in mind some's idea of humor is better presented on the aryan brotherhood homepage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 I tend to find 'humorous' sock puppets a pain in the arse... and never more than a one note joke... To me, with due respect to Keesha's creator, she's pretty much exhausted the joke with S.H.I.T., C.R.A.P., et seq acronyms and the Nubian crap... But let's see what else the 'Princess' has been up to (Mother Keesha Holloway) �Mother Keesha Holloway� is the nom de plume of a frequent participant in misc.kids, whose posts are very strongly worded disapprobations against lenient child-rearing and lack of religious devotion.� Over a long period of time, regular participants in the newsgroup have concluded that Keesha is not a real individual, but rather someone�s long-played, well-crafted game.� Some participants have made it their personal project to unravel the well-guarded secrets of Mother Keesha, leading to a great deal of disruption for some and entertainment for others.� This is a tale that is played out in other newsgroups, and figures prominently in Chapter ‎4. So... Mother and Princess is some sort of one trick performance art... like Laibach without the talent or the longevity of joke... (Laibach have strung it out for 20 some years) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandpa Harley Posted November 24, 2007 Share Posted November 24, 2007 and here's her gift shop http://www.cafepress.com/repenthouse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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